How to Kill the Rabbit, and Live to Tell the Tail!

       To be perfectly clear, and up front, what follows for many will seem madness, and that is to be expected. Being raised in a culture that prizes logical order, the structure of binary, of code, and cryptography. The mindscape of symbol, metaphor, trans possessive personal, where you are so vain you do think all the songs are about you. Yet you know for certain, no one knows who you are, nor is there any reason for them to.  If you haven't already been baffled by the psychobabble bullshit I have already slung, than feel free to tag along as I lay out a little of the slaying of my own white rabbit.
       Hindsight as they say is 20/20 a blatant misrepresentation if there ever was for a truism. Evidence supports the closer to the events the recounting of the event is, the more accurate that recounting is.  Hindsight in ones own life is a bit different affair, that odd paradox of observing ones self from multiple perspectives, or camera angles, lending creative license to almost endless reimagining of the events, known to have taken place. As easy as a shift in background, a snappy change of speech, alteration of wardrobe, and voila a story everyone knows, yet no one can say it happened. At least not quite the way it's been written, so when I say all the songs, stories, hymns, condemnations, recriminations, desecrations, are about me. It's not an ego aggrandizement, it's a learned response to being projected on my entire life. To be fair, it's a wonderful game, to be the secret unknown object of all attention, regardless of intent, or purpose, solely due to coming to the acceptance of the interconnectedness of all things as a given. Or at least that sounds good in theory, in practice the experience has been quite different.  I am not religious, dogmatic devotion to any belief for me leaves no room for growth, no chance new. It's a place of stagnation, due to entropy, as the saying goes, once you stop growing you start dying. While it offers continuity, it can lead to being trapped in time. As the dwindling numbers of all the throwback anti progress faith make plain, stagnation is demise. I think of it more as, once you close the circle, it's an egg, and eggs, hatch, or get broken, or rot, but they do not stay eggs. Oddly, the trick, and it is a trick, is dissociative, that ability to completely discount personal identity, to the point where you suck in identity from all around. For children at play, it's just imagination, put that is encouraged to be set aside for more practical pursuits.  All while this world is driven by the imaginations of a seeming select few who are recognized as such, and encouraged, to bring forth their vision for the sake of everyone,  The proverbial, hey kid you wanna be a star?  I remember the first time that happened to me, at least sort of, I was to young to approached directly, so it was relayed through my mother.  We lived in socal, San Diego area, mom asked me if I would be interested in doing commercials, because someone had approached her, but that the choice was mine.  I said no, it sounded alot like work to me, and frankly I was already a slacker, doing what I wanted, not what was expected. By 5th grade, a major turning point for my life, I had played center halfback in state level soccer tournament, plucked out of normal classes, identified as gifted with dyslexia, and add. While being a latch key kid from kindergarten, being raised by single mother. Was there other family, and people around sure, I was not isolated by any means. I was self reliant, I had responsibilities, even when I abused them.  I was for the most part put in charge of myself, or took charge of myself, from as early as I can remember. This of course would set up some nasty confrontations with my mother later in life, though those too are all just part of the story. The fictionalized narrative of identity, used to single me out from the herd of humanity.
       Till about the age of 16 or so, I on a decent enough track for a classic underachiever, I did well in the subjects that interested me, and got by in the ones that didn't. Often it had less to do with subject matter, and more to do with presentation.  I had always been interested in being social, so when I dropped out of school, the jobs I looked for were ones with high levels of social interaction. Mainly retail, quickly in management of course, up to running stores. Often up to nefarious purpose, like working at gfox in the danbury fair mall, getting moved to domestics from the loading dock, a couple of friends and I pretty much ran it, our superior just checking in, and occasionally taking us to count license plates. When we were not given the raise promised, we picked black friday to walk out, they kind of caved, but how could an anchor store in the biggest mall in  New England at least at the time, allow itself to be held hostage by 3, 17 or 18 year old kids.  Of course they broke us up, not fired, just moved us around. For me it was domestics, I told the HR woman, she might as well fire me, that I would not work in domestics. She ignored me, so I spent next few months sneaking out a back door, and playing video games, or whatever, and sneaking back in. It was just how I rolled, no matter how pleasant or nice or smooth talking, or whatever someone might seem. That does not preclude them screwing you over, especially when they flat out tell you they are going to, that does not take a genius to understand. Once in what for me was the perfect spot of the moment, running a new and used video game store, on the edge of a district far from the home office. I hired folks like me, or that were ok with my style, we had code, like "who wants to take out the trash" and yes we took out the trash, and while doing so we took a few hits off a bowl. When we had to do title by title inventories once a month, I made it an event, a party. The store thrived to where Toy's R US invoked a non-competition clause in it's lease to force a location change, leading to my breaking the relationship with the company.  This was not a tough choice at all, for while working there I pretty much stumbled into being a connection for pot, at the time just commercial brick, There was never an intention to do so, I was earning enough so I could plan ahead in my own habits, so they were less of a distraction, no one likes being out of their drug of choice, whatever it might, yoga, prayer, exercise, heroin, all alter body chemistry, changing the physiological state, which alters the perception, and experience, and interaction with the world. This idea can be taken all the way to anything your body is not self producing being in essence a drug, ridiculous in the extreme I know, but who's definitions are these?
        We tend to gravitate toward friends that have proclivities at least in some ways like our own, so of course I had stoner friends. I wouldn't even go to job interviews if I wasn't stoned, I wanted to be sure no one would think anything of me being high at work. Did it so well, the only time anyone said anything was when I wasn't stoned, because that was the odd behavior from their perspective, and for me, stoned was the normal.  When you have some, people will ask for it, and being friends, and it being pot, of course you share, that kind of sharing grows rapidly. Especially if your good at keeping of the numbers. I was full on fronted, a lb to start, at a stupid high price really, but the prices were already so outrageous, I literally undercut em by half. A quarter dropped from 60 to 30, in short order it was tough to even leave the house, and when I wanted to take a vacation, or even go for a weekend, rewarding someone a friend, or housemate was well worth it. At one point, a full client base was just transferred over to me, as the woman was worried about her child being taken if she was arrested. For me the budding pot empire, in a sleepy corner of southern CT, allowed free time, to play, and explore. Having been recently introduced to lsd, and loving the effects, I quickly poured through altered states of consciousness teachings from channeled sources, to Castenada, to Leary, Dass, and the like, on to Kabbalah, tarot, Crowley. I still have some of what for me the most influential texts, but from an intuitive, as well as logical perspective, and they mesh quite nicely. The crazy out of nowhere nature of quantum, intuition, and the logic for why that is exactly how things do function seem a matter of, duh, and like I'm the only one that hasn't figured it out, as seemingly everywhere I turn, the symbols that help shape, mold me are everywhere telling me things.  Things not for me, but for everyone, though few see them as even connected. All the lsd, over the course of about a year and half, lots of days popping a 10 strip to fry in meditation for hours, upon hours. If it made sense to use words to communicate, I felt I did not get far enough from everyday consciousness states,  I didn't just want to know, I had to know. I had judged the world, as being unworthy of my presence, without even understanding that was what I was doing.  I screamed at whatever was there, because I knew there had to be something, and if there wasn't, than it didn't matter anyway.  "IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS TO THIS PLACE THAN I WANT NO PART OF IT". Holy crap, when you do that with neural pathways jammed open due to heavy lsd use, other things notice. When you are sincere in your desire to not be here, death answers, whatever that means for you. All the while, maintaining a committed relationship, being asked to be the father of someone elses child, Playing sitter for the spun out kids that were having bad trips. Providing space for almost anyone that was approached me as a friend, until they showed me otherwise. Than crashing back to earth for on the one side being weary of getting to deep, and the woman I loved at the time insisting if I didn't give up the life we were done.  None of this caused me the distress, that the contradictory programming of entertainment, versus practicality, or security if you will.  Drugs are bad, but how many stars in every field has altered how they see the world.  Education and Institutionalization, merging in my life before my eyes, and me a lover of information, trapped between a need to consume data, while not becoming it.  Take it right to my edge, look back at myself, laugh, and allow myself to fall backwards into the abyss. I was taught at 18, there isn't always someone to catch you, or at least not always the person you expected.  My love for being in the company of women extended to no care for my personal style. Generally dressing for comfort, and event are good enough for me, I did however understand very well, that if I didn't care about what I wore, that didn't mean others wouldn't. Making friends with a few differing fashion style females not a problem in a mall, getting them to pick out clothing they feel you look good in, also not a problem. Than you just pick a style, put on the costume, and allow that woman's style attract other women that share it.  Being adaptable, or having that element of theater in all aspects of life. A life itself becomes a show, being put on by you, for who knows, and at that point you almost have no choice but to choose amusement of self, until your directed otherwise by an authority you recognize, whatever that maybe, there are things that get your body dead faster than it's ability to repair. The limitation is not of body, it is of the individual, and is different for everyone. It could be a mental block, or an emotional imbalance, out of control growth, in the case of cancers, is generally pointing to a out of control growth in another area of life. When you are told your show is now considered illegal, immoral, and just plain wrong. You quit all drugs, go sober for 10 years, have people who see auras tell you your grey, and wait to die. When that is happening, and simultaneously your being told, things like. A detective that investigated a theft from a giant gas station that employed me briefly, "you might be the smartest person I've ever interviewed", or being told by a psychologist who is actively writing text books by request, "you might be the most balanced person I've ever met".  Just a few highlights of the complete contradiction between the perception people have of me that know me, and the rejection of the life I've lived that has allowed me to be me.  So sure, I have not gone screaming from the rooftops look at me, I don't need the aggravation, because regardless of if it's praise, or condemnation, it's yours not mine. I'm fucked up enough on my own to need any help in labeling me crazy.  I have a head full of books, movies, songs, tears, exultations, murder, and mayhem, going across at least 27000 or so years. I only recall a smattering of any portion of it in any given moment, but it comes in a torrent when I allow it to unfold back out in it's own way, and time.  So sure, I have spent much of my life around the edges, it was the space I could find that could accommodate me, I break eggs, sometimes they are thrown at the front doors of a church that has just been painted. Other times it's my own limited conception of existence. I've never thought of myself as smart, everyone else keeps telling me I am, no matter how much protest, yet I pride myself on being able to reason, even through the muck and mire of twisted complex emotional yuck. Does that make me smart, or just insane, does it even matter?
I've finally gotten to the point, I'm good with my life being a condemned, While I love being the person I am, fictional character and all. What it took for me, I would not wish on anyone else, and would do what I could to prevent it needing to be as traumatic.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Tommy! Archetype for the Electric Kool Aid Initiation

      A couple of days ago, I hacked together an entertainment setup, from an old tube tv, a 3d blu-ray player with internet apps, and a directv remote I found to control it all. I plan on adding in a digital to analog converter box, and a homemade powered antenna, as the resources to do so become available. I began playing movies I hadn't seen since for at least 20 years or so, The great rock'n'roll swindle, and Tommy were among my selections for that first day's use.  Tommy in particular stood as having been completely misunderstood by myself, and seemingly most of the people I know who have watched it.  With the majority labeling dismissively as a rock opera, with little meaning beyond the entertainment value. Having come to the realization that entertainment has never been about enjoyment per se, but more about passing on cultural understanding and wisdom passed through the ages.  I was still in for a disconcerting surprise upon watching Tommy from my current perspective. What I was not prepared for was, the dramatization of what myself and others have experienced in our everyday lives.  The movie itself is an adaptation of the initiation rituals of the mystery traditions, skewed toward the inclusion of LSD as a catalyzing agent.
    Having first being exposed to Tommy as a child, pretty sure it was 3rd grade. It's message was lost on my, the effect of the movie for me than was one of feeling protective of those who were unable to protect themselves.  This was personified in a brief scene where a lovely girl is about to be shot, and Tommy shows up to alter the encounter just through his presence.  At the time, this was so profound for me that I had nightmares about it.  Nightmares are rare for me, and generally only occur when death is near me.  In that instance the death I was feeling was that of a babysitter, not mine, I did not need a sitter generally, and was offended when one was foisted on me.  Not being a fan of watching people die, and the effects it has on those who are left behind. My mother and I had moved out, in short order Stephanie, came home from school to find her sitter strangled. Likely if I had still been there I would have been with her, as we walked to and from school together.  This affinity for feeling the presence of death, yet not having to witness it's effects directly continues as a theme in my life. Almost a meet Joe Black kinda vibe, not that I equate myself with death, just that death is not my enemy, but a friend that accompanies me on my journey. Always ready to send me home if I become to distant from my core self.

    Watching it as I am now, was an entirely different experience, having lived the initiation being shown, and having taken it from a 3 that become one to a 7, and 13 that become one. I was struck almost dumb, as before my eyes, the basic blueprint for my existence was on display, In the film we watch as Tommy goes from a child, bewildered and overloaded by the new sensory data bombarding him, putting him the state of the deaf, dumb, and blind, or in other words, seen no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil. During this portion Tommy is repeatedly abused, though the abuse is lost oh him, he is unaware of the meaning behind the events he subjected to.  Than we get to a point where he is taken to Gypsy the Acid queen, played by Tina Turner. In the movie it is portrayed as a sexual encounter. Which if you've ever experienced psychoactive chemicals the experience is so intimate, and the movie was made at the end of the free love hippy movement, that the representation is to be expected. When the LSD experiences have cleared the pathways, the fog lifts, and we are introduced to a fully realized Tommy. Who proceeds to go out into the world, and help everyone else become as he is, without having to go through the trauma that he endured.
    Don't start tripping, and project delusions of grandeur, those are your hang ups not mine. When I first opened up in the late 90's, someone I thought of as a friend devastated me by stating he felt I was on the way to becoming a cult leader. Odd from my perspective, as I am appalled by the idea anyone would desire to follow in my footsteps, and when I related my personal journey. It is always with the idea my life is not to be emulated, but seen as a cautionary tale. How I got from my conception to the fictional character I am today is not comfortable, or even desired.  It is simply what it took for me, what it will take for you is up to you.  When during my last LSD experience I received a message, that if I continued to take it, it would become detrimental, I stopped.  Within a couple of years I had also stopped smoking Mary Jane as well. What followed was a 10 year or so switch. Where I became acutely aware of the negative cultural view on my life.  This was completely at odds with how people interacted with me on a personal basis. Where almost everyone viewed me as being a well adjusted healthy individual.  Not only was "drug" use condemned, my entire childhood was outlawed, as being unfit. Naturally I accepted the judgment of those who presumably had more experience and wisdom than I.  This too was a part of the initiation, the moving into darkness, and through a death like experience where the world shuns, and is shunned in return.  That is the ego death, where we accept the world, and everyone in it will keep on spinning regardless of our presence.  I must say I was ready and desirous of death, not suicidal, just not so in love with life, or self anymore.  The I in me longs for nothing, other than dissolution of self, resolution of the conflict inherent in the structure of what we consider "reality".
dailymotion tommy-1975-film-pt-1_music
dailymotion tommy-1975-film-pt-2_music

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Do You Have What It Takes!!!! A Love Letter to Humanity

     Humanity vrs Death

This has been the age old question, to conquer the end.  We all face it, we all find our own answers, and we think we have it all figured out.  When your world is black and white, or written in binary this might satisfy.  Like everything else we are, this is just a holdover from previous developmental cycles.  These go back not to when we had words for me to write this down, but back to primordial ooze of single celled organisms.  The universe or God, or as it's coalescing into my essence as panversal is in and of itself conscious, it is structured energy, which is what everything is. Information processing.  As every would be sage, poet, musician, blade of grass, and grain of sand has been telling us forever.  This is a love story, this is a passion play, the stories do not even change, they get rebranded, updated, but for at least the last 6 thousand years we have all learned variations of these same stories.  Oh the names change, characters get makeovers, and  costume changes,  But from the Chinese dragon emperor's, to the Dogon's of the Sahara, the Aboriginals of Australia, down the lines it goes, not in one place but in them all.  We came from the stars, that concept has been twisted around to mean so many things to so many people, from the ubermensch of the aldebaran to Pharaonic gods of Egypt, Right on back to the what we are told is our earliest civilizations in Sumer, and I'm not here to today argue that point.  I do not care when, or where, or actually even who.  I'm a big picture person, I do really well at taking a dispassionate stance and getting as wide a view as possible calling it like I see it.  A valuable skill if you can find work for it, most of my friends just say I think to much, and they are sometimes right.  In taking that position expansive view point, the patterns just kinda pop out, like the rivers in this text if you let your eyes unfocus, and just like that, the information you get from the text is not the same, and that view is not even on whole thought of as particularly useful.  The people are interested in the words, not the rivers, so I learned to see the words like everyone else around me did, only they didn't seem to say the same thing to me as to everyone else.  As a matter of fact they said the same as the rivers, and they were almost all saying the same things.  Even when they seemed disjointed, or unrelated the same words were always there.

From the ecstatic altered state inducing dances of the Whirling  Dervishes, or Tantric sex practices, Yoga, and Breathing techniques, in joyous upliftment of the celebration of life.  On down into the depths of despair, and  tragedy, and depravity.  They all contain at there core I am alive, I am here, shouting into the darkness, longing for or hoping against that return response.  I'm here I see you! This is the most wonderfully terrifying moment for all of us, and in our polarized, 2 dimensional world view of dark versus light we have left room for only 2 options.  Some say it's love/hate, some fight/flight, it doesn't matter what the choices are labeled as, the important part is the limiting of choice.  It's the offer of false simplicity, and simple is easy, and comforting, even at it's worst it's at least predictable. I mean if I only have 2 choices, there is always a 50% chance I'm right.  This is very useful in long term evolution of life. Kill or be killed is valid for much of what we think of as life. The response of nature is always the same, no matter the method used to carry it out, the answer for nature is always, I want to survive.  The fox is in hen house to eat to survive, and we made it nice lunch box, and then killed it when it came to collect the meals we so kindly laid out for it.  We penned in the range animals, and kept all the goodness of their flesh to ourselves. We killed the wolves not because they ate people, like dogs around the food bowl we chased off our rivals.  This existential crisis of just the struggle to survive molded us and shaped us into the most successful predator on the planet bar none.  That being on the top of the food chain looking down on all the lesser species is pretty nice spot, it's good to be the king no doubt.  Being at the top, and staying at the top are not the same, and getting to top means your not what you were when you started.  We celebrate our predatory nature everywhere, from world wars to gold diggers, from pirates to emperors.  The monuments to our depravity know no bounds, from triumphal arches to tombs we proclaim our divine heritage of immortality.  All in the confused attempt to be remembered, to live on, to proclaim our own mastery over all we survey.  This is where our delusions of grandeur really kick in,  We start to believe our own hype, and our success translates into leisure time as we have come to call it.  This is the true mark of a successful predator, how little time they spend on survival. For those fortunate few at the top of the food chain, it's everywhere, this new found leisure time allows for reflection.  Not just to plan the next meal, but more abstract, things not so immediate in the world currently inhabited find the space to become known.  A shift starts to occur, to manage your food, because lets face it, your not as young as you were last year, and well how many times can you chase a rabbit till the thrill gets old.  So we take the tasty stuff, and shape it, bend it to our will, protect it from those who would take it, you know normal human stuff.  At this point we already won, we have no natural predator to contend with, nothing to keep our expansion in check.  As predators though we are ever vigilant, lest some scavenger steal our kill, if we lack a predator we make one up, when we run out decent prey, we move on looking for new places to hunt.  With nothing else left to do we even hunt each other, oh we give it all sorts of reasons, but it always come down to the 2 choices we decided were the only ones we have.  We do it because we want what they have, or we are afraid they will take whats ours.  Having nothing else to contend with, having effectively already won the struggle for day to day survival, ensuring our genetic heritage is continued.  We have time to place ourselves in the cosmic fun house, and the picture is as majestic as it horrifying.  This is when we begin to get that glimpse of our next existential crisis. Having conquered death in an immediate fashion, it becomes a personal struggle, the, but what about me's kick in.  We know our blood will be flowing and pumping even if it's through anothers veins, but still it isn't enough.  The I is screaming in terror, what happens to me, I did all this work to get here, and I'm still going to die. After fighting death for so long, we begin a new battle, now we are after time.  How many years can you cling to life becomes the new game, and being predators we play it with gusto.  In the time game anything not you becomes a greater threat the longer it hangs around,  just like an infection setting in, or how food rots, we start to learn with profound shock, if your not living, your dying.  Or a bit more accurately, when you stop growing, you start dying, even closer, if your not expanding your contracting.  This of course is still only a 2 choice idea, it's still locks us into an illusion of choice.  If the battle is life and death, and answer shouted by everything is always life how do we reconcile this dichotomy.  How can we celebrate the victor in the arena when he dripping in the blood, sweat, and feces of his opponent.  How do we tell our children, that it's not ok to hurt others, and when we decide they are no longer children shove a gun in their hand and tell them to kill their neighbor, or be killed.  No death is not our boogeyman any more, we coax, and torture nature to provide not what we need, or even what we reasonably desire.  We squeeze the golden goose till it bleeds gold, till it's lushest oziest parts are dripping down our chin, staining our silk tie, cotton shirt, lizard skin belt, leather pants, and fur trimmed alligator boots till we puke.  We squeeze the last drop, fish the oceans dry, not out of need, for our needs are modest, we do it because we have been offered no other options.  Consume, or be consumed.  Once our opponents are long dusty, and our glory is fading we miss the good old simpler days, those we overcame taking on status in the telling of our own stories.  Yes we carry our demons with us, and with every passing year they become larger, and our deeds in over coming them more heroic.  We Proclaim it to all Money doesn't grow on trees you know, and the giving tree withers it's leaves stripped bear, it's bark yanked free, it's flesh made pulp and reconstituted so we can make some pretty pictures on it, and call it ours.  I don't hate money, money is an idea, and in the realm of ideas I swim with the sharks.  I've been exposed to the trivium, and quadrivium, pi, phi, and even the Harris curve, our newest choice of curves, a new path to follow, a new star before our eyes.  We build our temples to our creators, where babies cries are shunned. We rip our ugly growths from our own flesh, and call it cancer, and deny it's attachment to our emotions.  Oh make no mistake we have damned ourselves for sure, for in our process of becoming, we have to live with what we've done. This is our state of terror, our splash of liquid light, our stairway to heaven, and highway to hell. Dharma, Karma, Sin, our triplets of story, our mistresses of fate.  Weighing our heart against perfection, the living can not pass, for the living sit in judgment, while the dead just watch it pass. The living write the story down, building, destroying, crafting. Deluding themselves all the while, with pretty little dreams, of I can do no harm.  We label ourselves dogs, and wolves, black widows, snakes, bears and list goes on and on, than we wonder why we kill.  Our own sophistication has become our trap de jour, and I'm crazy enough to be handing out peter pan advice. In our marvel of our own magnificence our march to greater contrast, our rush to ever bigger, bolder, badder.  We circle our wagons, lock down the prison, close the bathroom door, all because we can't stand the smell of our own shit.  I've been eating shit my whole life, there is no possible way for me to deny it, I gave my top teeth eating the shit put in front of me, oh it's lies were so sweet.  The numbing of the mind, of the soul, of the heart, that sweet oblivion of nothingness to take away the anguish of being a pimp or ho.  I'm so tired of eating shit for being me, for seeing things I see, I will always chose my truth over your lies, I have to, it's the only way I can live, and die with myself.

Life eats Life, it's all there is, when you make it all one, we end up eating our own shit, you might think me mad, and that is fine we are all mad here, that is not in question.  The question we are asking is can we live with ourselves, for eating ourselves.  Meat is Murder, and it's all sucking off someone elses tit, we all know these things, they are not new or novel. Don't believe me, well take a look at these. shit burger  it doesn't even matter if it's a hoax, or fact, that it's there.  That we have become so pained by where meat comes from that people have even contemplated this rings alarm bells.  If thats not your speed how about this.

    That is adorable little girl is Taylor Momsen, in the Grinch, many of you know here from a tv show she did that I don't recall. Some know now, as the lead singer of The Pretty Reckless.  For much of America she grew up on their tv screens, I missed that part as I was absorbing myself in other worlds to escape the pain of lying in my bed. While I was distracted by the glitter of the lights in the distance, She went from singing 

Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas Come this way
Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas, Christmas day
Welcome, welcome fahoo ramus
Welcome, welcome dahoo damus
Christmas day is in our grasp,
So long as we have hands to clasp

More lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/dr_seuss/welcome_christmas-lyrics-1146415.html#ixzz3U6AtBZ30

To a lovely young woman who's words I hear on many lips, from many tongues.  Thank you Ms. Momsen, while I do not really do the fan thing, I see you, and your beautiful to me.  This is the price of our denial of nature, this bitter pill is our salvation. In our death spiral of guilt, over all our perceived failures, our pitfalls of loss, we finally give up the ghost. Not because we have to die, because we no longer can take the pain of being alive, and what we have to do to stay that way.

The world devours it's young, Because we like sweets, and babies taste best. It doesn't matter how twisted the appetite. The old say youth is wasted on the young, while the young scream never trust anyone over 30.  The age old struggle, the old lion wants to keep his pride, while the young just wants a piece of tail.  The widow ate her suitor after he dropped of his seed, not from grief hatred or malice, she knows he'll eat the young, cuz it's good to be the king, But not when there can only be one.

I love you all, it's just a matter if you can accept the only love I know how give, cuz its a jagged little pill.

listen to the music, not just the beat, pay attention to the story, it's your soul speaking

Make up your own mind

Jack

aka

panseybard

 

Can I Borrow a Ray of Sunshine?

               Holidays For Sale Sentiment Half Off!

In case you haven't figured it out, this will be about emotional transference.  A fancy way of saying emotions about one thing or person, put on another thing or person.  This happens so often, and usually without our being aware we have done it.  Sometimes it's a natural response to repeated experience. Like when a dog beaten by a person in uniform starts barking whenever a person in uniform is around.  This is the same process at play in learning fire burns, you transfer that

experience onto another experience, and avoid the pain.  So far so good, but when you start to proactively use that understanding you get some very creative, if morally questionable results. 

What does this have to do with holidays you might ask?  Well so far I've talked about examples of negative transference, but what about positive.  That is where the holidays come in, when you see a brand use a holiday on the packaging, advertising, and marketing campaigns they are banking on at least some of those pleasant feelings you have will slide on over to them.  Taken to the extreme and you get the diamond market, this might be the most classic marketing example, and one of my personal favorites.  I say favorite with all sarcasm, but the it is amazing, that people were able to take an artificially scarce stone.  Then so completely attach it's value to symbolic for the love between a man and woman.  On top of that, make it a virtually mandatory expense as a part of the marriage rites.  Even people that have read, and already know the scam will turn around a few minutes later, and fall right back under the spell.  

                    Is that Love or Emotional Hijacking?

On a much more intimate and personal level, this same idea started to be taught, with various titles from art of seduction, to the pick up artist.  To be clear, from my perspective there is no way to morally use this kinda of information in this way.  The reason I feel this is simple, it is the same process that happens naturally and honestly when people develop a love relationship. So when someone understands how these work, they no longer work, and if they do work than your being deceptive.

      When two people meet, and the attraction is honest and genuine there is the natural desire to learn everything you can about the other person.  Usually at least early on, the other person is more interesting than we are ourselves.  This real desire to put another before self sets up automatic transference.  When the other person is so rapt in attention to your thoughts, and emotions, it's very easy to see your own feelings reflected back.  This back and forth is the investment of your own emotions into the other, it's the trick of love, that isn't a trick at all till we make it one.

       That is the problem I have in teaching this information as a means of what amounts to conquest. It turns what was one of the most wondrous experiences people can share, and turns it into sales, and

marketing of the most insidious fashion.  When people are taught to use psychological tricks on each other real time, we are on shaky ground.  I am going to single out males because this is primarily being taught to males, with reasons that might be as twisted and messed up as the teaching of it. So if a male with this understanding puts into practice it's not about love, it's about sex.  It is not about the individual woman it is being used on, point of fact it is going to become a numbers game.  So our guy understanding transference, basicly trolls the room, picking out as many possible females to start working.  When a likely prey reveals itself, it's time to move in, separate them from the herd, this is an important step, much easier to work past the defenses of one person, than a group of people.  Once in isolation, the man in question does everything possible to say nothing. The fewer words our fellow says the more likely he is to accomplish his goal.  As I said this is a numbers game, and by the numbers women are far more forgiving as to physical traits than men. Generally it's not the looks of a man that decides if a he is an acceptable mate.  So for our guy, he is not as much working to get her to desire him, as he is trying to not do something stupid to eliminate himself.  This is not as tough as it might seem, being attentive is the foundation.  All it takes is get her to talk about her passions, and lets face it we all like to talk about the things we love.  At this point it's done, the feelings, and passions will be transferred onto our Guy, and all he needs to do is not break the spell.  That is my problem with it, our guy is being taught to be dishonest in order to fulfil natural physical drives we all share. There are no winners in this approach.

            To Worship False Idols

There is much trepidation in the writing and posting of this section, with a great temptation to just leave it off.  Even most that have been right with me so far will recoil from what I am about to write as having already lambasted love, I'm about to slap religion around a bit as well.  Before I do so, I want to again state, this not intended as an offence or attack on anyone or organization.  There are wonders, and horrors to be found in everything.  If for whatever reason you find these ideas over the line, stop reading, label me crazy, and go on with your life.  I won't be offended, or hurt, and neither will you.

    At their core all our religious, and societal structures have through out history strove to do one thing. Unite and focus the energy of a group of people, that are by nature individualistic and resistant to homogenization.  Think of the idea of trying to herd cats, or how wilful toddlers can be, and you have the concept I'm going for.  To accomplish this, they use the idea of dedication to something larger than self.  Secular or Faith based does not matter the outcome is a ideology, with all the trappings positive and negative. So we can have secular saints, zealots of atheism, and holy wars. These are all done the same way, a process almost of deification that is seemingly well understood, and has been for countless ages.  If you haven't figured it out already, I'm talking about how worship

works, how we interact with divinity.  In crafting our ceremonies, rituals, rallies, what have you, there is purpose. The purpose is always the same, to guide the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, to an end.  No matter the end, for good or ill, the dynamics involved are the same, predictable, and exploitable.  Just take a look at the people who have changed the world, they understood theater very well.  Even a historic figure as reviled as  Hitler is known to have trained in oratory skills, his rallies finely tuned works of theater to weave an emotional trance state in the attendees.  A group hypnosis, where the voice of the rational mind is drowned out by the emotional attachments being manipulated.
I know we all like to think we are strong willed individuals that would never get swept up by the sentiments of the crowd.  The truth is the desire to give up our self into the care of something larger than yourself is seemingly fundamental to our make up.  We want to believe, and often so badly we fool ourselves, or make excuses.  Even religion, it has nothing to do with God, it is the exploitation of our own fear of mortality.  If there is a religion that is actually focused on God, and not on man I have yet to become aware of it.  Being human centric they concern themselves with how divinity can assist humans, or what the plan of divinity is for humanity.  They exploit some fairly basic psychological truths, not a one of us can ever live up to our own vision of perfection. So we will always see ourselves as horribly flawed, even when our external response is to project perfection. That the unknown is both exciting and terrifying, something we always want to glimpse, but not get any on us.  The trifecta for religion is an comforting partial truth or outright lie on the fate of those we have lost.  You ever stop to wonder how odd it is to have an intermediary to the ineffable, the unknowable.


in closing there is love enough for everyone, more than we can bear, and if the sun ever stops shining it's love upon us, by the time we realize it, we will already be dead.

as always make up your mind.
Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

   

LSD a Lost Soul's Dream

                     Disclaimer

I have not had any contact with LSD for about 20 years. So no I do not know where to get any, and thank you, but I have no wish to purchase any.  This is not intended as an endorsement or condemnation of any substance or practice that seeks to alter consciousness.  The very fact differentiated states of consciousness exist, and within this experience we can access them means they will be accessed.  There are myriad methods of altering consciousness, the truth of which is simple.  What is changed is not consciousness, only our individual experience of it.  Our experience, what we have termed consciousness, mind, emotion, spirit, physicality can be looked at as structured, and structuring of data.  Not unlike how a computer functions, with a series of on/off switches linked structures directing electrical flow into set patterns which can be assigned definitions, and repeated, to create desired effects.  This really is not surprising when you understand everything external is a representation of something internal.  We do not so much create, as imitate and adapt, if you feel something is original or out of left field, it is only that you have yet to experience what is being externalized.  From another perspective, we can only create that which the rules of the universe flower of life, or tree of life.  These are overlapping, and interlocking creating what has been termed the holofractal. Like in music where the space between the notes are of equal import to the notes played.  Our experience we call reality is based as much on what is not seen, heard or felt, as what is seen, heard, and felt.  Where ever you are at the moment, what ever your doing, roughly 95% of what is taking place, you are unaware of.  In other words, what you are experiencing right now, is based on only 5% of the information around you.  Not that you are limited to a particular portion of the information. Often it is a matter of our own focus that becomes the limiting factor, another is not having a method of interpretation.  Basicly we need the framework for the experience to fit in, before we are able to make sense of the experience.  We have an idea of singularity, stemming from our own sense of self, which we project onto creation, and are rewarded with confirming feedback.  This is the very idea of god, the universe, creation whatever you want to call it, coming to you as you are able to currently accept it.  What we normally consider a singular I, is at minimum 3 repeated I's interwoven, this is reflected to us everywhere. From as abstract as no thing can be said to be, or event have happened till it confirmed by 2 independent sources. Right on through to body/mind/spirit, and a table or chair needing at least 3 legs to stand on it's own. Or even in the song lyrics from P.M. Dawn, "we always are, because we never were".  Each breath, each step, every thought, everything we ingest, all of it, alters how we perceive the experience we call life. The difference being the nature of that change, and how closely that change is relatable to your current experience. With what we call psychoactive compounds we have a chemical code used to create predictable physiological changes, that can change what information we process, and or how we process it.   From here it is not difficult to understand, why and how, already brilliant people that partake of these compounds, it often leads to new insights.  The insights were always there, the person just needed the eyes to see them.  Also why some do not find their way back, or when they do are fundamentally altered.

allow.  If we could it would not be a rule, it would be a guideline.  Most of our confusion in the nature of mind, and consciousness stem from our world view called materialism.  The conception that all things rise from matter, that our consciousness is created by the body.  There is much to be learned from this model, however it is not reflected in as absolute in our experience.  Even in our ideas of how the universe sprang into being from the big bang, start not with the heaviest elements, and particles, but with the lightest,  This experience is not predicated on the singular, but on an interplay between interconnected repeated patterns. These can be thought of as spheres of influence, represented in scared teachings such as the

              My Time in the Cloud

In the 90's there was a resurgence in LSD, it was suddenly everywhere, and I was well placed to participate.  The time, access and inclination combined perfectly to have me experimenting for a couple of years, often dosing a couple of times a week.  After my initial introduction, it was quickly apparent, this was not a party time drug, but a tool for the exploration of self.  That was precisely how I approached it, not from a scientific method, but a personal tool to understand who, and what I am, and how I relate to everything normally viewed as not me.  When ingesting LSD my intention was in general to move as far away from what I normally viewed as me.  This usually involved ingesting a

10 strip, and sequestering myself to my room, and meditating for hours on end.  There became a point where my intention was to get to a point where verbal communication was no longer viable due to the individualized definitions we each have for every word we know.   This I came to understand is related to the idea, you can not listen while your speaking, or listening being an active thing, not passive.  Once my projections slowed, and stopped, impressions normally washed out by my own noise became clear. When the return to my normal conscious state would come into sight, a furious rush of activity would ensue. Attempting to ground the realization into my physical experience, and often followed by synchronistic events to flesh out, or serve as confirmation.  Not that what is experienced is always accurate, this owning in large part to the ability of person to comprehend, and relate the experience.  As well as what is being experienced is not about truth, or fact, but the experience itself.  My active use time with LSD eventually ended, with a clear concise message, stating unequivocally if I continued it would become a detriment, and not a benefit.  Basicly I had blown the crap out of my mind, to where it would begin to shatter, not stretch.  So what did I learn from my time with LSD?  Nothing at all.  What I experienced though changed me in ways I am still working on understanding.  I'll share 2 very different journey's, what you make of them is up to you, each are and were valid and true for me in their own way.  In no way should anything I've said so far, or am going to say, is intended for any validation, or rejection from the reader.  The act of sharing itself is the motivation. My current understanding tells me, my unique perspective on what I have experienced is all I have to offer, and what makes me, uniquely me.

                   People Powers

I am a people person, thats not to say I like everyone, or even desire to interact with people all the time.  Point of fact I am quite selective on those I call friend. This is of course only a reflection on me, and not an accurate reflection of those I know, or am aware of, but do not count as friend.  When I call myself a people person, it's that the relationships we develop, or dismantle are what has meaning here.  More so than anything else that is what lasts, even in our looking back in history it's through a lens of how it relates to us.  My fascination with people, as well as a certain detached perspective far precede my LSD adventure.  Back into early childhood, of being an only child raised by a single mother, plenty of time to be with myself, and live with my own choices.  Little wonder

that when a personal introduction to universal teaching happened, it was couched in terms of people.

      During one of my early 10 strip meditation sessions, a number theory was laid out for me, I claim no origination of it, not even an original take on it. Only that it was new to me.  As I would come to learn after, what I was describing has been around forever, and called many things. For me it came as what made solid circles of people. The idea is quite simple, you are a set, when you interact with another set, the 2 of you create a new super-set, that encompasses both of you.  This idea of creating a new set that is an amalgamation of the subset is repeated through the primary numbers.  The theory laid out which of these groupings would self regulate, and which would require constant attention, or risk collapse.  As it went through, the numbers, laid out was how to pattern group dynamics to be self regulating, with this being scaleable.

1 is complete and whole unto itself, it needs nothing else to be complete.  This is the idea of a person becoming self contained, as long as they remain isolated they are a stable unit.

2 the idea of a couple, this can be, but is not on it's own a stable unit. Each involved must make a concerted effort to maintain the super-set, or it will either, break into 2 sets of 1, or it will attract a 3rd.  This is that idea of intense bursts of intimacy, That either blossom into a more complex expression, or finds it's completion and satiation before withdrawing into comfortable boundaries.

3 This is where first station of stability, groups of 3 are self stabilizing, where the desires and motivations of the individuals are balanced not on the shoulders of one, but all there.  This is not to say all interactions between 3 people are balanced, only that they are self balancing. with the balance point of each trine being a representation of the combined energies of each participant.  I can almost feel the "victims" of the broken atomic families, mother, father, child scream in horror.  The negatively viewed experiences most have from break downs in nuclear family structures happen before the child is brought into the picture usually.  Most these come from the lies we tell each other in those intense bursts of intimacy.  I know, I know, the idea that men and women both lie about what they really want out of those intense bursts is absurd.

     For the purposes of this article I don't feel a need to go through all the numbers, much the same information I would impart can be found all over, and not my purpose in the writing this.  A few days after this I was down at the local metaphysical shop, it was Bethel, CT in the 90's even that there was a high profile shop of this type was new.  In talking with the owner, she was amazing as I attempted to impart this theory, listening like it was of actual interest, not the ravings of drugged. When I finished she asked me if I had heard of the  kabbalah as what I had described to her were the basis of it's teachings.  That was my first interaction with the word, of the system it represents. now that would be a neat trick. Just as an interesting anecdote or at least interesting to me. I was introduced to the teachings of the Kabbalah in town, who's name is hebrew for house of God.

         Under the Sea

Growing up in the US, an exposure to the idea of armageddon or the end of earth are pretty tough to avoid.  I can remember having dreams of it, going back to before I am able to pinpoint.  This pervasive theme was brought into a fullness of being so painful, it wrecked me, shredded boundaries of emotional separation I was not even aware existed, and to a certain extent I had to spend years reconstructing to be able to deal with being in large public areas with lots of people around without being energetically overwhelmed,  becoming strung out off the combined emotional output of the crowd. As you might have guessed this was a stark contrast to the above experience, yet it also involved the focus on people, a 10 strip, and prolonged meditation.  Though I had like most had heard of ideas of mass consciousness, it was always something remote, not something a person interacted with directly.  At some point that conception morphed, into the idea, that if the concept of a collective consciousness was truth, than being a portion of it, I could essentially go back through the downstream of it, and experience it directly.  In doing so I found myself confronted by what I can only describe as a guardian.  Not a guardian to barr my path, one to warn me, that where I was headed was a danger to the ego attempting to experience it. .  Having no frame of reference for this warning it went unheeded, and off I went into the storm.  Finding myself in what seemed to be the mother of cyclonic storm systems, organized chaos, raw, rough, with seemingly no awareness of it's own actions, or their effects.  This was in large part due to my clinging to a spot, by standing in opposition to the flow of mass consciousness, it was left with no choice but remove the obstruction.
. The ego fog ripped away, the main Island of Japan was far below me, every person felt as if it was me.  Like I was experiencing Japan from the perspective of it's group consciousness.  Only it was in process of being reclaimed by the sea, The water rushing in so quickly with so little warning no one had anywhere to flee to.  This was felt as unadulterated terror, rage, fear, millions upon millions of people dying in pain, and fear in a matter of moments.  I remember very clearly that it was not their death that was so painful for me, that was a normal expected outcome of life. The pain I felt was the dying in a state of fear, in the belief they were alone.  It was the nature of the death that was the pain, and there were bastions of calm, people who had no fear, and were at peace with this event, but in the main people believed themselves to be isolated in life, and felt themselves slide into a cold isolation of darkness in death. Not that it was accurate, as no one is ever alone, small balm to one in the experience of it. 

Again do not take this as a recommendation, endorsement. I would not change my time with LSD, there also would be a cautionary tale for anyone wishing to embark on their own exploration.

Be Careful what you wish for, the universe is a giant yes machine

as always make up your own mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

Did Christianity Foster the Jewish Banker Stereotype?

               It's all in The Numbers

The Jewish Banker stereotype myth, and the perceived link between money lenders and changers and Judaism is as pervasive as it is seemingly unquestioned.  Of course being religiously linked, you do not have look beyond religious traditions, and dogma to notice where and why.  For right or wrong, and with great misunderstanding of traditions, the very foundations of Christianity paint the Jewish faith as having been corrupted by the money lenders.  Jesus as acknowledged by many works was a rebel, a reformer, or a conservative.  He was devout in his faith, and from his perspective felt the Temple had strayed from the true teachings, and his mission was to restore it.  This is poignantly shown in the money lenders in the Temple story.  In order to paint the picture we need to understand this is not a secular community.  Faith does not just guide what most modern western culture would label as "spiritual" aspects of life.  This is a state based on a Faith, which of course means, the faith governs all aspects, from the most mundane to the most exalted.  That is where the Shemitah needs to be understood.  This essentially governs economic, and production, but it also covers debt remittance between the people.  This idea of economic reset, would have been quite important to member of the house David.  Recorded are many ways in antiquity and modern times of man using clever wording to work around the Shemitah. An example of this would be the creation of a trust to transfer ownership of land to a non-jew for the year, so it can continue to be worked.  Also the use hydroponic greenhouses as they are not in the soil.  The cycles outlined, are in no way random, they show an understanding of compounding interest most lack today.

               Usury The Golden Ticket

 In the pre christian cradle of modern western civilization had it's own ideas on interest. Ranging from an outright condemnation as being against nature by Plato, and Aristotle. To the Greek and Roman laws regulating interest rates on loans.  The early Christian church in the 3rd and 4th centuries already banned interest on loans made by clerics, with some speculation it was already condemned if not banned for laypersons.  By the 11th and 12th centuries charging interest at all was considered a sin.  For those of Jewish faith the church had made different rules, which even by the 1100's allowed for reasonable interest to be charged.  A ban does not eliminate the desire, or need, we have been shown this in modern times with prohibition.  For Jews in the Christian controlled west, The position of money lender, or changer become inadvertently one they could uniquely fill.  This was at a time when Jews in the west were subject to much discrimination, and barred from practicing many professions.  Not until the 1800's does the Holy See acknowledge it as legitimate to charge interest on loans, as well as exact penalties for the failure to live up to the obligations of a loan. As I have discussed often one of the prime motivations for the American Revolution as stated by Franklin was interest on currency creation being charged by the Bank of England.  So for hundreds of years those of Jewish faith were not just allowed, but encouraged to take up a profession regarded as a sin. By the middle 1500's the portrayal of the greedy Jew demanding unreasonable terms is clearly in evidence in works such as The Merchant of Venice.  What had been set up was an exclusive right to the financial services sector of much of early Christian europe. While it being transactions between Jew and Gentile exempted it from the restrictions that apply to transactions between Jew's.

               Distorted into the Modern ERA

Most of this historical basis is before the advent of modern systemically problematic practices such as fiat currency, and fractional reserve banking.  That the modern opposition to world financial structures condem.  Could it be this distortion of history is in part to blame for one of the modern worlds worst crimes against humanity?  If I am honest, these is great discomfort in presenting these links of history, but feel it would be remiss to not at least raise the question.  When WWII is discussed and the how the nazi's came to power the changes in economic policy are largely glossed over or ignored completely. Being rightly overshadowed by horror felt at the depth of the atrocities committed.  Others have done much research into how Hitler came to power, and turned the german economy around through privatization, and banking reform along with clever financing.  This brilliance though belonged not to Hitler, but to Hjalmar Schacht who was forced out of the government before the war began due to opposition to rearmament. Jewish influences were used as a scapegoat for the surrender in WWI.  For a disillusioned profoundly disturbed Hitler returning from the front this was just the outlet needed to serve as a focus.  As we still struggle with ideas of stereotyping in the modern world, it might be worth while to be aware a label sticks long after it's reason for being is forgotten.

As always make up your own mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard

What IF!!!!!

Please Do Not Read This Post If:

     There has been an idea rolling around in my mind. A different perspective on a story almost everyone on the planet has heard.  The story of the fruit of the tree of knowledge, the story of the expulsion from paradise.  That is why if you believe there are lines that there are appropriate boundaries for though experimentation.  Or that words, or ideas should stay within the bounds of good taste, and parsed for political correctness.  Go read something else, the fundamental conception of the Eden story will be toyed with, poked and prodded.  If that is something you would have a problem with, than it is your responsibility to stop reading now, or keeping reading, and don't forget to pray for my salvation. If your religious you might believe I need it.

The Who, What, Where:

      In the traditional conceptions of this story, our characters are easily definable, and laid out clearly.  God, the Serpent, and Adam and Eve.  Eve, and Adam are put forth not as us, but as the parents of Humanity.  We have in the main equated this with them being as we are.  That is not likely the case, these are pre-expulsion, pre fruit of knowledge humans.  A version of humanity that is able to walk in the presence of it's creator.  So while they might the most like us of the characters in the story, it is likely a mistake to equate them to us.  These are beings that exist in a state of pristine grace.

     The Serpent is of course put forth as the deceiver, the corruptor, or villain.   In our story, as it has been presented, The Serpent lies to Eve.  Seemingly in opposition to the wishes of God, Serpent tells Eve, you most assuredly not die, but become like God.  This is a rather odd predicament, it presents so questions not easily resolved.  Questions such as, God is presented as an omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient being.  So how would Serpent, a creation of God, act in ways contrary to the wishes of God, as well as it being without God knowing.

    God of course is put forth as the all powerful, loving, creator of all things.  Who is a seemingly irresponsible deity if looked at from a rational perspective.  In our story, God makes all things, at some point making the Garden as a habit for the creation of Adam, and subsequently Eve.  While giving the tour of the habitat, God lays out the ground rules.  Basicly saying anything goes, but don't eat the fruit from the of the knowledge of good and evil.  Making the opposing statement to the serpent, that for they would surely die.  A prime example of irresponsible parenting. This would be akin to making a baby room, and putting a poison plant in it.  Combined with the reverse psychology setting a self reinforcing compulsion to eat the fruit.  So can we really say God did not intend for the fruit to be eaten?

    Eden is the setting of most our story, a paradise created for Adam, and Eve.  With most linking it directly to a location on earth, a sort of preserve, outside of which is referred to as wilderness.  Interestingly it does point to an idea there is not only other places, but other beings already inhabiting those places.  With that idea, Eden might just as well be considered a habit carved out of a larger environment.  Not unlike man altering an environment to be more conducive to the task at hand. Looked at from another perspective, Eden could be seen as the womb of humanity, the thing with a womb is, once in your expulsion is a forgone conclusion.

    The Fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Blech that is for sure a mouthful.  Many places have questioned if it was the widely accepted apple or pomegranate, or whatever. What the physical representation of the fruit is matters little.  What is important is the idea that eating it, causes a change to the nature of a being.  In our story this is put forward as an event, Eve eats the fruit, convinces Adam to do the same, expulsion ensues, and here we are.  The idea being that the fruit was eaten, and the event is over.  Is that accurate?  When we eat just our normal sustenance that is just the beginning. The majority of the story of consumption takes place after the physical act, it's in the processing of.  Might that be the case with our fruit?

What if They are Both Telling the Truth:

      Growing up with Star Wars, there is a line delivered by Ben, in defence of his using perspective, and tricks of language to not lie, but also not admit inconvenient facts.  Ben tells Luke, "your going to find that many of the truths we cling to, rely greatly on our point of view".  Might our Eden story, and it's related lies be hiding a similar lesson?   So in a much abridged, with great creative license.

     Adam, and Eve, have not comprehension of good or evil, actions are actions, experienced in the moment with no attachment, or even understanding.  They are also not as God, but in a state of grace in communion with God.  The connection to their source is always present, so death as we conceptualize it,  pain and pleasure have no meaning. Even if we accept there is physical existence as we would recognize it.  Adam and Eve pre fruit would not have the capacity of ego yet, that sense of I, we use to differentiate what we think of as self from the whole.   So God in saying you will surely die is telling the truth. Pre fruit there is no experience of loss, post fruit, the sense of I creates the sense of mine, loss, and death ensue.  So God in the story is telling truth, as evidenced by us everyday.  So how can Serpent also be truthful?  Perspective, is the short answer.  Serpent says we for sure will not die, and more over we will become like God.  In the story we are told we are created in the image and likeness of God, so the reality is, the only aspect missing is the famous delphic statement of "know thyself".  Adam, and Even in the Garden are already in every respect as God, they are only lacking the knowledge of what they are.  So the change that takes place when Serpent tricks Eve, is not a material change, but one of understanding, and knowledge.  That change is not one of a singular event completed when the last bite of the fruit.  Taking that first bite, set in motion a process of self discovery, that is ongoing.  The expulsion from Eden is not one of punishment, or even a violation of rules.  It is as natural a consequence as we find the development of a fetus in the womb, leading to the birth of a child.  Once the process of gathering the knowledge through experience of good and evil. Eden became a non viable habitat, as Adam, and Eve had become other that what it was created for.  As a parting, thought ideas of a return to Eden being through child like innocence, become more akin to going back to a state before the eating of the fruit.  Though a more likely outcome for this story is a moving through the process, and becoming as we were in the beginning with full knowledge of what we are in the present.

as always make up your own damn mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard 

Inside out, Upside Down

            So much has been said lately about the rise of materialism recently any search will give plenty of background information, there is far more there then I have any desire to remember.  That being said for me this question boils down the seat of the consciousness, that spark that makes us, well us. The traditional western scientific view has been of consciousness arising with the matter, as the matter has recombined in new more complex structures, so to has the expression of consciousness. Relatively new research has led to questions on how valid a model this is.
           I as anyone who has ever give thought toward the ideas have my view.  I am quite uncertain we have our own consciousness at all, even though I see the perception that we do essential the experience we are sharing.  I have come to call it the subjective collective/objective approximation.  That through taking all the subjective perception of an event or idea you get a the trick of an objective idea, or event.  This planet is conscious in and of itself, we are manifestations of this consciousness,  each playing it's part in the feedback loop, a vast infinitely scaleable fractal information system.  We are literally full fractal representations of the whole shaped by the very nature of space/time/energy.
          This leads to a wonderful platform for experience, with the ability to experience discovery, and relative firsts infinitely. While it also opens it up to being hijacked so to speak. This is evident in ideas like manufactured consent, propaganda, advertising, and indoctrination. All these forms of mass mind manipulation have creative impact using the built in feedback loop.  Setting up mutually reinforcing mental constructs that act almost like a virus, invading any healthy host simply through sympathetic resonance.

as always these are just my ponderings, use your own powers of perception.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Who or What do You Think You Are?

            I guess this is one of the questions almost everyone has or will ask themselves at some point.  What I find most entertaining is while who might at first glance be tough question, our understanding of the nature of reality may have made what the more confusing.  That being said many will never get past who, so I'll start with my take on who we are in general sense, before I attempt a prod at the what.

         Who am I, might seem pretty easy, I mean I have an identity I use on a daily basis for others to refer to.  So I have a name I was given at physical birth, and to one degree or another I identify with this name. In my case I refused to even answer to my given name till middle school.  With a name like Jack can you blame me?   Some of you might be wondering whats wrong with the name Jack?  It isn't that there is something wrong with it, but when you start to look a bit deeper in the meanings and effects of names on the psyche, and even down the physical your perception of it might alter.  At this point I'd like to direct you to the work of Dr Masaru Emoto. Is it really such a leap to apply that to your name and the water of your body.  Everyday people call you by a name, this name carries with it an form.  The form, or energy carried by your name patterns you without your even knowing it.  Every name has entangled in it the history of that named being used over and over.  Things like the numerology of a name takes on new meaning the numbers telling a story of the energy contained, and the overall effect a particular name carries.  In the case of my given first name it would be something like this,  10 1 3 11, in the most widely used western numerology this would be added as individual numbers to come with an overall energy of the name. Looking something like this 1+0+1+3+1+1=7, so the over arching energy would 7.  This of course is just one aspect, another is ideas presented by Synchromysticism.  Applied to names, and assuming the interaction of the energies present and Jack becomes an identity that perhaps some would find tough to assume. All of this also relies on a thread to be woven through history, a running narrative extending back into antiquity, and forward off into infinity. Some would argue that there is no linkage that can be identified that warrants these ideas be anymore then speculation.  I say we are link, we write the stories, we become the tapestry linking them all.  How does this all add up to who I think I am?  Well to put it simply, I am a work of fiction.  As one of my favorite t-shirts states "fictional character".  I'm not sure a more true representation of our condition can be found, I have a running narrative, containing the character I am currently playing.  My conception of self is less important to you, then your concept of me.  So I don't even have a set identity, who am I changes as the way those around me perceive me changes.  Even my sense of self identity relies on the culture I find myself in, just try to describe who you are without using other people, things, or events.  As strange as our sense of identity might be, it pales when compared with what we are.
          What we are becomes so much a matter of perception, and the deeper you look the stranger we seem. Most medical doctors will say we are mostly water, while most physicists will say your mostly empty space.  Both are correct when looked at from their respective perspectives.  When you keep going down the rabbit hole into the realm of quantum the fun really begins. Suddenly the fact we are as paradoxical as the idea of particle or wave becomes so self evident as to defy what most consider rational explanation. As it turns out we are an illusion, a trick of the senses, think seeing is believing.  we appear solid, though we know there is nothing solid we can find. Even our perceptions are as easy to change as clicking the remote to switch channels.  Our senses so easily fooled, yet trusted implicitly. When was the last time you stopped to consider how your senses function, how what you perceive isn't exactly a lie, though it's only accurate from a human perspective. When was the last time you thought about how your "senses" function, or even questioned the limits we are given on the senses. How many senses do you even have? this might seems silly but this video from the Animaniacs points out the limit of 5 senses isn't even accurate.  The view we are a classical system made up of quantum components may be one of the most accurate I've seen to date, it may even hold the clue to the interface between mind, body, spirit through entanglement.  So what am I? Does it even matter?  I and no one else can answer these questions for you, all anyone can do is give the answers that work for them.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Ramble On

         Today lets talk eternal, what that actually means.  First off I defer to great thinkers through out time both religious and secular.  So many have reported some sort of continuation beyond what we think of as physical death.  If we are talking a purely energetic transfer, where what we think of as us ceases when our body stops functioning we can end the thoughts right now.  If on the other hand there is a bit more of us that continues on this journey of existence other questions spring forth.  How about even the Idea that energy can not be created or destroyed it can only be transformed.  Taken to an extreme that would mean all things that exist now, have in some form or another always existed, and will always exist.  That there can be no beginning or ending, there would be only transition, one state or phase endlessly shifting to another.  There are so many questions of the why's and how's.
       I want to think a bit about what it means from an individualized portion of self. Not a being that identifies with a single name, but one that has been so many names and is in all likely hood experiencing all these names now.  To a being like this what a gift it must be to have firsts, or a conception of an end.  To forget if only in delusion the infinite self.  What a gift the finite, the present would be to an entity with this conception of self.  Hold in mind this concept, of a self that has ultimately been every name. Now lets twist things around a bit.  From this side we have taken natural time and using computers increased the effective time people live.
I could go into clock cycles, and try to get into ideas of changing the fundamental flow of time. How the pure access to information, and the speed of dissemination changes who we are and how we interact with our world.  Many have talked about how disconnected we have become from each other on a personal level. Even as our world has become infinitely smaller, as people all over the globe instantly communicate real time. How quickly our understanding changes and grows, how difficult it becomes to stay current.  How easy it becomes to be lost in a technological time warp.  If we are to believe that Moore's law will hold true for even the next 20 years the changes from this moment to that moment will be astounding.
    Now for a bit of the inane at least from my perspective.  I have been playing with, and learning about the crypto-currencies. Some Ideas on Bitcoin, what makes this valuable it has no backing.  There is the idea that it currently has the largest distributed network ever created.  This is amazing, and sad. Amazing that it's been created at all. Sad that it's being used to make essentially video game money.  Virtual gold coins to be traded in a virtual world. Who's use creates the value, Just as the value of the U.S. Dollar is in the decline due to losing it's status as the worlds trade currency.  You can argue that last statement, though it would be one of extent.  While yes technically the Dollar remains the worlds reserve currency it is steadily losing it's use as a trade currency.  Bitcoin's use and acceptance as a cross boarder currency in an increasingly globalized world will only hasten the decline.  This doesn't make Bitcoin the answer, as it seems even farther removed from the resources then the traditional fiat currencies we are already using.  If the Dollar is rotten, anything that has it's value tied directly to the dollar has to be rotten as well.


Jack
aka
PanseyBard

The Tower of Babel Undone

         The Tower of Babel, the idea that all people at one time had a common language, but through the arrogance of trying to reach GOD our punishment was confuse our tongues.  For those that would like a bit more in depth look at this story please check here, http://www.omniglot.com/babel/. Honestly I'm not as interested in the exact details, as I am in now.  This is a story that has roots in so many cultures there is more then likely some truth to it, even if it is not in the way we think.  As our use of computers has grown, and the capabilities of those computers has grown, we have intentional or effectively undone this event.

We now have at our finger tips instant translation. My phone can listen for me and speak translations at almost real time.  My browser translates full page texts with improvements ongoing to ensure the most correct translations possible.  There is even bubble translation which can be used both directions. Giving the ability to not only translate portions of text, but also write in your native text and have translated into any number of languages.  We have effectively undone this classical story.  What are the ramifications of this punishment by GOD being undone by man?   Why have the end of the world folks seemingly left this topic alone?  This story is from a GOD that doesn't seem to take kindly to interference, or rules breaking. This is a GOD that endorsed the plagues of Egypt, the destruction of Sodom, and Gomorrah.  How a GOD with this track record reacts to having it's ruling circumvented can only be imagined.
       I am not a religious person, I do not profess, or follow any given religion.  I love studying religions, it's a passion. I guess I'm looking for something greater interacting, and taking an interest in humanity.  So this story in particular is of interest due to it being currently unfolding, a link back to biblical times. I thread of story active in my current reality that has it's roots in a time of wonder when gods walked the earth, and man with all it's flaws wasn't considered the power.  As always these are just random thoughts rattling around my mind, take them as such.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

Inner Demons, or Something Else?

      I'd like to thank Eminem and Rihanna for the inspiration for this post.  First off I've never been much of an Eminem, and my favorite Rihanna work is Shy Ronnie.  It's not a matter of not recognizing the talent, just hasn't been something that attracted my attention.  The video for the song Monster grabbed me. If you haven't seen it check it out.  On the surface it's good flow, and beat, and hook, and everyone in the video is
right on it.  Then I started to hear the words, and a few possible meanings based on my own twisted mind started to fill in where the actual lyrics of the song leave off. Lets face it everyone has their own definition for every word, multiple definitions for many, nuanced by usage, emotional flavor, timing in delivery.  Now I know these definitions are a product of my own devising, and I have no clue what is really intended by the artists, and it doesn't matter. The experience I have in watching, or listening is mine.  So what did I see? well if you didn't ask that question, I guess you might as well stop reading now.  If you still with I'll play in my silly mind for a bit, and maybe entertain you some.

I'm digging the whole imagery of being analyzed, though the lyrics don't really quite match up.  The video gives the impression of someone getting "help". The lyrics though are of someone who has come to terms with the monster lurking in their own psyche.  This zips me right along a thought train to the mystery traditions to know thyself.  I like this kind of connection so it draws my attention in a bit farther, allowing some less apparent or less likely depending on your perspective to form in this chaos of I.  I'm a fan of conspiracy theories, they are fun for me.  If the world we see on the surface is all there is, this is a pretty sorry place, so I kinda need that idea that just maybe things are not what they seem at all.  Making a link from this video to popular conspiracy was a piece of cake.  A simple Search of Illuminati and  the music industry is all it takes, now as I said those are fun for me, so that connection was made in my head pretty quickly.  It started when the idea that it's external to what Eminem views as self, the lyrics talk of the monster being not within, but under the bed, something external, and voices while in the head are heard. A labeling that leads to the idea of being distinct from.  Even the the line of being a messenger, and the shift in vocal quality are used to denote an external entity, something that is very different from what we see.  A possession of sorts, of something that is not to be controlled only befriended, and understood.
       As I said, I claim no inside knowledge, I'm not even saying I hold the view I just expressed, it was just a little show of whats rattling around in this thing I call a mind. So please don't go off thinking I'm saying this is satanic ritual, or expression, cuz frankly I don't know, and even if I did I'm not sure I'd be overly concerned. So once again thanks to Eminem, and Rihanna for some entertaining inspiration.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard