Who Can Say

          Recently in a google+ group the question "What do you deserve?" was posed.  While attempting to answer, and failing miserably.  This word deserve itself was in my way. The notion that anyone, thing, or even divinity has the right to judge another, abhorrent to my mind.  Even allowing for the notion of omnipotent, present, omniscient there would be no place for deserved.  Immediate ideas of who is judging, how can this question even be contemplated without so much more qualifying information. Yet we use these concepts regularly, putting ourselves on one side or the other of some arbitrary line drawn by people usually long gone, with no bearing on current experience.   Even our sense of identity does not easily lend itself to this sort of black and white judgement. The narrative being constantly reworked, re-imagined, new meaning being attached to events long gone.  Those with eidetic, or more commonly photographic memory, when looking back are not able to experience the events as they originally did. Remembering itself becomes the experience, so the events are filtered through the current conception of self, not felt as they originally occurred.  In a very real sense the self we identify as, never existed, and never will, it's a story a way of framing the identity we are currently projecting.  How many current identities do you actually have? How many labels are attached to your sense of self? Are you a mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, employee, employer, artist, the list is as endless, and we are almost always acting as multiples of these all the time. Which might be forefront may change as we move through time/space/energy. Generally when we think of ourselves it's in a static imagining of an unchanging timeless being, we discount or do not recognize our relative change of self from one day to the next. The gradual nature is much like that of the frog in water with the temperature slowly rising. We discount the effects others have had on our conception of self, or the effects we have had on others self identification.
       Even when ideas of reincarnation or karma are taken into consideration, a dualism such as deserve lacks continuity.  These conceptions are from my perspective a opening of the idea of identity though it is an expansion of the ego, not a taming or elimination of.  In a creation of underlying unity the lines between self and other are not so clear. Our sense of independence is dependent upon that which we claim is not representative of  self, an other to be not us.  This leads to an interesting contradiction of unity, and division, the lines being drawn through identification. That which we identify as not self often have greater impact on our conception of self, than those we accept as self.  Tricks of perception, relative motions, much akin to the red shift, blue shift of stars.
      The collapse of space/time/energy into relativity to the ever changing moment of singularity, where the Three become one. Love, and Hate never oppose each other, Peace does not gird itself preparing for War, these states are only linked through the those that experience both. Love and Hate find their opposition in indifference.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

Love, Life, and Liberty the Lies We Tell

           Those without prior exposure to the insanity I  call a blog, or the drivel that comes rushing out my fingertips when the flow moves me are warned now. What proceeds is a work of the mind, it has little to do with the conceptions of everyday existence most cling to.  I ask no forgiveness, nor do I apologize, I am warning.  This type of thinking is detrimental for some, it sets up questions of mind that can not reasonably be answered while within the experience we call life.  This is a logic play, if you do not understand when to draw your own lines between reality, and fantasy than please just refrain from reading any further.  If you have strong religious convictions likely this will only serve to irritate you, or cause to you question your faith.  If that is so, your the one questioning, not me, so leave me out of it.
           From my perspective, which is all I really have, and is in itself something changing constantly. We, and by we I mean every thing in the universe, creation, whatever you call it, is in a state of delusion.  That the only way we can be having this experience of life, of being real is through clinging to several delusions.  These are in no particular order, they seemingly change order of importance as functions of each other.  That we exist at all, with the energy to matter conversion equation we learned that there is no such thing as what we think of as matter. That energy can not be destroyed or created it can only be transformed.  This sets up an interesting dilemma, as there can only be energy, and energy needs a transmission medium, which according to this can not exist, other than as a conditional state of the energy itself.  The concept of our lack of reality has been expressed many times in many ways. From the dream within a dream idea, or the matrix, this conception our own non existence is expressed.  The second delusion is that we exist as individuals. There is no place where anything stops, and anything starts. What we think of as our seemingly solid bodies with continuity are in reality a constantly shifting mass of energy, much like a storm appears to us. The third delusion is we are the center of all things. This one even for those that have been able to accept the ideas of the first two often reject.  My own sense of I, finds this fact to be most humorous, and exactly as it should be.  That we perceive as if we were the center of all things is not really up for debate. Our sense of self stems for the idea we are a body, that we look out from our eyes. That our senses interpret what for us is reality. This is such an amazing state of being, it can not be celebrated enough. That you are the one sitting at the center of creation, even if it's only from your perspective such a cool trick of relativity it becomes overlooked. As if it couldn't possibly any other way, this isn't so, as nde, obe, remote viewing, channeling and the like lead to the conception your point of perception is not permanently attached to what we think of as our physical body.
          An oddity in the ideas of reincarnation, through ego attachment we seem to get many people who due to feeling powerless now project themselves forward, and backward through time to be powerful people somewhere, or sometime else.  It is seemingly rare for people to consider that if there is a linear progression of reincarnation, where have new people come from?  As well as how few consider the idea they might have been Hitler, Stalin, Nero, these figures from history that are viewed as evil, or corrupt, or just plain insane.  The flip to this is those who end up in the messianic complex, they rarely actually consider the price those who represented this energy, or personality complex had to pay.  If as our latest equations point to, and spiritual traditions predating recorded history state, that this is eternal, that we always are.  Well eternity is just that, we would have nothing to do, no place to go, other than in relative senses, and we have forever to get there. I am now all I will ever be, even if it's from your perspective not in evidence.
        If someone has a world view that completely accounts for, and encompasses yours, plus adds in others in a larger framework. While theirs is not necessarily accurate, it is likely more accurate than yours. An hour, day, or year are not measurements of time, they are measures of movement, a measurement of rate of motion, or rate of change.  No one on the planet has ever been in the same place twice, even in their own room, or bed. Change the rate of motion, and change the experience of time. I am not me, never was never will be, I am merely reflections of all things I have encountered, The existence of what is seemingly other, is what helps define what I am.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard     

Self Styled Slacker

         I am a slacker, what does that mean?  

slack·er

ˈslakər/

noun

informal

1. a person who avoids work or effort.

   synonyms:

   layabout, idler, shirker, malingerer, sluggard, laggard; More

   • US

     a person who evades military service.
   • NORTH AMERICAN

     a young person (especially in the 1990s) of a subculture characterized by apathy and aimlessness

   
   

I avoid anything I think of as work, or anything I view as being wholly stupid.  Not to say I am not productive, or that I never act in a manor that can be rightly called stupid.  I wasn't always a slacker, and to be fair, I have adopted the term as it's easier to cultivate that view in people than being honest.  In many ways the self adoption of the term is not unlike any other person taking a slight, and using it.  That does not mean I am unable to use that trick of detachment, and see how from others perspectives I do exactly that.  

      From my own view, work is not required, work is something people feel they have to do out of a sense of obligation.  What that obligation is up for debate, it is slightly different for everyone.  Generally coming from lessons taught in childhood, either intentionally or through osmosis, just absorbing what everyone around them says, and does in relation to "money".  That is what it pretty much always comes to, the majority work because they feel it's the only way to get money, and they feel they need money in order to survive.  Some have gotten to a point where the idea of what survival looks like, might be extravagant. That isn't overly important, it's the idea of have to work to survive.  I've never felt that way, and though the hows have changed, the intent has remained fairly constant for about 30 years now.  I'm not even saying I haven't been employed, the what is less important as the how I feel about the what. I mean I had a job at gas station for 5 or so years, it was an exchange, I didn't feel like it was work, with the only time I felt taken advantage of was when being asked to fix a computer as a cashier.  Let me explain this a bit, I covered fri, sat, sun, from 1pm, till midnight, on my own from 5pm on, was allowed to sit and read. My friends would hang out, even had this beautiful woman that would come have dinner sometimes.  It was for me a nice break, and forced me to stay social in the physical world. On my time I was playing Everquest 50+ hours a week, so being in a high profile position where I was forced to interact with people was needed.

      There is seemingly an expected life path, birth, school, job, spouse, kids, death.  Well I do not remember getting the choice of being born, and if I had a say you'd have to question my sanity from the get go. For the first x odd years they tell you, your job is to learn, than they proceed to cram you full of garbage that has very little to do with learning, and an awful lot with Pavlovian conditioning. While I love learning, everyone, and thing teaches me all the time, I do not yet remember a day I didn't learn something.  School as it turns out, was not really about learning, oh sure there are some foundational aspects, the reading, writing, arithmetic. Along with some introduction to higher concepts.  For the most part my experience of school was about the next school, or job you were going to get. When I stopped going, end of junior year, it was there wasn't much left to learn there, and the piece of paper did not mean anyone had learned a thing.  The fact that people were getting degrees essentially handed to them based on who their parents were, or how skilled an athlete they were.  Made the piece of paper meaningless to me, as well as setting up a disdain for those who put faith in them. This doesn't even account for the ideas of diminishing returns being applied, or the shrinking need for a labor pool due to automation. They say that nearly 3/4 of the american population lives paycheck to paycheck, with around 60% being one missed check from the street.  How well is our system working?  In the writings of the founders of America, not the United States, they are different. They wrote about our times right now, not in dates, and prophetic announcements. Nah, they didn't need to go through all that, at the times of their writings they were already being forced to, or had just broken from, an outside agency printing their currency at interest.  They already saw jobs as wage slavery, The idea that future generations would end up homeless due to compounding interest on currency creation in private hands was not, and is not esoteric. Given this perspective the idea of "working" for a "living" loses it's appeal at least in my eyes. 

       For me a flip side to the slacker lifestyle is this, only once you have leisure time do you begin to contemplate.  When your life is about survival, or chasing the next big thing, there is little space for the what if's, the scent of flowers. Often there isn't even room for friends, and family, usually the very ones purportedly being worked so hard to benefit are lost in the daily shuffle, grinding out the next dollar. Or perhaps for some it is the ego identification with a title that gives meaning to their existence. Having lost count long ago of the number of times people have talked to me in the capacity of clerk, and told me I was wasting, or under utilizing my abilities. How can this possibly be? I have no pedigree so to speak, would feel the endorsement as a burden, not a blessing. Strange it feels as if I am becoming, or have been the ultimate con person, convincing everyone I am something, while always being something else.

       Tied into this are the ideas of the rites of passage, ceremonial markings of the transitions through the accepted phases of life. Having not personally finished the school portion, I'm still a kid, with most I encounter recognizing me as such, within the context of western society.  I have done many of the so called mystery traditions indoctrination's, intentionally or just as an outcropping of the exploration.  In the extreme other people have attempted to foist all sorts of labels, or titles onto me, in order to make it ok for them to relate to me as I am.  Having been called everything from cult leader, to guru, asshole, st. germaine, or sanada, a reincarnation of a grey that crashed at roswell, to being told you are as the buddha, or a child of satan. There is an odd thing my slacker life of leisure and contemplation has taught me, at a certain point it doesn't matter what is and isn't true. Even when it comes to ideas of what we may or may not represent as spiritual beings.  That sure you might have genetic predispositions, with the cellular memory, and that is all well and good.  When you get to most abstract connections to all things, it's simply a matter of accepting that all things are connected to all things. Once you are able to see yourself as, than you are.

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

Life Under Glass

        The I represented by the identity Jack Baldwin is a fiction, it's a costume I don in order to have influence in this world. Based on actions known and unknown people lend me their influence, This is pretty well known among folks using the net, it's the idea of endorsing someone on linkdin. People will endorse people for anything, before getting rid of my linkdin account I was seemingly capable of outstanding feats in the professional sphere.  Even in the twitter verse the labels fly willy nilly, I've made lists from MBA's to UX designer, to web developer.  Truth be told, I have been attempting to find my place in the world. You know the one, that thing everyone is supposed to have, where they become engrossed, and content. That life we are supposedly born to live, the perfect job, spouse, house. That place where life can flow by in a blur, while we are busy living it.  Does such a thing even exist for all of us?  When broken down, most of these perfect things are the same I've actively avoided for one reason or another.  If we all are free to choose, if freewill is the rule, how can there be a singular life that will fulfill a person?  Don't I have to choose the life that I will be fulfilled by?
What is that perfect job?  When I hear words of work, career, business, the connotation is not one of pleasure and joy, even labors of love hit the wall, reach the point of diminishing returns, where the effort required to improve becomes as great as the effort it took to achieve the current skill. The idea of work is an odd one, people sold on the premise of effort, or labor when the ideals of production is to off load as much labor and cost as possible while keeping profits at their maximum. I've had lots of jobs, they all were just that, job done out of a feeling of need, or lack. There has never been that feeling of excitement attached to work. Even in areas where it's a hobby or play that transitions into being compensated, once it's for pay it's not play anymore. It becomes a thing having to be done in order to survive, or in order to do other things.  For me I guess that is what work represents, and why I am so resistant to being a worker.  The view of work as being something you do in order to be able to do something else.  What is and isn't productive is an odd thing, when it comes down to it, if the everything is energy, and energy can not be destroyed or created, how can we be said to be doing more than moving stuff around?
       Of course for many love relationships are the all consuming passion of life. Finding that special someone, falling in love, raising a family.  Except, is there really this romantic notion of love, what even is love?  Does the acts involved in the continuation of species, or procreation really have all that much to do with what we generally equate with the mating rituals, or romance?  Having rejected religious notions of marriage, right along with the civil notions of registering the relationship with the state. Like being open, caring and sharing with a person isn't tough enough, it's seemingly the custom across the board to bring the expectations of god, the state, and family members into new relationships.  Really do we need religion peeking over our shoulders while grope hot and heavy, or fumble with a zipper or button?  When I saw you, it wasn't your personality that made me look twice, your education didn't lock my gaze to your swaying hips. It wasn't thoughts of love, it was some serious animal attraction, lust. You know those things many are embarrassed to cop too, that it's tits, or asses, or feet, or whatever our fetish is. The person you are might captivate my attention for a time, but I am complete unto myself,  For me it's about getting lost in how amazing another is, of communion, That feeling that you can not be right for someone else, till your right with yourself. Experience has smacked around a bit, when it comes to this one. Seems the biological drives dovetail really well with the psycho-social conditioning, with my ideology leaving much to be desired from the ideals set forth. In other words I've been single a long time, not out of lack of opportunity, just out of risk versus reward evaluations.
       I guess when you've set your own life as not overly important in fabric of human development, while railing against the prevailing ideological foundation of matter being preeminent, finding those spaces that suit you can be challenging. Answering those questions, of what is this about, why are we here, where are we going.  If existence is a school, we all fail, there is no passing grade,  If it's an illusion we make up as we go along, if we all exist in our own private Idaho, why are there all these assholes in my dream world? If this is a shared experience, a subjective collective, why are we creating so much drama, and suffering? Sure you can only go as high as you've gone low, might have merit, but we just have to be aware of the potential, we do not have to experience every little pit trap.

As ever make up your own mind
Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Inside Out, Upside Down, Ass Backwards!

       I've always thought of myself as a relatively intelligent person. Even while what was seemingly to me the rest of the world was screaming I was doing bad, or was a loser in this aspect or that. When I was doing things I knew my mother would freak out, and possibly through misplaced sense of attempting to protect me from myself had me in legal entanglements I'd likely still be dealing with. I just hid those things as best I could. Which was not that tough, my relationship with my mother, while I feel is in a good place, many have called a bit distant.  Truth be told, all of my relationships are only so close. I have actively worked to disentangle myself from any relationship that acted as a constriction on the concept of who, or what I am.  No one knows what I am, or for that matter what they are, when I bump up against someone that is insistent on defining me, and has expectations based on them projecting what they think I should be, or should do. I had rejected the motivations, and even the pretenses behind them at a very early age.  Not out of a sense of rebellion, I just like to hang out, listen to music, smoke some herb, and play with ideas.  So far all my life I've insisted I am not more intelligent than anyone else, not that I think of myself as stupid. Quite the contrary, I see myself as capable of doing, learning, and being anything I choose to be. I just understand that everyone else is the same way, People around me have consistently told me, I was smarter than the average bear. This is still a projection, and after a point it doesn't matter if it's true or accurate, or even how I feel about it.  As a person I will do what I can to fulfill the expectations placed upon me by those around me.  Add in mind expanding chemicals taken in quantity as an informal spiritual exploration, personal experimentation. Shake vigorously, and wait.  I still reject much of the fundamental premise of what is thought of as western materialist world view. That view of creation, that consciousness stems from matter, that we are looking for a fundamental particle, a unified field theory equation.  That we are still looking for proof that something continues after what we call physical death,  Zero is a concept, it is no where reflected in what we experience here. The so called vacuum of space, is still a relative state.  The scale of background, of the fabric of we call space/time is so far removed from us in scale it's conceptual. We have no tools that can show, or measure things at Planck scale. We can do so many things, but in our desire to validate our experience as physical beings, we tear at the fabric of creation itself.  Attempting to find a particle that imparts mass is in my understanding about the ultimate fools errand.  Energy equals mass * the speed of light squared, the energy to mater conversion formula. So commonly known, so little considered in implication. Of what this implies about the nature of what we are, and what this shared experience is.  The blessing and curse, of the binary, or ac/dc electric experience.  To find a particle in creation where everything is energy, is a matter of containment. Release the energy, and the mass is imparted with breaking of that containment.  Kind like breaking one layer of the onion into another, or breaking one layer inside a nesting doll.
       My understanding of reality is there is no place where anything starts, and anything stops. In order for me, you, everything to even be having this experience of individuality. We have to be at our core delusional.  That there can ever be self, in a state of singularity, Or that there can be anything that is other. Do not mistake this for some existential crisis, been there done that, I love the delusion, it's a small part of a delicious subtext to what we think of as life, or reality or whatever. There is an understanding that everything external is a representation of something internal. For me this is evident everywhere I focus attention. I dropped out of the world, took a few years, to sever most ties, became a hermit to digest, process and fill in enough blanks in my personal data base, or learn to tune myself to what it was I wished to express.  It is my rejection of my own reality, and in reflection I do not see myself reflected in the world. I've become absent in my own life, a blank canvas. This is also intentional, I am not so overly fond what has been made of paradise.  As much as I enjoy so many aspects, the beauty, the polarity, the spin, the game. Being able to alter experience through just thought, and through influence alter others experience, and have everyone insist they made free will choices is amazing, and disturbing.  I am at core a generous person, often taken advantage of with my eyes wide open, just because I wanted to give the person a chance to make a different choice.  So while those around me try and get theirs, I try to give mine away, to anyone that will take it. When I reject money, it's not the concept of currency, or the tracking of resources I am in opposition to. I have an issue with a system intentionally designed to be scam, to implode due to structural features, called such as there is no chance they were accidental.  I am all for the ideas of equity, value added, open source. Where investment is rewarded, risk is real, not offloaded immediately, or hedged against. Our systems of global trade settlement with the dollar as it's backbone are in essence a cheat a scam, a ponzi scheme. I spent much effort on being as little a part of this system as I could, to where my expenses are pretty minimalist. Not that I do not enjoy the finer things, it's the strings that come attached to every dollhair spent on those trappings is my endorsement of that system.
         I'm a fucked up mass of contradictions, that often make sense only to me, I'm ok with that

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

How to Kill the Rabbit, and Live to Tell the Tail!

       To be perfectly clear, and up front, what follows for many will seem madness, and that is to be expected. Being raised in a culture that prizes logical order, the structure of binary, of code, and cryptography. The mindscape of symbol, metaphor, trans possessive personal, where you are so vain you do think all the songs are about you. Yet you know for certain, no one knows who you are, nor is there any reason for them to.  If you haven't already been baffled by the psychobabble bullshit I have already slung, than feel free to tag along as I lay out a little of the slaying of my own white rabbit.
       Hindsight as they say is 20/20 a blatant misrepresentation if there ever was for a truism. Evidence supports the closer to the events the recounting of the event is, the more accurate that recounting is.  Hindsight in ones own life is a bit different affair, that odd paradox of observing ones self from multiple perspectives, or camera angles, lending creative license to almost endless reimagining of the events, known to have taken place. As easy as a shift in background, a snappy change of speech, alteration of wardrobe, and voila a story everyone knows, yet no one can say it happened. At least not quite the way it's been written, so when I say all the songs, stories, hymns, condemnations, recriminations, desecrations, are about me. It's not an ego aggrandizement, it's a learned response to being projected on my entire life. To be fair, it's a wonderful game, to be the secret unknown object of all attention, regardless of intent, or purpose, solely due to coming to the acceptance of the interconnectedness of all things as a given. Or at least that sounds good in theory, in practice the experience has been quite different.  I am not religious, dogmatic devotion to any belief for me leaves no room for growth, no chance new. It's a place of stagnation, due to entropy, as the saying goes, once you stop growing you start dying. While it offers continuity, it can lead to being trapped in time. As the dwindling numbers of all the throwback anti progress faith make plain, stagnation is demise. I think of it more as, once you close the circle, it's an egg, and eggs, hatch, or get broken, or rot, but they do not stay eggs. Oddly, the trick, and it is a trick, is dissociative, that ability to completely discount personal identity, to the point where you suck in identity from all around. For children at play, it's just imagination, put that is encouraged to be set aside for more practical pursuits.  All while this world is driven by the imaginations of a seeming select few who are recognized as such, and encouraged, to bring forth their vision for the sake of everyone,  The proverbial, hey kid you wanna be a star?  I remember the first time that happened to me, at least sort of, I was to young to approached directly, so it was relayed through my mother.  We lived in socal, San Diego area, mom asked me if I would be interested in doing commercials, because someone had approached her, but that the choice was mine.  I said no, it sounded alot like work to me, and frankly I was already a slacker, doing what I wanted, not what was expected. By 5th grade, a major turning point for my life, I had played center halfback in state level soccer tournament, plucked out of normal classes, identified as gifted with dyslexia, and add. While being a latch key kid from kindergarten, being raised by single mother. Was there other family, and people around sure, I was not isolated by any means. I was self reliant, I had responsibilities, even when I abused them.  I was for the most part put in charge of myself, or took charge of myself, from as early as I can remember. This of course would set up some nasty confrontations with my mother later in life, though those too are all just part of the story. The fictionalized narrative of identity, used to single me out from the herd of humanity.
       Till about the age of 16 or so, I on a decent enough track for a classic underachiever, I did well in the subjects that interested me, and got by in the ones that didn't. Often it had less to do with subject matter, and more to do with presentation.  I had always been interested in being social, so when I dropped out of school, the jobs I looked for were ones with high levels of social interaction. Mainly retail, quickly in management of course, up to running stores. Often up to nefarious purpose, like working at gfox in the danbury fair mall, getting moved to domestics from the loading dock, a couple of friends and I pretty much ran it, our superior just checking in, and occasionally taking us to count license plates. When we were not given the raise promised, we picked black friday to walk out, they kind of caved, but how could an anchor store in the biggest mall in  New England at least at the time, allow itself to be held hostage by 3, 17 or 18 year old kids.  Of course they broke us up, not fired, just moved us around. For me it was domestics, I told the HR woman, she might as well fire me, that I would not work in domestics. She ignored me, so I spent next few months sneaking out a back door, and playing video games, or whatever, and sneaking back in. It was just how I rolled, no matter how pleasant or nice or smooth talking, or whatever someone might seem. That does not preclude them screwing you over, especially when they flat out tell you they are going to, that does not take a genius to understand. Once in what for me was the perfect spot of the moment, running a new and used video game store, on the edge of a district far from the home office. I hired folks like me, or that were ok with my style, we had code, like "who wants to take out the trash" and yes we took out the trash, and while doing so we took a few hits off a bowl. When we had to do title by title inventories once a month, I made it an event, a party. The store thrived to where Toy's R US invoked a non-competition clause in it's lease to force a location change, leading to my breaking the relationship with the company.  This was not a tough choice at all, for while working there I pretty much stumbled into being a connection for pot, at the time just commercial brick, There was never an intention to do so, I was earning enough so I could plan ahead in my own habits, so they were less of a distraction, no one likes being out of their drug of choice, whatever it might, yoga, prayer, exercise, heroin, all alter body chemistry, changing the physiological state, which alters the perception, and experience, and interaction with the world. This idea can be taken all the way to anything your body is not self producing being in essence a drug, ridiculous in the extreme I know, but who's definitions are these?
        We tend to gravitate toward friends that have proclivities at least in some ways like our own, so of course I had stoner friends. I wouldn't even go to job interviews if I wasn't stoned, I wanted to be sure no one would think anything of me being high at work. Did it so well, the only time anyone said anything was when I wasn't stoned, because that was the odd behavior from their perspective, and for me, stoned was the normal.  When you have some, people will ask for it, and being friends, and it being pot, of course you share, that kind of sharing grows rapidly. Especially if your good at keeping of the numbers. I was full on fronted, a lb to start, at a stupid high price really, but the prices were already so outrageous, I literally undercut em by half. A quarter dropped from 60 to 30, in short order it was tough to even leave the house, and when I wanted to take a vacation, or even go for a weekend, rewarding someone a friend, or housemate was well worth it. At one point, a full client base was just transferred over to me, as the woman was worried about her child being taken if she was arrested. For me the budding pot empire, in a sleepy corner of southern CT, allowed free time, to play, and explore. Having been recently introduced to lsd, and loving the effects, I quickly poured through altered states of consciousness teachings from channeled sources, to Castenada, to Leary, Dass, and the like, on to Kabbalah, tarot, Crowley. I still have some of what for me the most influential texts, but from an intuitive, as well as logical perspective, and they mesh quite nicely. The crazy out of nowhere nature of quantum, intuition, and the logic for why that is exactly how things do function seem a matter of, duh, and like I'm the only one that hasn't figured it out, as seemingly everywhere I turn, the symbols that help shape, mold me are everywhere telling me things.  Things not for me, but for everyone, though few see them as even connected. All the lsd, over the course of about a year and half, lots of days popping a 10 strip to fry in meditation for hours, upon hours. If it made sense to use words to communicate, I felt I did not get far enough from everyday consciousness states,  I didn't just want to know, I had to know. I had judged the world, as being unworthy of my presence, without even understanding that was what I was doing.  I screamed at whatever was there, because I knew there had to be something, and if there wasn't, than it didn't matter anyway.  "IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS TO THIS PLACE THAN I WANT NO PART OF IT". Holy crap, when you do that with neural pathways jammed open due to heavy lsd use, other things notice. When you are sincere in your desire to not be here, death answers, whatever that means for you. All the while, maintaining a committed relationship, being asked to be the father of someone elses child, Playing sitter for the spun out kids that were having bad trips. Providing space for almost anyone that was approached me as a friend, until they showed me otherwise. Than crashing back to earth for on the one side being weary of getting to deep, and the woman I loved at the time insisting if I didn't give up the life we were done.  None of this caused me the distress, that the contradictory programming of entertainment, versus practicality, or security if you will.  Drugs are bad, but how many stars in every field has altered how they see the world.  Education and Institutionalization, merging in my life before my eyes, and me a lover of information, trapped between a need to consume data, while not becoming it.  Take it right to my edge, look back at myself, laugh, and allow myself to fall backwards into the abyss. I was taught at 18, there isn't always someone to catch you, or at least not always the person you expected.  My love for being in the company of women extended to no care for my personal style. Generally dressing for comfort, and event are good enough for me, I did however understand very well, that if I didn't care about what I wore, that didn't mean others wouldn't. Making friends with a few differing fashion style females not a problem in a mall, getting them to pick out clothing they feel you look good in, also not a problem. Than you just pick a style, put on the costume, and allow that woman's style attract other women that share it.  Being adaptable, or having that element of theater in all aspects of life. A life itself becomes a show, being put on by you, for who knows, and at that point you almost have no choice but to choose amusement of self, until your directed otherwise by an authority you recognize, whatever that maybe, there are things that get your body dead faster than it's ability to repair. The limitation is not of body, it is of the individual, and is different for everyone. It could be a mental block, or an emotional imbalance, out of control growth, in the case of cancers, is generally pointing to a out of control growth in another area of life. When you are told your show is now considered illegal, immoral, and just plain wrong. You quit all drugs, go sober for 10 years, have people who see auras tell you your grey, and wait to die. When that is happening, and simultaneously your being told, things like. A detective that investigated a theft from a giant gas station that employed me briefly, "you might be the smartest person I've ever interviewed", or being told by a psychologist who is actively writing text books by request, "you might be the most balanced person I've ever met".  Just a few highlights of the complete contradiction between the perception people have of me that know me, and the rejection of the life I've lived that has allowed me to be me.  So sure, I have not gone screaming from the rooftops look at me, I don't need the aggravation, because regardless of if it's praise, or condemnation, it's yours not mine. I'm fucked up enough on my own to need any help in labeling me crazy.  I have a head full of books, movies, songs, tears, exultations, murder, and mayhem, going across at least 27000 or so years. I only recall a smattering of any portion of it in any given moment, but it comes in a torrent when I allow it to unfold back out in it's own way, and time.  So sure, I have spent much of my life around the edges, it was the space I could find that could accommodate me, I break eggs, sometimes they are thrown at the front doors of a church that has just been painted. Other times it's my own limited conception of existence. I've never thought of myself as smart, everyone else keeps telling me I am, no matter how much protest, yet I pride myself on being able to reason, even through the muck and mire of twisted complex emotional yuck. Does that make me smart, or just insane, does it even matter?
I've finally gotten to the point, I'm good with my life being a condemned, While I love being the person I am, fictional character and all. What it took for me, I would not wish on anyone else, and would do what I could to prevent it needing to be as traumatic.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

If I accept your lies about me will you go away?

In an attempt to share more of me, rather than the concepts I entertain. Today I'm going to cover some common misconceptions I've noticed people have about me.

I am not as nice a person as people seem to think I am. When I've had jobs they have been mostly service type, even when working freelance, it's been tech work, and consulting.  It's not that I am any nicer or any less nice than anyone else.  I'm fulfilling the role you encountered me in, as long as you do not step outside your role in relation to me, everything is hunky dory. Step out of the boundaries laid out by the nature of our encounter, and I will tell you to go fuck yourself.

I do not care about material existence, This one is almost true, though so far off base, as to be laughable. There is no matter for my to be concerned with, things exist multi-dimensionally, and they are physical unto their own realm of expression. kinda how solids interact with solids, or liquids interact with liquids. With all of it subject to relative motions, and energy/matter conversion.

My use of the appellation PanseyBard is some how indicative of sexual orientation. This was an e-mail I registered to use with a character created in Everquest.  The characters name was/is, Nuviel, picked from the words novus, and el. A mixing of languages, meaning new god. That character was a 5 year span of playing 40+ hours a week. It became a consuming addiction to being somewhere other than I found my physical being. That character became one of the top Bards in the game, spending much of it's time on a server called legends, a special ruleset server, for those who wanted more out of the game.  I am a heterosexual male, even when I imagine myself in a sexual encounter with a male, it is an odd feeling of not being true to self.

That social media is important to me.  This one cracks me up, From my perspective most social media has become marketing tools.  I am not fond of marketing, as I feel good ideas have no need to be sold.  Before I ever began to use social media, I had a plan, and understood it as tool in that plan, not the ends in itself.  Twitter is a prime example, I have 4 accounts, not that I wanted 4 accounts, was happy with one. Only I was growing the account faster than twitter identifies as the norm, When an account was suspended for playing the f4f game the twitter promo groups have going. I made another in order to figure out what I was doing wrong and right given the venue, and goals I had in mind.  When I got the 3rd account suspended in under 3 hours for getting to many followers to quickly, or what they call aggressive following tactics I started to get a handle on the automatic systems in twitter. What the groups were about, and why I seemingly did not fit in.  I backed almost completely off social media for a few years, Mostly due to being shoved out, seemingly due to not being willing to click the buttons for cash. Again, I never cared about twitter, it was about exposure.

A small group was reading my blog regularly, and felt many of the ideas had merit, so I was looking to reach out an allow others into my madness.

The 4th account was for play, and fun solely, as it's pretty much only for pornstars, cam girls, strippers, ya know, the bad girls we all wish would take us home, or come home with us, even if it's only for the night or weekend.  

That I am an arrogant know it all bastard!  ok that one is often true. It is something I work on daily to be as accepting of my own foibles as I am of others. Oddly it's that I do not feel I know anything, and am open to any spirit that has the answer showing it to me, or speaking through me to deliver it that sets up this oddity.

That I wish to be a star, I am already a rock star, always have been. Do not look for me in your deck of cards, I am not now, nor have I ever been in there. Unless your seeing me in every card. Wanna go quantum? how about for a magic ride into the nethersphere, or the spaces between spaces. I can be that lens for you to find your connection. I am not it, only the clear lens that allows you to see you.

I do not love you

I do not hate you

I do not know you

I was told my whole life the choices I made were bad, or wrong, and it took me till now, to finally get back to the self I lost in the love of women, and the programmed ideas of family, and personal development.  What I am left with for the masses, is a big fuck you. If you do not like my words do not read them. If you find me offensive at times, that is likely the response I was going for.

Yes I am so whacked out, I often program people real time, think you have freewill, come for a visit, and I will show you the error of your perception. Think the world is flat, or solid, or round, or God is this or that, those are labels, made by, and for humans.

Who am I, What am I?,

How about Where am I, When am I

I am what I desire to be, the identity labels foisted upon are not me.

Think a free person can be a citizen?

Free people owe no allegiance to anyone other than self.

Citizens owe allegiance to the state they are citizens of.

You do the math

PanseyBard.... Pan say, Bard get it?

aka Jack

be the Lorax, and can someone please find that statue, and take it back where it belongs 

Can I Borrow a Ray of Sunshine?

               Holidays For Sale Sentiment Half Off!

In case you haven't figured it out, this will be about emotional transference.  A fancy way of saying emotions about one thing or person, put on another thing or person.  This happens so often, and usually without our being aware we have done it.  Sometimes it's a natural response to repeated experience. Like when a dog beaten by a person in uniform starts barking whenever a person in uniform is around.  This is the same process at play in learning fire burns, you transfer that

experience onto another experience, and avoid the pain.  So far so good, but when you start to proactively use that understanding you get some very creative, if morally questionable results. 

What does this have to do with holidays you might ask?  Well so far I've talked about examples of negative transference, but what about positive.  That is where the holidays come in, when you see a brand use a holiday on the packaging, advertising, and marketing campaigns they are banking on at least some of those pleasant feelings you have will slide on over to them.  Taken to the extreme and you get the diamond market, this might be the most classic marketing example, and one of my personal favorites.  I say favorite with all sarcasm, but the it is amazing, that people were able to take an artificially scarce stone.  Then so completely attach it's value to symbolic for the love between a man and woman.  On top of that, make it a virtually mandatory expense as a part of the marriage rites.  Even people that have read, and already know the scam will turn around a few minutes later, and fall right back under the spell.  

                    Is that Love or Emotional Hijacking?

On a much more intimate and personal level, this same idea started to be taught, with various titles from art of seduction, to the pick up artist.  To be clear, from my perspective there is no way to morally use this kinda of information in this way.  The reason I feel this is simple, it is the same process that happens naturally and honestly when people develop a love relationship. So when someone understands how these work, they no longer work, and if they do work than your being deceptive.

      When two people meet, and the attraction is honest and genuine there is the natural desire to learn everything you can about the other person.  Usually at least early on, the other person is more interesting than we are ourselves.  This real desire to put another before self sets up automatic transference.  When the other person is so rapt in attention to your thoughts, and emotions, it's very easy to see your own feelings reflected back.  This back and forth is the investment of your own emotions into the other, it's the trick of love, that isn't a trick at all till we make it one.

       That is the problem I have in teaching this information as a means of what amounts to conquest. It turns what was one of the most wondrous experiences people can share, and turns it into sales, and

marketing of the most insidious fashion.  When people are taught to use psychological tricks on each other real time, we are on shaky ground.  I am going to single out males because this is primarily being taught to males, with reasons that might be as twisted and messed up as the teaching of it. So if a male with this understanding puts into practice it's not about love, it's about sex.  It is not about the individual woman it is being used on, point of fact it is going to become a numbers game.  So our guy understanding transference, basicly trolls the room, picking out as many possible females to start working.  When a likely prey reveals itself, it's time to move in, separate them from the herd, this is an important step, much easier to work past the defenses of one person, than a group of people.  Once in isolation, the man in question does everything possible to say nothing. The fewer words our fellow says the more likely he is to accomplish his goal.  As I said this is a numbers game, and by the numbers women are far more forgiving as to physical traits than men. Generally it's not the looks of a man that decides if a he is an acceptable mate.  So for our guy, he is not as much working to get her to desire him, as he is trying to not do something stupid to eliminate himself.  This is not as tough as it might seem, being attentive is the foundation.  All it takes is get her to talk about her passions, and lets face it we all like to talk about the things we love.  At this point it's done, the feelings, and passions will be transferred onto our Guy, and all he needs to do is not break the spell.  That is my problem with it, our guy is being taught to be dishonest in order to fulfil natural physical drives we all share. There are no winners in this approach.

            To Worship False Idols

There is much trepidation in the writing and posting of this section, with a great temptation to just leave it off.  Even most that have been right with me so far will recoil from what I am about to write as having already lambasted love, I'm about to slap religion around a bit as well.  Before I do so, I want to again state, this not intended as an offence or attack on anyone or organization.  There are wonders, and horrors to be found in everything.  If for whatever reason you find these ideas over the line, stop reading, label me crazy, and go on with your life.  I won't be offended, or hurt, and neither will you.

    At their core all our religious, and societal structures have through out history strove to do one thing. Unite and focus the energy of a group of people, that are by nature individualistic and resistant to homogenization.  Think of the idea of trying to herd cats, or how wilful toddlers can be, and you have the concept I'm going for.  To accomplish this, they use the idea of dedication to something larger than self.  Secular or Faith based does not matter the outcome is a ideology, with all the trappings positive and negative. So we can have secular saints, zealots of atheism, and holy wars. These are all done the same way, a process almost of deification that is seemingly well understood, and has been for countless ages.  If you haven't figured it out already, I'm talking about how worship

works, how we interact with divinity.  In crafting our ceremonies, rituals, rallies, what have you, there is purpose. The purpose is always the same, to guide the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, to an end.  No matter the end, for good or ill, the dynamics involved are the same, predictable, and exploitable.  Just take a look at the people who have changed the world, they understood theater very well.  Even a historic figure as reviled as  Hitler is known to have trained in oratory skills, his rallies finely tuned works of theater to weave an emotional trance state in the attendees.  A group hypnosis, where the voice of the rational mind is drowned out by the emotional attachments being manipulated.
I know we all like to think we are strong willed individuals that would never get swept up by the sentiments of the crowd.  The truth is the desire to give up our self into the care of something larger than yourself is seemingly fundamental to our make up.  We want to believe, and often so badly we fool ourselves, or make excuses.  Even religion, it has nothing to do with God, it is the exploitation of our own fear of mortality.  If there is a religion that is actually focused on God, and not on man I have yet to become aware of it.  Being human centric they concern themselves with how divinity can assist humans, or what the plan of divinity is for humanity.  They exploit some fairly basic psychological truths, not a one of us can ever live up to our own vision of perfection. So we will always see ourselves as horribly flawed, even when our external response is to project perfection. That the unknown is both exciting and terrifying, something we always want to glimpse, but not get any on us.  The trifecta for religion is an comforting partial truth or outright lie on the fate of those we have lost.  You ever stop to wonder how odd it is to have an intermediary to the ineffable, the unknowable.


in closing there is love enough for everyone, more than we can bear, and if the sun ever stops shining it's love upon us, by the time we realize it, we will already be dead.

as always make up your mind.
Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

   

LSD a Lost Soul's Dream

                     Disclaimer

I have not had any contact with LSD for about 20 years. So no I do not know where to get any, and thank you, but I have no wish to purchase any.  This is not intended as an endorsement or condemnation of any substance or practice that seeks to alter consciousness.  The very fact differentiated states of consciousness exist, and within this experience we can access them means they will be accessed.  There are myriad methods of altering consciousness, the truth of which is simple.  What is changed is not consciousness, only our individual experience of it.  Our experience, what we have termed consciousness, mind, emotion, spirit, physicality can be looked at as structured, and structuring of data.  Not unlike how a computer functions, with a series of on/off switches linked structures directing electrical flow into set patterns which can be assigned definitions, and repeated, to create desired effects.  This really is not surprising when you understand everything external is a representation of something internal.  We do not so much create, as imitate and adapt, if you feel something is original or out of left field, it is only that you have yet to experience what is being externalized.  From another perspective, we can only create that which the rules of the universe flower of life, or tree of life.  These are overlapping, and interlocking creating what has been termed the holofractal. Like in music where the space between the notes are of equal import to the notes played.  Our experience we call reality is based as much on what is not seen, heard or felt, as what is seen, heard, and felt.  Where ever you are at the moment, what ever your doing, roughly 95% of what is taking place, you are unaware of.  In other words, what you are experiencing right now, is based on only 5% of the information around you.  Not that you are limited to a particular portion of the information. Often it is a matter of our own focus that becomes the limiting factor, another is not having a method of interpretation.  Basicly we need the framework for the experience to fit in, before we are able to make sense of the experience.  We have an idea of singularity, stemming from our own sense of self, which we project onto creation, and are rewarded with confirming feedback.  This is the very idea of god, the universe, creation whatever you want to call it, coming to you as you are able to currently accept it.  What we normally consider a singular I, is at minimum 3 repeated I's interwoven, this is reflected to us everywhere. From as abstract as no thing can be said to be, or event have happened till it confirmed by 2 independent sources. Right on through to body/mind/spirit, and a table or chair needing at least 3 legs to stand on it's own. Or even in the song lyrics from P.M. Dawn, "we always are, because we never were".  Each breath, each step, every thought, everything we ingest, all of it, alters how we perceive the experience we call life. The difference being the nature of that change, and how closely that change is relatable to your current experience. With what we call psychoactive compounds we have a chemical code used to create predictable physiological changes, that can change what information we process, and or how we process it.   From here it is not difficult to understand, why and how, already brilliant people that partake of these compounds, it often leads to new insights.  The insights were always there, the person just needed the eyes to see them.  Also why some do not find their way back, or when they do are fundamentally altered.

allow.  If we could it would not be a rule, it would be a guideline.  Most of our confusion in the nature of mind, and consciousness stem from our world view called materialism.  The conception that all things rise from matter, that our consciousness is created by the body.  There is much to be learned from this model, however it is not reflected in as absolute in our experience.  Even in our ideas of how the universe sprang into being from the big bang, start not with the heaviest elements, and particles, but with the lightest,  This experience is not predicated on the singular, but on an interplay between interconnected repeated patterns. These can be thought of as spheres of influence, represented in scared teachings such as the

              My Time in the Cloud

In the 90's there was a resurgence in LSD, it was suddenly everywhere, and I was well placed to participate.  The time, access and inclination combined perfectly to have me experimenting for a couple of years, often dosing a couple of times a week.  After my initial introduction, it was quickly apparent, this was not a party time drug, but a tool for the exploration of self.  That was precisely how I approached it, not from a scientific method, but a personal tool to understand who, and what I am, and how I relate to everything normally viewed as not me.  When ingesting LSD my intention was in general to move as far away from what I normally viewed as me.  This usually involved ingesting a

10 strip, and sequestering myself to my room, and meditating for hours on end.  There became a point where my intention was to get to a point where verbal communication was no longer viable due to the individualized definitions we each have for every word we know.   This I came to understand is related to the idea, you can not listen while your speaking, or listening being an active thing, not passive.  Once my projections slowed, and stopped, impressions normally washed out by my own noise became clear. When the return to my normal conscious state would come into sight, a furious rush of activity would ensue. Attempting to ground the realization into my physical experience, and often followed by synchronistic events to flesh out, or serve as confirmation.  Not that what is experienced is always accurate, this owning in large part to the ability of person to comprehend, and relate the experience.  As well as what is being experienced is not about truth, or fact, but the experience itself.  My active use time with LSD eventually ended, with a clear concise message, stating unequivocally if I continued it would become a detriment, and not a benefit.  Basicly I had blown the crap out of my mind, to where it would begin to shatter, not stretch.  So what did I learn from my time with LSD?  Nothing at all.  What I experienced though changed me in ways I am still working on understanding.  I'll share 2 very different journey's, what you make of them is up to you, each are and were valid and true for me in their own way.  In no way should anything I've said so far, or am going to say, is intended for any validation, or rejection from the reader.  The act of sharing itself is the motivation. My current understanding tells me, my unique perspective on what I have experienced is all I have to offer, and what makes me, uniquely me.

                   People Powers

I am a people person, thats not to say I like everyone, or even desire to interact with people all the time.  Point of fact I am quite selective on those I call friend. This is of course only a reflection on me, and not an accurate reflection of those I know, or am aware of, but do not count as friend.  When I call myself a people person, it's that the relationships we develop, or dismantle are what has meaning here.  More so than anything else that is what lasts, even in our looking back in history it's through a lens of how it relates to us.  My fascination with people, as well as a certain detached perspective far precede my LSD adventure.  Back into early childhood, of being an only child raised by a single mother, plenty of time to be with myself, and live with my own choices.  Little wonder

that when a personal introduction to universal teaching happened, it was couched in terms of people.

      During one of my early 10 strip meditation sessions, a number theory was laid out for me, I claim no origination of it, not even an original take on it. Only that it was new to me.  As I would come to learn after, what I was describing has been around forever, and called many things. For me it came as what made solid circles of people. The idea is quite simple, you are a set, when you interact with another set, the 2 of you create a new super-set, that encompasses both of you.  This idea of creating a new set that is an amalgamation of the subset is repeated through the primary numbers.  The theory laid out which of these groupings would self regulate, and which would require constant attention, or risk collapse.  As it went through, the numbers, laid out was how to pattern group dynamics to be self regulating, with this being scaleable.

1 is complete and whole unto itself, it needs nothing else to be complete.  This is the idea of a person becoming self contained, as long as they remain isolated they are a stable unit.

2 the idea of a couple, this can be, but is not on it's own a stable unit. Each involved must make a concerted effort to maintain the super-set, or it will either, break into 2 sets of 1, or it will attract a 3rd.  This is that idea of intense bursts of intimacy, That either blossom into a more complex expression, or finds it's completion and satiation before withdrawing into comfortable boundaries.

3 This is where first station of stability, groups of 3 are self stabilizing, where the desires and motivations of the individuals are balanced not on the shoulders of one, but all there.  This is not to say all interactions between 3 people are balanced, only that they are self balancing. with the balance point of each trine being a representation of the combined energies of each participant.  I can almost feel the "victims" of the broken atomic families, mother, father, child scream in horror.  The negatively viewed experiences most have from break downs in nuclear family structures happen before the child is brought into the picture usually.  Most these come from the lies we tell each other in those intense bursts of intimacy.  I know, I know, the idea that men and women both lie about what they really want out of those intense bursts is absurd.

     For the purposes of this article I don't feel a need to go through all the numbers, much the same information I would impart can be found all over, and not my purpose in the writing this.  A few days after this I was down at the local metaphysical shop, it was Bethel, CT in the 90's even that there was a high profile shop of this type was new.  In talking with the owner, she was amazing as I attempted to impart this theory, listening like it was of actual interest, not the ravings of drugged. When I finished she asked me if I had heard of the  kabbalah as what I had described to her were the basis of it's teachings.  That was my first interaction with the word, of the system it represents. now that would be a neat trick. Just as an interesting anecdote or at least interesting to me. I was introduced to the teachings of the Kabbalah in town, who's name is hebrew for house of God.

         Under the Sea

Growing up in the US, an exposure to the idea of armageddon or the end of earth are pretty tough to avoid.  I can remember having dreams of it, going back to before I am able to pinpoint.  This pervasive theme was brought into a fullness of being so painful, it wrecked me, shredded boundaries of emotional separation I was not even aware existed, and to a certain extent I had to spend years reconstructing to be able to deal with being in large public areas with lots of people around without being energetically overwhelmed,  becoming strung out off the combined emotional output of the crowd. As you might have guessed this was a stark contrast to the above experience, yet it also involved the focus on people, a 10 strip, and prolonged meditation.  Though I had like most had heard of ideas of mass consciousness, it was always something remote, not something a person interacted with directly.  At some point that conception morphed, into the idea, that if the concept of a collective consciousness was truth, than being a portion of it, I could essentially go back through the downstream of it, and experience it directly.  In doing so I found myself confronted by what I can only describe as a guardian.  Not a guardian to barr my path, one to warn me, that where I was headed was a danger to the ego attempting to experience it. .  Having no frame of reference for this warning it went unheeded, and off I went into the storm.  Finding myself in what seemed to be the mother of cyclonic storm systems, organized chaos, raw, rough, with seemingly no awareness of it's own actions, or their effects.  This was in large part due to my clinging to a spot, by standing in opposition to the flow of mass consciousness, it was left with no choice but remove the obstruction.
. The ego fog ripped away, the main Island of Japan was far below me, every person felt as if it was me.  Like I was experiencing Japan from the perspective of it's group consciousness.  Only it was in process of being reclaimed by the sea, The water rushing in so quickly with so little warning no one had anywhere to flee to.  This was felt as unadulterated terror, rage, fear, millions upon millions of people dying in pain, and fear in a matter of moments.  I remember very clearly that it was not their death that was so painful for me, that was a normal expected outcome of life. The pain I felt was the dying in a state of fear, in the belief they were alone.  It was the nature of the death that was the pain, and there were bastions of calm, people who had no fear, and were at peace with this event, but in the main people believed themselves to be isolated in life, and felt themselves slide into a cold isolation of darkness in death. Not that it was accurate, as no one is ever alone, small balm to one in the experience of it. 

Again do not take this as a recommendation, endorsement. I would not change my time with LSD, there also would be a cautionary tale for anyone wishing to embark on their own exploration.

Be Careful what you wish for, the universe is a giant yes machine

as always make up your own mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

What IF!!!!!

Please Do Not Read This Post If:

     There has been an idea rolling around in my mind. A different perspective on a story almost everyone on the planet has heard.  The story of the fruit of the tree of knowledge, the story of the expulsion from paradise.  That is why if you believe there are lines that there are appropriate boundaries for though experimentation.  Or that words, or ideas should stay within the bounds of good taste, and parsed for political correctness.  Go read something else, the fundamental conception of the Eden story will be toyed with, poked and prodded.  If that is something you would have a problem with, than it is your responsibility to stop reading now, or keeping reading, and don't forget to pray for my salvation. If your religious you might believe I need it.

The Who, What, Where:

      In the traditional conceptions of this story, our characters are easily definable, and laid out clearly.  God, the Serpent, and Adam and Eve.  Eve, and Adam are put forth not as us, but as the parents of Humanity.  We have in the main equated this with them being as we are.  That is not likely the case, these are pre-expulsion, pre fruit of knowledge humans.  A version of humanity that is able to walk in the presence of it's creator.  So while they might the most like us of the characters in the story, it is likely a mistake to equate them to us.  These are beings that exist in a state of pristine grace.

     The Serpent is of course put forth as the deceiver, the corruptor, or villain.   In our story, as it has been presented, The Serpent lies to Eve.  Seemingly in opposition to the wishes of God, Serpent tells Eve, you most assuredly not die, but become like God.  This is a rather odd predicament, it presents so questions not easily resolved.  Questions such as, God is presented as an omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient being.  So how would Serpent, a creation of God, act in ways contrary to the wishes of God, as well as it being without God knowing.

    God of course is put forth as the all powerful, loving, creator of all things.  Who is a seemingly irresponsible deity if looked at from a rational perspective.  In our story, God makes all things, at some point making the Garden as a habit for the creation of Adam, and subsequently Eve.  While giving the tour of the habitat, God lays out the ground rules.  Basicly saying anything goes, but don't eat the fruit from the of the knowledge of good and evil.  Making the opposing statement to the serpent, that for they would surely die.  A prime example of irresponsible parenting. This would be akin to making a baby room, and putting a poison plant in it.  Combined with the reverse psychology setting a self reinforcing compulsion to eat the fruit.  So can we really say God did not intend for the fruit to be eaten?

    Eden is the setting of most our story, a paradise created for Adam, and Eve.  With most linking it directly to a location on earth, a sort of preserve, outside of which is referred to as wilderness.  Interestingly it does point to an idea there is not only other places, but other beings already inhabiting those places.  With that idea, Eden might just as well be considered a habit carved out of a larger environment.  Not unlike man altering an environment to be more conducive to the task at hand. Looked at from another perspective, Eden could be seen as the womb of humanity, the thing with a womb is, once in your expulsion is a forgone conclusion.

    The Fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Blech that is for sure a mouthful.  Many places have questioned if it was the widely accepted apple or pomegranate, or whatever. What the physical representation of the fruit is matters little.  What is important is the idea that eating it, causes a change to the nature of a being.  In our story this is put forward as an event, Eve eats the fruit, convinces Adam to do the same, expulsion ensues, and here we are.  The idea being that the fruit was eaten, and the event is over.  Is that accurate?  When we eat just our normal sustenance that is just the beginning. The majority of the story of consumption takes place after the physical act, it's in the processing of.  Might that be the case with our fruit?

What if They are Both Telling the Truth:

      Growing up with Star Wars, there is a line delivered by Ben, in defence of his using perspective, and tricks of language to not lie, but also not admit inconvenient facts.  Ben tells Luke, "your going to find that many of the truths we cling to, rely greatly on our point of view".  Might our Eden story, and it's related lies be hiding a similar lesson?   So in a much abridged, with great creative license.

     Adam, and Eve, have not comprehension of good or evil, actions are actions, experienced in the moment with no attachment, or even understanding.  They are also not as God, but in a state of grace in communion with God.  The connection to their source is always present, so death as we conceptualize it,  pain and pleasure have no meaning. Even if we accept there is physical existence as we would recognize it.  Adam and Eve pre fruit would not have the capacity of ego yet, that sense of I, we use to differentiate what we think of as self from the whole.   So God in saying you will surely die is telling the truth. Pre fruit there is no experience of loss, post fruit, the sense of I creates the sense of mine, loss, and death ensue.  So God in the story is telling truth, as evidenced by us everyday.  So how can Serpent also be truthful?  Perspective, is the short answer.  Serpent says we for sure will not die, and more over we will become like God.  In the story we are told we are created in the image and likeness of God, so the reality is, the only aspect missing is the famous delphic statement of "know thyself".  Adam, and Even in the Garden are already in every respect as God, they are only lacking the knowledge of what they are.  So the change that takes place when Serpent tricks Eve, is not a material change, but one of understanding, and knowledge.  That change is not one of a singular event completed when the last bite of the fruit.  Taking that first bite, set in motion a process of self discovery, that is ongoing.  The expulsion from Eden is not one of punishment, or even a violation of rules.  It is as natural a consequence as we find the development of a fetus in the womb, leading to the birth of a child.  Once the process of gathering the knowledge through experience of good and evil. Eden became a non viable habitat, as Adam, and Eve had become other that what it was created for.  As a parting, thought ideas of a return to Eden being through child like innocence, become more akin to going back to a state before the eating of the fruit.  Though a more likely outcome for this story is a moving through the process, and becoming as we were in the beginning with full knowledge of what we are in the present.

as always make up your own damn mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard 

Living in the Current Sea

         

Toes in the Water

         Once again I'm going to talk about money, and currency, things I find fascinating, frustrating, and generally misunderstood.  Money is anything that stores value, and is widely expungeable, meaning it's easy to trade.  This makes almost any object money of a sort. Currency on the other hand is often not money, Fiat currency is never money, yes I'm saying those pieces of paper people seem so enamoured with are not money, though they are currency. So what does this mean on a practical level?   For many nothing, they will not make the distinction, and will have a confusing relationship

with what has become an essential tool in an increasingly complex global civilization.  Others will quickly grasp the concepts and see myriad ways to apply that understanding for individual advantage. Still others, myself among them come to a rather uncomfortable realization, at the core of many "conspiracy" tale.  Private central banks of issuance in a fiat system have come to own the world.  Crazier still, with how the systems have been set up, future generations taxes have been promised to pay for "borrowing" of the present (I used the quotes there due to borrowing requires something to be transferred).  So the productivity of future generations has been promised as collateral for infinite "borrowing" power in the present.  We hear screams of out of control debt in a system where no currency is ever created except through debt.  There is a valid reason for this, we are in many ways a bipolar system.  On the one hand coldly rational, on the other fluidly emotional.  In pure fiat systems, being backed up by nothing other that acts of faith (laws, continuity of government, that the sun will come up...tomorrow), perception is often more important than the hard figures.  When fiat currency systems reach numbers people start to view as unrealistic, it triggers a cascade collapse. This of course is an emotional event, not a mathematical event. In a purely math sense a fiat system can expand infinitely.  So if debt is the basis of the system, yet to much debt crashes the system, what we have is cleaver tight rope act, of keeping enough debt being retired, or payed off, with a constant supply of new debt being created,  Issues begin when you start to add in ideas of fractional reserves, leverage, interest, and speculation. Before I get on with a visualization of these concepts, lets take a quick stab at some of those issues.

The Waves

          Fractional reserves, and leverage have much in common. Each act as force multipliers to steal a term from military strategy.  In fractional reserve it allows for the lending of thing that do not exist. In simple terms, it lets a bank hold 1 dollar, and lend out 10. In a similar fashion leverage allows 1 dollar to pretend to be 10.  These both create distortions in the Current Sea(more on this later), or economy,  With the bank there is never any risk when using a fractional reserve system.  Banks do not lend any money out, when a loan is created new currency is created, supposedly fractionally backed by bank money.  This newly created currency has a life span of the loan, and it's value is in it's tie to house, or car, business it was originated for.  Leverage distorts the current sea is similar ways by creating an artificial increase in total number of units making up the complete current sea.
Though it does so in a different manor. Using leverage you can take 1 dollar, put it up as your risk, while you use 10 dollars to speculate in some market, or venture.  Leverage is generally a short term loan so to speak. often lasting only the day.  This is tied in to the ideas of margin,  Margin calls have, or the act of calling in all loans due, is how our system has repeatedly transferred real wealth to the banking interests.
         Interest, or usury, especially compounding interest might be the single biggest factor in turning currency from a tool to support the development of humanity, into a tool to enslave it.  As already pointed out if a fiat system our currency has nothing physical backing it, and is only brought into being through creation of debt. This sets up the need for what has become known as the infinite growth paradigm.  Essentially, if you borrow 10 dollars today cuz you need to eat, and promise to pay it back in a week with interest here is a simplified version of what takes place.  You go to a bank, and ask to borrow 10 dollars cuz your hungry, you say you will have more currency in one week, and pay it back in full at that time.  The bank says sure, but, you have to pay us 11 dollars.  The bank than types 10 dollars into a computer letting the current sea know you now have access to this newly created energy.  Ok so at the end of the week you have used the 10 dollars, and go into the bank and hand over 11 dollars just as promised, sounds ok right?  On a closer look this presents many problems.  As soon as those 10 dollars are created, the value, or purchasing power of each existing dollar is reduced. The 1 dollar of interest was never created, so must be taken from somewhere else. This where the enslavement comes in. where that effort it takes you to generate that dollar  is taken from you. In basic theory the interest is the banks "profit", in reality it's much different.  As the dollars did not exist until you asked for them, and you "paid" the loan of those phantom dollars with dollars obtained from another source, be it your work, or a loan from another source, or whatever, the whole 11 dollars is pure "profit" with zero risk, all at the stroke of a few keys.  This also creates a system where all currency is not created equally.  Currency created at lower interest rates becomes much more powerful, and desirable, as it can be used to for speculative purposes with a higher rate of return.  That might seem complex, but really it's fairly simple, if a dollar is created with .10 cents of interest attached to it, or a simple flat 10% interest rate, that dollar starts out with a value of 90 cents. Where a dollar created with .20 cents of interest attached with start out with a true value of .80 cents. Not to tough to see, how these hidden differences in the values of the same currency can  be exploited by those with access and understanding.  Another distortion occurs when the interest rates are manipulated, causing misallocation of currency, along with a changes in the currency velocity. When interest rates are held artificially low, currency pools as the perceived risks of "lending" it outweigh the potential returns, as well as higher returns are easier to find in speculation of growing pools of currency that new real world productive endeavors.  When interest rates are artificially high than the speculative investment moves into making loans. Causing the currency velocity to soar, but increased risk in the nature of the loans made. Many other issues exist in interest being attached to currency creation, just look into the history of usury.
      Lastly, before we take a look at the idea of the "Current Sea"  lets look at at how speculation warps, and distorts our whole economic system.  First off there is a difference between speculative, and productive investment.   Productive investment has real world attachment, and purpose, for example a community coming together to be sure the farmers have enough seed to provide for food needs, or even providing the currency for research and development of new technology, or advancement of medical understanding.  Productive investment carries a risk to the currency invested, but the pay off is not in a return of currency, but produced item, or resource.  The flip to this, speculative investing is purely done with the intent to generate more currency for the investor.
 Productive investment adds to the well being of the whole, multiplying the beneficial effects of new development by pooling the resources of a group, and directing the flow of the "Current Sea".  On the other hand speculative investing is purely done for the purpose of generating more currency for the speculator.  Now it still sometimes provides currency used for productive means, and many productive investments are speculative. The real problems arise when the investing drifts into the purely speculative.  In commodities when there is no actual transfer of possession, and the speculation is purely on paper, it creates distortions in value of products people rely on for daily survival such as food, and water.  When currency itself is allowed to become a speculative commodity, the potential distortion to the purchasing power of the individual units of currency can be catastrophic.  Basically each dollar used to bet on the future value of the dollar distorts the current, and future purchasing power the everyday person uses to sustain their daily lives.  Pure speculative investment is a tax, plain and simple it creates no value, instead stealing value from whatever it infects, kind of a parasite, on the productivity of the whole. So how can these be avoid, while still allowing for the benefits or fiat currency? Just change how currency is viewed and hopefully it becomes evident.

Smooth Sailing

       I've repeatedly used the term "Current Sea" throughout this meandering, but what is meant by it? Our economic system taken in it's entirety is the "Current Sea", with the people, and corporations being the entities, and the currency being the water all depend on and exist in.  Like any body of water it has currents, eddy's, shallows, and hidden depths.  It can be likened to a living sea with all different types of entities all connected and sustained by the sea.  So pretty easy analogy, currency is the water, the life blood, or energy flowing through our "Current Sea" driving the living system that sustains us all. With this depiction in mind, apply some of the distorting ideas, suddenly some of the entities find themselves as fish out of water.  The distorting effects of our current economic systems could be likened to whirlpools, drawing in more and more currency, sucking it away from entities on the edges of the "Current Sea".  In a healthy "Current Sea" the currency flows bringing along with it all each entity needs to thrive.  This relates to the ideas of money, and currency in profound ways, true money becomes a store for currency, but not currency itself.  Currency stays in it's proper place as the life blood of productive endeavor, while money acts as a store house for the future use of

productivity.  Under the rules of the game as we now play, a central bank of issue, combined with a cartel of private banks run the "Current Sea" for the benefit of themselves.  In an ideal system the currency would be managed from the perspective of keeping the "Current Sea" healthy.  In other words keeping the currency as a tool of the people. In this type of system, the entities living in the "Current Sea" naturally direct the flow of the currency, ebbs and flows of industry come back to demand based. The rise and fall of the so called business cycle ceases, to shamelessly steal from those much more perceptive than I, the spice flows.
      I have no degrees in economics, and might be inclined to debate if any such thing is reasonable in relation to what is an admitted pseudoscience.  Our systems have been increasingly complexified in order to obfuscate it's true predatory nature.  If I need more qualification aside from having been a participant for my entire life and being capable of observation, it has yet to been brought to my attention.  I could go on and on, but I think that will have to wait for future posts.


Jack
aka
PanseyBard