I'm not gonna try to define sex, I might not always be to bright, but my name isn't mud either.
From my perspective, and lets keep in mind sex is something I've been without for longer then I care to admit. Oh I've had offers, none that I could accept with a clear heart, and mind. Yes I'm a guy who hasn't had sex in way to long, and I've turned it down several times, Shocker I know.
I'm messed up, I don't think like most people I meet, this isn't news, pay attention, when someone is not like you. You might just see something of yourself you didn't know existed.
I'm gonna say some really out there things in the next little bit. I don't expect you to believe me, nor would I want you to. This is my junk attached to sex that I've learned from everyone around me. Now if you choose you can watch me spill it, as much as you want. if this gets views, and comments I'll keep adding.
I'm me all messed up, and loving it.
I was very sexual from a really early age. I remember my Mom catching me with my hands down my girlfriends pants at 5. Bless my mom she handled it pretty well, asked me to step in hall. Once we got there she asked if I knew what I was doing. My girlfriend happened to be 12, it wasn't what was happening that gave my Mother pause, it was being sure I was a willing participant or not. I was a very willing participant so ya know. I convinced my babysitter to teach me how french kiss at the same age. Damned if I can figure out how I did it, beautiful Filipino Girl, can't recall her name, but I still dream of her hair. That would be where I learned my weakness for Asian women, I have weakness for them all actually. I can be mid steam talking about quantum physics with someone, a beautiful woman walks by, and I forget my name.
The only time I have had an extended period of life where I didn't have a girlfriend for lack of a better term, has been recently. We've all gone crazy!!!!
The expectations are insane. Illustrating my point is something that happened to me recently. Bumped into a female friend I haven't seen for awhile, and she invited me over to have dinner with her, her kids, a mutual friend, and his kid. When I get there, she is on the phone constantly with new boyfriend's roommate. They had only been seeing eachother for a few months, don't even live in the same town, I even during the course of the evening got her to admit she didn't even feel this guy was the one for her. Yet she is on the phone telling him that if he doesn't show up at her house like now, that it's over. This guy doesn't even live in the same state. For me this was insane, if anyone tried to pull that crap on me I'd have said later bitch, have a nice life on the first call. I even told her that, and it was like it didn't even register. This whole episode was over? you might have guessed it would be social media, thank you Facebook. Yeah that's right he hadn't changed his Facebook pictures, and even though she knew he didn't use it much, it didn't matter. Not to mention the fact, both of them had been in long term relationships when they started seeing each other.
The kicker to this story is the very next day I run into her ex, yes the one she was with when she started seeing her new man. Yes she thinks of them as possessions.
Well being the friendly out going person I am, going into a conversation already in progress, I break in with, Hey I hung out with your ex last night. This was the best, and worst thing I could have said. If I am an evil genius, which I have been called, even recently, and some people called me Simon Bar-sinister after an unfortunate hair cut in high school. Now if he had left it at that, no problem I was in the conversation, and he would have shown he was over his ex. He proceeded to grill me over every detail, and I let him, just giving him enough with each answer to get him to ask the next question. Horrible as it seems, when I realized how hooked he was on someone I knew couldn't return those feelings, I was actually trying to help him, best of intentions and all that. He gets so worked up he eventually excused himself, leaving his 2 co-workers, and I to discuss how I had just devastated him. He went home, and proceeded to call her repeated, then wrist a nasty email. I of course got the call from her the next day reaming me out for exposing the secrets of her love life. My thought was, and is this, if you don't want me in your crap, then don't invite me. Once you invite me, it's not your crap anymore. Your basically saying my crap is to much for me to handle on my own, will you please help me handle it. Well if your gonna do that expect it to be handled in ways your not used to.
I also was told by one of his co-workers, a beautiful young woman named Angel, that Karma was gonna come get me for what I had done to him. I had to explain to her, that she had no way of knowing that I wasn't being Karma's bitch for the outset, and that in viewing the event from her perspective might not be what was happening. Side note, I don't claim to be karma bitch, but I wouldn't be surprised if she has used me like the slut I really am.
Ok back to boogity boogity. Sorry I tend to go quantum when I'm typing. It's the sound byte attention span I have been programmed with, combined with a quantum aspect I haven't really grasped fully.
I have problems with sex, I'm told to respect women, which I do. I love women, I was that kid in elementary school that did the plays just cuz the gender ratio was amazing. Yes I'm that messed up.
I see beautiful women everywhere I look, and they are so exposed I can't even help but look. When I get caught looking, it's either a hell yes that looks good to me too, or a you should be ashamed of yourself for even looking. Seriously, I'm a Man, I'm very visually stimulated, if you write on your ass I'm going to take my time reading it, even if it just says pink. If it says juicy more then likely if I agree I'm gonna take it to the next thought, taking a bite out of it. In other words if you don't want me to look don't display. Note to parents, please use a little guidance in how you allow your daughters to go out in public. I know this is a touchy area, I understand they are budding young women exploring what it means to be a sexually attractive being. I even know talking about it is deemed inappropriate by the main stream culture I live in. They tell me it's not ok to lust after women, then splash female flesh of all ages before my eyes all day long. The culture I live in I call it a death cult, worships youth. From my perspective it's a fear of their own mortality driving them, but that's another story. When I look around almost half of what I see I'd like to sleep with, if it wouldn't damage them, or myself in the doing. It's the ultimate expression of my worship of the divine feminine made flesh.
I feel part of my problem and it's prolly true for other men as well, stems from the being carried in womb, raised by women. It puts me in a position of having grown up watching relationships as man, filtered through the perspective of a woman. The cruel joke here is, though my female friends tell me how much I actually understand women, biology tricks them into thinking I am not suitable mating material. Yup that's right everyone knows it, but they don't seem to get the implications. I'm talking about the women who just can't help fall for the bad boys. Even see it in celebrities, women dig a bad boy. Little secret that's biological trick being played on you. Back before civilization as we know it, the best chance for the survival of.off spring from the female perspective was to get the biggest baddest guy around, his genes combined with yours give your offspring, your dna's best chance to be represented in the next generation. This worked for awhile, we don't live in that world anymore, though the biological drives are still there. The shift is happening geeks are starting to be looked at as sexy for their very geekness. For men of the same era, things were a bit different.
If you proved you were the coolest cat in the jungle no one questioned you taking what you wanted. Not even if it wasn't yours to take. We also see this lingering around. This was due to male wanting to make sure his genetics were dominate.
There is an aspect of this that I don't see talked about much so I'd like to take a moment to do so.
With women carrying the children inside their bodies, it sets up an odd situations. you don't need a close to 50/50 gender ratio to provide for continuation of species, or to ensure genetic diversity. I'm sure somewhere someone took the time to figure it out, but I'd be willing to bet it's in the 12 to 1 range, just a hunch based on a bigger pattern. Think of a lion pride, and apply the concepts to harems, and the like. Once again the stuff that got us here becomes the very things we need to understand if we are to evolve as consciousness.
Once again I got diverted by my own wandering mind.
I guess it just comes down to people are crazy, we don't even really understand what drives us, and why.
Most of us are so busy with our so called everyday lives we never even stop to ponder the why's.
I guess my biggest hang up with sex is the after effect. I had a bit of time between two, five+ relationships where I didn't want anything with "love". People thought of me as a player, I didn't. I always thought of a player as someone that tricked people into a sexual encounter. I never did that, I was totally honest with the women I met. I told them flat out we could hang out, have fun but that was it. I didn't want to be their man, and I was looking to possess any woman. If they wanted to hang out great, if not great. What I didn't yet get was, I was telling them "you can't have me". This triggers a response in people. Think Jedi mind tricks.
All that stuff going around using psychological triggers to elicit a response in someone is true. The caveat being if they are aware, they will catch you! What happens from there is anyone's guess.
To wrap things up, because I've been writing long enough to forget why I started, let me say this.
The culture I have grown up in celebrates sex, and uses it to sell everything, including sex itself. The morality of the culture I've grown up in tells me sex except under certain conditions is a sin, and punishable by my creator.
Seriously? you know how screwed that would make me. I have no desire to meet the obligations for morally approved sex, as set forth by my culture. I also have no desire to remain celibate, This leaves me a dilemma only a woman can solve. LMAO
Much Love.
Remember
No matter how good someone looks to you
Somewhere, Someone
Is sick of their shit
poof, I'm mythology
PanseyBard
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