Who Can Say

          Recently in a google+ group the question "What do you deserve?" was posed.  While attempting to answer, and failing miserably.  This word deserve itself was in my way. The notion that anyone, thing, or even divinity has the right to judge another, abhorrent to my mind.  Even allowing for the notion of omnipotent, present, omniscient there would be no place for deserved.  Immediate ideas of who is judging, how can this question even be contemplated without so much more qualifying information. Yet we use these concepts regularly, putting ourselves on one side or the other of some arbitrary line drawn by people usually long gone, with no bearing on current experience.   Even our sense of identity does not easily lend itself to this sort of black and white judgement. The narrative being constantly reworked, re-imagined, new meaning being attached to events long gone.  Those with eidetic, or more commonly photographic memory, when looking back are not able to experience the events as they originally did. Remembering itself becomes the experience, so the events are filtered through the current conception of self, not felt as they originally occurred.  In a very real sense the self we identify as, never existed, and never will, it's a story a way of framing the identity we are currently projecting.  How many current identities do you actually have? How many labels are attached to your sense of self? Are you a mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, employee, employer, artist, the list is as endless, and we are almost always acting as multiples of these all the time. Which might be forefront may change as we move through time/space/energy. Generally when we think of ourselves it's in a static imagining of an unchanging timeless being, we discount or do not recognize our relative change of self from one day to the next. The gradual nature is much like that of the frog in water with the temperature slowly rising. We discount the effects others have had on our conception of self, or the effects we have had on others self identification.
       Even when ideas of reincarnation or karma are taken into consideration, a dualism such as deserve lacks continuity.  These conceptions are from my perspective a opening of the idea of identity though it is an expansion of the ego, not a taming or elimination of.  In a creation of underlying unity the lines between self and other are not so clear. Our sense of independence is dependent upon that which we claim is not representative of  self, an other to be not us.  This leads to an interesting contradiction of unity, and division, the lines being drawn through identification. That which we identify as not self often have greater impact on our conception of self, than those we accept as self.  Tricks of perception, relative motions, much akin to the red shift, blue shift of stars.
      The collapse of space/time/energy into relativity to the ever changing moment of singularity, where the Three become one. Love, and Hate never oppose each other, Peace does not gird itself preparing for War, these states are only linked through the those that experience both. Love and Hate find their opposition in indifference.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

Love, Life, and Liberty the Lies We Tell

           Those without prior exposure to the insanity I  call a blog, or the drivel that comes rushing out my fingertips when the flow moves me are warned now. What proceeds is a work of the mind, it has little to do with the conceptions of everyday existence most cling to.  I ask no forgiveness, nor do I apologize, I am warning.  This type of thinking is detrimental for some, it sets up questions of mind that can not reasonably be answered while within the experience we call life.  This is a logic play, if you do not understand when to draw your own lines between reality, and fantasy than please just refrain from reading any further.  If you have strong religious convictions likely this will only serve to irritate you, or cause to you question your faith.  If that is so, your the one questioning, not me, so leave me out of it.
           From my perspective, which is all I really have, and is in itself something changing constantly. We, and by we I mean every thing in the universe, creation, whatever you call it, is in a state of delusion.  That the only way we can be having this experience of life, of being real is through clinging to several delusions.  These are in no particular order, they seemingly change order of importance as functions of each other.  That we exist at all, with the energy to matter conversion equation we learned that there is no such thing as what we think of as matter. That energy can not be destroyed or created it can only be transformed.  This sets up an interesting dilemma, as there can only be energy, and energy needs a transmission medium, which according to this can not exist, other than as a conditional state of the energy itself.  The concept of our lack of reality has been expressed many times in many ways. From the dream within a dream idea, or the matrix, this conception our own non existence is expressed.  The second delusion is that we exist as individuals. There is no place where anything stops, and anything starts. What we think of as our seemingly solid bodies with continuity are in reality a constantly shifting mass of energy, much like a storm appears to us. The third delusion is we are the center of all things. This one even for those that have been able to accept the ideas of the first two often reject.  My own sense of I, finds this fact to be most humorous, and exactly as it should be.  That we perceive as if we were the center of all things is not really up for debate. Our sense of self stems for the idea we are a body, that we look out from our eyes. That our senses interpret what for us is reality. This is such an amazing state of being, it can not be celebrated enough. That you are the one sitting at the center of creation, even if it's only from your perspective such a cool trick of relativity it becomes overlooked. As if it couldn't possibly any other way, this isn't so, as nde, obe, remote viewing, channeling and the like lead to the conception your point of perception is not permanently attached to what we think of as our physical body.
          An oddity in the ideas of reincarnation, through ego attachment we seem to get many people who due to feeling powerless now project themselves forward, and backward through time to be powerful people somewhere, or sometime else.  It is seemingly rare for people to consider that if there is a linear progression of reincarnation, where have new people come from?  As well as how few consider the idea they might have been Hitler, Stalin, Nero, these figures from history that are viewed as evil, or corrupt, or just plain insane.  The flip to this is those who end up in the messianic complex, they rarely actually consider the price those who represented this energy, or personality complex had to pay.  If as our latest equations point to, and spiritual traditions predating recorded history state, that this is eternal, that we always are.  Well eternity is just that, we would have nothing to do, no place to go, other than in relative senses, and we have forever to get there. I am now all I will ever be, even if it's from your perspective not in evidence.
        If someone has a world view that completely accounts for, and encompasses yours, plus adds in others in a larger framework. While theirs is not necessarily accurate, it is likely more accurate than yours. An hour, day, or year are not measurements of time, they are measures of movement, a measurement of rate of motion, or rate of change.  No one on the planet has ever been in the same place twice, even in their own room, or bed. Change the rate of motion, and change the experience of time. I am not me, never was never will be, I am merely reflections of all things I have encountered, The existence of what is seemingly other, is what helps define what I am.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard     

Life Under Glass

        The I represented by the identity Jack Baldwin is a fiction, it's a costume I don in order to have influence in this world. Based on actions known and unknown people lend me their influence, This is pretty well known among folks using the net, it's the idea of endorsing someone on linkdin. People will endorse people for anything, before getting rid of my linkdin account I was seemingly capable of outstanding feats in the professional sphere.  Even in the twitter verse the labels fly willy nilly, I've made lists from MBA's to UX designer, to web developer.  Truth be told, I have been attempting to find my place in the world. You know the one, that thing everyone is supposed to have, where they become engrossed, and content. That life we are supposedly born to live, the perfect job, spouse, house. That place where life can flow by in a blur, while we are busy living it.  Does such a thing even exist for all of us?  When broken down, most of these perfect things are the same I've actively avoided for one reason or another.  If we all are free to choose, if freewill is the rule, how can there be a singular life that will fulfill a person?  Don't I have to choose the life that I will be fulfilled by?
What is that perfect job?  When I hear words of work, career, business, the connotation is not one of pleasure and joy, even labors of love hit the wall, reach the point of diminishing returns, where the effort required to improve becomes as great as the effort it took to achieve the current skill. The idea of work is an odd one, people sold on the premise of effort, or labor when the ideals of production is to off load as much labor and cost as possible while keeping profits at their maximum. I've had lots of jobs, they all were just that, job done out of a feeling of need, or lack. There has never been that feeling of excitement attached to work. Even in areas where it's a hobby or play that transitions into being compensated, once it's for pay it's not play anymore. It becomes a thing having to be done in order to survive, or in order to do other things.  For me I guess that is what work represents, and why I am so resistant to being a worker.  The view of work as being something you do in order to be able to do something else.  What is and isn't productive is an odd thing, when it comes down to it, if the everything is energy, and energy can not be destroyed or created, how can we be said to be doing more than moving stuff around?
       Of course for many love relationships are the all consuming passion of life. Finding that special someone, falling in love, raising a family.  Except, is there really this romantic notion of love, what even is love?  Does the acts involved in the continuation of species, or procreation really have all that much to do with what we generally equate with the mating rituals, or romance?  Having rejected religious notions of marriage, right along with the civil notions of registering the relationship with the state. Like being open, caring and sharing with a person isn't tough enough, it's seemingly the custom across the board to bring the expectations of god, the state, and family members into new relationships.  Really do we need religion peeking over our shoulders while grope hot and heavy, or fumble with a zipper or button?  When I saw you, it wasn't your personality that made me look twice, your education didn't lock my gaze to your swaying hips. It wasn't thoughts of love, it was some serious animal attraction, lust. You know those things many are embarrassed to cop too, that it's tits, or asses, or feet, or whatever our fetish is. The person you are might captivate my attention for a time, but I am complete unto myself,  For me it's about getting lost in how amazing another is, of communion, That feeling that you can not be right for someone else, till your right with yourself. Experience has smacked around a bit, when it comes to this one. Seems the biological drives dovetail really well with the psycho-social conditioning, with my ideology leaving much to be desired from the ideals set forth. In other words I've been single a long time, not out of lack of opportunity, just out of risk versus reward evaluations.
       I guess when you've set your own life as not overly important in fabric of human development, while railing against the prevailing ideological foundation of matter being preeminent, finding those spaces that suit you can be challenging. Answering those questions, of what is this about, why are we here, where are we going.  If existence is a school, we all fail, there is no passing grade,  If it's an illusion we make up as we go along, if we all exist in our own private Idaho, why are there all these assholes in my dream world? If this is a shared experience, a subjective collective, why are we creating so much drama, and suffering? Sure you can only go as high as you've gone low, might have merit, but we just have to be aware of the potential, we do not have to experience every little pit trap.

As ever make up your own mind
Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Inside Out, Upside Down, Ass Backwards!

       I've always thought of myself as a relatively intelligent person. Even while what was seemingly to me the rest of the world was screaming I was doing bad, or was a loser in this aspect or that. When I was doing things I knew my mother would freak out, and possibly through misplaced sense of attempting to protect me from myself had me in legal entanglements I'd likely still be dealing with. I just hid those things as best I could. Which was not that tough, my relationship with my mother, while I feel is in a good place, many have called a bit distant.  Truth be told, all of my relationships are only so close. I have actively worked to disentangle myself from any relationship that acted as a constriction on the concept of who, or what I am.  No one knows what I am, or for that matter what they are, when I bump up against someone that is insistent on defining me, and has expectations based on them projecting what they think I should be, or should do. I had rejected the motivations, and even the pretenses behind them at a very early age.  Not out of a sense of rebellion, I just like to hang out, listen to music, smoke some herb, and play with ideas.  So far all my life I've insisted I am not more intelligent than anyone else, not that I think of myself as stupid. Quite the contrary, I see myself as capable of doing, learning, and being anything I choose to be. I just understand that everyone else is the same way, People around me have consistently told me, I was smarter than the average bear. This is still a projection, and after a point it doesn't matter if it's true or accurate, or even how I feel about it.  As a person I will do what I can to fulfill the expectations placed upon me by those around me.  Add in mind expanding chemicals taken in quantity as an informal spiritual exploration, personal experimentation. Shake vigorously, and wait.  I still reject much of the fundamental premise of what is thought of as western materialist world view. That view of creation, that consciousness stems from matter, that we are looking for a fundamental particle, a unified field theory equation.  That we are still looking for proof that something continues after what we call physical death,  Zero is a concept, it is no where reflected in what we experience here. The so called vacuum of space, is still a relative state.  The scale of background, of the fabric of we call space/time is so far removed from us in scale it's conceptual. We have no tools that can show, or measure things at Planck scale. We can do so many things, but in our desire to validate our experience as physical beings, we tear at the fabric of creation itself.  Attempting to find a particle that imparts mass is in my understanding about the ultimate fools errand.  Energy equals mass * the speed of light squared, the energy to mater conversion formula. So commonly known, so little considered in implication. Of what this implies about the nature of what we are, and what this shared experience is.  The blessing and curse, of the binary, or ac/dc electric experience.  To find a particle in creation where everything is energy, is a matter of containment. Release the energy, and the mass is imparted with breaking of that containment.  Kind like breaking one layer of the onion into another, or breaking one layer inside a nesting doll.
       My understanding of reality is there is no place where anything starts, and anything stops. In order for me, you, everything to even be having this experience of individuality. We have to be at our core delusional.  That there can ever be self, in a state of singularity, Or that there can be anything that is other. Do not mistake this for some existential crisis, been there done that, I love the delusion, it's a small part of a delicious subtext to what we think of as life, or reality or whatever. There is an understanding that everything external is a representation of something internal. For me this is evident everywhere I focus attention. I dropped out of the world, took a few years, to sever most ties, became a hermit to digest, process and fill in enough blanks in my personal data base, or learn to tune myself to what it was I wished to express.  It is my rejection of my own reality, and in reflection I do not see myself reflected in the world. I've become absent in my own life, a blank canvas. This is also intentional, I am not so overly fond what has been made of paradise.  As much as I enjoy so many aspects, the beauty, the polarity, the spin, the game. Being able to alter experience through just thought, and through influence alter others experience, and have everyone insist they made free will choices is amazing, and disturbing.  I am at core a generous person, often taken advantage of with my eyes wide open, just because I wanted to give the person a chance to make a different choice.  So while those around me try and get theirs, I try to give mine away, to anyone that will take it. When I reject money, it's not the concept of currency, or the tracking of resources I am in opposition to. I have an issue with a system intentionally designed to be scam, to implode due to structural features, called such as there is no chance they were accidental.  I am all for the ideas of equity, value added, open source. Where investment is rewarded, risk is real, not offloaded immediately, or hedged against. Our systems of global trade settlement with the dollar as it's backbone are in essence a cheat a scam, a ponzi scheme. I spent much effort on being as little a part of this system as I could, to where my expenses are pretty minimalist. Not that I do not enjoy the finer things, it's the strings that come attached to every dollhair spent on those trappings is my endorsement of that system.
         I'm a fucked up mass of contradictions, that often make sense only to me, I'm ok with that

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

The Wheels on the World Go Round

           When I was born the world was spinning, when I was conceived it was spinning. When every human heart, at least as we think of it, has stopped beating the world will just keep on spinning.  While many have pointed out, the planet we exist upon like parasites, and claim as a birthright, which when you think of it is kinda like claiming rights to the flesh of your parent. A bit sick and twisted I know, that is my point.  The degree to which we have become disconnected from nature is staggering.  We have decided we are the pinnacle of evolution, in many ways our maturation as a species, our ability not to subdue, or destroy. Our ability to adapt, to encompass, and allow space for, where we finally get the point, that often doing nothing, and being observant is the answer.  That in allowing the world around you to guide you to the win/win.
         I live in Sedona Arizona, beautiful tourist area, also new age mecca, that is kinda cool, kinda not.  It for sure is a highly charged place, as much to do with the geology, high iron oxide heightening the effect. Another aspect is this area has traditionally been a ceremonial space, people didn't really live here till recently.  For most of my time in the Verde Valley, I stayed to the edges, not in Sedona itself.  For me I happen to agree with the elders, this place is a place of vision questing, and finding connection with self, and spirit.  For the past three or so years I've been living on one of the oldest inhabited spots in West Sedona, the views from this spot are amazing.  The property has original red rock out buildings, and red rock patio, and grill built in.  The plot I'm on has at it's peak a cistern, it's all sealed up now, but I go up there sometimes just to think.  When I was up there, I started looking at the property as whole, In my mind I started to see with the cistern functional, and being allowed to flow water through the property, guided through alcoves, ya know nicely landscape with plenty of places to relax and like.  In among these spots would be bridges, and water wheels. The water wheels would power the system as well as provide extra. combined with some solar, and thermal this place is an energy provider to the local area.  The property behind this one, which is also part of a larger plot, that was sub divided for use, and has had the lease situation just change, was a sand and gravel place. It's been dug up and filled so many times.  I noticed they had brought in a bunch of shipping containers, and poof, bury them as part of the down slope, use them as the frame work for a little underground bread and breakfast type place, as well as housing some of the power generation systems that would be best shielded.  This would make this spot lovely again, it's been allowed to decay.  This was about 5 min drift in my minds eye while I was watching a hawk or falcon circle, it kinda shifted my own minds eye view, to see it almost like a localized topography map in my mind.
    I'm not saying that is The answer for this property, just one that for me strikes that balance, it remains productive, might even be considered more so, as well as gets a face lift in the direction of it's natural state.
If we slow down we might not have so many accidents, besides where do we think we are going?

Jack
aka
PanseyBard    

How to Kill the Rabbit, and Live to Tell the Tail!

       To be perfectly clear, and up front, what follows for many will seem madness, and that is to be expected. Being raised in a culture that prizes logical order, the structure of binary, of code, and cryptography. The mindscape of symbol, metaphor, trans possessive personal, where you are so vain you do think all the songs are about you. Yet you know for certain, no one knows who you are, nor is there any reason for them to.  If you haven't already been baffled by the psychobabble bullshit I have already slung, than feel free to tag along as I lay out a little of the slaying of my own white rabbit.
       Hindsight as they say is 20/20 a blatant misrepresentation if there ever was for a truism. Evidence supports the closer to the events the recounting of the event is, the more accurate that recounting is.  Hindsight in ones own life is a bit different affair, that odd paradox of observing ones self from multiple perspectives, or camera angles, lending creative license to almost endless reimagining of the events, known to have taken place. As easy as a shift in background, a snappy change of speech, alteration of wardrobe, and voila a story everyone knows, yet no one can say it happened. At least not quite the way it's been written, so when I say all the songs, stories, hymns, condemnations, recriminations, desecrations, are about me. It's not an ego aggrandizement, it's a learned response to being projected on my entire life. To be fair, it's a wonderful game, to be the secret unknown object of all attention, regardless of intent, or purpose, solely due to coming to the acceptance of the interconnectedness of all things as a given. Or at least that sounds good in theory, in practice the experience has been quite different.  I am not religious, dogmatic devotion to any belief for me leaves no room for growth, no chance new. It's a place of stagnation, due to entropy, as the saying goes, once you stop growing you start dying. While it offers continuity, it can lead to being trapped in time. As the dwindling numbers of all the throwback anti progress faith make plain, stagnation is demise. I think of it more as, once you close the circle, it's an egg, and eggs, hatch, or get broken, or rot, but they do not stay eggs. Oddly, the trick, and it is a trick, is dissociative, that ability to completely discount personal identity, to the point where you suck in identity from all around. For children at play, it's just imagination, put that is encouraged to be set aside for more practical pursuits.  All while this world is driven by the imaginations of a seeming select few who are recognized as such, and encouraged, to bring forth their vision for the sake of everyone,  The proverbial, hey kid you wanna be a star?  I remember the first time that happened to me, at least sort of, I was to young to approached directly, so it was relayed through my mother.  We lived in socal, San Diego area, mom asked me if I would be interested in doing commercials, because someone had approached her, but that the choice was mine.  I said no, it sounded alot like work to me, and frankly I was already a slacker, doing what I wanted, not what was expected. By 5th grade, a major turning point for my life, I had played center halfback in state level soccer tournament, plucked out of normal classes, identified as gifted with dyslexia, and add. While being a latch key kid from kindergarten, being raised by single mother. Was there other family, and people around sure, I was not isolated by any means. I was self reliant, I had responsibilities, even when I abused them.  I was for the most part put in charge of myself, or took charge of myself, from as early as I can remember. This of course would set up some nasty confrontations with my mother later in life, though those too are all just part of the story. The fictionalized narrative of identity, used to single me out from the herd of humanity.
       Till about the age of 16 or so, I on a decent enough track for a classic underachiever, I did well in the subjects that interested me, and got by in the ones that didn't. Often it had less to do with subject matter, and more to do with presentation.  I had always been interested in being social, so when I dropped out of school, the jobs I looked for were ones with high levels of social interaction. Mainly retail, quickly in management of course, up to running stores. Often up to nefarious purpose, like working at gfox in the danbury fair mall, getting moved to domestics from the loading dock, a couple of friends and I pretty much ran it, our superior just checking in, and occasionally taking us to count license plates. When we were not given the raise promised, we picked black friday to walk out, they kind of caved, but how could an anchor store in the biggest mall in  New England at least at the time, allow itself to be held hostage by 3, 17 or 18 year old kids.  Of course they broke us up, not fired, just moved us around. For me it was domestics, I told the HR woman, she might as well fire me, that I would not work in domestics. She ignored me, so I spent next few months sneaking out a back door, and playing video games, or whatever, and sneaking back in. It was just how I rolled, no matter how pleasant or nice or smooth talking, or whatever someone might seem. That does not preclude them screwing you over, especially when they flat out tell you they are going to, that does not take a genius to understand. Once in what for me was the perfect spot of the moment, running a new and used video game store, on the edge of a district far from the home office. I hired folks like me, or that were ok with my style, we had code, like "who wants to take out the trash" and yes we took out the trash, and while doing so we took a few hits off a bowl. When we had to do title by title inventories once a month, I made it an event, a party. The store thrived to where Toy's R US invoked a non-competition clause in it's lease to force a location change, leading to my breaking the relationship with the company.  This was not a tough choice at all, for while working there I pretty much stumbled into being a connection for pot, at the time just commercial brick, There was never an intention to do so, I was earning enough so I could plan ahead in my own habits, so they were less of a distraction, no one likes being out of their drug of choice, whatever it might, yoga, prayer, exercise, heroin, all alter body chemistry, changing the physiological state, which alters the perception, and experience, and interaction with the world. This idea can be taken all the way to anything your body is not self producing being in essence a drug, ridiculous in the extreme I know, but who's definitions are these?
        We tend to gravitate toward friends that have proclivities at least in some ways like our own, so of course I had stoner friends. I wouldn't even go to job interviews if I wasn't stoned, I wanted to be sure no one would think anything of me being high at work. Did it so well, the only time anyone said anything was when I wasn't stoned, because that was the odd behavior from their perspective, and for me, stoned was the normal.  When you have some, people will ask for it, and being friends, and it being pot, of course you share, that kind of sharing grows rapidly. Especially if your good at keeping of the numbers. I was full on fronted, a lb to start, at a stupid high price really, but the prices were already so outrageous, I literally undercut em by half. A quarter dropped from 60 to 30, in short order it was tough to even leave the house, and when I wanted to take a vacation, or even go for a weekend, rewarding someone a friend, or housemate was well worth it. At one point, a full client base was just transferred over to me, as the woman was worried about her child being taken if she was arrested. For me the budding pot empire, in a sleepy corner of southern CT, allowed free time, to play, and explore. Having been recently introduced to lsd, and loving the effects, I quickly poured through altered states of consciousness teachings from channeled sources, to Castenada, to Leary, Dass, and the like, on to Kabbalah, tarot, Crowley. I still have some of what for me the most influential texts, but from an intuitive, as well as logical perspective, and they mesh quite nicely. The crazy out of nowhere nature of quantum, intuition, and the logic for why that is exactly how things do function seem a matter of, duh, and like I'm the only one that hasn't figured it out, as seemingly everywhere I turn, the symbols that help shape, mold me are everywhere telling me things.  Things not for me, but for everyone, though few see them as even connected. All the lsd, over the course of about a year and half, lots of days popping a 10 strip to fry in meditation for hours, upon hours. If it made sense to use words to communicate, I felt I did not get far enough from everyday consciousness states,  I didn't just want to know, I had to know. I had judged the world, as being unworthy of my presence, without even understanding that was what I was doing.  I screamed at whatever was there, because I knew there had to be something, and if there wasn't, than it didn't matter anyway.  "IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS TO THIS PLACE THAN I WANT NO PART OF IT". Holy crap, when you do that with neural pathways jammed open due to heavy lsd use, other things notice. When you are sincere in your desire to not be here, death answers, whatever that means for you. All the while, maintaining a committed relationship, being asked to be the father of someone elses child, Playing sitter for the spun out kids that were having bad trips. Providing space for almost anyone that was approached me as a friend, until they showed me otherwise. Than crashing back to earth for on the one side being weary of getting to deep, and the woman I loved at the time insisting if I didn't give up the life we were done.  None of this caused me the distress, that the contradictory programming of entertainment, versus practicality, or security if you will.  Drugs are bad, but how many stars in every field has altered how they see the world.  Education and Institutionalization, merging in my life before my eyes, and me a lover of information, trapped between a need to consume data, while not becoming it.  Take it right to my edge, look back at myself, laugh, and allow myself to fall backwards into the abyss. I was taught at 18, there isn't always someone to catch you, or at least not always the person you expected.  My love for being in the company of women extended to no care for my personal style. Generally dressing for comfort, and event are good enough for me, I did however understand very well, that if I didn't care about what I wore, that didn't mean others wouldn't. Making friends with a few differing fashion style females not a problem in a mall, getting them to pick out clothing they feel you look good in, also not a problem. Than you just pick a style, put on the costume, and allow that woman's style attract other women that share it.  Being adaptable, or having that element of theater in all aspects of life. A life itself becomes a show, being put on by you, for who knows, and at that point you almost have no choice but to choose amusement of self, until your directed otherwise by an authority you recognize, whatever that maybe, there are things that get your body dead faster than it's ability to repair. The limitation is not of body, it is of the individual, and is different for everyone. It could be a mental block, or an emotional imbalance, out of control growth, in the case of cancers, is generally pointing to a out of control growth in another area of life. When you are told your show is now considered illegal, immoral, and just plain wrong. You quit all drugs, go sober for 10 years, have people who see auras tell you your grey, and wait to die. When that is happening, and simultaneously your being told, things like. A detective that investigated a theft from a giant gas station that employed me briefly, "you might be the smartest person I've ever interviewed", or being told by a psychologist who is actively writing text books by request, "you might be the most balanced person I've ever met".  Just a few highlights of the complete contradiction between the perception people have of me that know me, and the rejection of the life I've lived that has allowed me to be me.  So sure, I have not gone screaming from the rooftops look at me, I don't need the aggravation, because regardless of if it's praise, or condemnation, it's yours not mine. I'm fucked up enough on my own to need any help in labeling me crazy.  I have a head full of books, movies, songs, tears, exultations, murder, and mayhem, going across at least 27000 or so years. I only recall a smattering of any portion of it in any given moment, but it comes in a torrent when I allow it to unfold back out in it's own way, and time.  So sure, I have spent much of my life around the edges, it was the space I could find that could accommodate me, I break eggs, sometimes they are thrown at the front doors of a church that has just been painted. Other times it's my own limited conception of existence. I've never thought of myself as smart, everyone else keeps telling me I am, no matter how much protest, yet I pride myself on being able to reason, even through the muck and mire of twisted complex emotional yuck. Does that make me smart, or just insane, does it even matter?
I've finally gotten to the point, I'm good with my life being a condemned, While I love being the person I am, fictional character and all. What it took for me, I would not wish on anyone else, and would do what I could to prevent it needing to be as traumatic.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

If I accept your lies about me will you go away?

In an attempt to share more of me, rather than the concepts I entertain. Today I'm going to cover some common misconceptions I've noticed people have about me.

I am not as nice a person as people seem to think I am. When I've had jobs they have been mostly service type, even when working freelance, it's been tech work, and consulting.  It's not that I am any nicer or any less nice than anyone else.  I'm fulfilling the role you encountered me in, as long as you do not step outside your role in relation to me, everything is hunky dory. Step out of the boundaries laid out by the nature of our encounter, and I will tell you to go fuck yourself.

I do not care about material existence, This one is almost true, though so far off base, as to be laughable. There is no matter for my to be concerned with, things exist multi-dimensionally, and they are physical unto their own realm of expression. kinda how solids interact with solids, or liquids interact with liquids. With all of it subject to relative motions, and energy/matter conversion.

My use of the appellation PanseyBard is some how indicative of sexual orientation. This was an e-mail I registered to use with a character created in Everquest.  The characters name was/is, Nuviel, picked from the words novus, and el. A mixing of languages, meaning new god. That character was a 5 year span of playing 40+ hours a week. It became a consuming addiction to being somewhere other than I found my physical being. That character became one of the top Bards in the game, spending much of it's time on a server called legends, a special ruleset server, for those who wanted more out of the game.  I am a heterosexual male, even when I imagine myself in a sexual encounter with a male, it is an odd feeling of not being true to self.

That social media is important to me.  This one cracks me up, From my perspective most social media has become marketing tools.  I am not fond of marketing, as I feel good ideas have no need to be sold.  Before I ever began to use social media, I had a plan, and understood it as tool in that plan, not the ends in itself.  Twitter is a prime example, I have 4 accounts, not that I wanted 4 accounts, was happy with one. Only I was growing the account faster than twitter identifies as the norm, When an account was suspended for playing the f4f game the twitter promo groups have going. I made another in order to figure out what I was doing wrong and right given the venue, and goals I had in mind.  When I got the 3rd account suspended in under 3 hours for getting to many followers to quickly, or what they call aggressive following tactics I started to get a handle on the automatic systems in twitter. What the groups were about, and why I seemingly did not fit in.  I backed almost completely off social media for a few years, Mostly due to being shoved out, seemingly due to not being willing to click the buttons for cash. Again, I never cared about twitter, it was about exposure.

A small group was reading my blog regularly, and felt many of the ideas had merit, so I was looking to reach out an allow others into my madness.

The 4th account was for play, and fun solely, as it's pretty much only for pornstars, cam girls, strippers, ya know, the bad girls we all wish would take us home, or come home with us, even if it's only for the night or weekend.  

That I am an arrogant know it all bastard!  ok that one is often true. It is something I work on daily to be as accepting of my own foibles as I am of others. Oddly it's that I do not feel I know anything, and am open to any spirit that has the answer showing it to me, or speaking through me to deliver it that sets up this oddity.

That I wish to be a star, I am already a rock star, always have been. Do not look for me in your deck of cards, I am not now, nor have I ever been in there. Unless your seeing me in every card. Wanna go quantum? how about for a magic ride into the nethersphere, or the spaces between spaces. I can be that lens for you to find your connection. I am not it, only the clear lens that allows you to see you.

I do not love you

I do not hate you

I do not know you

I was told my whole life the choices I made were bad, or wrong, and it took me till now, to finally get back to the self I lost in the love of women, and the programmed ideas of family, and personal development.  What I am left with for the masses, is a big fuck you. If you do not like my words do not read them. If you find me offensive at times, that is likely the response I was going for.

Yes I am so whacked out, I often program people real time, think you have freewill, come for a visit, and I will show you the error of your perception. Think the world is flat, or solid, or round, or God is this or that, those are labels, made by, and for humans.

Who am I, What am I?,

How about Where am I, When am I

I am what I desire to be, the identity labels foisted upon are not me.

Think a free person can be a citizen?

Free people owe no allegiance to anyone other than self.

Citizens owe allegiance to the state they are citizens of.

You do the math

PanseyBard.... Pan say, Bard get it?

aka Jack

be the Lorax, and can someone please find that statue, and take it back where it belongs 

Tommy! Archetype for the Electric Kool Aid Initiation

      A couple of days ago, I hacked together an entertainment setup, from an old tube tv, a 3d blu-ray player with internet apps, and a directv remote I found to control it all. I plan on adding in a digital to analog converter box, and a homemade powered antenna, as the resources to do so become available. I began playing movies I hadn't seen since for at least 20 years or so, The great rock'n'roll swindle, and Tommy were among my selections for that first day's use.  Tommy in particular stood as having been completely misunderstood by myself, and seemingly most of the people I know who have watched it.  With the majority labeling dismissively as a rock opera, with little meaning beyond the entertainment value. Having come to the realization that entertainment has never been about enjoyment per se, but more about passing on cultural understanding and wisdom passed through the ages.  I was still in for a disconcerting surprise upon watching Tommy from my current perspective. What I was not prepared for was, the dramatization of what myself and others have experienced in our everyday lives.  The movie itself is an adaptation of the initiation rituals of the mystery traditions, skewed toward the inclusion of LSD as a catalyzing agent.
    Having first being exposed to Tommy as a child, pretty sure it was 3rd grade. It's message was lost on my, the effect of the movie for me than was one of feeling protective of those who were unable to protect themselves.  This was personified in a brief scene where a lovely girl is about to be shot, and Tommy shows up to alter the encounter just through his presence.  At the time, this was so profound for me that I had nightmares about it.  Nightmares are rare for me, and generally only occur when death is near me.  In that instance the death I was feeling was that of a babysitter, not mine, I did not need a sitter generally, and was offended when one was foisted on me.  Not being a fan of watching people die, and the effects it has on those who are left behind. My mother and I had moved out, in short order Stephanie, came home from school to find her sitter strangled. Likely if I had still been there I would have been with her, as we walked to and from school together.  This affinity for feeling the presence of death, yet not having to witness it's effects directly continues as a theme in my life. Almost a meet Joe Black kinda vibe, not that I equate myself with death, just that death is not my enemy, but a friend that accompanies me on my journey. Always ready to send me home if I become to distant from my core self.

    Watching it as I am now, was an entirely different experience, having lived the initiation being shown, and having taken it from a 3 that become one to a 7, and 13 that become one. I was struck almost dumb, as before my eyes, the basic blueprint for my existence was on display, In the film we watch as Tommy goes from a child, bewildered and overloaded by the new sensory data bombarding him, putting him the state of the deaf, dumb, and blind, or in other words, seen no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil. During this portion Tommy is repeatedly abused, though the abuse is lost oh him, he is unaware of the meaning behind the events he subjected to.  Than we get to a point where he is taken to Gypsy the Acid queen, played by Tina Turner. In the movie it is portrayed as a sexual encounter. Which if you've ever experienced psychoactive chemicals the experience is so intimate, and the movie was made at the end of the free love hippy movement, that the representation is to be expected. When the LSD experiences have cleared the pathways, the fog lifts, and we are introduced to a fully realized Tommy. Who proceeds to go out into the world, and help everyone else become as he is, without having to go through the trauma that he endured.
    Don't start tripping, and project delusions of grandeur, those are your hang ups not mine. When I first opened up in the late 90's, someone I thought of as a friend devastated me by stating he felt I was on the way to becoming a cult leader. Odd from my perspective, as I am appalled by the idea anyone would desire to follow in my footsteps, and when I related my personal journey. It is always with the idea my life is not to be emulated, but seen as a cautionary tale. How I got from my conception to the fictional character I am today is not comfortable, or even desired.  It is simply what it took for me, what it will take for you is up to you.  When during my last LSD experience I received a message, that if I continued to take it, it would become detrimental, I stopped.  Within a couple of years I had also stopped smoking Mary Jane as well. What followed was a 10 year or so switch. Where I became acutely aware of the negative cultural view on my life.  This was completely at odds with how people interacted with me on a personal basis. Where almost everyone viewed me as being a well adjusted healthy individual.  Not only was "drug" use condemned, my entire childhood was outlawed, as being unfit. Naturally I accepted the judgment of those who presumably had more experience and wisdom than I.  This too was a part of the initiation, the moving into darkness, and through a death like experience where the world shuns, and is shunned in return.  That is the ego death, where we accept the world, and everyone in it will keep on spinning regardless of our presence.  I must say I was ready and desirous of death, not suicidal, just not so in love with life, or self anymore.  The I in me longs for nothing, other than dissolution of self, resolution of the conflict inherent in the structure of what we consider "reality".
dailymotion tommy-1975-film-pt-1_music
dailymotion tommy-1975-film-pt-2_music

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Trying a Different Approach

I am a slacker, my life is a cautionary tale, not something to aspire to or emulate.  Do not misconstrue that the I in me would wish to be any other than me.  Only that the emotional, and psychological traumas I needed to inflict upon myself to become as I am, are not anything I would wish upon anyone.  In searching answers to those ultimate questions I pulled an icarus. Not once, or even twice, nah I'm not that bright.  I had to push it till it cost me my top teeth, and partially my bottom ones, still getting over that one.  People have talked about genetic, cellular and other types of memory.  Now we are even to the point of beginning to grapple with ideas of moving without moving.  It's possible, without a doubt, it's not even that difficult when you've grasped for inkling of our true position in creation, and it fried you back into your place.  We can make black holes, we can warp space and time, we end up in the formless abyss, and no one but our dead mourns our passing.  I love people, I love the planet, all life can snuff out in our little corner of existence, and there might be some metaphorical tears shed on what ever plane of existence you and yours hail from.
Do we really have the right to take chances with the planet, solar system, galaxy, or on and on?
some folks seem to be interested in how I see things, some are offended, I'm ok with that too.  I know what I like, I feel what I need, I feel what the people around me need, using people loosely.
If we meet and you think you would like to chat, I'm happy to do so, if I offend, just tell me to please stop, and go away, and I will.  What I can not abide is total trickery, and dishonesty, I'm to good at it, and it hurts me to much to inflict those kinds injuries on myself.
I'll try to do a better job with some pix, and the like at showing kind of how I see this world, and why sometimes it makes me cry when others are so happy!  btw, if there is any confusion, I an hetrosexual male, that is so in love with women that they are my kryptonite.  it's pretty much the same with everyone, but we all get to pick where, and what we eat right?
Never been suicidal, not that I feel people do not have to right to decide the fate of what can be in this experience the only thing they can ever hope to claim ownership over, which is really just stewardship, we have horribly misunderstood, like so much of our K based systems, in such a rush to get somewhere.  They forgot that Wisdom, knows when, and where to apply knowledge, and thats why Wikipedia, has a capital W. No it's just that what is point of suicide in a zero sum universe. what comes in goes out, it's hotel california, we either come to grips, or we just keep blowing bubbles.

Much Love
Jack

there was a song from when I was teenage drunken drop out in the punker days

If some of your brightest kids are seemingly like the metaphors in this song, you might wanna take a look in the mirror before asking how things got this bad.  I was almost a perfect reflection of a child raised for the most part by the stuff around me, mostly tv, music, games, starting as early as I can remember.  I was never mommies monster at all, just a reflection of the monsters so many of us have become.
gonna try to finish up some e-mails, change get outside, and upload some pictures to instagram, in case anyone is curious what I'm about today.

Do You Have What It Takes!!!! A Love Letter to Humanity

     Humanity vrs Death

This has been the age old question, to conquer the end.  We all face it, we all find our own answers, and we think we have it all figured out.  When your world is black and white, or written in binary this might satisfy.  Like everything else we are, this is just a holdover from previous developmental cycles.  These go back not to when we had words for me to write this down, but back to primordial ooze of single celled organisms.  The universe or God, or as it's coalescing into my essence as panversal is in and of itself conscious, it is structured energy, which is what everything is. Information processing.  As every would be sage, poet, musician, blade of grass, and grain of sand has been telling us forever.  This is a love story, this is a passion play, the stories do not even change, they get rebranded, updated, but for at least the last 6 thousand years we have all learned variations of these same stories.  Oh the names change, characters get makeovers, and  costume changes,  But from the Chinese dragon emperor's, to the Dogon's of the Sahara, the Aboriginals of Australia, down the lines it goes, not in one place but in them all.  We came from the stars, that concept has been twisted around to mean so many things to so many people, from the ubermensch of the aldebaran to Pharaonic gods of Egypt, Right on back to the what we are told is our earliest civilizations in Sumer, and I'm not here to today argue that point.  I do not care when, or where, or actually even who.  I'm a big picture person, I do really well at taking a dispassionate stance and getting as wide a view as possible calling it like I see it.  A valuable skill if you can find work for it, most of my friends just say I think to much, and they are sometimes right.  In taking that position expansive view point, the patterns just kinda pop out, like the rivers in this text if you let your eyes unfocus, and just like that, the information you get from the text is not the same, and that view is not even on whole thought of as particularly useful.  The people are interested in the words, not the rivers, so I learned to see the words like everyone else around me did, only they didn't seem to say the same thing to me as to everyone else.  As a matter of fact they said the same as the rivers, and they were almost all saying the same things.  Even when they seemed disjointed, or unrelated the same words were always there.

From the ecstatic altered state inducing dances of the Whirling  Dervishes, or Tantric sex practices, Yoga, and Breathing techniques, in joyous upliftment of the celebration of life.  On down into the depths of despair, and  tragedy, and depravity.  They all contain at there core I am alive, I am here, shouting into the darkness, longing for or hoping against that return response.  I'm here I see you! This is the most wonderfully terrifying moment for all of us, and in our polarized, 2 dimensional world view of dark versus light we have left room for only 2 options.  Some say it's love/hate, some fight/flight, it doesn't matter what the choices are labeled as, the important part is the limiting of choice.  It's the offer of false simplicity, and simple is easy, and comforting, even at it's worst it's at least predictable. I mean if I only have 2 choices, there is always a 50% chance I'm right.  This is very useful in long term evolution of life. Kill or be killed is valid for much of what we think of as life. The response of nature is always the same, no matter the method used to carry it out, the answer for nature is always, I want to survive.  The fox is in hen house to eat to survive, and we made it nice lunch box, and then killed it when it came to collect the meals we so kindly laid out for it.  We penned in the range animals, and kept all the goodness of their flesh to ourselves. We killed the wolves not because they ate people, like dogs around the food bowl we chased off our rivals.  This existential crisis of just the struggle to survive molded us and shaped us into the most successful predator on the planet bar none.  That being on the top of the food chain looking down on all the lesser species is pretty nice spot, it's good to be the king no doubt.  Being at the top, and staying at the top are not the same, and getting to top means your not what you were when you started.  We celebrate our predatory nature everywhere, from world wars to gold diggers, from pirates to emperors.  The monuments to our depravity know no bounds, from triumphal arches to tombs we proclaim our divine heritage of immortality.  All in the confused attempt to be remembered, to live on, to proclaim our own mastery over all we survey.  This is where our delusions of grandeur really kick in,  We start to believe our own hype, and our success translates into leisure time as we have come to call it.  This is the true mark of a successful predator, how little time they spend on survival. For those fortunate few at the top of the food chain, it's everywhere, this new found leisure time allows for reflection.  Not just to plan the next meal, but more abstract, things not so immediate in the world currently inhabited find the space to become known.  A shift starts to occur, to manage your food, because lets face it, your not as young as you were last year, and well how many times can you chase a rabbit till the thrill gets old.  So we take the tasty stuff, and shape it, bend it to our will, protect it from those who would take it, you know normal human stuff.  At this point we already won, we have no natural predator to contend with, nothing to keep our expansion in check.  As predators though we are ever vigilant, lest some scavenger steal our kill, if we lack a predator we make one up, when we run out decent prey, we move on looking for new places to hunt.  With nothing else left to do we even hunt each other, oh we give it all sorts of reasons, but it always come down to the 2 choices we decided were the only ones we have.  We do it because we want what they have, or we are afraid they will take whats ours.  Having nothing else to contend with, having effectively already won the struggle for day to day survival, ensuring our genetic heritage is continued.  We have time to place ourselves in the cosmic fun house, and the picture is as majestic as it horrifying.  This is when we begin to get that glimpse of our next existential crisis. Having conquered death in an immediate fashion, it becomes a personal struggle, the, but what about me's kick in.  We know our blood will be flowing and pumping even if it's through anothers veins, but still it isn't enough.  The I is screaming in terror, what happens to me, I did all this work to get here, and I'm still going to die. After fighting death for so long, we begin a new battle, now we are after time.  How many years can you cling to life becomes the new game, and being predators we play it with gusto.  In the time game anything not you becomes a greater threat the longer it hangs around,  just like an infection setting in, or how food rots, we start to learn with profound shock, if your not living, your dying.  Or a bit more accurately, when you stop growing, you start dying, even closer, if your not expanding your contracting.  This of course is still only a 2 choice idea, it's still locks us into an illusion of choice.  If the battle is life and death, and answer shouted by everything is always life how do we reconcile this dichotomy.  How can we celebrate the victor in the arena when he dripping in the blood, sweat, and feces of his opponent.  How do we tell our children, that it's not ok to hurt others, and when we decide they are no longer children shove a gun in their hand and tell them to kill their neighbor, or be killed.  No death is not our boogeyman any more, we coax, and torture nature to provide not what we need, or even what we reasonably desire.  We squeeze the golden goose till it bleeds gold, till it's lushest oziest parts are dripping down our chin, staining our silk tie, cotton shirt, lizard skin belt, leather pants, and fur trimmed alligator boots till we puke.  We squeeze the last drop, fish the oceans dry, not out of need, for our needs are modest, we do it because we have been offered no other options.  Consume, or be consumed.  Once our opponents are long dusty, and our glory is fading we miss the good old simpler days, those we overcame taking on status in the telling of our own stories.  Yes we carry our demons with us, and with every passing year they become larger, and our deeds in over coming them more heroic.  We Proclaim it to all Money doesn't grow on trees you know, and the giving tree withers it's leaves stripped bear, it's bark yanked free, it's flesh made pulp and reconstituted so we can make some pretty pictures on it, and call it ours.  I don't hate money, money is an idea, and in the realm of ideas I swim with the sharks.  I've been exposed to the trivium, and quadrivium, pi, phi, and even the Harris curve, our newest choice of curves, a new path to follow, a new star before our eyes.  We build our temples to our creators, where babies cries are shunned. We rip our ugly growths from our own flesh, and call it cancer, and deny it's attachment to our emotions.  Oh make no mistake we have damned ourselves for sure, for in our process of becoming, we have to live with what we've done. This is our state of terror, our splash of liquid light, our stairway to heaven, and highway to hell. Dharma, Karma, Sin, our triplets of story, our mistresses of fate.  Weighing our heart against perfection, the living can not pass, for the living sit in judgment, while the dead just watch it pass. The living write the story down, building, destroying, crafting. Deluding themselves all the while, with pretty little dreams, of I can do no harm.  We label ourselves dogs, and wolves, black widows, snakes, bears and list goes on and on, than we wonder why we kill.  Our own sophistication has become our trap de jour, and I'm crazy enough to be handing out peter pan advice. In our marvel of our own magnificence our march to greater contrast, our rush to ever bigger, bolder, badder.  We circle our wagons, lock down the prison, close the bathroom door, all because we can't stand the smell of our own shit.  I've been eating shit my whole life, there is no possible way for me to deny it, I gave my top teeth eating the shit put in front of me, oh it's lies were so sweet.  The numbing of the mind, of the soul, of the heart, that sweet oblivion of nothingness to take away the anguish of being a pimp or ho.  I'm so tired of eating shit for being me, for seeing things I see, I will always chose my truth over your lies, I have to, it's the only way I can live, and die with myself.

Life eats Life, it's all there is, when you make it all one, we end up eating our own shit, you might think me mad, and that is fine we are all mad here, that is not in question.  The question we are asking is can we live with ourselves, for eating ourselves.  Meat is Murder, and it's all sucking off someone elses tit, we all know these things, they are not new or novel. Don't believe me, well take a look at these. shit burger  it doesn't even matter if it's a hoax, or fact, that it's there.  That we have become so pained by where meat comes from that people have even contemplated this rings alarm bells.  If thats not your speed how about this.

    That is adorable little girl is Taylor Momsen, in the Grinch, many of you know here from a tv show she did that I don't recall. Some know now, as the lead singer of The Pretty Reckless.  For much of America she grew up on their tv screens, I missed that part as I was absorbing myself in other worlds to escape the pain of lying in my bed. While I was distracted by the glitter of the lights in the distance, She went from singing 

Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas Come this way
Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas, Christmas day
Welcome, welcome fahoo ramus
Welcome, welcome dahoo damus
Christmas day is in our grasp,
So long as we have hands to clasp

More lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/dr_seuss/welcome_christmas-lyrics-1146415.html#ixzz3U6AtBZ30

To a lovely young woman who's words I hear on many lips, from many tongues.  Thank you Ms. Momsen, while I do not really do the fan thing, I see you, and your beautiful to me.  This is the price of our denial of nature, this bitter pill is our salvation. In our death spiral of guilt, over all our perceived failures, our pitfalls of loss, we finally give up the ghost. Not because we have to die, because we no longer can take the pain of being alive, and what we have to do to stay that way.

The world devours it's young, Because we like sweets, and babies taste best. It doesn't matter how twisted the appetite. The old say youth is wasted on the young, while the young scream never trust anyone over 30.  The age old struggle, the old lion wants to keep his pride, while the young just wants a piece of tail.  The widow ate her suitor after he dropped of his seed, not from grief hatred or malice, she knows he'll eat the young, cuz it's good to be the king, But not when there can only be one.

I love you all, it's just a matter if you can accept the only love I know how give, cuz its a jagged little pill.

listen to the music, not just the beat, pay attention to the story, it's your soul speaking

Make up your own mind

Jack

aka

panseybard

 

Can I Borrow a Ray of Sunshine?

               Holidays For Sale Sentiment Half Off!

In case you haven't figured it out, this will be about emotional transference.  A fancy way of saying emotions about one thing or person, put on another thing or person.  This happens so often, and usually without our being aware we have done it.  Sometimes it's a natural response to repeated experience. Like when a dog beaten by a person in uniform starts barking whenever a person in uniform is around.  This is the same process at play in learning fire burns, you transfer that

experience onto another experience, and avoid the pain.  So far so good, but when you start to proactively use that understanding you get some very creative, if morally questionable results. 

What does this have to do with holidays you might ask?  Well so far I've talked about examples of negative transference, but what about positive.  That is where the holidays come in, when you see a brand use a holiday on the packaging, advertising, and marketing campaigns they are banking on at least some of those pleasant feelings you have will slide on over to them.  Taken to the extreme and you get the diamond market, this might be the most classic marketing example, and one of my personal favorites.  I say favorite with all sarcasm, but the it is amazing, that people were able to take an artificially scarce stone.  Then so completely attach it's value to symbolic for the love between a man and woman.  On top of that, make it a virtually mandatory expense as a part of the marriage rites.  Even people that have read, and already know the scam will turn around a few minutes later, and fall right back under the spell.  

                    Is that Love or Emotional Hijacking?

On a much more intimate and personal level, this same idea started to be taught, with various titles from art of seduction, to the pick up artist.  To be clear, from my perspective there is no way to morally use this kinda of information in this way.  The reason I feel this is simple, it is the same process that happens naturally and honestly when people develop a love relationship. So when someone understands how these work, they no longer work, and if they do work than your being deceptive.

      When two people meet, and the attraction is honest and genuine there is the natural desire to learn everything you can about the other person.  Usually at least early on, the other person is more interesting than we are ourselves.  This real desire to put another before self sets up automatic transference.  When the other person is so rapt in attention to your thoughts, and emotions, it's very easy to see your own feelings reflected back.  This back and forth is the investment of your own emotions into the other, it's the trick of love, that isn't a trick at all till we make it one.

       That is the problem I have in teaching this information as a means of what amounts to conquest. It turns what was one of the most wondrous experiences people can share, and turns it into sales, and

marketing of the most insidious fashion.  When people are taught to use psychological tricks on each other real time, we are on shaky ground.  I am going to single out males because this is primarily being taught to males, with reasons that might be as twisted and messed up as the teaching of it. So if a male with this understanding puts into practice it's not about love, it's about sex.  It is not about the individual woman it is being used on, point of fact it is going to become a numbers game.  So our guy understanding transference, basicly trolls the room, picking out as many possible females to start working.  When a likely prey reveals itself, it's time to move in, separate them from the herd, this is an important step, much easier to work past the defenses of one person, than a group of people.  Once in isolation, the man in question does everything possible to say nothing. The fewer words our fellow says the more likely he is to accomplish his goal.  As I said this is a numbers game, and by the numbers women are far more forgiving as to physical traits than men. Generally it's not the looks of a man that decides if a he is an acceptable mate.  So for our guy, he is not as much working to get her to desire him, as he is trying to not do something stupid to eliminate himself.  This is not as tough as it might seem, being attentive is the foundation.  All it takes is get her to talk about her passions, and lets face it we all like to talk about the things we love.  At this point it's done, the feelings, and passions will be transferred onto our Guy, and all he needs to do is not break the spell.  That is my problem with it, our guy is being taught to be dishonest in order to fulfil natural physical drives we all share. There are no winners in this approach.

            To Worship False Idols

There is much trepidation in the writing and posting of this section, with a great temptation to just leave it off.  Even most that have been right with me so far will recoil from what I am about to write as having already lambasted love, I'm about to slap religion around a bit as well.  Before I do so, I want to again state, this not intended as an offence or attack on anyone or organization.  There are wonders, and horrors to be found in everything.  If for whatever reason you find these ideas over the line, stop reading, label me crazy, and go on with your life.  I won't be offended, or hurt, and neither will you.

    At their core all our religious, and societal structures have through out history strove to do one thing. Unite and focus the energy of a group of people, that are by nature individualistic and resistant to homogenization.  Think of the idea of trying to herd cats, or how wilful toddlers can be, and you have the concept I'm going for.  To accomplish this, they use the idea of dedication to something larger than self.  Secular or Faith based does not matter the outcome is a ideology, with all the trappings positive and negative. So we can have secular saints, zealots of atheism, and holy wars. These are all done the same way, a process almost of deification that is seemingly well understood, and has been for countless ages.  If you haven't figured it out already, I'm talking about how worship

works, how we interact with divinity.  In crafting our ceremonies, rituals, rallies, what have you, there is purpose. The purpose is always the same, to guide the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, to an end.  No matter the end, for good or ill, the dynamics involved are the same, predictable, and exploitable.  Just take a look at the people who have changed the world, they understood theater very well.  Even a historic figure as reviled as  Hitler is known to have trained in oratory skills, his rallies finely tuned works of theater to weave an emotional trance state in the attendees.  A group hypnosis, where the voice of the rational mind is drowned out by the emotional attachments being manipulated.
I know we all like to think we are strong willed individuals that would never get swept up by the sentiments of the crowd.  The truth is the desire to give up our self into the care of something larger than yourself is seemingly fundamental to our make up.  We want to believe, and often so badly we fool ourselves, or make excuses.  Even religion, it has nothing to do with God, it is the exploitation of our own fear of mortality.  If there is a religion that is actually focused on God, and not on man I have yet to become aware of it.  Being human centric they concern themselves with how divinity can assist humans, or what the plan of divinity is for humanity.  They exploit some fairly basic psychological truths, not a one of us can ever live up to our own vision of perfection. So we will always see ourselves as horribly flawed, even when our external response is to project perfection. That the unknown is both exciting and terrifying, something we always want to glimpse, but not get any on us.  The trifecta for religion is an comforting partial truth or outright lie on the fate of those we have lost.  You ever stop to wonder how odd it is to have an intermediary to the ineffable, the unknowable.


in closing there is love enough for everyone, more than we can bear, and if the sun ever stops shining it's love upon us, by the time we realize it, we will already be dead.

as always make up your mind.
Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

   

Your Children, Your Choice

               Peter the Pirate

Many of you would most likely see me as suffering from a peter pan complex, and that might be one of the kinder labels tossed in my direction.  While I do not argue the label, there is the inclination to challenge the validity of the mainstream concept of an adult.  Most in making the judgement are not questioning my intelligence, maturity, or understanding.  Often it's quite the opposite, with my analysis, and understanding being valued, and sought.  The seeming disconnect happens from my perspective in large part due to how people define an adult.  So what makes a well adjusted adult human?  Is it being able to conform and fit in, becoming a "successful contributing member of society"?  To a degree this would seem an obvious answer, how could one argue with being a success?  What happens when a culture is sick, is it still the rational choice to become what that culture covets?  This is of course the idea, that being considered sane in an insane society is not a measure of psychological health.  Take a little stroll with me, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find a little bit of the Pan you once were.

                Institutionalized

In the west we are so proud of our institutions, be they educational, financial, religious, the list goes on and on.  We leave off the flip side, prisons, mental hospitals, we do this because in general people have been taught to see the world in terms of polarity.  This of course ignores the fact, these are opposames masquerading as opposites, with the outcome of being institutionalized.

  : to cause (a custom, practice, law, etc.) to become accepted and used by many people : to establish (something) as an institution

: to put (someone, such as a mentally ill person) in an institution

These are connotations of pavlovian conditioning, not education, or child development. Taken to it's extreme the goal of an institution is to become indispensable, and condition those in it to become unable to function without it.  There is ample evidence this has been intentional, of course labeled as conspiracy theory.  Frankly that it has gotten that most dismissive of labels only warrants closer inspection.  Take moment, and look for yourself, Dodd Report, deliberate dumbing down,

or even though I'm leary of Alex Jones. Our much vaunted education system was hijacked long ago to keep a fresh supply of human capital ready for exploitation by the corporate institutions.  We want to believe so badly in basic beneficence of our culture, that we ignore some basic facts.  Entrenched systems of power seek to protect their position. Our leaders are selected from, and by these same institutions.  People say they wish only happiness for their children, or they wish for their child to be the best them they can be. Than they package them off to be institutionalized so they can find their place in society.

              Taking Candy from the Mouths of Babies Mama's

Marketing and Consumerism go hand in glove, like peanut butter, and jelly, and damn have we gotten good at it.  I have no doubt even Edward Bernays would be amazed by the level of sophistication our propaganda has risen to.  I call it propaganda because that is exactly what it is, structuring information to create a desired outcome.  In this case parting someone from some currency in exchange for a product, or service.  As corrupt and shortsighted as this economic model might be on the whole. When directed at children, it might just be a crime against humanity.  An extreme statement to be sure, but one that is not very difficult to back up.  Critical reasoning skills are needed in order to counter the automatic psychological processes exploited by advertisers.  Child development, and psychology experts are employed by organizations who have as their motivation profit. These folks use all their skill and understanding, not to enrich the life of your child.  Nah it's used to know how to make advertising that gets your child to ask for the product in as few as views as possible.  So what you say, my 5 year old does not make the buying decisions in my household.  Only our experts on conditioning have that all worked out as well.  We all have a surrender point, where we will agree to almost anything if only to make something stop.  If you think this is something exploited only in interrogation, just think back to how many times you have caved to repeated pestering by your child.  This is so well understood, even the big media creation outlets, such as disney, or nickelodeon have a nice predictable path set out for your childs idols.  Introducing the faces they will grow up watching, engendering a sense of connection and trust.  Using techniques as having the stars be just older than the audience, exploiting that natural tendency of looking up to those ahead of you.  Transitioning actors with a generation, so as a group ages there is a continuity, and trust is deepened. This is even taken to the point of switching from childrens tv shows to music seemingly just as your teen has seeming grown headphones.  In this obvious industrialized exploitation, and abuse of our young, it's unclear to me what is more disturbing.  That it's happening at all, or that those who are supposed experts on child development, and psychology have raised no moral objections.    

    Judged by Our Hero's

There is a metric often used to understand the health of a culture, as well as where in the development cycle a civilization is.  Who, and what are held in esteem shift as a civilization goes through it's life cycle. When a culture goes into decline, false or trivial accomplishment are celebrated beyond reason.

Activities that while they may have value, like sports, music, acting, cooking. Become blown to a status usually reserved for royalty.  People that once would have considered a liability regardless of a skill or talent become held as idols.  Style trumps substance, as leaders, and people stop asking is it right, in favor of is it legal, or can I get away with it.  You'd like to imagine we are unique, the greatest nation, of the greatest people to ever grace the earth.  While we do have unique traits, these stages of empire have happened for as long as there have been empires.  The United States of today have far more than the eagle in common with the Roman empire.  Ask yourself how many household names do we have today, that are just famous.  They are not famous for doing anything, they are just famous for being rich, or outrageous.  So while some jump on folks like Charles Barkley for saying he is not a role model, I applaud.  Mr Barkley may be many things, even may be a good role model, but if he is, it has nothing to do with how well he did on the basketball court.

As always make up your own mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

Transhumanist Goal in Sight

          So You Want to Live Forever?  

           Some may be aware of Transhumanism, many are likely not.  To me it's just a nice advertising friendly name, to what may be the most important event in human biological development.  To put it as simply as I can, Transhumanism refers to humanities move toward machine.  The event is oft called the Singularity, the moment when the line between man, and machine disappears.   Sounds like a sci-fi story, I know.   Some very prominent folks are not just expecting it, they are helping to ensure it's arrival.  Chief among them in the US would have to be Ray Kurzweil, though he is by no means alone as a google search shows, the 2045 initiative has it's path all mapped out.  The goal of course being technological immortality.  This opens up so many questions, moral, religious, philosophic.  A wonderland of one of my favorite questions "what if".

         What If's

           Much thought has been directed toward conceptions of immortality.  I had thought the question of immortality had been resolved with Einstein, or at least moved into the realm of not if, but the nature of.  A question of ego, what of me, as I currently conceive of myself continues.  Just to get this obvious one out of the way.  It is unlikely these will be available for everyone, so there is a high potential for a split, a break away civilization, or a revolution of sorts.  The masses likely lose that one, as there is little need for restraint, given the move toward automation.  This could ultimately be the end of humanity as we think of it.  That of course is an extreme version, with a toned down cyberpunk flowering out of imagination into the world.  Where there is a vast range of quality of artificial replacement components, along with a range of skill in application.  Though interesting, there are far more complex implications.  In all of our world religions even agnostic, there is an acknowledgement of an authority.  In many there is an idea of a covenant, or contract.  In many of the stories when judgement comes, it is often due to man stepping outside the bounds of this covenant. Given the context of some of these transgressions, like interbreeding, building a tower to god.  These attracted a direct intervention.  Is it to far out to consider, physical immortality might be reacted to in a similar fashion.  Mortality is fundamental to our conception of what is to be human. Can a being that is essentially immortal even be considered human?   This does not even consider the possible personal empires that could be sustained.  

      It's personal

      Ultimately this is another of those not if, but when events. With each of us having to make personal choices.  Just what it means to be alive, and what immortality really represents.  Will we lose what makes life worth living in our rush to make it eternal?  One thing is certain, it's going to be entertaining to watch it unfold.

Jack

aka

PanseyBard   

What IF!!!!!

Please Do Not Read This Post If:

     There has been an idea rolling around in my mind. A different perspective on a story almost everyone on the planet has heard.  The story of the fruit of the tree of knowledge, the story of the expulsion from paradise.  That is why if you believe there are lines that there are appropriate boundaries for though experimentation.  Or that words, or ideas should stay within the bounds of good taste, and parsed for political correctness.  Go read something else, the fundamental conception of the Eden story will be toyed with, poked and prodded.  If that is something you would have a problem with, than it is your responsibility to stop reading now, or keeping reading, and don't forget to pray for my salvation. If your religious you might believe I need it.

The Who, What, Where:

      In the traditional conceptions of this story, our characters are easily definable, and laid out clearly.  God, the Serpent, and Adam and Eve.  Eve, and Adam are put forth not as us, but as the parents of Humanity.  We have in the main equated this with them being as we are.  That is not likely the case, these are pre-expulsion, pre fruit of knowledge humans.  A version of humanity that is able to walk in the presence of it's creator.  So while they might the most like us of the characters in the story, it is likely a mistake to equate them to us.  These are beings that exist in a state of pristine grace.

     The Serpent is of course put forth as the deceiver, the corruptor, or villain.   In our story, as it has been presented, The Serpent lies to Eve.  Seemingly in opposition to the wishes of God, Serpent tells Eve, you most assuredly not die, but become like God.  This is a rather odd predicament, it presents so questions not easily resolved.  Questions such as, God is presented as an omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient being.  So how would Serpent, a creation of God, act in ways contrary to the wishes of God, as well as it being without God knowing.

    God of course is put forth as the all powerful, loving, creator of all things.  Who is a seemingly irresponsible deity if looked at from a rational perspective.  In our story, God makes all things, at some point making the Garden as a habit for the creation of Adam, and subsequently Eve.  While giving the tour of the habitat, God lays out the ground rules.  Basicly saying anything goes, but don't eat the fruit from the of the knowledge of good and evil.  Making the opposing statement to the serpent, that for they would surely die.  A prime example of irresponsible parenting. This would be akin to making a baby room, and putting a poison plant in it.  Combined with the reverse psychology setting a self reinforcing compulsion to eat the fruit.  So can we really say God did not intend for the fruit to be eaten?

    Eden is the setting of most our story, a paradise created for Adam, and Eve.  With most linking it directly to a location on earth, a sort of preserve, outside of which is referred to as wilderness.  Interestingly it does point to an idea there is not only other places, but other beings already inhabiting those places.  With that idea, Eden might just as well be considered a habit carved out of a larger environment.  Not unlike man altering an environment to be more conducive to the task at hand. Looked at from another perspective, Eden could be seen as the womb of humanity, the thing with a womb is, once in your expulsion is a forgone conclusion.

    The Fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Blech that is for sure a mouthful.  Many places have questioned if it was the widely accepted apple or pomegranate, or whatever. What the physical representation of the fruit is matters little.  What is important is the idea that eating it, causes a change to the nature of a being.  In our story this is put forward as an event, Eve eats the fruit, convinces Adam to do the same, expulsion ensues, and here we are.  The idea being that the fruit was eaten, and the event is over.  Is that accurate?  When we eat just our normal sustenance that is just the beginning. The majority of the story of consumption takes place after the physical act, it's in the processing of.  Might that be the case with our fruit?

What if They are Both Telling the Truth:

      Growing up with Star Wars, there is a line delivered by Ben, in defence of his using perspective, and tricks of language to not lie, but also not admit inconvenient facts.  Ben tells Luke, "your going to find that many of the truths we cling to, rely greatly on our point of view".  Might our Eden story, and it's related lies be hiding a similar lesson?   So in a much abridged, with great creative license.

     Adam, and Eve, have not comprehension of good or evil, actions are actions, experienced in the moment with no attachment, or even understanding.  They are also not as God, but in a state of grace in communion with God.  The connection to their source is always present, so death as we conceptualize it,  pain and pleasure have no meaning. Even if we accept there is physical existence as we would recognize it.  Adam and Eve pre fruit would not have the capacity of ego yet, that sense of I, we use to differentiate what we think of as self from the whole.   So God in saying you will surely die is telling the truth. Pre fruit there is no experience of loss, post fruit, the sense of I creates the sense of mine, loss, and death ensue.  So God in the story is telling truth, as evidenced by us everyday.  So how can Serpent also be truthful?  Perspective, is the short answer.  Serpent says we for sure will not die, and more over we will become like God.  In the story we are told we are created in the image and likeness of God, so the reality is, the only aspect missing is the famous delphic statement of "know thyself".  Adam, and Even in the Garden are already in every respect as God, they are only lacking the knowledge of what they are.  So the change that takes place when Serpent tricks Eve, is not a material change, but one of understanding, and knowledge.  That change is not one of a singular event completed when the last bite of the fruit.  Taking that first bite, set in motion a process of self discovery, that is ongoing.  The expulsion from Eden is not one of punishment, or even a violation of rules.  It is as natural a consequence as we find the development of a fetus in the womb, leading to the birth of a child.  Once the process of gathering the knowledge through experience of good and evil. Eden became a non viable habitat, as Adam, and Eve had become other that what it was created for.  As a parting, thought ideas of a return to Eden being through child like innocence, become more akin to going back to a state before the eating of the fruit.  Though a more likely outcome for this story is a moving through the process, and becoming as we were in the beginning with full knowledge of what we are in the present.

as always make up your own damn mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard