Who Can Say

          Recently in a google+ group the question "What do you deserve?" was posed.  While attempting to answer, and failing miserably.  This word deserve itself was in my way. The notion that anyone, thing, or even divinity has the right to judge another, abhorrent to my mind.  Even allowing for the notion of omnipotent, present, omniscient there would be no place for deserved.  Immediate ideas of who is judging, how can this question even be contemplated without so much more qualifying information. Yet we use these concepts regularly, putting ourselves on one side or the other of some arbitrary line drawn by people usually long gone, with no bearing on current experience.   Even our sense of identity does not easily lend itself to this sort of black and white judgement. The narrative being constantly reworked, re-imagined, new meaning being attached to events long gone.  Those with eidetic, or more commonly photographic memory, when looking back are not able to experience the events as they originally did. Remembering itself becomes the experience, so the events are filtered through the current conception of self, not felt as they originally occurred.  In a very real sense the self we identify as, never existed, and never will, it's a story a way of framing the identity we are currently projecting.  How many current identities do you actually have? How many labels are attached to your sense of self? Are you a mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, employee, employer, artist, the list is as endless, and we are almost always acting as multiples of these all the time. Which might be forefront may change as we move through time/space/energy. Generally when we think of ourselves it's in a static imagining of an unchanging timeless being, we discount or do not recognize our relative change of self from one day to the next. The gradual nature is much like that of the frog in water with the temperature slowly rising. We discount the effects others have had on our conception of self, or the effects we have had on others self identification.
       Even when ideas of reincarnation or karma are taken into consideration, a dualism such as deserve lacks continuity.  These conceptions are from my perspective a opening of the idea of identity though it is an expansion of the ego, not a taming or elimination of.  In a creation of underlying unity the lines between self and other are not so clear. Our sense of independence is dependent upon that which we claim is not representative of  self, an other to be not us.  This leads to an interesting contradiction of unity, and division, the lines being drawn through identification. That which we identify as not self often have greater impact on our conception of self, than those we accept as self.  Tricks of perception, relative motions, much akin to the red shift, blue shift of stars.
      The collapse of space/time/energy into relativity to the ever changing moment of singularity, where the Three become one. Love, and Hate never oppose each other, Peace does not gird itself preparing for War, these states are only linked through the those that experience both. Love and Hate find their opposition in indifference.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

Self Styled Slacker

         I am a slacker, what does that mean?  

slack·er

ˈslakər/

noun

informal

1. a person who avoids work or effort.

   synonyms:

   layabout, idler, shirker, malingerer, sluggard, laggard; More

   • US

     a person who evades military service.
   • NORTH AMERICAN

     a young person (especially in the 1990s) of a subculture characterized by apathy and aimlessness

   
   

I avoid anything I think of as work, or anything I view as being wholly stupid.  Not to say I am not productive, or that I never act in a manor that can be rightly called stupid.  I wasn't always a slacker, and to be fair, I have adopted the term as it's easier to cultivate that view in people than being honest.  In many ways the self adoption of the term is not unlike any other person taking a slight, and using it.  That does not mean I am unable to use that trick of detachment, and see how from others perspectives I do exactly that.  

      From my own view, work is not required, work is something people feel they have to do out of a sense of obligation.  What that obligation is up for debate, it is slightly different for everyone.  Generally coming from lessons taught in childhood, either intentionally or through osmosis, just absorbing what everyone around them says, and does in relation to "money".  That is what it pretty much always comes to, the majority work because they feel it's the only way to get money, and they feel they need money in order to survive.  Some have gotten to a point where the idea of what survival looks like, might be extravagant. That isn't overly important, it's the idea of have to work to survive.  I've never felt that way, and though the hows have changed, the intent has remained fairly constant for about 30 years now.  I'm not even saying I haven't been employed, the what is less important as the how I feel about the what. I mean I had a job at gas station for 5 or so years, it was an exchange, I didn't feel like it was work, with the only time I felt taken advantage of was when being asked to fix a computer as a cashier.  Let me explain this a bit, I covered fri, sat, sun, from 1pm, till midnight, on my own from 5pm on, was allowed to sit and read. My friends would hang out, even had this beautiful woman that would come have dinner sometimes.  It was for me a nice break, and forced me to stay social in the physical world. On my time I was playing Everquest 50+ hours a week, so being in a high profile position where I was forced to interact with people was needed.

      There is seemingly an expected life path, birth, school, job, spouse, kids, death.  Well I do not remember getting the choice of being born, and if I had a say you'd have to question my sanity from the get go. For the first x odd years they tell you, your job is to learn, than they proceed to cram you full of garbage that has very little to do with learning, and an awful lot with Pavlovian conditioning. While I love learning, everyone, and thing teaches me all the time, I do not yet remember a day I didn't learn something.  School as it turns out, was not really about learning, oh sure there are some foundational aspects, the reading, writing, arithmetic. Along with some introduction to higher concepts.  For the most part my experience of school was about the next school, or job you were going to get. When I stopped going, end of junior year, it was there wasn't much left to learn there, and the piece of paper did not mean anyone had learned a thing.  The fact that people were getting degrees essentially handed to them based on who their parents were, or how skilled an athlete they were.  Made the piece of paper meaningless to me, as well as setting up a disdain for those who put faith in them. This doesn't even account for the ideas of diminishing returns being applied, or the shrinking need for a labor pool due to automation. They say that nearly 3/4 of the american population lives paycheck to paycheck, with around 60% being one missed check from the street.  How well is our system working?  In the writings of the founders of America, not the United States, they are different. They wrote about our times right now, not in dates, and prophetic announcements. Nah, they didn't need to go through all that, at the times of their writings they were already being forced to, or had just broken from, an outside agency printing their currency at interest.  They already saw jobs as wage slavery, The idea that future generations would end up homeless due to compounding interest on currency creation in private hands was not, and is not esoteric. Given this perspective the idea of "working" for a "living" loses it's appeal at least in my eyes. 

       For me a flip side to the slacker lifestyle is this, only once you have leisure time do you begin to contemplate.  When your life is about survival, or chasing the next big thing, there is little space for the what if's, the scent of flowers. Often there isn't even room for friends, and family, usually the very ones purportedly being worked so hard to benefit are lost in the daily shuffle, grinding out the next dollar. Or perhaps for some it is the ego identification with a title that gives meaning to their existence. Having lost count long ago of the number of times people have talked to me in the capacity of clerk, and told me I was wasting, or under utilizing my abilities. How can this possibly be? I have no pedigree so to speak, would feel the endorsement as a burden, not a blessing. Strange it feels as if I am becoming, or have been the ultimate con person, convincing everyone I am something, while always being something else.

       Tied into this are the ideas of the rites of passage, ceremonial markings of the transitions through the accepted phases of life. Having not personally finished the school portion, I'm still a kid, with most I encounter recognizing me as such, within the context of western society.  I have done many of the so called mystery traditions indoctrination's, intentionally or just as an outcropping of the exploration.  In the extreme other people have attempted to foist all sorts of labels, or titles onto me, in order to make it ok for them to relate to me as I am.  Having been called everything from cult leader, to guru, asshole, st. germaine, or sanada, a reincarnation of a grey that crashed at roswell, to being told you are as the buddha, or a child of satan. There is an odd thing my slacker life of leisure and contemplation has taught me, at a certain point it doesn't matter what is and isn't true. Even when it comes to ideas of what we may or may not represent as spiritual beings.  That sure you might have genetic predispositions, with the cellular memory, and that is all well and good.  When you get to most abstract connections to all things, it's simply a matter of accepting that all things are connected to all things. Once you are able to see yourself as, than you are.

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

Inside Out, Upside Down, Ass Backwards!

       I've always thought of myself as a relatively intelligent person. Even while what was seemingly to me the rest of the world was screaming I was doing bad, or was a loser in this aspect or that. When I was doing things I knew my mother would freak out, and possibly through misplaced sense of attempting to protect me from myself had me in legal entanglements I'd likely still be dealing with. I just hid those things as best I could. Which was not that tough, my relationship with my mother, while I feel is in a good place, many have called a bit distant.  Truth be told, all of my relationships are only so close. I have actively worked to disentangle myself from any relationship that acted as a constriction on the concept of who, or what I am.  No one knows what I am, or for that matter what they are, when I bump up against someone that is insistent on defining me, and has expectations based on them projecting what they think I should be, or should do. I had rejected the motivations, and even the pretenses behind them at a very early age.  Not out of a sense of rebellion, I just like to hang out, listen to music, smoke some herb, and play with ideas.  So far all my life I've insisted I am not more intelligent than anyone else, not that I think of myself as stupid. Quite the contrary, I see myself as capable of doing, learning, and being anything I choose to be. I just understand that everyone else is the same way, People around me have consistently told me, I was smarter than the average bear. This is still a projection, and after a point it doesn't matter if it's true or accurate, or even how I feel about it.  As a person I will do what I can to fulfill the expectations placed upon me by those around me.  Add in mind expanding chemicals taken in quantity as an informal spiritual exploration, personal experimentation. Shake vigorously, and wait.  I still reject much of the fundamental premise of what is thought of as western materialist world view. That view of creation, that consciousness stems from matter, that we are looking for a fundamental particle, a unified field theory equation.  That we are still looking for proof that something continues after what we call physical death,  Zero is a concept, it is no where reflected in what we experience here. The so called vacuum of space, is still a relative state.  The scale of background, of the fabric of we call space/time is so far removed from us in scale it's conceptual. We have no tools that can show, or measure things at Planck scale. We can do so many things, but in our desire to validate our experience as physical beings, we tear at the fabric of creation itself.  Attempting to find a particle that imparts mass is in my understanding about the ultimate fools errand.  Energy equals mass * the speed of light squared, the energy to mater conversion formula. So commonly known, so little considered in implication. Of what this implies about the nature of what we are, and what this shared experience is.  The blessing and curse, of the binary, or ac/dc electric experience.  To find a particle in creation where everything is energy, is a matter of containment. Release the energy, and the mass is imparted with breaking of that containment.  Kind like breaking one layer of the onion into another, or breaking one layer inside a nesting doll.
       My understanding of reality is there is no place where anything starts, and anything stops. In order for me, you, everything to even be having this experience of individuality. We have to be at our core delusional.  That there can ever be self, in a state of singularity, Or that there can be anything that is other. Do not mistake this for some existential crisis, been there done that, I love the delusion, it's a small part of a delicious subtext to what we think of as life, or reality or whatever. There is an understanding that everything external is a representation of something internal. For me this is evident everywhere I focus attention. I dropped out of the world, took a few years, to sever most ties, became a hermit to digest, process and fill in enough blanks in my personal data base, or learn to tune myself to what it was I wished to express.  It is my rejection of my own reality, and in reflection I do not see myself reflected in the world. I've become absent in my own life, a blank canvas. This is also intentional, I am not so overly fond what has been made of paradise.  As much as I enjoy so many aspects, the beauty, the polarity, the spin, the game. Being able to alter experience through just thought, and through influence alter others experience, and have everyone insist they made free will choices is amazing, and disturbing.  I am at core a generous person, often taken advantage of with my eyes wide open, just because I wanted to give the person a chance to make a different choice.  So while those around me try and get theirs, I try to give mine away, to anyone that will take it. When I reject money, it's not the concept of currency, or the tracking of resources I am in opposition to. I have an issue with a system intentionally designed to be scam, to implode due to structural features, called such as there is no chance they were accidental.  I am all for the ideas of equity, value added, open source. Where investment is rewarded, risk is real, not offloaded immediately, or hedged against. Our systems of global trade settlement with the dollar as it's backbone are in essence a cheat a scam, a ponzi scheme. I spent much effort on being as little a part of this system as I could, to where my expenses are pretty minimalist. Not that I do not enjoy the finer things, it's the strings that come attached to every dollhair spent on those trappings is my endorsement of that system.
         I'm a fucked up mass of contradictions, that often make sense only to me, I'm ok with that

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

If I accept your lies about me will you go away?

In an attempt to share more of me, rather than the concepts I entertain. Today I'm going to cover some common misconceptions I've noticed people have about me.

I am not as nice a person as people seem to think I am. When I've had jobs they have been mostly service type, even when working freelance, it's been tech work, and consulting.  It's not that I am any nicer or any less nice than anyone else.  I'm fulfilling the role you encountered me in, as long as you do not step outside your role in relation to me, everything is hunky dory. Step out of the boundaries laid out by the nature of our encounter, and I will tell you to go fuck yourself.

I do not care about material existence, This one is almost true, though so far off base, as to be laughable. There is no matter for my to be concerned with, things exist multi-dimensionally, and they are physical unto their own realm of expression. kinda how solids interact with solids, or liquids interact with liquids. With all of it subject to relative motions, and energy/matter conversion.

My use of the appellation PanseyBard is some how indicative of sexual orientation. This was an e-mail I registered to use with a character created in Everquest.  The characters name was/is, Nuviel, picked from the words novus, and el. A mixing of languages, meaning new god. That character was a 5 year span of playing 40+ hours a week. It became a consuming addiction to being somewhere other than I found my physical being. That character became one of the top Bards in the game, spending much of it's time on a server called legends, a special ruleset server, for those who wanted more out of the game.  I am a heterosexual male, even when I imagine myself in a sexual encounter with a male, it is an odd feeling of not being true to self.

That social media is important to me.  This one cracks me up, From my perspective most social media has become marketing tools.  I am not fond of marketing, as I feel good ideas have no need to be sold.  Before I ever began to use social media, I had a plan, and understood it as tool in that plan, not the ends in itself.  Twitter is a prime example, I have 4 accounts, not that I wanted 4 accounts, was happy with one. Only I was growing the account faster than twitter identifies as the norm, When an account was suspended for playing the f4f game the twitter promo groups have going. I made another in order to figure out what I was doing wrong and right given the venue, and goals I had in mind.  When I got the 3rd account suspended in under 3 hours for getting to many followers to quickly, or what they call aggressive following tactics I started to get a handle on the automatic systems in twitter. What the groups were about, and why I seemingly did not fit in.  I backed almost completely off social media for a few years, Mostly due to being shoved out, seemingly due to not being willing to click the buttons for cash. Again, I never cared about twitter, it was about exposure.

A small group was reading my blog regularly, and felt many of the ideas had merit, so I was looking to reach out an allow others into my madness.

The 4th account was for play, and fun solely, as it's pretty much only for pornstars, cam girls, strippers, ya know, the bad girls we all wish would take us home, or come home with us, even if it's only for the night or weekend.  

That I am an arrogant know it all bastard!  ok that one is often true. It is something I work on daily to be as accepting of my own foibles as I am of others. Oddly it's that I do not feel I know anything, and am open to any spirit that has the answer showing it to me, or speaking through me to deliver it that sets up this oddity.

That I wish to be a star, I am already a rock star, always have been. Do not look for me in your deck of cards, I am not now, nor have I ever been in there. Unless your seeing me in every card. Wanna go quantum? how about for a magic ride into the nethersphere, or the spaces between spaces. I can be that lens for you to find your connection. I am not it, only the clear lens that allows you to see you.

I do not love you

I do not hate you

I do not know you

I was told my whole life the choices I made were bad, or wrong, and it took me till now, to finally get back to the self I lost in the love of women, and the programmed ideas of family, and personal development.  What I am left with for the masses, is a big fuck you. If you do not like my words do not read them. If you find me offensive at times, that is likely the response I was going for.

Yes I am so whacked out, I often program people real time, think you have freewill, come for a visit, and I will show you the error of your perception. Think the world is flat, or solid, or round, or God is this or that, those are labels, made by, and for humans.

Who am I, What am I?,

How about Where am I, When am I

I am what I desire to be, the identity labels foisted upon are not me.

Think a free person can be a citizen?

Free people owe no allegiance to anyone other than self.

Citizens owe allegiance to the state they are citizens of.

You do the math

PanseyBard.... Pan say, Bard get it?

aka Jack

be the Lorax, and can someone please find that statue, and take it back where it belongs 

Tommy! Archetype for the Electric Kool Aid Initiation

      A couple of days ago, I hacked together an entertainment setup, from an old tube tv, a 3d blu-ray player with internet apps, and a directv remote I found to control it all. I plan on adding in a digital to analog converter box, and a homemade powered antenna, as the resources to do so become available. I began playing movies I hadn't seen since for at least 20 years or so, The great rock'n'roll swindle, and Tommy were among my selections for that first day's use.  Tommy in particular stood as having been completely misunderstood by myself, and seemingly most of the people I know who have watched it.  With the majority labeling dismissively as a rock opera, with little meaning beyond the entertainment value. Having come to the realization that entertainment has never been about enjoyment per se, but more about passing on cultural understanding and wisdom passed through the ages.  I was still in for a disconcerting surprise upon watching Tommy from my current perspective. What I was not prepared for was, the dramatization of what myself and others have experienced in our everyday lives.  The movie itself is an adaptation of the initiation rituals of the mystery traditions, skewed toward the inclusion of LSD as a catalyzing agent.
    Having first being exposed to Tommy as a child, pretty sure it was 3rd grade. It's message was lost on my, the effect of the movie for me than was one of feeling protective of those who were unable to protect themselves.  This was personified in a brief scene where a lovely girl is about to be shot, and Tommy shows up to alter the encounter just through his presence.  At the time, this was so profound for me that I had nightmares about it.  Nightmares are rare for me, and generally only occur when death is near me.  In that instance the death I was feeling was that of a babysitter, not mine, I did not need a sitter generally, and was offended when one was foisted on me.  Not being a fan of watching people die, and the effects it has on those who are left behind. My mother and I had moved out, in short order Stephanie, came home from school to find her sitter strangled. Likely if I had still been there I would have been with her, as we walked to and from school together.  This affinity for feeling the presence of death, yet not having to witness it's effects directly continues as a theme in my life. Almost a meet Joe Black kinda vibe, not that I equate myself with death, just that death is not my enemy, but a friend that accompanies me on my journey. Always ready to send me home if I become to distant from my core self.

    Watching it as I am now, was an entirely different experience, having lived the initiation being shown, and having taken it from a 3 that become one to a 7, and 13 that become one. I was struck almost dumb, as before my eyes, the basic blueprint for my existence was on display, In the film we watch as Tommy goes from a child, bewildered and overloaded by the new sensory data bombarding him, putting him the state of the deaf, dumb, and blind, or in other words, seen no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil. During this portion Tommy is repeatedly abused, though the abuse is lost oh him, he is unaware of the meaning behind the events he subjected to.  Than we get to a point where he is taken to Gypsy the Acid queen, played by Tina Turner. In the movie it is portrayed as a sexual encounter. Which if you've ever experienced psychoactive chemicals the experience is so intimate, and the movie was made at the end of the free love hippy movement, that the representation is to be expected. When the LSD experiences have cleared the pathways, the fog lifts, and we are introduced to a fully realized Tommy. Who proceeds to go out into the world, and help everyone else become as he is, without having to go through the trauma that he endured.
    Don't start tripping, and project delusions of grandeur, those are your hang ups not mine. When I first opened up in the late 90's, someone I thought of as a friend devastated me by stating he felt I was on the way to becoming a cult leader. Odd from my perspective, as I am appalled by the idea anyone would desire to follow in my footsteps, and when I related my personal journey. It is always with the idea my life is not to be emulated, but seen as a cautionary tale. How I got from my conception to the fictional character I am today is not comfortable, or even desired.  It is simply what it took for me, what it will take for you is up to you.  When during my last LSD experience I received a message, that if I continued to take it, it would become detrimental, I stopped.  Within a couple of years I had also stopped smoking Mary Jane as well. What followed was a 10 year or so switch. Where I became acutely aware of the negative cultural view on my life.  This was completely at odds with how people interacted with me on a personal basis. Where almost everyone viewed me as being a well adjusted healthy individual.  Not only was "drug" use condemned, my entire childhood was outlawed, as being unfit. Naturally I accepted the judgment of those who presumably had more experience and wisdom than I.  This too was a part of the initiation, the moving into darkness, and through a death like experience where the world shuns, and is shunned in return.  That is the ego death, where we accept the world, and everyone in it will keep on spinning regardless of our presence.  I must say I was ready and desirous of death, not suicidal, just not so in love with life, or self anymore.  The I in me longs for nothing, other than dissolution of self, resolution of the conflict inherent in the structure of what we consider "reality".
dailymotion tommy-1975-film-pt-1_music
dailymotion tommy-1975-film-pt-2_music

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

LSD a Lost Soul's Dream

                     Disclaimer

I have not had any contact with LSD for about 20 years. So no I do not know where to get any, and thank you, but I have no wish to purchase any.  This is not intended as an endorsement or condemnation of any substance or practice that seeks to alter consciousness.  The very fact differentiated states of consciousness exist, and within this experience we can access them means they will be accessed.  There are myriad methods of altering consciousness, the truth of which is simple.  What is changed is not consciousness, only our individual experience of it.  Our experience, what we have termed consciousness, mind, emotion, spirit, physicality can be looked at as structured, and structuring of data.  Not unlike how a computer functions, with a series of on/off switches linked structures directing electrical flow into set patterns which can be assigned definitions, and repeated, to create desired effects.  This really is not surprising when you understand everything external is a representation of something internal.  We do not so much create, as imitate and adapt, if you feel something is original or out of left field, it is only that you have yet to experience what is being externalized.  From another perspective, we can only create that which the rules of the universe flower of life, or tree of life.  These are overlapping, and interlocking creating what has been termed the holofractal. Like in music where the space between the notes are of equal import to the notes played.  Our experience we call reality is based as much on what is not seen, heard or felt, as what is seen, heard, and felt.  Where ever you are at the moment, what ever your doing, roughly 95% of what is taking place, you are unaware of.  In other words, what you are experiencing right now, is based on only 5% of the information around you.  Not that you are limited to a particular portion of the information. Often it is a matter of our own focus that becomes the limiting factor, another is not having a method of interpretation.  Basicly we need the framework for the experience to fit in, before we are able to make sense of the experience.  We have an idea of singularity, stemming from our own sense of self, which we project onto creation, and are rewarded with confirming feedback.  This is the very idea of god, the universe, creation whatever you want to call it, coming to you as you are able to currently accept it.  What we normally consider a singular I, is at minimum 3 repeated I's interwoven, this is reflected to us everywhere. From as abstract as no thing can be said to be, or event have happened till it confirmed by 2 independent sources. Right on through to body/mind/spirit, and a table or chair needing at least 3 legs to stand on it's own. Or even in the song lyrics from P.M. Dawn, "we always are, because we never were".  Each breath, each step, every thought, everything we ingest, all of it, alters how we perceive the experience we call life. The difference being the nature of that change, and how closely that change is relatable to your current experience. With what we call psychoactive compounds we have a chemical code used to create predictable physiological changes, that can change what information we process, and or how we process it.   From here it is not difficult to understand, why and how, already brilliant people that partake of these compounds, it often leads to new insights.  The insights were always there, the person just needed the eyes to see them.  Also why some do not find their way back, or when they do are fundamentally altered.

allow.  If we could it would not be a rule, it would be a guideline.  Most of our confusion in the nature of mind, and consciousness stem from our world view called materialism.  The conception that all things rise from matter, that our consciousness is created by the body.  There is much to be learned from this model, however it is not reflected in as absolute in our experience.  Even in our ideas of how the universe sprang into being from the big bang, start not with the heaviest elements, and particles, but with the lightest,  This experience is not predicated on the singular, but on an interplay between interconnected repeated patterns. These can be thought of as spheres of influence, represented in scared teachings such as the

              My Time in the Cloud

In the 90's there was a resurgence in LSD, it was suddenly everywhere, and I was well placed to participate.  The time, access and inclination combined perfectly to have me experimenting for a couple of years, often dosing a couple of times a week.  After my initial introduction, it was quickly apparent, this was not a party time drug, but a tool for the exploration of self.  That was precisely how I approached it, not from a scientific method, but a personal tool to understand who, and what I am, and how I relate to everything normally viewed as not me.  When ingesting LSD my intention was in general to move as far away from what I normally viewed as me.  This usually involved ingesting a

10 strip, and sequestering myself to my room, and meditating for hours on end.  There became a point where my intention was to get to a point where verbal communication was no longer viable due to the individualized definitions we each have for every word we know.   This I came to understand is related to the idea, you can not listen while your speaking, or listening being an active thing, not passive.  Once my projections slowed, and stopped, impressions normally washed out by my own noise became clear. When the return to my normal conscious state would come into sight, a furious rush of activity would ensue. Attempting to ground the realization into my physical experience, and often followed by synchronistic events to flesh out, or serve as confirmation.  Not that what is experienced is always accurate, this owning in large part to the ability of person to comprehend, and relate the experience.  As well as what is being experienced is not about truth, or fact, but the experience itself.  My active use time with LSD eventually ended, with a clear concise message, stating unequivocally if I continued it would become a detriment, and not a benefit.  Basicly I had blown the crap out of my mind, to where it would begin to shatter, not stretch.  So what did I learn from my time with LSD?  Nothing at all.  What I experienced though changed me in ways I am still working on understanding.  I'll share 2 very different journey's, what you make of them is up to you, each are and were valid and true for me in their own way.  In no way should anything I've said so far, or am going to say, is intended for any validation, or rejection from the reader.  The act of sharing itself is the motivation. My current understanding tells me, my unique perspective on what I have experienced is all I have to offer, and what makes me, uniquely me.

                   People Powers

I am a people person, thats not to say I like everyone, or even desire to interact with people all the time.  Point of fact I am quite selective on those I call friend. This is of course only a reflection on me, and not an accurate reflection of those I know, or am aware of, but do not count as friend.  When I call myself a people person, it's that the relationships we develop, or dismantle are what has meaning here.  More so than anything else that is what lasts, even in our looking back in history it's through a lens of how it relates to us.  My fascination with people, as well as a certain detached perspective far precede my LSD adventure.  Back into early childhood, of being an only child raised by a single mother, plenty of time to be with myself, and live with my own choices.  Little wonder

that when a personal introduction to universal teaching happened, it was couched in terms of people.

      During one of my early 10 strip meditation sessions, a number theory was laid out for me, I claim no origination of it, not even an original take on it. Only that it was new to me.  As I would come to learn after, what I was describing has been around forever, and called many things. For me it came as what made solid circles of people. The idea is quite simple, you are a set, when you interact with another set, the 2 of you create a new super-set, that encompasses both of you.  This idea of creating a new set that is an amalgamation of the subset is repeated through the primary numbers.  The theory laid out which of these groupings would self regulate, and which would require constant attention, or risk collapse.  As it went through, the numbers, laid out was how to pattern group dynamics to be self regulating, with this being scaleable.

1 is complete and whole unto itself, it needs nothing else to be complete.  This is the idea of a person becoming self contained, as long as they remain isolated they are a stable unit.

2 the idea of a couple, this can be, but is not on it's own a stable unit. Each involved must make a concerted effort to maintain the super-set, or it will either, break into 2 sets of 1, or it will attract a 3rd.  This is that idea of intense bursts of intimacy, That either blossom into a more complex expression, or finds it's completion and satiation before withdrawing into comfortable boundaries.

3 This is where first station of stability, groups of 3 are self stabilizing, where the desires and motivations of the individuals are balanced not on the shoulders of one, but all there.  This is not to say all interactions between 3 people are balanced, only that they are self balancing. with the balance point of each trine being a representation of the combined energies of each participant.  I can almost feel the "victims" of the broken atomic families, mother, father, child scream in horror.  The negatively viewed experiences most have from break downs in nuclear family structures happen before the child is brought into the picture usually.  Most these come from the lies we tell each other in those intense bursts of intimacy.  I know, I know, the idea that men and women both lie about what they really want out of those intense bursts is absurd.

     For the purposes of this article I don't feel a need to go through all the numbers, much the same information I would impart can be found all over, and not my purpose in the writing this.  A few days after this I was down at the local metaphysical shop, it was Bethel, CT in the 90's even that there was a high profile shop of this type was new.  In talking with the owner, she was amazing as I attempted to impart this theory, listening like it was of actual interest, not the ravings of drugged. When I finished she asked me if I had heard of the  kabbalah as what I had described to her were the basis of it's teachings.  That was my first interaction with the word, of the system it represents. now that would be a neat trick. Just as an interesting anecdote or at least interesting to me. I was introduced to the teachings of the Kabbalah in town, who's name is hebrew for house of God.

         Under the Sea

Growing up in the US, an exposure to the idea of armageddon or the end of earth are pretty tough to avoid.  I can remember having dreams of it, going back to before I am able to pinpoint.  This pervasive theme was brought into a fullness of being so painful, it wrecked me, shredded boundaries of emotional separation I was not even aware existed, and to a certain extent I had to spend years reconstructing to be able to deal with being in large public areas with lots of people around without being energetically overwhelmed,  becoming strung out off the combined emotional output of the crowd. As you might have guessed this was a stark contrast to the above experience, yet it also involved the focus on people, a 10 strip, and prolonged meditation.  Though I had like most had heard of ideas of mass consciousness, it was always something remote, not something a person interacted with directly.  At some point that conception morphed, into the idea, that if the concept of a collective consciousness was truth, than being a portion of it, I could essentially go back through the downstream of it, and experience it directly.  In doing so I found myself confronted by what I can only describe as a guardian.  Not a guardian to barr my path, one to warn me, that where I was headed was a danger to the ego attempting to experience it. .  Having no frame of reference for this warning it went unheeded, and off I went into the storm.  Finding myself in what seemed to be the mother of cyclonic storm systems, organized chaos, raw, rough, with seemingly no awareness of it's own actions, or their effects.  This was in large part due to my clinging to a spot, by standing in opposition to the flow of mass consciousness, it was left with no choice but remove the obstruction.
. The ego fog ripped away, the main Island of Japan was far below me, every person felt as if it was me.  Like I was experiencing Japan from the perspective of it's group consciousness.  Only it was in process of being reclaimed by the sea, The water rushing in so quickly with so little warning no one had anywhere to flee to.  This was felt as unadulterated terror, rage, fear, millions upon millions of people dying in pain, and fear in a matter of moments.  I remember very clearly that it was not their death that was so painful for me, that was a normal expected outcome of life. The pain I felt was the dying in a state of fear, in the belief they were alone.  It was the nature of the death that was the pain, and there were bastions of calm, people who had no fear, and were at peace with this event, but in the main people believed themselves to be isolated in life, and felt themselves slide into a cold isolation of darkness in death. Not that it was accurate, as no one is ever alone, small balm to one in the experience of it. 

Again do not take this as a recommendation, endorsement. I would not change my time with LSD, there also would be a cautionary tale for anyone wishing to embark on their own exploration.

Be Careful what you wish for, the universe is a giant yes machine

as always make up your own mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

The Tower of Babel Undone

         The Tower of Babel, the idea that all people at one time had a common language, but through the arrogance of trying to reach GOD our punishment was confuse our tongues.  For those that would like a bit more in depth look at this story please check here, http://www.omniglot.com/babel/. Honestly I'm not as interested in the exact details, as I am in now.  This is a story that has roots in so many cultures there is more then likely some truth to it, even if it is not in the way we think.  As our use of computers has grown, and the capabilities of those computers has grown, we have intentional or effectively undone this event.

We now have at our finger tips instant translation. My phone can listen for me and speak translations at almost real time.  My browser translates full page texts with improvements ongoing to ensure the most correct translations possible.  There is even bubble translation which can be used both directions. Giving the ability to not only translate portions of text, but also write in your native text and have translated into any number of languages.  We have effectively undone this classical story.  What are the ramifications of this punishment by GOD being undone by man?   Why have the end of the world folks seemingly left this topic alone?  This story is from a GOD that doesn't seem to take kindly to interference, or rules breaking. This is a GOD that endorsed the plagues of Egypt, the destruction of Sodom, and Gomorrah.  How a GOD with this track record reacts to having it's ruling circumvented can only be imagined.
       I am not a religious person, I do not profess, or follow any given religion.  I love studying religions, it's a passion. I guess I'm looking for something greater interacting, and taking an interest in humanity.  So this story in particular is of interest due to it being currently unfolding, a link back to biblical times. I thread of story active in my current reality that has it's roots in a time of wonder when gods walked the earth, and man with all it's flaws wasn't considered the power.  As always these are just random thoughts rattling around my mind, take them as such.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

Ingress, Mirror of the Struggle in Humanity between Spirituality, and Technology

                                         

Ingress if you don't already know is an mmo rpg augmented reality game from Niantic Labs at google.
That means it's a computer game that is overlaid on the world.  Right now that entails using your phone of tablet as a scanner.  These scanners pick up what is called xm, or exotic matter.  XM enters our world through portals, these portals are spread all over the world. Generally at sites of interest, statues, gardens that sort of thing. Not surprising coming from the folks that made Field Trip. In the game world, humans are asked to choose sides, either the Enlightened, or the Resistance.  The back story behind this game is very ingenious. Secret agent, fate of the world, everything you need to suck a gamer right in. Take a look at this page to get the start on the story http://www.nianticproject.com/.  What I find intriguing is how these sides mirror a theme man has been playing out since the advent of the wheel, or maybe earlier back to fire.  I'm talking about science and religion of course.  The Enlightened are followers of the Shapers. The Shapers remind me of trance channeled entities, like Ramtha, or possibly Kryon. There are many of them, the idea being the person goes into a meditative trance, and the channeled entity takes control of their functions to one degree or another. Shapers plant ideas in the minds of people to alter their consciousness, allowing the Shaper to influence, and ultimately control the human.  The Resistance meanwhile are super intelligent machines, or AI that purports to work for the benefit of humanity.
        This alone would be a fun story idea, but Niantic hasn't stopped there.  They have used real world History, emerging technology, even magical, and religious teachings to weave a world of intrigue and danger. A web of imagination mixed with truth, fiction, and speculation create an interactive story where the players decide the outcome in the real world on a daily basis.
       Please keep in mind this is presented as a Game, treat it as such or don't at your discretion. I don't claim to have any inside information in any way, just a fertile imagination, and the freedom to exercise it.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

My Words are Poison

          I do not matter. What I think does not matter.  I am not an example to held before others. I am profane, do not look upon me with pity or revulsion. Do not look to me for guidance, I will led you astray.  If or when my thoughts become mainstream I am already gone into some grey area. I am a pirate, the constraints placed on me by others are only taken on in a superficial manor.  Ready to be cast off the moment it no longer serves me.  I have no earthly authority, I do defer to others when appropriate to do so, but I maintain final say in all things me.  I do not believe in unconditional love as a physical reality, I do not see it possible without the loss of sovereignty.   Broaching no master, I am no ronin.

 I will bear no weight that is not of my own choosing, do not saddle me with your desires.  Take precautions in what you share with me, your every breath, each heartbeat radiates your soul. Your beauty, and beast plainly clear in your every glance.  Do not show me your sore spots I will poke them, sometimes for fun, others for profit. You have no rights with me.  Your rights begin where I end, I will violate you.  You will ask me to do so, despite my protests you will beg to be subsumed, eagerly giving up your self in the desire to be saved.  I am no savior, I am no demon, I am all saviors, and all demons.  I live for your destruction, and smile as you destroy me.  As soon as you think you have me defined I will break your misconceptions, bursting through to the boundaries not of my own making.
        I love you in the abstract, and care no what happens to you as a person.  You are the light, you are the way, shine it for all to see.  Be the beacon of hope in the darkness, I am among the sharks.  The waters fine, enter at your own risk, for here there be dragons. You go be the light, I'll be here in the shadows waiting, and when your exhausted, and down trodden, maybe I will offer my hand.  Be loves presence in the world, for in the immortal words of a favorite of mine, "Love is the Law".  Oh Aleister what a prankster you are. Teaching in riddle, half truth, and symbol.  Shine your love for all, be the brilliant star you know yourself to be.  Just remember when you shine a light in the dark, you never know what will be attracted.

Life, Laugh, Love. Be yourself. Let GOD worry about the rest. GOD is very good at it.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

You Can Kiss My Hemispheres, Right Down the Middle!!!

         In a previous post I talked about a personal development tool that jumped out at me from the mystical teachings of many traditions.  Today a little more time will be spent on the idea of left to right balance.  This is interpretation I have either made, or had shared with me in meditations, as well as other altered states of consciousness.  I do not ask for your belief, trust, or any other such nonsense.  As always make up your own mind, do your own research if you don't like the conclusions mine have led me. With the pleasantries out of the way, lets have some fun.
        Many of you have seen this image or another like it

              There is so much in this diagram as it relates to how we function as beings. How the energies of creation flow into, and out of our experience.  Sign posts to show us where we may be a bit off kilter with how we are using, or interacting with creation.  The focus for this post is the central line, and how it relates to the human body.   Almost anyone can see the mirror symmetry in the human body, almost as if you could have been made in halves.  This is a surface distinction part of the design overlay to allow for a multidimensional understanding.  Though the hemispheres appear to be just that, it takes on a slightly different view if you consider that it grew center out.  That central core of nerves running up into the brain stem, unfurling into the reaches of your physicality.  This is what is meant by the idea of being centered left to right. Of being ambidextrous, combining the logic, with the intuition.  Understanding when each in called on to assert dominance.

            There are as many ways to achieve this are there have been magic, mystical, or religious traditions. Each with it's own approach, I've tried many from stereograms, candle meditation, to Bio-feedback with a host of other tricks thrown in.  The purpose of all of these is to teach a reactive animal at the mercies of biochemistry to become master of their kingdom.  It really matters little how you approach it, weather it's juggling, switch stance sports, or with bi-neural beats.  Once your using your apparent halves simultaneously they become the third member of the trinity that was always there, just hidden from the view of the profane.

Jack

aka

PanseyBard  

Making my childhood a crime, and me a criminal!

        I know that seems a bit overly dramatic, and it is, kinda.  The circumstances surrounding my childhood are the perfect slip through the cracks, that just leaves people wondering.  Whats funny from my perspective is I had no clue till everyone told me.  Did I live the Norman Rockwell painting, not exactly. My father took his own life when I was 3, I was a latchkey kid by 5.  Before I turned 9 and moved across the country to start a new life I had no clue people thought my home was messed up.  I was in gifted classes, my Mom though not around all the time was there when really needed to be the support, or the encouragement, or the hammer.  It wasn't till I was in a place where 2 parents were expected did I even give my own situation a thought.  It still didn't make a dent, as I was by 11 or 12 watching other peoples children, so how bad could my upbringing have been if other people felt I was worthy of taking care of their kids.  Of course this only lasted a few years till I got tired of watching the kids while my friends did other things. By about 15 I was moved on, by 17 I more or less had my own condo.  Mom paid the bills, but she wasn't there very often, sometimes I would avoid her for as long as 2 months.  I was never alone, my house became the place for the lost boys. We became wanna be skater punks, I say wanna be as we were never mean.  Never really wanted to do harm, we just were discovering who we were, and our boundaries were of our own making.
        What most people couldn't believe was where I stopped. Before I turned 18 I had not had intercourse, had only tried pot and didn't care for it, and had taken alcohol to where it already told me it was a nasty drug to be used carefully.  How am I supposed to feel when my childhood is looked upon with a mixture of sadness, sorrow, and sometimes incredulity. When I wouldn't change a thing, my whole life everyone has told me that the physical is fleeting.  I believed them, I went looking for intangible, it finds you.  So maybe if you look at someone as having something to say, maybe you might want to ease up on what they needed to go through to learn it.

Jack

People Math

          Today I'm gonna talk about people, my feelings about people in the abstract are as varied are their individuals.  Like most of us I guess I swing from utter frustration to utter amazement. Contempt to envy, I revel in their victories, and winch through their defeats.  So while I love them they annoy the crap out of me when it's to much to close for to long.  So as always only keep the parts that stick, the rest isn't for you.

         I've mentioned before that in my twenties I took LSD. It like so many things in existence had it's birth, growth, and death in my physical experience.  At the height I was taking as much as 10 doses per session, and having sessions as often as 3 or 4 times a week. With a few several day in row excursions of doubling dosages.  Many of these events were turned into meditation sessions sometimes lasting 8 to 10 hours straight.  When I would comeback to physical awareness I would scribble like the madman I was.  The following is some of what I remember and have been practicing, or refining since.

I'm going to start off simply here with small groups. I will also be assuming that the individual people involved are all 1 themselves, and their internal lives are balanced.

1 is a multiverse unto itself, since it is always 1 it does not always see itself as such. This is a fully inclusive group, until it isn't. A person alone will drift into their own world, every bit as real to them as the collective world they left.  The longer the apparent separation the more apparent it will be.

2 is a knife edge, it takes focus to maintain a group of 2, each person must be aware of the full range of needs of the other and be able to anticipate them, as well as being willing to play these roles. To be all things to another is no mean feat. This is the essence of duality, it's so personal it's amazingly intense. So much so if we do not understand when to break our gaze we can be lost. This is the idea of star crossed lovers, and twin flames. Groups of 2 will generally attract a 3rd, or split into groups of 1's

3 Everyone knows this one, it's everywhere mother/father/child. this one is so easy to spot and the compromises people make to balance a 2 artificially abound.  Funny thing with trinities when everyone believes we are in a duality is this. One of the 3 is usually not always obvious, this is easily revealed in the ideas of body/mind/spirit each being less apparent to the external.  In people it is shown in situations where a couple will get a dog to replace the need for a child to keep them bound.  There are "darker" aspects this can play out in relationship triangles, and they have been portrayed so many ways I do not think I need to cover them. Three becomes the baseline for all other relationship forms, as it's the first stable shape.  If you look in your life you can find your own trines, see what portion of the trinity you are playing, and what if anything you wish to change about it. These roles are variously titled mind/body/soul, father/son/holy ghost, writer/director/actor.

4 This is the square, and just like in nature it doesn't last.  The energy needed to keep the form cause it to break rather rapidly into smaller groups, or attract more to expand. This is a form only kept through great energy expenditure of all involved. More often then not, and usually sooner rather then later a group of 4 will break into smaller groups. squares are rough. Groups of 4 that work are not a square but a 3 sided pyramid.

5 The pentagon, and it's use in the shape of the building of it's namesake. This is about competition, and defense. Groups of 5 make really good game groups, or us against them. This is the number where you really start playing fort, or any of the team sports, as it takes 5 for a 2v2 game.  This is the idea that an outside part must witness any event for it to have reality beyond the moment. So here we find organized team events.  I see this in the family vrs family game shows always start with 5 per side.

6  this is 2 trinities interlocked and the next group that will be self balancing. Though it's balance will be in interlocking sets of 3, who's connections to the others may not at first discern. This is where you start to see the connection between families through the generations.  This is where time begins to really show up in the grandparents idea. or in the now in the 2 families of 3 on a picnic.
This has been the repeating 6 has been depicted as evil due to the ideas of mirroring being taught here.

7 is the the number of mystery, or luck. In people it's when you can have a balance, or link between independent trinities.  This where you get the illusion, where 2 independent groups find their link. Demonstrated in people in the idea of a mutual friend of 2 families of 3.  This is where most people do not want to get past this is where it all clicks for the first time. You get connected to another complete unit to another complete unit through a center point.

8 groups are where they become self sustaining and strong sense of inclusion, as well as exclusion. Groups of 8 will begin to the illusion of the never ending party, with each member pulling the others to stay till no one can handle it. This is the point where in Families you begin to see yourself into the future. The idea being your grandchild gets married, so your potential great grandchild is just over the horizon.

9 groups are the trinities of trinities, it's the idea of 3 complete units being interconnected.  The interlocking of the trinity's This is a place groups become solidified into families. The bonds have been passed down with the thread still being visible. This is an organization that is ready to be brought to the public attention. The 9 signals to the world the birth of a new thing.

10 I am adding this in to show the completion to wholeness not generally shown, and what it means to me.  This is the 1 standing on it's own with the backing of the all and the nothing. Another way of looking at it is the 1 that knows it is both nothing and everything. It's a matter perspective and how you shine the light.

This only a starting point and not entirely accurate. So please use your own discernment as always.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Because Life is the Best Drug Ever, and I'm an Addict

          I had intended to write about the nature of form and structure. A very abstract look at the notion and origins of form itself.  A topic I find completely fascinating, but even though my ideas are well formed I was having trouble even getting past the title.  What I have been asked repeatedly is this. Why are you here?
This is one of those questions that we can only answer for ourselves.  We are the ones that pluck the meaning from the story of our lives.  We highlight our joys, and shut away our shame.  The immediate answer was this.  It's the greatest drug ever.          I always laughed at the anti-drug commercial from my youth.

 Friends and I would laugh, and giggle as we said I wanna be a junkie when I grow up.  The very concept of being alive or dead is rolled up in this. Notions of good, and evil, right and wrong. This is why I get such a charged reaction people how say things like "it's all good".  I mean do you think before you say this?  I know in the absolute there are no distinctions, and can be no distinctions. This is not a place of the infinite, this is a place to be finite. If all are infinite, and eternal Bliss evermore, it becomes as ash. You become the zombies that are so popular.  Your hunger for life never sated, how can it be, you've defined yourself as  infinite.  If infinite is what we truly are, the finite is our holiday. A break from being all, knowing all. All power no surprise, no mystery.  To put it a different way this is the only place in all of creation where there seems to be chance.  More eloquently expressed as "can't see the forest for the trees".  For this next part I am still learning, and because it is something I'm still working through I see it so clearly in others personal responsibility.  In our furious rush toward the light we seem to be losing sight of the hard won lessons of darkness.  That the choice to be God, or creator of your own reality, all those seemingly freeing concepts used by the misguided, the misunderstood, the deceitful.  Lead not to abandonment of responsibility, but to the yoke of enslavement to your own creations.
         There is so much talk about mind over matter,and so many great sayings that apply. "If you don't mind, it don't matter", "Out of sight, out of mind", and more recently "The Immaterial has become, Immaterial"  The idea being if you can not conceive of it, or see it, it does not matter.  Condensed even farther down to if it's not matter, it does not matter.  So many use these as ideas to free themselves from the shackles of morality.  When I say morality I don't mean of any spiritual, sexual, or individual choices of lifestyle of any particular group. I mean it in a very simple way. Violence of any kinda is not moral.  By violence I mean the act of violating the will of another, or attempting to impose your will on another through any means.  An example of this might be, if you take the mind and spirit away from the potter, you'll end up with an ugly lump of clay.

In closing I'd like say thanks to my Mom, for suffering through the distance created for me to learn be responsible for my own mess.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

So You Want to be a Wizard Harry?

Funny question?.........Maybe

Though if we are honest, I'm sure many of us have had a fantasy or two about being Gandalf, Harry Potter, or Merlin the list could go on and on.   I'm not telling you that your going to be slinging fireballs, or lighting bolts, but Magic might be as good a way of describing how things work as any. The fun part is, if these theories are correct magic isn't just possible. Everyone is already doing it all the time.
        Let me explain, many of the more progressive, or out there conceptions of the universe end up with in simplistic terms a matrix or web of interconnecting energy.
It doesn't seem to matter if your talking quantum mechanics, holographic universe theory, simulated reality. The result is a bi-directional communication that allows for you to consciously influence your reality.
        These are not new conceptions, most of our ancient mystery traditions have as a foundation the idea that the reality we perceive is not real.   When taken in conjunction with the energy systems such as the chakras, or chi energy.  If changing the flow of energy through these systems can alter your experience in the world isn't that already a form of what most people would think of as magic?
        There are many "new age" sites that talk about creating your own reality. Manifesting might be a more accurate word, as you don't really create anything.
What is happening is a form of sympathetic magic.  You create the environment which attracts your desired result to you.  The magic is being done on you. You become that which attracts what you desire, or you set the stage for your actors to play on.

        These are pretty basic ideas easy to put into practice, your already doing it.


Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Playing Childhood Games

The other day my house mate Matt made an off hand comment that we as a group were really still playing fort, just we did as kids.
         This off hand comment led us to the simplistic notion that we are all really still playing childhood games that we just take more seriously.
         We came up with 3 main interactions, fort, house, and sleepover. Keep in mind these are obviously over simplifications of complex social interactions. That being said lets goof off a bit.

Fort: When people are wanting to play fort, it's a grouping together for protection.
The idea being that outside the fort is dangerous territory, and people outside the fort are not to be trusted.  Primary activities are planning raids into "enemy" territory. Improving the fort, this takes many forms.
Examples of groups playing fort are: gangs, corporations, governments.

Sleep Over: People who's primary mode is playing sleep over are generally looking for emotional support. Main themes include physical beauty, sharing of innermost feelings in a place of safety, and commiseration.   Primary activities include physical appearance improvement, gossip, generally aimed at improving the self image.

House: This is the one most played by "adults", an odd twist being it also the one most mistaken for another. Those playing house often switch to fort, or sleep over mode to hide their true desire to play house. A person playing the masculine role will often drink the kool aid of sleep over hoping it will morph into playing house. Likewise a person playing the feminine role will often show great adroitness at playing fort, while pushing the game toward house.

To close this is a superficial division, we all have a desire to play all aspects at differing points in our development.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

 

What The #$%^ am I

         I've seen so much trying to answer this question, much of it garbage. I've worked at becoming detached enough, in an attempt to see myself not from my perspective. Not even from your perspective, as I get I can never really see myself, as others see me. The best I can hope for is a view from the collective ambiguous we. 

         Body, Mind, Spirit am I the area of conjunction between these highly amorphous concepts?  Leaving huge gaps in my perceptions, portions of all 3 like submerged icebergs.  Lurking below and above my awareness. Plumb a little deeper, and all Three start to show themselves to be divisions in name only.

That in all likely hood I no more have my own mind, body or spirit then I have my own planet. If all that is comes from one source, and returns to one source, how does that leave any of us with our own anything?  

         I may very well be a delusion wrapped in a delusion, piles of lies to give comfort. For me the problem has come down to persistence, the best game worlds are those that are still going even when your not paying attention. I've played and played in other realms, no matter how far I might get in mind, or spirit my body is right where I left it. No matter any of the 3 I delve into the other 2 are waiting right where I left them.

       So what am I? I'm not sure it really matters anymore.

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

          

Balance of the Anointed

The other day someone pointed me to the Alex Grey picture of Jesus.

At the bottom of this image were these excepts from the gospel of Thomas.

Jesus said "When you make the two one, and when you make the inside like the outside, and the outside like the inside, and the above like the below, and when you make the male and the female one and the same...then you will enter the Kingdom of God."

I've come to think of this as the balance of the anointed one. I'm come to see these in my own way, being an eclectic mix so is my take on this concept.

First I'd like to look at top to bottom, This one has been covered all over the place.

There are few who have heard of the chakra centers. These are what I see as the top to bottom, This is where we get the idea of being heart centered. Here is a video, and you can find as much info as you want with a search

What is meant by making the male, and the female one? For me it points to the hemispheres of the brain. The left hemisphere is very outwardly focused male aspect, driven by logic. While the right hemisphere is an inwardly focused feminine aspect, driven by intuition. There is a twist on a very simple meditation that many people use on a regular basis. The candle meditation, where you pick a spot beyond a candle flame, and see the flame while looking at the spot. This will cause the flame to appear double. I also sometimes do this with just holding my finger out, and looking beyond it while seeing my finger.  This double vision causes both hemispheres of the brain to be active simultaneously. The male and female become one. Here is a nice binural to help in maintaining this balance

Lastly, only because for me this one has been the toughest. Balance your internal and external realities. We all carry around two realities, internal, and external.

For most of us these remain relatively close, meaning the line up fairly well. 

When these don't line up very well all sorts of odd effects manifest. We all run around and make assumptions about the world we see based solely on dialogue running in our minds, this is a form of projection. We all project all the time, we are also projected on by the external world. For me this is where the being as little children is very handy. Children accept things as they are, they have no preconceived notions, they lack the experience to project.

please keep in mind I profess no religion, or do I say I actually know anything.

Jack

aka

PanseyBard 

Lie to Me

I'm a liar, I can't help it. I lie to you, and I lie to myself. My own senses lie to me all the time. Nothing I see is really how I perceive it. The colors I see are never the color of what I'm seeing. Even allowing the senses their foibles, my mind will erase, and paint in items.
       Everything about the place we find ourselves is designed to make me believe it's the end all be all.  So I'm going to lie to myself by default, and lie to you the same way. Lets forget about the fact that our being here together has to be a lie.
Instead how about we take a look just at my own internal processes.   Most of us are incapable of being honest even with themselves.  We have trouble taking responsibility for our part in the events of our lives.  We tell lies to make ourselves feel better. We tell lies to protect others feelings, which is still just to make things easier on ourselves.
       So I'm going to lie to you, and your going to lie to me.

Thank you

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Free? Will? hahah!!!!

Heyas, gonna talk a bit about free, and will today. 

If you accept a creator deity that is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, it would follow that your "freewill" is an illusion. You really have no choice, if what your choice will be is known before you choose.

I'd rather not get stuck on this point, as it really doesn't get to the heart of freedom, or will. Free will is an amazingly oxymoronic idea. Free nothing that has a physical existence is free. The idea of for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction comes to mind.  Free is never free, there is always a price, even if you have trouble directly seeing it.  Within the bounds of a finite creation, we create nothing. We move things around, combine them in novel ways, but we take what is there already, and re-purpose. 

As for will it might be the most expensive of "freedoms" we ever exercise.

Will is something that is imposed, it is violent by nature. In exercising will I am saying I am the instigator,  I am the source, I know what has to happen. 

There is so much to these concepts, I could tap away and never scratch the surface.

I'm going to impose my will on creation and see where it leads

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

 

Be Good, or else!!!

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.

William Shakespeare

I love this quote, it so clearly demonstrates the role our own perception plays in creating our experience of our reality.
I sometimes like to stress this point with the idea "Hitler woke up everyday thinking he was doing the right thing".

I'm not saying I endorse anything, your own moral compass must always be your guide, Just don't  get it twisted into thinking that your perception of a thing makes it so.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard