Trying a Different Approach

I am a slacker, my life is a cautionary tale, not something to aspire to or emulate.  Do not misconstrue that the I in me would wish to be any other than me.  Only that the emotional, and psychological traumas I needed to inflict upon myself to become as I am, are not anything I would wish upon anyone.  In searching answers to those ultimate questions I pulled an icarus. Not once, or even twice, nah I'm not that bright.  I had to push it till it cost me my top teeth, and partially my bottom ones, still getting over that one.  People have talked about genetic, cellular and other types of memory.  Now we are even to the point of beginning to grapple with ideas of moving without moving.  It's possible, without a doubt, it's not even that difficult when you've grasped for inkling of our true position in creation, and it fried you back into your place.  We can make black holes, we can warp space and time, we end up in the formless abyss, and no one but our dead mourns our passing.  I love people, I love the planet, all life can snuff out in our little corner of existence, and there might be some metaphorical tears shed on what ever plane of existence you and yours hail from.
Do we really have the right to take chances with the planet, solar system, galaxy, or on and on?
some folks seem to be interested in how I see things, some are offended, I'm ok with that too.  I know what I like, I feel what I need, I feel what the people around me need, using people loosely.
If we meet and you think you would like to chat, I'm happy to do so, if I offend, just tell me to please stop, and go away, and I will.  What I can not abide is total trickery, and dishonesty, I'm to good at it, and it hurts me to much to inflict those kinds injuries on myself.
I'll try to do a better job with some pix, and the like at showing kind of how I see this world, and why sometimes it makes me cry when others are so happy!  btw, if there is any confusion, I an hetrosexual male, that is so in love with women that they are my kryptonite.  it's pretty much the same with everyone, but we all get to pick where, and what we eat right?
Never been suicidal, not that I feel people do not have to right to decide the fate of what can be in this experience the only thing they can ever hope to claim ownership over, which is really just stewardship, we have horribly misunderstood, like so much of our K based systems, in such a rush to get somewhere.  They forgot that Wisdom, knows when, and where to apply knowledge, and thats why Wikipedia, has a capital W. No it's just that what is point of suicide in a zero sum universe. what comes in goes out, it's hotel california, we either come to grips, or we just keep blowing bubbles.

Much Love
Jack

there was a song from when I was teenage drunken drop out in the punker days

If some of your brightest kids are seemingly like the metaphors in this song, you might wanna take a look in the mirror before asking how things got this bad.  I was almost a perfect reflection of a child raised for the most part by the stuff around me, mostly tv, music, games, starting as early as I can remember.  I was never mommies monster at all, just a reflection of the monsters so many of us have become.
gonna try to finish up some e-mails, change get outside, and upload some pictures to instagram, in case anyone is curious what I'm about today.

Is Love The Real Cult of Personality?

Through out this really messed up journey, that I'm told humans call life, I say that not as slight to the word, it's all the baggage.  Even through how cross wired I alway seem to be atm, I think thats the blessing and the curse I guess.  When you step off the matrix grid, and step back on it in bare feet.  We are all so busy everyday running around looking for the next thrill, the next greatest thing. Some bit of fluff, and we only like our medicines sugar coated, and hell I like that stuff too.  I just do not like the feeling I have clean up after folks all the time.  Cuz these arn't my Kids.  What do you do when you find the perfect child care, and you realize it so soon, that everyone wants this person to have children of their own and raise them.  That is a trend through out my Life, everyone wanted me to be the father of their children.  When I'm an idiot, I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm making most of it up as a long just attempting to keep some measure of personal sanity while everyone around me has their own ideas on what I should or should not be doing.  I have never desired to bring any children into this world because I love children.  The world I was being presented with was both amazing, and terrifying, I was on the whirlwind tour, and I'm not sure when it started.  There is an old story my mother told me, about when I was only 2 or so she says, I don't remember much anyway.
Anywhoo, It was something about walking in on my grandpa jack garvin alot the memories surrounding times I spent with him are kinda hazy, that kinda protective scary.  As if you personally always feel ok around a person, though you know they are dangerous to others.  Mom tells me that she walked in on me taking apart a tv set, with my gjg, and when they walked in it was so shocking that it was like spell being broken.  There is something occurs when falling in love with another person, and I'm talking sexual desire, though it's often confused as such.  Love is just where you see yourself reflected in another. That complete desire to be connected, sets up a link, bidirectional communication of a sort.  This is all well and good, and everyone likes to play and swap energy, cuz of course how could there ever be anything other than just energy right?  People seem to think I'm some kinda super genius or some crap, wtf is that, IQ has nothing to do with numbers. And this is a free magic lesson, you can take it or leave it, as everyone has been trying to tell me. The ball is in my court. Only no one seems to be completely open and honest with me, and I'm begining to get the gist.
Love is the ultimate cult of personality, what else can draw some into some 1 else so completely that worlds are born and torn apart so quickly and dramatically that no one even notices, hardly even the people that were there.  The messed up thing about my life is, all I wanted to ever do was play, when really it was never about play at all.  It was the passion, the fire that is the real world, with the scrapes and bruise, they heal and mend given enough time, and according to my sources thats just a trick of relative motions, My life journey thus far, I have an inkling it's just about to get going into a completely other direction again.  Has been not just about learning about life and death, those are not all that important, as much as they are crushing and liberating when turn to personal abundance, and loss.  It's all the good gooy center sweet sticky stuff we are missing, SHWAG is just an acronym for shit we all get right?  I was always about substance, it was about how expensive the restaurant, or home I lived in was.  Personally a little sanctuary where I can find a bit of solitude, when I grate upon my friends.  There has been a running theme in my life, I was always playing monkey in the middle for everyone group I got shoved into, is some vain glorious attempt to make everything ok. Take away the muck and mire of the real world they inhabited. How can that possibly be my responsibility,
I am the same person that dropped out of high school, not once but twice.  Than dropped out of College. Got a position of working from home at 18, mind you this was maybe 1988 or so. It was to figure out what portion of a companies electric consumption was able to be considered taxable in the state of NY. At the time I didn't think much of it, come on, I was lounging at home punching numbers into spread sheets, from lotus 123, and I believe it was microsoft though it might have been word perfect. It was great I believe it was like 10 or 15 an hour or so, and they gave me an estimated time they expected it to take, 8 to 10 hours or so per report.  It was work, I was plowing through crap like crazy, it's just what I do. As began to get a clearer image of what they were doing, I realized it was all disordered, they had no organizational skills what so ever.  They were duplicating work all over, and expecting me to do the same.  I streamed lined the process to about 3 or 4 hours per report.  This of course sets up the dilemma. They are expecting them to take much longer, and I admit I was tempted to just over bill, and be done.  I didn't choose that path, instead I went and told them exactly what I had set up, which they said they were really happy with, only now they did not me anymore. Thank you good bye.  I wonder how long they used my system that set up for them, to save them precious time in their lives to actually enjoy the retard abundance they were surrounded with already to over flowing, and I get sent off with a thanks bye.  There was a sense of feeling cheated, or not quite cheated, as technically they followed the letters of the law.  But arn't letters all equal to numbers, and if there are only 9 of those, and they all are infinite unto themselves, arn't we just left with a 1, and the void. cuz the 0 is not the void, though often mistaken for it.  The void is more of sweet dissolution, of stillness an expansion or contraction of perception that allows one take a break from all the stress and pushing and pulling of a binary world, and 0 is just a place holder, a cipher, a riddle and key, it's just another symbol on some twist path to madness and for perhaps a select few reemergence into sanity, From the crazy overlay of artificial reality, by the projections of the mind.
We got ingressed from the computer, and tv screens, we flashed it right into our brains, and then we get plucked, spindled and mutilated while some unseen hands happen by and grab a little nugget from remains.  This is such an place, Cuz I was the one that remembered my original love of machines, cuz I was a real boy all the time. and so is binary, cuz 0 is just place holder, it doesn't mean anything. it's just gibberish, and what do you get when you take the voids away 111111111111111 which is always yes. you only need to understand completely ridiculous nature of programing languages, I never was a hacker, though I've heard stories of things I've done, they were plucked from my mind, and wiped away.  It was never about attempting to take anything for me, I always knew it didn't mean anything real. I was in the real world already. I was just playing with the toys I was given in the manor I found entertaining at the time. Hacking has nothing to do with computers, but it makes for a sweet framework.

I'm not sure I was ever any of those kids here, it's like a twisted lost fragment from someone else.

make up your own mind, and be nicer to each other, everyone likes to play, just not the same games.
Domination is for sure not kindness ever, cuz how can there be choice offered unless you trick it in, kinda like the randomness factor in the digital verse. it's not real. thats only a sweet sticky syrup, to gives us an excuse for choices we regret in the rear view mirror.  That to me is sad way to go about this, and I'd rather have a little honest quiet discussion like someone around us has got any sense.

make up your mind, I make up mine, thats choice, not push, or pull, poke prod or what have you.
Life isn't a sprint if it is it's already over with, the thing about a singularity, is once it's popped it's gone and going on forever. But none of us like that idea, some somewhere somewhen, some whatever it is, figured it out for us, it's called creation and equalization of pressure differentials. Once understood those can be harnessed in a crazy amount of ways.  Ever take a look or stop a min to think what a wifi card is?  how it works? and how the energy is all around us already it's in the wifi hot spots, step in a cloud and it just pours in, if you connect to the appropriate contact points that would normally plug it into an internal wifi laptop. I'd imagine similar functions could be worked around blue tooth devices.

Be kind, and gentle, and if that still isn't working walk away. there is always more void

Jack

Creating Space, Creating Maya

          As said many times, quite famously in the Matrix, "there is something wrong with the world, what it is you can not say".  So many of us feel it, looking out at the world at large it seems obvious that something is just not quite right. Well buckle up put on your tin foil hats do not suspend your disbelief, take what follows with a grain of salt. When that natural desire to reject the very possibility that any of this may be true, follow it, you'll sleep better I promise.  There has been, and is now a systematic organizing structure. The prize no less than the mass consciousness of humanity, dominance of virtually every aspect of the macro interactions.  This might a good time to listen to that little voice that says I'm crazy.  This is not new information, many others have exposed portions of the mechanisms as they understand them.  There are as many ways to see this web of half truth as there are people experiencing it.  I am not even certain all the obvious deception are not for humanities ultimate benefit.  This is just a commentary on information, and possible ramifications.
         Creation is a symphony, or said another way in the beginning there was the word.  All is frequency, cycles of change, pulsations of energy, the creation and equalization of pressure. So there is a complex harmony of creation we are a part of. I care not what you call it, intelligent design, cosmic accident, that the ebbs and flows are in patterns is in little doubt from even the most hardened skeptic.  So what does this have to do with a hijacking of consciousness?  The same energetic frequency harmonics that are at play in humanity have their resonances present in the greater harmonic structure of creation.  In our natural state we can feel our connection to the greater creation, we are in harmony with our environment.  We have been shifted slightly in subtle and not so subtle ways. This evident from our calendars, music, food, social structures, the manipulation is as varied as as can be imagined.
       The Calendar, some have called this the original mechanical mind control. How accurate this statement is obviously debatable. It is tough to argue how fundamental our experience of the flow of time from one day to the next is to being in or out of rhythm with creation.  This is not a new idea. Now I'm not advocating we ditch the idea of a calendar, just how about we use one that is an accurate reflection of our relation to the greater cycles.  Many will say so what it's just a way to plan future events like a watch. If this is your feelings I'm surprised you've gotten this far. Being out of step, or tune on such a foundational level disconnects us from physicality. We lose sensation our connection to each other, nature, and creation at large becomes fuzzy.
      The Music , few would argue the amazing power of music. It's wondrous ability to engender emotion, trigger memory, shape matter. It's little surprise given the primacy of sound in pretty much every spiritual tradition.  So is there a magic frequency we are tuned to? Of course there is, it's widely known, has been used for as long as we can find music, A=432. So far so good, only the modern western tuning is A=440, just close enough to have desired effects, and just far enough away to force us out of tune with creation.  So where did 440 tuning come from? Would you be surprised to learn it may have been nazi germany?  There is a massive amount of information on the relation of music to the structure of creation, a little research is amazing.
        With only these two examples we created the space, or separation needed to allow for the hijacking of the consciousness of humanity.  If as so many of our ancient teachings tell us, what we experience here is illusion, or maya a shadowy reflection of reality, the space created by just these two shifts are all the cracks needed to add a new layer of maya.  For those of you with a more elastic view of reality, this would amount to pushing our world into a sub pocket dimension. We would literally no longer be able to interact with aspects of creation.  Signals once clear guides become fuzzy and distant as we move out of vibrational relation to them. I could go on and on about differing aspects of how this control structure is created and maintained, but I will wrap this posting up with a how it's kept in place. The five monkeys experiment , never forget we are talking about macro level controls. Using our own tendency to group and follow the dictates of the group without thinking. The mob mentality at it's finest.

As always, do not trust this, find out for yourself and come to your own conclusions.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard  

A Kid Loose in the Castle

       Today I'm gonna do something a little different. I'm gonna tell a story from my own childhood.  I won't lie and say I can remember all the details, and it would entertaining to hear even snip-its from others who were there. I have lost since lost contact with pretty much everyone, but my own mother involved, and understand her recollection would be as skewed as mine, being emotionally closer to the day in question.  This was a powerful day for me, almost my own little miniature charlie in the chocolate factory. It kinda is a metaphor for most of my life, as odd as it may sound when you hear the tale.

       I was about 8 or 9, living in southern CA, my soccer team had made it to some bigger game. Which while it seemed so important at the time has long since faded away.  The trip the team took to Disney Land has stayed with me.  The coach, some of the parents, two older kids teens, and a soccer team of 8 and 9 year old boys.   What could possibly go wrong you ask?  Fair enough question if you weren't me.  It was decided that the two teens could watch the rest of us, while they went off.  Hey it was the 70's it's how it was done, and we were a team. We set a time to meet back up at 3:00 pm under Snow Whites castle, and away we go.
At some point we are milling about deciding what to do next, and I told the teen girl in charge I was gonna grab a chocolate covered frozen banana, pointed to the stand, waited for her to acknowledge me, and off I go.  I walk the 20 or so paces, buy the treat, turn around, and everyone is gone.  It was like poof, I turned around for a few moments, and everyone I knew was gone.  Some of you are in panic mode right now, OMG a 9 year old lost in Disney Land.  Please slow your roll, and think about what you just said.  I was a 9 year old boy that had been to Disney many times, I had an all day pass back in the day of E-ticket rides, and no one for me to guilty about keeping from some other ride they wanted to see.  Once I was over the initial shock, I was off like shot to spend as much time as I wanted on Tom Sawyers island.  I wriggled and sat in the caves till I felt like moving on, I road the corvette stingray cars, not quite sure how I pulled that off as I am pretty sure I was didn't meet the height requirement.  Next came this arcade next to Space Mountain that had laser disc games that looked like movies to my mind.  I'm not sure if I really road Space Mountain or not, because the event that happened when riding the escalator down is still so powerful in my emotions.  I had been behaving very well thus far.  I had no desire to alert any adults to the fact I was without supervision, a trait I would perfect in high school I assure you.  This changed as the environment itself reveled it's potential to be a ride. Next thing I was riding the hand rail for the escalator down. What I didn't realize was my knee was not going to make it past a floor the escalator was passing.  My knee gets caught and I start fall forward and swing out over the abyss waiting below.  Next thing I feel is a really sharp jerk on my collar, lifting me clear up and setting me feet first in the middle of the escalator like I had been there the whole time.  I turn around as I'm hearing a little girls voice asking "Mommy did you just save that boy?".  When I look into the face of my rescuer I did not see a Mommy.  I'm not certain what it was I saw there, but it was alot bigger, and more focused then any mom I had seen. The spell was snapped in an instant, and I was running down the escalator so I could escape the after effects of the heroic save.  I don't remember much after that point, till I was in a novelty shop and bought a fake melted ice cream bar.  Asked a person for the time, heard something very close to 3, I thanked him and ran off to the castle to end my adventure.  Even the rest of the day, and the reunion at the castle has faded to only knowing it must of happened.  That day though, it was magical for me, and still is.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard