Life Under Glass

        The I represented by the identity Jack Baldwin is a fiction, it's a costume I don in order to have influence in this world. Based on actions known and unknown people lend me their influence, This is pretty well known among folks using the net, it's the idea of endorsing someone on linkdin. People will endorse people for anything, before getting rid of my linkdin account I was seemingly capable of outstanding feats in the professional sphere.  Even in the twitter verse the labels fly willy nilly, I've made lists from MBA's to UX designer, to web developer.  Truth be told, I have been attempting to find my place in the world. You know the one, that thing everyone is supposed to have, where they become engrossed, and content. That life we are supposedly born to live, the perfect job, spouse, house. That place where life can flow by in a blur, while we are busy living it.  Does such a thing even exist for all of us?  When broken down, most of these perfect things are the same I've actively avoided for one reason or another.  If we all are free to choose, if freewill is the rule, how can there be a singular life that will fulfill a person?  Don't I have to choose the life that I will be fulfilled by?
What is that perfect job?  When I hear words of work, career, business, the connotation is not one of pleasure and joy, even labors of love hit the wall, reach the point of diminishing returns, where the effort required to improve becomes as great as the effort it took to achieve the current skill. The idea of work is an odd one, people sold on the premise of effort, or labor when the ideals of production is to off load as much labor and cost as possible while keeping profits at their maximum. I've had lots of jobs, they all were just that, job done out of a feeling of need, or lack. There has never been that feeling of excitement attached to work. Even in areas where it's a hobby or play that transitions into being compensated, once it's for pay it's not play anymore. It becomes a thing having to be done in order to survive, or in order to do other things.  For me I guess that is what work represents, and why I am so resistant to being a worker.  The view of work as being something you do in order to be able to do something else.  What is and isn't productive is an odd thing, when it comes down to it, if the everything is energy, and energy can not be destroyed or created, how can we be said to be doing more than moving stuff around?
       Of course for many love relationships are the all consuming passion of life. Finding that special someone, falling in love, raising a family.  Except, is there really this romantic notion of love, what even is love?  Does the acts involved in the continuation of species, or procreation really have all that much to do with what we generally equate with the mating rituals, or romance?  Having rejected religious notions of marriage, right along with the civil notions of registering the relationship with the state. Like being open, caring and sharing with a person isn't tough enough, it's seemingly the custom across the board to bring the expectations of god, the state, and family members into new relationships.  Really do we need religion peeking over our shoulders while grope hot and heavy, or fumble with a zipper or button?  When I saw you, it wasn't your personality that made me look twice, your education didn't lock my gaze to your swaying hips. It wasn't thoughts of love, it was some serious animal attraction, lust. You know those things many are embarrassed to cop too, that it's tits, or asses, or feet, or whatever our fetish is. The person you are might captivate my attention for a time, but I am complete unto myself,  For me it's about getting lost in how amazing another is, of communion, That feeling that you can not be right for someone else, till your right with yourself. Experience has smacked around a bit, when it comes to this one. Seems the biological drives dovetail really well with the psycho-social conditioning, with my ideology leaving much to be desired from the ideals set forth. In other words I've been single a long time, not out of lack of opportunity, just out of risk versus reward evaluations.
       I guess when you've set your own life as not overly important in fabric of human development, while railing against the prevailing ideological foundation of matter being preeminent, finding those spaces that suit you can be challenging. Answering those questions, of what is this about, why are we here, where are we going.  If existence is a school, we all fail, there is no passing grade,  If it's an illusion we make up as we go along, if we all exist in our own private Idaho, why are there all these assholes in my dream world? If this is a shared experience, a subjective collective, why are we creating so much drama, and suffering? Sure you can only go as high as you've gone low, might have merit, but we just have to be aware of the potential, we do not have to experience every little pit trap.

As ever make up your own mind
Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Do You Have What It Takes!!!! A Love Letter to Humanity

     Humanity vrs Death

This has been the age old question, to conquer the end.  We all face it, we all find our own answers, and we think we have it all figured out.  When your world is black and white, or written in binary this might satisfy.  Like everything else we are, this is just a holdover from previous developmental cycles.  These go back not to when we had words for me to write this down, but back to primordial ooze of single celled organisms.  The universe or God, or as it's coalescing into my essence as panversal is in and of itself conscious, it is structured energy, which is what everything is. Information processing.  As every would be sage, poet, musician, blade of grass, and grain of sand has been telling us forever.  This is a love story, this is a passion play, the stories do not even change, they get rebranded, updated, but for at least the last 6 thousand years we have all learned variations of these same stories.  Oh the names change, characters get makeovers, and  costume changes,  But from the Chinese dragon emperor's, to the Dogon's of the Sahara, the Aboriginals of Australia, down the lines it goes, not in one place but in them all.  We came from the stars, that concept has been twisted around to mean so many things to so many people, from the ubermensch of the aldebaran to Pharaonic gods of Egypt, Right on back to the what we are told is our earliest civilizations in Sumer, and I'm not here to today argue that point.  I do not care when, or where, or actually even who.  I'm a big picture person, I do really well at taking a dispassionate stance and getting as wide a view as possible calling it like I see it.  A valuable skill if you can find work for it, most of my friends just say I think to much, and they are sometimes right.  In taking that position expansive view point, the patterns just kinda pop out, like the rivers in this text if you let your eyes unfocus, and just like that, the information you get from the text is not the same, and that view is not even on whole thought of as particularly useful.  The people are interested in the words, not the rivers, so I learned to see the words like everyone else around me did, only they didn't seem to say the same thing to me as to everyone else.  As a matter of fact they said the same as the rivers, and they were almost all saying the same things.  Even when they seemed disjointed, or unrelated the same words were always there.

From the ecstatic altered state inducing dances of the Whirling  Dervishes, or Tantric sex practices, Yoga, and Breathing techniques, in joyous upliftment of the celebration of life.  On down into the depths of despair, and  tragedy, and depravity.  They all contain at there core I am alive, I am here, shouting into the darkness, longing for or hoping against that return response.  I'm here I see you! This is the most wonderfully terrifying moment for all of us, and in our polarized, 2 dimensional world view of dark versus light we have left room for only 2 options.  Some say it's love/hate, some fight/flight, it doesn't matter what the choices are labeled as, the important part is the limiting of choice.  It's the offer of false simplicity, and simple is easy, and comforting, even at it's worst it's at least predictable. I mean if I only have 2 choices, there is always a 50% chance I'm right.  This is very useful in long term evolution of life. Kill or be killed is valid for much of what we think of as life. The response of nature is always the same, no matter the method used to carry it out, the answer for nature is always, I want to survive.  The fox is in hen house to eat to survive, and we made it nice lunch box, and then killed it when it came to collect the meals we so kindly laid out for it.  We penned in the range animals, and kept all the goodness of their flesh to ourselves. We killed the wolves not because they ate people, like dogs around the food bowl we chased off our rivals.  This existential crisis of just the struggle to survive molded us and shaped us into the most successful predator on the planet bar none.  That being on the top of the food chain looking down on all the lesser species is pretty nice spot, it's good to be the king no doubt.  Being at the top, and staying at the top are not the same, and getting to top means your not what you were when you started.  We celebrate our predatory nature everywhere, from world wars to gold diggers, from pirates to emperors.  The monuments to our depravity know no bounds, from triumphal arches to tombs we proclaim our divine heritage of immortality.  All in the confused attempt to be remembered, to live on, to proclaim our own mastery over all we survey.  This is where our delusions of grandeur really kick in,  We start to believe our own hype, and our success translates into leisure time as we have come to call it.  This is the true mark of a successful predator, how little time they spend on survival. For those fortunate few at the top of the food chain, it's everywhere, this new found leisure time allows for reflection.  Not just to plan the next meal, but more abstract, things not so immediate in the world currently inhabited find the space to become known.  A shift starts to occur, to manage your food, because lets face it, your not as young as you were last year, and well how many times can you chase a rabbit till the thrill gets old.  So we take the tasty stuff, and shape it, bend it to our will, protect it from those who would take it, you know normal human stuff.  At this point we already won, we have no natural predator to contend with, nothing to keep our expansion in check.  As predators though we are ever vigilant, lest some scavenger steal our kill, if we lack a predator we make one up, when we run out decent prey, we move on looking for new places to hunt.  With nothing else left to do we even hunt each other, oh we give it all sorts of reasons, but it always come down to the 2 choices we decided were the only ones we have.  We do it because we want what they have, or we are afraid they will take whats ours.  Having nothing else to contend with, having effectively already won the struggle for day to day survival, ensuring our genetic heritage is continued.  We have time to place ourselves in the cosmic fun house, and the picture is as majestic as it horrifying.  This is when we begin to get that glimpse of our next existential crisis. Having conquered death in an immediate fashion, it becomes a personal struggle, the, but what about me's kick in.  We know our blood will be flowing and pumping even if it's through anothers veins, but still it isn't enough.  The I is screaming in terror, what happens to me, I did all this work to get here, and I'm still going to die. After fighting death for so long, we begin a new battle, now we are after time.  How many years can you cling to life becomes the new game, and being predators we play it with gusto.  In the time game anything not you becomes a greater threat the longer it hangs around,  just like an infection setting in, or how food rots, we start to learn with profound shock, if your not living, your dying.  Or a bit more accurately, when you stop growing, you start dying, even closer, if your not expanding your contracting.  This of course is still only a 2 choice idea, it's still locks us into an illusion of choice.  If the battle is life and death, and answer shouted by everything is always life how do we reconcile this dichotomy.  How can we celebrate the victor in the arena when he dripping in the blood, sweat, and feces of his opponent.  How do we tell our children, that it's not ok to hurt others, and when we decide they are no longer children shove a gun in their hand and tell them to kill their neighbor, or be killed.  No death is not our boogeyman any more, we coax, and torture nature to provide not what we need, or even what we reasonably desire.  We squeeze the golden goose till it bleeds gold, till it's lushest oziest parts are dripping down our chin, staining our silk tie, cotton shirt, lizard skin belt, leather pants, and fur trimmed alligator boots till we puke.  We squeeze the last drop, fish the oceans dry, not out of need, for our needs are modest, we do it because we have been offered no other options.  Consume, or be consumed.  Once our opponents are long dusty, and our glory is fading we miss the good old simpler days, those we overcame taking on status in the telling of our own stories.  Yes we carry our demons with us, and with every passing year they become larger, and our deeds in over coming them more heroic.  We Proclaim it to all Money doesn't grow on trees you know, and the giving tree withers it's leaves stripped bear, it's bark yanked free, it's flesh made pulp and reconstituted so we can make some pretty pictures on it, and call it ours.  I don't hate money, money is an idea, and in the realm of ideas I swim with the sharks.  I've been exposed to the trivium, and quadrivium, pi, phi, and even the Harris curve, our newest choice of curves, a new path to follow, a new star before our eyes.  We build our temples to our creators, where babies cries are shunned. We rip our ugly growths from our own flesh, and call it cancer, and deny it's attachment to our emotions.  Oh make no mistake we have damned ourselves for sure, for in our process of becoming, we have to live with what we've done. This is our state of terror, our splash of liquid light, our stairway to heaven, and highway to hell. Dharma, Karma, Sin, our triplets of story, our mistresses of fate.  Weighing our heart against perfection, the living can not pass, for the living sit in judgment, while the dead just watch it pass. The living write the story down, building, destroying, crafting. Deluding themselves all the while, with pretty little dreams, of I can do no harm.  We label ourselves dogs, and wolves, black widows, snakes, bears and list goes on and on, than we wonder why we kill.  Our own sophistication has become our trap de jour, and I'm crazy enough to be handing out peter pan advice. In our marvel of our own magnificence our march to greater contrast, our rush to ever bigger, bolder, badder.  We circle our wagons, lock down the prison, close the bathroom door, all because we can't stand the smell of our own shit.  I've been eating shit my whole life, there is no possible way for me to deny it, I gave my top teeth eating the shit put in front of me, oh it's lies were so sweet.  The numbing of the mind, of the soul, of the heart, that sweet oblivion of nothingness to take away the anguish of being a pimp or ho.  I'm so tired of eating shit for being me, for seeing things I see, I will always chose my truth over your lies, I have to, it's the only way I can live, and die with myself.

Life eats Life, it's all there is, when you make it all one, we end up eating our own shit, you might think me mad, and that is fine we are all mad here, that is not in question.  The question we are asking is can we live with ourselves, for eating ourselves.  Meat is Murder, and it's all sucking off someone elses tit, we all know these things, they are not new or novel. Don't believe me, well take a look at these. shit burger  it doesn't even matter if it's a hoax, or fact, that it's there.  That we have become so pained by where meat comes from that people have even contemplated this rings alarm bells.  If thats not your speed how about this.

    That is adorable little girl is Taylor Momsen, in the Grinch, many of you know here from a tv show she did that I don't recall. Some know now, as the lead singer of The Pretty Reckless.  For much of America she grew up on their tv screens, I missed that part as I was absorbing myself in other worlds to escape the pain of lying in my bed. While I was distracted by the glitter of the lights in the distance, She went from singing 

Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas Come this way
Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas, Christmas day
Welcome, welcome fahoo ramus
Welcome, welcome dahoo damus
Christmas day is in our grasp,
So long as we have hands to clasp

More lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/dr_seuss/welcome_christmas-lyrics-1146415.html#ixzz3U6AtBZ30

To a lovely young woman who's words I hear on many lips, from many tongues.  Thank you Ms. Momsen, while I do not really do the fan thing, I see you, and your beautiful to me.  This is the price of our denial of nature, this bitter pill is our salvation. In our death spiral of guilt, over all our perceived failures, our pitfalls of loss, we finally give up the ghost. Not because we have to die, because we no longer can take the pain of being alive, and what we have to do to stay that way.

The world devours it's young, Because we like sweets, and babies taste best. It doesn't matter how twisted the appetite. The old say youth is wasted on the young, while the young scream never trust anyone over 30.  The age old struggle, the old lion wants to keep his pride, while the young just wants a piece of tail.  The widow ate her suitor after he dropped of his seed, not from grief hatred or malice, she knows he'll eat the young, cuz it's good to be the king, But not when there can only be one.

I love you all, it's just a matter if you can accept the only love I know how give, cuz its a jagged little pill.

listen to the music, not just the beat, pay attention to the story, it's your soul speaking

Make up your own mind

Jack

aka

panseybard

 

Playing Childhood Games

The other day my house mate Matt made an off hand comment that we as a group were really still playing fort, just we did as kids.
         This off hand comment led us to the simplistic notion that we are all really still playing childhood games that we just take more seriously.
         We came up with 3 main interactions, fort, house, and sleepover. Keep in mind these are obviously over simplifications of complex social interactions. That being said lets goof off a bit.

Fort: When people are wanting to play fort, it's a grouping together for protection.
The idea being that outside the fort is dangerous territory, and people outside the fort are not to be trusted.  Primary activities are planning raids into "enemy" territory. Improving the fort, this takes many forms.
Examples of groups playing fort are: gangs, corporations, governments.

Sleep Over: People who's primary mode is playing sleep over are generally looking for emotional support. Main themes include physical beauty, sharing of innermost feelings in a place of safety, and commiseration.   Primary activities include physical appearance improvement, gossip, generally aimed at improving the self image.

House: This is the one most played by "adults", an odd twist being it also the one most mistaken for another. Those playing house often switch to fort, or sleep over mode to hide their true desire to play house. A person playing the masculine role will often drink the kool aid of sleep over hoping it will morph into playing house. Likewise a person playing the feminine role will often show great adroitness at playing fort, while pushing the game toward house.

To close this is a superficial division, we all have a desire to play all aspects at differing points in our development.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

 

Lie to Me

I'm a liar, I can't help it. I lie to you, and I lie to myself. My own senses lie to me all the time. Nothing I see is really how I perceive it. The colors I see are never the color of what I'm seeing. Even allowing the senses their foibles, my mind will erase, and paint in items.
       Everything about the place we find ourselves is designed to make me believe it's the end all be all.  So I'm going to lie to myself by default, and lie to you the same way. Lets forget about the fact that our being here together has to be a lie.
Instead how about we take a look just at my own internal processes.   Most of us are incapable of being honest even with themselves.  We have trouble taking responsibility for our part in the events of our lives.  We tell lies to make ourselves feel better. We tell lies to protect others feelings, which is still just to make things easier on ourselves.
       So I'm going to lie to you, and your going to lie to me.

Thank you

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Centers of Perception

How am I going to define centers of perception?

By one view we each have a higher/middle/lower self, or maybe you'd prefer the labels id/ego/superego, how about reptilian/mammalian/neo-cortex. Why not expand that a bit. How about the chakra points? Couldn't they be perceptions centers?  Each of these centers think, maybe not in the way we generally qualify thinking. Perhaps a more accurate statement would be they perceive and react to stimulation in their environment. Many people can understand this quite easily in the in the phrase "the heart wants, what the heart wants".

          

This is all well and good, everything working as intended. What I am interested in is the integration of these centers as a whole. I constantly about people saying they want to overcome their "lower nature", or They have moved out of "lower vibrations". All that is happening in these instances is, you ignore the perceptions you are uncomfortable with, or that conflict with another center you view in a more positive way. Just because you ignore, repress, or a deny a perception center, doesn't make it poof and go away. More often it finds expression in ways becoming increasingly out of harmony with the centers you are paying attention to.

Yes once again I am talking about awareness. Becoming aware of how each center operates. Denying or repressing a center often will cause that center to spin out of balance, causing problems that if not attended to will manifest in a physical way.

These uncontrolled discharges are often detrimental.

Listen to the messages, be able to apply your discernment to all your centers.

Become one.

Jack

aka PanseyBard

Hierarchies and You

When I mention the word Hierarchy many of you will think of power structures, and the many Hierarchies in your own life. Some will rail against the very idea of something, or someone having power over them.
Simple idea, all Hierarchical structures started with intent of bringing equality.
It many have been a narrow vision of what equality means, but this was the intent.
The true job of any Hierarchy is to make itself obsolete. Raise it's members to the level of the highest.
This is all well and good, sounds like a pretty idea.
There is a flaw, this idea starts from a place of everyone having the same potential. It is very idea of equality in physical existence gumming up the works.
We all come in with our own expressed potentials. We are all crazy super computers doing on the fly calculations of amazing complexity. Does this mean we are equally capable of becoming mathematicians?  We all could, but some would be going counter to their soul true expression within the context of this incarnation.

So how does this change the Hierarchy equation?
It makes the role of the Hierarchy to raise each in accordance to their abilities.
Looks like it's not at all.


More questions then Answers

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Flailing in the Dark

Howdy once again folks.

Today I'm gonna talk a bit about grown ups. The idea of an adult, I'm not talking physical maturity. What I'm talking about is the very concept of authority. Joe Rogan has a bit where he is called sir, and loses his shit over the ramifications of this revelation. By the way Mr. Rogan is hilarious, if you haven't seen any of his stand up, check it out.  The idea presented in this bit is quite odd when you start to explore it in more depth.
I'm in my mid 40's, a self professed slacker, screw up. I've intentionally done as little as I had to do to maintain basic comforts. All of that is fine, it's an image I cultivated, makes an easy way to be dismissed. I looked at the world and decided I didn't really want anything to do with what most people think of as important. Even the base drive of self propagation has fallen victim to my loathing for what I see as world gone mad.
Let me explain the madness as I see it.
Everyone of us is born into this world helpless, and these giants provide for our every need. They even wipe our asses for us. They in all but name are our gods, we are made in their image. Honor your mother, and father. They even made the list. They are our all and everything. As we grow, and become more aware of our selves, and the world we inhabit. We start to come into contact with other giants, these are different. They arn't our gods, though some act as such. If we are lucky we only come in contact with benevolent giants, though obviously this isn't always the case. Now if our own personal gods are doing their job, they bring us to independence, or force it on us. For some the gods are very close, for others, remote. It's this idea of an external figure that often performs magical acts, knows things about tomorrow.  They even convince us they really can know something, "daddy knows best", "don't argue with your mother, she's always right". So we mature actually believing people from the generations before us knew, and know what the story is. As if all our theories on the hows and whys of existence were more then just plausible ideas.
I find myself drawn back to Einstein's definition of insanity, "doing the same thing over and expecting different results". Lets apply this to the worlds current financial fiasco. We've been using a debt based system check out this link for the history of central banking in the U.S. central bank history. My point here is some people made it up, and we follow it like it's real, even once it no longer serves us. Look around you how many things are royally screwed up, yet we keep doing them. Well thanks to Einstein we can label ourselves, We are insane. To bring this back toward topic, Ever hear the question did God make man, or did man make God. It's really the standard chicken and the egg question. The answer is who knows, if you did know would it make you happy? I doubt it.
We, each of us creates our own gods, weather we admit it or not. Our gods are large and small, they become our reason for being. They are our everything and we strive to be everything for them. We disappoint them, and they disappoint us. We make and break covenants daily. We due to the condition we find ourselves have a tendency to constantly look outside for a God figure, a surrogate parent for when ours no longer fill the shoes. We are all just flailing in the dark, crying to be picked up by some bigger parental figure. Then one day people start looking at you like you are one of the magic ones that understand, and can make sense out of the chaos. Some people are so ingrained they actually believe their own hype, they believe they actually know something. Those people scare me. Sometimes it's even me.
Though I do my best to catch myself.

until my next crazy rant.
Jack
aka PanseyBard

The Inequality of Political Correctness

I'd like to preface this by saying. I do not advocate discrimination on any basis. That being said, my place my rules, don't like em leave. I'm not saying someone is bad, or less then, it's all just choice. Be good to each other, that includes the person in the mirror.

Ok on to the show.
On the surface this sounds like a good idea, and on the surface it is. Who likes to be called names, or teased,  or blackballed for silly things like race, nationality, religious, or sexual orientation. These are all false divisions and recognizing them as such is a nice step forward in the seeing and treating  other as self.  Seeing other as self is a huge step forward in solving many of the problems facing the world at large. It's pretty tough to watch yourself starve, let alone drop bombs on yourself. So from this perspective I applaud the effort, Like so many of our laws it's an attempt to legislate morality. This takes away choice, choice can not be taken it, like all the best we as humans can do, can only be given. Even so, if the PC movement would have stopped there, fine, I get it. If we are to progress socially Those divisions have no place. Unfortunately like so many good ideas, it became a thing unto itself. It moved into what in the gaming world is called homogenization. This is just nice fancy term for, make everything equal. Strange thing in the gaming world, making everything equal has the effect of making everything the same. This leads to a boring gaming world, all the skills and abilities even though they are called different things, and may have differing visual effects are the same.

If we all become identical we will not survive, there would be no difference, nothing to solve, or work toward. As I've said in an earlier post, our greatest advancements have come from our worst episodes of history. When so many band together and share, Amazing things happen. They happen through the bringing together of differing ideas, skill sets, and knowledge. This only possible through our differences, not our sameness. Celebrate both in equal measure if you want PC, celebrate being a member of humanity. Just remember to share the things that make you an individual as well. Those are the interesting bits anyway.
If I want to know about human nature I can look in the mirror. What I need is what makes you, you.

As always, don't listen to me.
Much Love
Jack
aka PanseyBard Digital Pied Piper

Odds and Ends

Heyas, gonna hit a few ideas today, the first has to do with opposition. Take a look at this image

This isn't a new image, but there is an idea here that I feel a pull toward. If you imaging yourself as any of the rays that extend off the central pentagon. It's pretty easy to notice that you would never be in direct opposition to anyone else. To take this concept a step farther, imagine this as a round table set up. With mirrors set up so you would see yourself as being opposite yourself, we are the only ones standing in our way. The less obvious would be showing you as one of the points forming a trinity, pointing out your role for your cross table neighbors.

As a tie in, I'd like to switch over to the Laws of Attraction, and how our verbal, and mental, emotional syntax effect how this law is working in our lives. The law is working regardless, it's working for everyone, regardless of individual awareness. Creation, God, all that is, whatever you want to call it, is a yes machine. Try this for me, I've posted this before, but it's such an easy illustration I'll reuse it here. Do a search on "not red shoes" or "not anything you want" what your going to notice is this. It's all red shoes, the search engine isn't actually designed to handle negatives, creation works much the same.

This is part of the syntax of Law of Attraction. When you start paying attention to what your putting out into creation really is saying, it starts to clear up some of the less desired effects people get from the application of this law. 

Check out this one, your friend asks you where, and what you'd like to have for lunch. Your response is "I don't care". You just really opened up the range for what you could find yourself putting in your mouth.

Self programming, We have an aspect of us that is very much machine logic running on auto pilot. Some of you may balk at this idea, I'd ask you if you ever drove home, and really couldn't account for the drive. Maybe you were thinking about that party on Friday, or the deadline at work. So the driver knows it job, and did it more or less without your supervision. This opens a can of worms up most western thought generally avoids, that your not your body, or even your mind, or heart. These are aspects of some greater whole we have only begun to see, and even than usually through inference. So the driver learned to drive, and is then more or less able to handle the task, with less then your full attention. It's making choices based on it's programming. Seeing this programming is happening all the time, and the only true way to stop it is isolation. You can mitigate the effects through your awareness of them. Be aware of the messages your taking into the self.

as always make up your own mind

Jack

aka PanseyBard

Dreamer, or the Dreamed, or Npc vrs PC

Many of you get the idea of Dreamer, and the dreamed. A bit less well known outside gaming circles is the mmorpg equivalent, PC or NPC. Those refer to player characters, or non-player characters. In a story, or game you have the characters that are living the story, or actively playing the game. Then you have the characters that are there to help the plot lines move along. This isn't really a new concept, it links back to our original understanding of the fundamental nature of existence. This idea can be seen everywhere, anywhere there is story you can find it. Now what does this mean for us as an individualized aspect of all that is?
It comes down again to choice.
In every moment of this experience, each of us is the center of our story, game, movie which ever conceptualization works for you. Funny thing is most of us allow others to control the direction of the story/game we are the main character of. Much of this ties into the Laws of Attraction, see Oprah's website if you want a look at how main stream these ideas have become. Really all of us are both, we all have times when we are driving the story. Pushing onward being driven, following our passions. We also have times of introspection, when we are much less active externally.
Become aware of the roles your playing, once your aware you can begin to make conscious choices.
I'm not saying to change your role, just be aware your playing a role, feel how this role fits you. See how this role is effecting the person your playing it for. Then make a choice if it's a role you want to continue in, or is it a role you need to change or wake away from.

So are you a PC, or an NPC?
just like in the matrix, everyone is potentially an agent.
the fun part is deciding in the moment the role you feel like playing.

I'd like to leave you with one of my favorite songs, and video's

Jack
aka PanseyBard

Be the Story

I wanna bring in a slightly different twist to creating your life from the perspective of storytelling.
Depending on who you listen to people will tell you there are X number of different story plots.
I really liked this article on the topic How many stories are there. I agree the divisions are arbitrary, we create the divisions. This is harmony with my understanding that we create duality by creating divisions.
Even the idea of there being one story doesn't fit quite right for me. I see the one story weaving through every life I examine. I've come to the point where I still know nothing, understand even less, and sit in stunned awe.
When I look for the story, what I see is potential, when I look into the void of spaces between spaces I see potential. Where ever I look I see potential. For me, with the vista I'm ready to see. Beyond being creator, and dictating my experience of a potential I've admitted I have yet to understand. This space outside of the drama, dharma, maya, Whatever you have labeled it as, is where I find my true comfort. It's the place where I can see you for you. Not be in the state where I'm forcing you to play a role in drama. This is the space where your divinity becomes clear to me. I see the role you desire me to play in your creation. When I'm especially transparent I even see the roles your willing to play in a drama of my making.
This space is the space of wonder, this space is the potential from which story springs. It doesn't exist other then in fleeting moments stolen by those brave, crazy, lucky, or stupid enough to stumble into it.
This is the space where dreams are made, funny thing is while your there it's not where your dreams are made. This is the space reserved for the mystic, the shaman, king maker. From this no space, all potential, perfect zero sum null, there is no projection. Dreams are plucked from space, like lighting is pulled by the earth from the potential in the sky. The space where I am you, for I no longer exist. I lose myself, give myself over to your journey through OZ. I get to play the parts you allow me in the unfolding of the story only you can tell. By my surrender to your will I get a glimpse of my own nature, reflected in the roles you assign me.
These are only roles, costumes I don at your pleasure. When I am able to sustain this space within me, This blank slate approach, or being the un-carved block, doesn't define me. I've already defined myself by finding this space. This place where nothingallthingsomethingneverthing, I become limitless potential, I am nothing because you haven't given me a role. I heard once that Kanye West said something to the effect, if the bible was being written today I'd be in it. He of course got slammed by many. I saw the over inflated ego. I also see that as a healthy ego, creating a mythic experience. It's the go big, or go home mentality taken to the global scale. The context is of course very different. People don't remember the teachings of Jesus because of what he said about himself. People remember the teachings because they are worth remembering.
Seems to me the line from Star Wars A New Hope would fit here in twisty sort way

"Sand People are easily Frightened, but They will soon be Back, and in Greater Numbers"

Thank you all for the stories.
Jack

Your Life, Make it Your Story

Going to take a slightly different tack.

Pretty much everyone has read a book, watched a movie, played make believe.
In doing so, how ever outlandish your being shown different modes of behavior
for a variety of situations, or roles you might find yourself in. In a sense almost
everyone has while being programmed by the media to become one thing or
another, have at the same time been learning to identify with all of it.
Once you are able to identify with a character role, or archetype, you open up the
possibility of the experience of playing, that archetype, or role opens up to you,
in your physical experience. This concept is really just a different take on the ideas of
Napoleon Hill

These ideas have morphed into the Laws of Attraction. These tie into the concept of your life as a story, because you become the director/star of your own story. To go a little deeper, you are also the casting director. This ties into my earlier post, Tips and Tricks of the Law of Attraction.. As the Director/Creator or the story staring you, who/what are playing the varied roles you as the Director/Creator have defined to tell your story need to be identified. This allows you as the Director/Creator to see if this is a compelling role in your story, and if so, is the person/thing filling the role currently right for the role. A note on identifying the roles people are filling, versus the true nature of the person/thing filling that role. In the world we find ourselves quite often people will present themselves as one way, when they act in another. Other people can't lie to you, but you can lie to yourself. Once you understand we are all playing out the stories, in their many permutations, as well as practicing identifying the roles people are playing in yours. It will naturally follow that you will begin to see the role your playing in others. This will show you that all the roles are available to you to choose from. I would advise caution here, be aware of what you are choosing as a role.
Donning the garb of the wrong archetype in the wrong situation will bring unforeseen results. It might have your story ending rather abruptly. think "it's better to burn out, then fade away".
We are all here to be the star of our individual life, see others as they are. If your role in their story is to teach  a lesson, teach it as gently as possible. Every story has it's lessons, and I'm pretty sure you'd like yours to be as gentle as possible.

Write a great story, everyone is watching.

Jack
aka PanseyBard Digital Pied Piper

Are We in Hell?

This Question might not be as outlandish as it seems.

I'm not saying I actually believe we are in hell, my understanding is all things are relational in nature. One mans trash is another mans treasure, and all that. As all real truth this adage applies on many levels.

So what would cause me to ask a question, and write a blog about something I, off the bat tell you I don't believe? My understanding of how creation works drives me. 

As I've stated I've grown up in a western culture, so on the surface I appear to hold many western values.

This may or may not be true, you'd have to dig deeper to find out. That foundation, as pretty a picture as it paints is like everything I've found in this world, either partially, or wholly misleading.

Foundations of Western Religious/Mystical beliefs.

People pretty much know this story, and some people actually do. Most just think they do. Judaism, and Catholicism are rooted in mystical teachings of the Kabbalah, there are several spellings so forgive me if mine offends you. By the way if that part offended you, you might not want to keep reading.

 That is an image that many refer to as the proto tree of life. Please understand what is being passed on with this image. This is a map of creation going from the first manifestation of what in the western traditions is God. If an examination of the foundations of your religious beliefs is going to offend you please I bed you stop reading. I am playing with the toys that have been given me. I don't have many, so please let me play with what I do have. The reason this is called the proto tree of life is do to the missing paths that appear in what we are told is later versions. What I have read is this, when this map was valid binding agreements made the pillers, or the light/dark what ever you want to label them as, had to go through another world before being allowed to manifest into the one we currently experience.

These images are much more recent, the paths connecting "our sphere" to 7, and 8 respectively are instered. There is also a new sphere in both these images not a true sphere more of a place holder.
A bit about how I came at this. I loved lsd in my twenties, I really enjoyed popping a 10 strip, and meditating for hours. One of the understandings that were revealed to me was a theory of numbers based on relationships between individualized consciousness. Basically what would form solid circles of people naturally, and what groupings would splinter into smaller groups, or attract more people to balance them.
When I explained my insight to someone they asked me if I had heard of the Kabbalah, cuz I just explained to them the framework for it. I was an early to mid twenties kid that grew up in an affluent area, selling pot and other "hippy drugs" cuz I couldn't really keep a normal job, nor did I really enjoy them. Of course I hadn't heard of it. But it didn't take long till I was learning about it.

The Crux of the Matter.

Ok hopefully you get the idea that I'm coming from a place of having at least a basic understanding of the subject, and I might at the very least be qualified to ask questions.

First question: how do we define hell.

This one for many true believers will be tough, but the definition that has most stuck with me is this.
Hell is being as far removed from your reason for being as you can get and still remember it's why you are.

Second Question: Where on our map is God?

This is much easier, They tell us God is on the top of the map, numero uno top of the woods baby.
sorry my irreverence seems to slip out at the most opportune moments.

Third Question: Where on our map are We?

This is also an easy one. We are told we are on the bottom of the map. pat on the back if you got where I was going before now!

Conclusion: We are in Hell

By the map we in the west have been given, and the traditions we have been taught. WE LIVE IN HELL!!
gives a new spin on the half truths, and misdirection's that seem to permeate our culture.
or to the idea that our leaders might engage in practices most of us would find hard to imagine.


Please keep in mind this isn't my map, this isn't actually even my understanding. I'm a gamer at heart. Gamers finish the game, and move on to the next. It's what I've learned to be. Taken to the extreme of power gaming you enter the world of Min, Maxing, your corporate people should love this one. It's the number crunching to get the maximum effect from a given set of circumstances, with the least amount of effort. It's gaming math geek style. Now I never took it that far, Those people were my friends. I could hang with them, I just didn't want to go pro, that level of dedication to any one thing is what takes to be among the best. But when it comes down to it, I don't care about being the best, I just like being entertained.


Follow your own pattern.
Much Love
Jack Baldwin aka
PanseyBard Digital Pied Piper.

Sex....another of our dirty little not so secrets

I'm not gonna try to define sex, I might not always be to bright, but my name isn't mud either.
From my perspective, and lets keep in mind sex is something I've been without for longer then I care to admit. Oh I've had offers, none that I could accept with a clear heart, and mind.  Yes I'm a guy who hasn't had sex in way to long, and I've turned it down several times, Shocker I know.
I'm messed up, I don't think like most people I meet, this isn't news, pay attention, when someone is not like you. You might just see something of yourself you didn't know existed.

I'm gonna say some really out there things in the next little bit. I don't expect you to believe me, nor would I want you to. This is my junk attached to sex that I've learned from everyone around me. Now if you choose you can watch me spill it, as much as you want. if this gets views, and comments I'll keep adding.
I'm me all messed up, and loving it.

I was very sexual from a really early age. I remember my Mom catching me with my hands down my girlfriends pants at 5. Bless my mom she handled it pretty well, asked me to step in hall. Once we got there she asked if I knew what I was doing. My girlfriend happened to be 12, it wasn't what was happening that gave my Mother pause, it was being sure I was a willing participant or not. I was a very willing participant so ya know. I convinced my babysitter to teach me how french kiss at the same age. Damned if I can figure out how I did it, beautiful Filipino Girl, can't recall her name, but I still dream of her hair. That would be where I learned my weakness for Asian women, I have weakness for them all actually. I can be mid steam talking about quantum physics with someone, a beautiful woman walks by, and I forget my name.
The only time I have had an extended period of life where I didn't have a girlfriend for lack of a better term, has been recently. We've all gone crazy!!!!
The expectations are insane.  Illustrating my point is something that happened to me recently. Bumped into a female friend I haven't seen for awhile, and she invited me over to have dinner with her, her kids, a mutual friend, and his kid.  When I get there, she is on the phone constantly with new boyfriend's roommate. They had only been seeing eachother for a few months, don't even live in the same town, I even during the course of the evening got her to admit she didn't even feel this guy was the one for her. Yet she is on the phone telling him that if he doesn't show up at her house like now, that it's over. This guy doesn't even live in the same state. For me this was insane, if anyone tried to pull that crap on  me I'd have said later bitch, have a nice life on the first call. I even told her that, and it was like it didn't even register. This whole episode was over? you might have guessed it would be social media, thank you Facebook. Yeah that's right he hadn't changed his Facebook pictures, and even though she knew he didn't use it much, it didn't matter. Not to mention the fact, both of them had been in long term relationships when they started seeing each other.
The kicker to this story is the very next day I run into her ex, yes the one she was with when she started seeing her new man. Yes she thinks of them as possessions.
Well being the friendly out going person I am, going into a conversation already in progress, I break in with, Hey I hung out with your ex last night. This was the best, and worst thing I could have said. If I am an evil genius, which I have been called, even recently, and some people called me Simon Bar-sinister after an unfortunate hair cut in high school. Now if he had left it at that, no problem I was in the conversation, and he would have shown he was over his ex. He proceeded to grill me over every detail, and I let him, just giving him enough with each answer to get him to ask the next question. Horrible as it seems, when I realized how hooked he was on someone I knew couldn't return those feelings, I was actually trying to help him, best of intentions and all that.  He gets so worked up he eventually excused himself, leaving his 2 co-workers, and I to discuss how I had just devastated him. He went home, and proceeded to call her repeated, then wrist a nasty email. I of course got the call from her the next day reaming me out for exposing the secrets of her love life. My thought was, and is this, if you don't want me in your crap, then don't invite me. Once you invite me, it's not your crap anymore. Your basically saying my crap is to much for me to handle on my own, will you please help me handle it. Well if your gonna do that expect it to be handled in ways your not used to.
I also was told by one of his co-workers, a beautiful young woman named Angel, that Karma was gonna come get me for what I had done to him.  I had to explain to her, that she had no way of knowing that I wasn't being Karma's bitch for the outset, and that in viewing the event from her perspective might not be what was happening. Side note, I don't claim to be karma bitch, but I wouldn't be surprised if she has used me like the slut I really am.

Ok back to boogity boogity. Sorry I tend to go quantum when I'm typing. It's the sound byte attention span I have been programmed with, combined with a quantum aspect I haven't really grasped fully.

I have problems with sex, I'm told to respect women, which I do. I love women, I was that kid in elementary school that did the plays just cuz the gender ratio was amazing. Yes I'm that messed up.
I see beautiful women everywhere I look, and they are so exposed I can't even help but look. When I get caught looking, it's either a hell yes that looks good to me too, or a you should be ashamed of yourself for even looking. Seriously, I'm a Man, I'm very visually stimulated, if you write on your ass I'm going to take my time reading it, even if it just says pink. If it says juicy more then likely if I agree I'm gonna take it to the next thought, taking a bite out of it.  In other words if you don't want me to look don't display. Note to parents, please use a little guidance in how you allow your daughters to go out in public. I know this is a touchy area, I understand they are budding young women exploring what it means to be a sexually attractive being. I even know talking about it is deemed inappropriate by the main stream culture I live in. They tell me it's not ok to lust after women, then splash female flesh of all ages before my eyes all day long. The culture I live in I call it a death cult, worships youth. From my perspective it's a fear of their own mortality driving them, but that's another story. When I look around almost half of what I see I'd like to sleep with, if it wouldn't damage them, or myself in the doing. It's the ultimate expression of my worship of the divine feminine made flesh.
I feel part of my problem and it's prolly true for  other men as well, stems from the being carried in womb, raised by women. It puts me in a position of having grown up watching relationships as man, filtered through the perspective of a woman. The cruel joke here is, though my female friends tell me how much I actually understand women, biology tricks them into thinking I am not suitable mating material. Yup that's right everyone knows it, but they don't seem to get the implications. I'm talking about the women who just can't help fall for the bad boys. Even see it in celebrities, women dig a bad boy. Little secret that's biological trick being played on you. Back before civilization as we know it, the best chance for the survival of.off spring from the female perspective was to get the biggest baddest guy around, his genes combined with yours give your offspring, your dna's best chance to be represented in the next generation. This worked for awhile, we don't live in that world anymore, though the biological drives are still there. The shift is happening geeks are starting to be looked at as sexy for their very geekness. For men of the same era, things were a bit different.
If you proved you were the coolest cat in the jungle no one questioned you taking what you wanted. Not even if it wasn't yours to take. We also see this lingering around. This was due to male wanting to make sure his genetics were dominate.
There is an aspect of this that I don't see talked about much so I'd like to take a moment to do so.
With women carrying the children inside their bodies, it sets up an odd situations. you don't need a close to 50/50 gender ratio to provide for continuation of species, or to ensure genetic diversity. I'm sure somewhere someone took the time to figure it out, but I'd be willing to bet it's in the 12 to 1 range, just a hunch based on a bigger pattern. Think of a lion pride, and apply the concepts to harems, and the like. Once again the stuff that got us here becomes the very things we need to understand if we are to evolve as consciousness.
Once again I got diverted by my own wandering mind.
I guess it just comes down to people are crazy, we don't even really understand what drives us, and why.
Most of us are so busy with our so called everyday lives we never even stop to ponder the why's.
I guess my biggest hang up with sex is the after effect. I had a bit of time between two, five+ relationships where I didn't want anything with "love". People thought of me as a player, I didn't. I always thought of a player as someone that tricked people into a sexual encounter. I never did that, I was totally honest with the women I met. I told them flat out we could hang out, have fun but that was it. I didn't want to be their man, and I was looking to possess any woman. If they wanted to hang out great, if not great. What I didn't yet get was, I was telling them "you can't have me". This triggers a response in people. Think Jedi mind tricks.
All that stuff going around using psychological triggers to elicit a response in someone is true. The caveat being if they are aware, they will catch you! What happens from there is anyone's guess.

To wrap things up, because I've been writing long enough to forget why I started, let me say this.
The culture I have grown up in celebrates sex, and uses it to sell everything, including sex itself. The morality of the culture I've grown up in tells me sex except under certain conditions is a sin, and punishable by my creator.

Seriously? you know how screwed that would make me. I have no desire to meet the obligations for morally approved sex, as set forth by my culture. I also have no desire to remain celibate, This leaves me a dilemma only a woman can solve. LMAO

Much Love.

Remember

No matter how good someone looks to you
Somewhere, Someone
Is sick of their shit

poof, I'm mythology

PanseyBard