Monday, March 30, 2015
Disarming
Check out @LaLeyFemenina's Tweet: https://twitter.com/LaLeyFemenina/status/580295456715980802?s=09
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Sedona feels anti social
I've,been walking around the past few days people watching. Made me remember why I'm not always fond of them. Not fun after actually looking where I was. The problem I see in Sedona is greed,ego, the I life in spiritual form. Not my kind a trip. I been jerking my own chain long enough.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Trying a Different Approach
I am a slacker, my life is a cautionary tale, not something to aspire to or emulate. Do not misconstrue that the I in me would wish to be any other than me. Only that the emotional, and psychological traumas I needed to inflict upon myself to become as I am, are not anything I would wish upon anyone. In searching answers to those ultimate questions I pulled an icarus. Not once, or even twice, nah I'm not that bright. I had to push it till it cost me my top teeth, and partially my bottom ones, still getting over that one. People have talked about genetic, cellular and other types of memory. Now we are even to the point of beginning to grapple with ideas of moving without moving. It's possible, without a doubt, it's not even that difficult when you've grasped for inkling of our true position in creation, and it fried you back into your place. We can make black holes, we can warp space and time, we end up in the formless abyss, and no one but our dead mourns our passing. I love people, I love the planet, all life can snuff out in our little corner of existence, and there might be some metaphorical tears shed on what ever plane of existence you and yours hail from.
Do we really have the right to take chances with the planet, solar system, galaxy, or on and on?
some folks seem to be interested in how I see things, some are offended, I'm ok with that too. I know what I like, I feel what I need, I feel what the people around me need, using people loosely.
If we meet and you think you would like to chat, I'm happy to do so, if I offend, just tell me to please stop, and go away, and I will. What I can not abide is total trickery, and dishonesty, I'm to good at it, and it hurts me to much to inflict those kinds injuries on myself.
I'll try to do a better job with some pix, and the like at showing kind of how I see this world, and why sometimes it makes me cry when others are so happy! btw, if there is any confusion, I an hetrosexual male, that is so in love with women that they are my kryptonite. it's pretty much the same with everyone, but we all get to pick where, and what we eat right?
Never been suicidal, not that I feel people do not have to right to decide the fate of what can be in this experience the only thing they can ever hope to claim ownership over, which is really just stewardship, we have horribly misunderstood, like so much of our K based systems, in such a rush to get somewhere. They forgot that Wisdom, knows when, and where to apply knowledge, and thats why Wikipedia, has a capital W. No it's just that what is point of suicide in a zero sum universe. what comes in goes out, it's hotel california, we either come to grips, or we just keep blowing bubbles.
Much Love
Jack
there was a song from when I was teenage drunken drop out in the punker days
If some of your brightest kids are seemingly like the metaphors in this song, you might wanna take a look in the mirror before asking how things got this bad. I was almost a perfect reflection of a child raised for the most part by the stuff around me, mostly tv, music, games, starting as early as I can remember. I was never mommies monster at all, just a reflection of the monsters so many of us have become.
gonna try to finish up some e-mails, change get outside, and upload some pictures to instagram, in case anyone is curious what I'm about today.
Do we really have the right to take chances with the planet, solar system, galaxy, or on and on?
some folks seem to be interested in how I see things, some are offended, I'm ok with that too. I know what I like, I feel what I need, I feel what the people around me need, using people loosely.
If we meet and you think you would like to chat, I'm happy to do so, if I offend, just tell me to please stop, and go away, and I will. What I can not abide is total trickery, and dishonesty, I'm to good at it, and it hurts me to much to inflict those kinds injuries on myself.
I'll try to do a better job with some pix, and the like at showing kind of how I see this world, and why sometimes it makes me cry when others are so happy! btw, if there is any confusion, I an hetrosexual male, that is so in love with women that they are my kryptonite. it's pretty much the same with everyone, but we all get to pick where, and what we eat right?
Never been suicidal, not that I feel people do not have to right to decide the fate of what can be in this experience the only thing they can ever hope to claim ownership over, which is really just stewardship, we have horribly misunderstood, like so much of our K based systems, in such a rush to get somewhere. They forgot that Wisdom, knows when, and where to apply knowledge, and thats why Wikipedia, has a capital W. No it's just that what is point of suicide in a zero sum universe. what comes in goes out, it's hotel california, we either come to grips, or we just keep blowing bubbles.
Much Love
Jack
there was a song from when I was teenage drunken drop out in the punker days
If some of your brightest kids are seemingly like the metaphors in this song, you might wanna take a look in the mirror before asking how things got this bad. I was almost a perfect reflection of a child raised for the most part by the stuff around me, mostly tv, music, games, starting as early as I can remember. I was never mommies monster at all, just a reflection of the monsters so many of us have become.
gonna try to finish up some e-mails, change get outside, and upload some pictures to instagram, in case anyone is curious what I'm about today.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Crazyness of water shortage!
So many seem to be freaking out, omg we are running out of water. Being in a bubble, where we really only dissipate lighter elements, those which have an energy that either doesn't not interact with, or the energy to break the interaction with the mass of the earth. To pose this another way, how many of us ever made any water to begin with? I know what I do with water is not making it, What we call water, isn't water at all, that is a label for an idea. The idea really doesn't even in my mind have to do drinking fluids as I've grown up with. Take a look at the late Dr Emoto, his work on showing the property of water to take on an emotional state, and hold, is not just in froze glimpses, when you wash it through your body, it changes the ph levels, the change of course varies based on the charge of water when consumed, and the charge of the person consuming it.
water is 2 parts hydrogen, and 1 part oxygen, put the amounts in the correct environment, and presto, your an alchemist. From what I can gleen in my twisted pathways, is these things come into being due to being appropriate for that nexus of the space/time/energy. We are so used to working so hard, we forget this place was already here waiting when we got here.
have a great one
as always make up your own damn mind
Jack
aka
PanseyBard
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Is Love The Real Cult of Personality?
Through out this really messed up journey, that I'm told humans call life, I say that not as slight to the word, it's all the baggage. Even through how cross wired I alway seem to be atm, I think thats the blessing and the curse I guess. When you step off the matrix grid, and step back on it in bare feet. We are all so busy everyday running around looking for the next thrill, the next greatest thing. Some bit of fluff, and we only like our medicines sugar coated, and hell I like that stuff too. I just do not like the feeling I have clean up after folks all the time. Cuz these arn't my Kids. What do you do when you find the perfect child care, and you realize it so soon, that everyone wants this person to have children of their own and raise them. That is a trend through out my Life, everyone wanted me to be the father of their children. When I'm an idiot, I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm making most of it up as a long just attempting to keep some measure of personal sanity while everyone around me has their own ideas on what I should or should not be doing. I have never desired to bring any children into this world because I love children. The world I was being presented with was both amazing, and terrifying, I was on the whirlwind tour, and I'm not sure when it started. There is an old story my mother told me, about when I was only 2 or so she says, I don't remember much anyway.
Anywhoo, It was something about walking in on my grandpa jack garvin alot the memories surrounding times I spent with him are kinda hazy, that kinda protective scary. As if you personally always feel ok around a person, though you know they are dangerous to others. Mom tells me that she walked in on me taking apart a tv set, with my gjg, and when they walked in it was so shocking that it was like spell being broken. There is something occurs when falling in love with another person, and I'm talking sexual desire, though it's often confused as such. Love is just where you see yourself reflected in another. That complete desire to be connected, sets up a link, bidirectional communication of a sort. This is all well and good, and everyone likes to play and swap energy, cuz of course how could there ever be anything other than just energy right? People seem to think I'm some kinda super genius or some crap, wtf is that, IQ has nothing to do with numbers. And this is a free magic lesson, you can take it or leave it, as everyone has been trying to tell me. The ball is in my court. Only no one seems to be completely open and honest with me, and I'm begining to get the gist.
Love is the ultimate cult of personality, what else can draw some into some 1 else so completely that worlds are born and torn apart so quickly and dramatically that no one even notices, hardly even the people that were there. The messed up thing about my life is, all I wanted to ever do was play, when really it was never about play at all. It was the passion, the fire that is the real world, with the scrapes and bruise, they heal and mend given enough time, and according to my sources thats just a trick of relative motions, My life journey thus far, I have an inkling it's just about to get going into a completely other direction again. Has been not just about learning about life and death, those are not all that important, as much as they are crushing and liberating when turn to personal abundance, and loss. It's all the good gooy center sweet sticky stuff we are missing, SHWAG is just an acronym for shit we all get right? I was always about substance, it was about how expensive the restaurant, or home I lived in was. Personally a little sanctuary where I can find a bit of solitude, when I grate upon my friends. There has been a running theme in my life, I was always playing monkey in the middle for everyone group I got shoved into, is some vain glorious attempt to make everything ok. Take away the muck and mire of the real world they inhabited. How can that possibly be my responsibility,
I am the same person that dropped out of high school, not once but twice. Than dropped out of College. Got a position of working from home at 18, mind you this was maybe 1988 or so. It was to figure out what portion of a companies electric consumption was able to be considered taxable in the state of NY. At the time I didn't think much of it, come on, I was lounging at home punching numbers into spread sheets, from lotus 123, and I believe it was microsoft though it might have been word perfect. It was great I believe it was like 10 or 15 an hour or so, and they gave me an estimated time they expected it to take, 8 to 10 hours or so per report. It was work, I was plowing through crap like crazy, it's just what I do. As began to get a clearer image of what they were doing, I realized it was all disordered, they had no organizational skills what so ever. They were duplicating work all over, and expecting me to do the same. I streamed lined the process to about 3 or 4 hours per report. This of course sets up the dilemma. They are expecting them to take much longer, and I admit I was tempted to just over bill, and be done. I didn't choose that path, instead I went and told them exactly what I had set up, which they said they were really happy with, only now they did not me anymore. Thank you good bye. I wonder how long they used my system that set up for them, to save them precious time in their lives to actually enjoy the retard abundance they were surrounded with already to over flowing, and I get sent off with a thanks bye. There was a sense of feeling cheated, or not quite cheated, as technically they followed the letters of the law. But arn't letters all equal to numbers, and if there are only 9 of those, and they all are infinite unto themselves, arn't we just left with a 1, and the void. cuz the 0 is not the void, though often mistaken for it. The void is more of sweet dissolution, of stillness an expansion or contraction of perception that allows one take a break from all the stress and pushing and pulling of a binary world, and 0 is just a place holder, a cipher, a riddle and key, it's just another symbol on some twist path to madness and for perhaps a select few reemergence into sanity, From the crazy overlay of artificial reality, by the projections of the mind.
We got ingressed from the computer, and tv screens, we flashed it right into our brains, and then we get plucked, spindled and mutilated while some unseen hands happen by and grab a little nugget from remains. This is such an place, Cuz I was the one that remembered my original love of machines, cuz I was a real boy all the time. and so is binary, cuz 0 is just place holder, it doesn't mean anything. it's just gibberish, and what do you get when you take the voids away 111111111111111 which is always yes. you only need to understand completely ridiculous nature of programing languages, I never was a hacker, though I've heard stories of things I've done, they were plucked from my mind, and wiped away. It was never about attempting to take anything for me, I always knew it didn't mean anything real. I was in the real world already. I was just playing with the toys I was given in the manor I found entertaining at the time. Hacking has nothing to do with computers, but it makes for a sweet framework.
I'm not sure I was ever any of those kids here, it's like a twisted lost fragment from someone else.
make up your own mind, and be nicer to each other, everyone likes to play, just not the same games.
Domination is for sure not kindness ever, cuz how can there be choice offered unless you trick it in, kinda like the randomness factor in the digital verse. it's not real. thats only a sweet sticky syrup, to gives us an excuse for choices we regret in the rear view mirror. That to me is sad way to go about this, and I'd rather have a little honest quiet discussion like someone around us has got any sense.
make up your mind, I make up mine, thats choice, not push, or pull, poke prod or what have you.
Life isn't a sprint if it is it's already over with, the thing about a singularity, is once it's popped it's gone and going on forever. But none of us like that idea, some somewhere somewhen, some whatever it is, figured it out for us, it's called creation and equalization of pressure differentials. Once understood those can be harnessed in a crazy amount of ways. Ever take a look or stop a min to think what a wifi card is? how it works? and how the energy is all around us already it's in the wifi hot spots, step in a cloud and it just pours in, if you connect to the appropriate contact points that would normally plug it into an internal wifi laptop. I'd imagine similar functions could be worked around blue tooth devices.
Be kind, and gentle, and if that still isn't working walk away. there is always more void
Jack
Anywhoo, It was something about walking in on my grandpa jack garvin alot the memories surrounding times I spent with him are kinda hazy, that kinda protective scary. As if you personally always feel ok around a person, though you know they are dangerous to others. Mom tells me that she walked in on me taking apart a tv set, with my gjg, and when they walked in it was so shocking that it was like spell being broken. There is something occurs when falling in love with another person, and I'm talking sexual desire, though it's often confused as such. Love is just where you see yourself reflected in another. That complete desire to be connected, sets up a link, bidirectional communication of a sort. This is all well and good, and everyone likes to play and swap energy, cuz of course how could there ever be anything other than just energy right? People seem to think I'm some kinda super genius or some crap, wtf is that, IQ has nothing to do with numbers. And this is a free magic lesson, you can take it or leave it, as everyone has been trying to tell me. The ball is in my court. Only no one seems to be completely open and honest with me, and I'm begining to get the gist.
Love is the ultimate cult of personality, what else can draw some into some 1 else so completely that worlds are born and torn apart so quickly and dramatically that no one even notices, hardly even the people that were there. The messed up thing about my life is, all I wanted to ever do was play, when really it was never about play at all. It was the passion, the fire that is the real world, with the scrapes and bruise, they heal and mend given enough time, and according to my sources thats just a trick of relative motions, My life journey thus far, I have an inkling it's just about to get going into a completely other direction again. Has been not just about learning about life and death, those are not all that important, as much as they are crushing and liberating when turn to personal abundance, and loss. It's all the good gooy center sweet sticky stuff we are missing, SHWAG is just an acronym for shit we all get right? I was always about substance, it was about how expensive the restaurant, or home I lived in was. Personally a little sanctuary where I can find a bit of solitude, when I grate upon my friends. There has been a running theme in my life, I was always playing monkey in the middle for everyone group I got shoved into, is some vain glorious attempt to make everything ok. Take away the muck and mire of the real world they inhabited. How can that possibly be my responsibility,
I am the same person that dropped out of high school, not once but twice. Than dropped out of College. Got a position of working from home at 18, mind you this was maybe 1988 or so. It was to figure out what portion of a companies electric consumption was able to be considered taxable in the state of NY. At the time I didn't think much of it, come on, I was lounging at home punching numbers into spread sheets, from lotus 123, and I believe it was microsoft though it might have been word perfect. It was great I believe it was like 10 or 15 an hour or so, and they gave me an estimated time they expected it to take, 8 to 10 hours or so per report. It was work, I was plowing through crap like crazy, it's just what I do. As began to get a clearer image of what they were doing, I realized it was all disordered, they had no organizational skills what so ever. They were duplicating work all over, and expecting me to do the same. I streamed lined the process to about 3 or 4 hours per report. This of course sets up the dilemma. They are expecting them to take much longer, and I admit I was tempted to just over bill, and be done. I didn't choose that path, instead I went and told them exactly what I had set up, which they said they were really happy with, only now they did not me anymore. Thank you good bye. I wonder how long they used my system that set up for them, to save them precious time in their lives to actually enjoy the retard abundance they were surrounded with already to over flowing, and I get sent off with a thanks bye. There was a sense of feeling cheated, or not quite cheated, as technically they followed the letters of the law. But arn't letters all equal to numbers, and if there are only 9 of those, and they all are infinite unto themselves, arn't we just left with a 1, and the void. cuz the 0 is not the void, though often mistaken for it. The void is more of sweet dissolution, of stillness an expansion or contraction of perception that allows one take a break from all the stress and pushing and pulling of a binary world, and 0 is just a place holder, a cipher, a riddle and key, it's just another symbol on some twist path to madness and for perhaps a select few reemergence into sanity, From the crazy overlay of artificial reality, by the projections of the mind.
We got ingressed from the computer, and tv screens, we flashed it right into our brains, and then we get plucked, spindled and mutilated while some unseen hands happen by and grab a little nugget from remains. This is such an place, Cuz I was the one that remembered my original love of machines, cuz I was a real boy all the time. and so is binary, cuz 0 is just place holder, it doesn't mean anything. it's just gibberish, and what do you get when you take the voids away 111111111111111 which is always yes. you only need to understand completely ridiculous nature of programing languages, I never was a hacker, though I've heard stories of things I've done, they were plucked from my mind, and wiped away. It was never about attempting to take anything for me, I always knew it didn't mean anything real. I was in the real world already. I was just playing with the toys I was given in the manor I found entertaining at the time. Hacking has nothing to do with computers, but it makes for a sweet framework.
I'm not sure I was ever any of those kids here, it's like a twisted lost fragment from someone else.
make up your own mind, and be nicer to each other, everyone likes to play, just not the same games.
Domination is for sure not kindness ever, cuz how can there be choice offered unless you trick it in, kinda like the randomness factor in the digital verse. it's not real. thats only a sweet sticky syrup, to gives us an excuse for choices we regret in the rear view mirror. That to me is sad way to go about this, and I'd rather have a little honest quiet discussion like someone around us has got any sense.
make up your mind, I make up mine, thats choice, not push, or pull, poke prod or what have you.
Life isn't a sprint if it is it's already over with, the thing about a singularity, is once it's popped it's gone and going on forever. But none of us like that idea, some somewhere somewhen, some whatever it is, figured it out for us, it's called creation and equalization of pressure differentials. Once understood those can be harnessed in a crazy amount of ways. Ever take a look or stop a min to think what a wifi card is? how it works? and how the energy is all around us already it's in the wifi hot spots, step in a cloud and it just pours in, if you connect to the appropriate contact points that would normally plug it into an internal wifi laptop. I'd imagine similar functions could be worked around blue tooth devices.
Be kind, and gentle, and if that still isn't working walk away. there is always more void
Jack
plato's cave
This seem to be a recurring theme for me lately, much has been spoken about this idea, of being whisked away into a world of fantasy of wonders untold, or what have you. What instead this is an object lesson, and not some allegory, set against some the excesses of those eras, was an automatic cult of personality. every street corner had soothsayer or what have. when we flip the script on this idea it's really a lesson on how to adjust the awareness of concepts, not directly into the eyes, but from behind. Like when there were drive ins. I really enjoy tech and such, but VR not a good idea unless people want their children to just poof through a window of perception. This world seems much more about flash, and a willingness to pimp yourself to the highest priced ho rules. And to me that has nothing to with gender. I am fully aware everyone is a sucker, and lollipop. it's about the light going directly into the eyes. It actually patterns peoples brains photonically you wonder why people freak out. The children are being programed to be one in a million. and the rest just get sorted out. The representation of the spartans throwing the deformed children to their deaths, and become such horrible nightmare for everyone to take a step back from, and get that they were doing as they felt they need to do to survive. It's not always pretty, but is how it is.
Just Jack
Just Jack
Monday, March 16, 2015
I always make up my own world, and it took me 46 years to figure it out
I make up stories, sometimes I lie, sometimes it's complete truth. I incorporate, shuffle the deck, lay out some cards, play with em, see how I like the look of the picture presented to me, figure out the hows and whys I feel like I do, if they really ring for me. Cuz it's only taking place in my head, it's a game, to make it all be happy story, no matter what!
So what I'm going to write next, in as brief as I am able or allowed, or want is to tell my story.
none of it is mine or exactly, true, but I'd stake my life, in front of the peoples court, that it's all correct, for whatever that means.
I was once just like moses, and I washed up on a shore, and there was this beautiful woman there greet me, or at least thats how it plays out in the edited version. The truth is always much more complicated, and messy, but I'm just telling you a story, so you don't really care do you?
I already knew this woman, but she seemed different than I remember, like inside out, or reversed, or kinda upside down. because she was so much more, and less than I remembered I immediately fell head over heals in love with her, and she became my ideal, my own personal blue fairy, that only I could find, and if I didn't she might be lost forever, and that I just could not bear.
than, I was on fire!
I was living the life, I shit when I wanted and where I wanted, people came and wiped my ass, when I ever I called out to them as long as they were the right people at the right moment. cuz sometimes I'd call and they wouldn't be at all what was expected, and isn't that well unexpected obviously.
by the time I was I think 8, pretty sure, but you know how those numbers get when they repeat, but not quite in the way everyone thinks, things get double and triple stammped and nothing seems to make sense unless you get really close, and far all at once. I digress, though I'm fairly certain digression is one of the joys of existence once you realize it has happened your not where you were before, and you now have to figure out how to get back, and it's not hard at all.
turn around and look,
So by the time I was 8 I had already done things I was told over and over were impossible for me to do, I mean crazy things, having multiple females show, and tell and help me with things, that are fantastic, embarrassing, and really helpful even if misunderstood when they are witnessed from an external perspective. the context is lost, till you can view things that everyone else has missed,
I had been a baseball star, soccer star, video game champ, this was great. than out of the complete blue, my 4th grade teacher is gone, I think she got sick but I'm not sure. The woman that replaced her was close enough to my idea of mother, and not mother, that it was the right spark, and she saw. sometimes it hurts me that her name is like a whisper, cuz I don't know her at all, and I never did.
She saw in me what others till that point had missed. oopps we goofed, this one isn't meant for here
but no one believed her, though I'm kinda thinking that was exactly why she was brought in.
So I took the tests to prove it to the Authorities I was what she said I was. Cool thing was it was still a game, and though I knew something was up, I also knew I didn't get it, and these folks had been here alot longer than I had, so I better shut up and take notes. Guess what, I actually passed, every test, it didn't matter, and no one could figure it out. how could this be, it's gotta be a trick.
I next put in a special class, where while I was with other kids like me, we only interacted when we needed were told, or wanted to. it wasn't like anything from school I had ever seen, and it was amazing. I had control of all my own crap, and the guidance to make sure I didn't really break it, and it was allowed to grow.
I thought I had it, that is the absolute worst place to be ever.
Next thing I know I'm whisked away like little orphan annie
I'm plucked from my beloved Family
and just like some surreal vision out of the beverly hillbillies
I find myself in New Canaan CT.
if you don't know the place, I'd highly recommend a peak
though be nice, the folks there have so much, they just hand it like candy
As wonderful as all this new found abundance, cuz my pockets never had any of my own currency
I was just a kid, even the money silly word, dolled out to me, by the powers at hand
just poofed in like magic, and always seemed to be just right, even when it was excess
this was never an issue, Being tossed into a completely alien environment, with the future sharks, and whales of the world so to speak.
Which was cool, I loved new playmates, but my school was so confusing now.
no one seemed like me, which was ok, but while I could socialize with them just fine
I just couldn't really fit in totally, and the breaks with other kids where we went off like a sub group to see things others didn't just kinda only were a snack.
These experiences were so incongruent with anything I had seen up to that point, they take on such a hazy quality, that only contemplation, and visualization begin to make things clear.
Such a whirlwind, I went from Rockstar to old money, overnight, now that is an odd flip, though oddly not as uncommon as folks would like to believe.
I had the run of the Whole show, not because it was mine, or even that was claiming anything, remember this part happens between 5th, and 7th grade, a blink in the eyes of an adult, eternal to the child experiencing it, and wonderous. I mean if you have watched Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette
thats an off kilter version of the experience, and it's ending is the same, I was offered the choice, Your mother has remarried, so she is moving on, you however are more than welcome, and we have plenty of space for you. Crappy choice at any age, regardless of how well cared for you believe your mother would be. I offered this with a flat no! People couldn't believe it, Flabberghasted comes to mind. This is impossible how did a 7th grader just beat willy wonkas test, and he didn't even know he was taking it? Thats so messed up, it just can't be. This one needs more time in neverland, so off I went to the land of the madder hatters, Danbury CT, so many seem to know it, but it never seems all that special unless you live there awhile. There was of course a stop between but that is even more blurry than the rest, like lies kids make up to other kids just cuz the story was so cool, it can't possibly be true anyway.
I get to my new home, and everything outside is ok, but it's just not right inside, this pushed me right out, but not totally it was my house or so they said. I made a bunch of new friends of all types, played with em all in good and bad ways, things I feel uncomfortable with even now.
I got cheated at cards by billy the kid, was the thief in the night that took whatever, cuz I didn't ever own it, even when I had it, and I knew it. Then I made another impossible shot, I was handed a bb gun, just a toy spring action, Leaning out my bedroom window, I see a robin or at least I think it is, it was bird, but it's been awhile, so that part could be a trick of the minds eye. it's soaring across the skies, what a sight, it was so fast, and graceful. I took aim no thought at all, click, and it falls from heaven and crashed to earth, and I did it. I was out there so fast, it was in cupped in my hands for I had damaged a delicate thing, I had no clue how to replace, and this perfect one was gone, and I did it. How do you deal with that in 8th grade, you don't there is no way to deal with that. Next thing I remember the house and my mothers brand new marriage are not just over, annulled. As if it never happened. Let that one stew a moment, cuz it's kinda odd. Something I knew I experienced, was declared to have never been on a technicality. Bzzt, sorry survey says. That can't be that's impossible.
This was quickly lost in a resettlement to a shelter rock condo, still in the land of the mad, but on the fringe. New people, yet close enough to the other new people I just met, and all the new people I had met. Ok, this is cool I can do this, All the toys and gadgets I could need, a decent enough space for what I had going on, life was still good right. The angles are working things are flowing, it's party time. I had been exposed to alcohol not overly, but enough. When my mother is suddenly gone, seemingly because I don't really need her anymore, yet everything is taken care of, and she is only the other side of town, doing the same thing I am as best she can. This was about 16, and there was some crazy ass rockin events, skateboards, girls groupies, old dudes that are pissed cuz the kids are disrespectful, couldn't believe I stop and old man, and my friend from a physical fight at that age, but yes it happened. I had the hideaway that everyone knew about, but no one wanted to look at
that secret place for the rebels to hide from empire was in my condo, and I was never aware of it while it was happening. I was running game everywhere, not that really lied, I just applied logic and rhetoric to anyone that presented themselves as an Authority and spun off one way or another.
there is even a story about cops parting with high school kids just cuz we threw the best ones.
My Neighbor this wonderful english gentlemen with a bug eyed sprite in garage he was always tinkering with happened to be the condo association president, combined with seemingly well placed others always there just to flip the switches, be the sparks, and crew that cleaned up. just in case.
Crazy right, you become an illegal syndicate, drop out of high school all while telling everyone what you are doing, cuz you aren't hiding a thing. I did things your just not supposed to do, especially in another mans house, though I never did any of it. I'm not even sure I was there at all.
Being the time High school of course they told me I was done, not only was I done, that I had failed, and would have to retake the last year if I hoped to get anywhere in life. I'm a rebel by nature, so of course this was like throwing down the gauntlet, kinda like in geometry when my "teacher" told me I could never pass his if I went to CA for a month. don't know what happened to him, but I do remember passing that class.
What to do, I'm a team player so when everyone said I had to take the Sr. year over, I complied, at least till the kids at school started saying I was Ferris Bueller, and I had done it, not for a day, but for over a year. This is silly as of course that was just movie, and I for sure took my lumps for all the fun everyone was having. When I just stopped I was expelled from my home, leaving my broken down floorless triumph spitfire in the garage. My friends and I had plan though, at least a few of us, we decided it was great idea to head to cali, with a stop in phx to party, and pick up a some girl that my friend knew. Landing at sky harbor airport, we got our completely stuffed duffle bags, and headed on. Of course we had no idea where we were or where we going, so with map in hand skateboards on the pavement, off balance from the packs on your backs we started for glendale, on the map it was close. We soon found out that wasn't really so, but lo, and behold as we are the street corner on hands and knees figuring out where we are going. A guy shows up and offers us a ride. Packed into this little car with all the stuff in the world for at least me out of the four there. We drive off into the night. After a bit, Paul was getting panicky but nothing to fear the nice guy, dropped us off a block from our destination. At a burger King we didn't need his help at the moment, but we would later.
We wanted to find our base of the night, to get some rest, and see whats up. Quickly we arrived at the appointed address, yet no one lived there at all. No lights, no nothing, wasn't Poor Paul embarrassed to have led us to an empty locked home. Women are like that sometimes though, we didn't really mind after the shock wore off at least. Nah we just walked into the neighbors side yard, just a gravel bed, laid down the sleeping bags, looked up the stars, talked and drifted off. In the morning we up early, or at least it seemed that way. Throwing our heavy bags over the cement block wall guarding the back yard of an empty house, we headed over to BK to grab breakfast, clean up, and figure out where to. Again Paul played a great trick, Ed and I, are sitting eating paul is in the rest room, washing up. Of course this is the perfect moment for an employee to check the bath room.
Being Paul, he was holding the door closed with one foot, while washing his hair balancing it all.
The employee finding he couldn't push a door open, he knew should open easily. Pushed, and Pushed till it opened, finding this a very odd sight, he did as he had been trained. he told the manager. The manager's response was so classic, it's almost incredulous. "did her buy anything?" yes was the response of course. "well he's gotta do it some where". Spending the rest of the day on crazy quest across the desert looking for our bus to CA, I was forced to involve my Grandparents, and The rest of the family I was seemingly estranged from, not from a lack of love on either side, just an uncomfortable feeling, like things were off for some reason. Though being them, and so gracious, they made up some beds, fed us at the kings ransom. and packed us on another bus to get on with it.
We didn't even have a place to go, so we kinda just went till the end of line, Newport Beach, CA
Taking up temporary shelter in a motel or hotel of some low at least by old money standards repute.
Paul obliged us by clogging the toilet, and over flowing it, we didn't really care it wasn't our place, and people were supposed to clean it as a part of renting it. Another whrilly bird of a summer with things from taking up residence in a beach house, where we could go on the balcony see the pacific ocean just at the end of the street, there were the ocean waves right there anytime with a boardwalk the led off to other adventures. This was actually a house that had been kinda hijacked by the folks that rented the room to us. Before long there was only electricity from an extension cord running down to the first floor flat, no hot water, it was not ideal, but we didn't care it was what was outside we were interested in. Now that stuff was the pretty interesting, I at 18 was offered a 15 year lovely girl. No one did it directly, and of course we had chosen each other. Over the next cpl or few days was lovely time of being wisked away back into paradise, only I had been told 18 with 15 was wrong, So I only remember it being sweet and play, puppy love allowed to simmer without getting to outta hand. Of course it had to crash and burn, when I was requested to attend a debutante ball, seriously.
There were parts of me that would have loved to drift into that fantasy. Being me though, that had the ring of forever, and ever, and ever nightmare. There was also Uncle Charlie, first time I see him he flips his lower lip down to me, it has 81 tattooed there. I'm clueless, pretty sure everyone else is too, but whatever. then he explains it's ha, hells angels, which could also be translated at hitlers army if your a bit creative, I know right gives shivers. He even while cooking us up steaks on the grill in the front yard of some folks across the street were not using at the moment. completely disregarded my concern for their consternation at us just walking up and using their stuff. He tells me "I like you, but" He slams the knife between my legs, in to the bench I was straddling, and capped it with "if you ever fuck me, I will kill you". An odd statement as I hardly knew this man, and could not likely have forced him to anything he did not choose, and wouldn't wish to even if I could. Once this was over he was like a guardian, always looking our for me, even if I didn't quite see it. At least in that time.
I even got to talk to his mother on the phone, though I do not quite understand why either of them wished for that. While this was crashing down, around my head, my companions Ed, and Paul were gone, we were broke, and almost homeless, and they called home to get help, when I tried it, I got a rather shocking, you got there on your own, get back on your own. Once the tears of being completely abandoned in a precarious position, by the one person I was told I could always ask for help dried up. Of course I began to make it work, called a friend, Troy's mother, Gladys. I hadn't even known her very long, and had skipped her middle son's funeral. which even if I have my own reason, has got to hurt. She acted as my mom, and without much fuss, said of course I can send a few dollars. It was originally supposed to be a loan, at least from my perspective, but I'm not sure about hers. Once I had that, it was back to the Grandparents, not having much of anyplace else to go. Grandma was subtly different, than I had even remembered from a month or so ago. She forced me to cut my hair, get a job, if I wanted to stay. Not feeling much of a choice was offered, I again complied.
I was pissed mind you, but what was I supposed to choose, homeless again? Of course my Uncle Jim, and Aunt Tracy, bother and sister, sharing a cool house, showed up to offer me to live there for awhile and work with Jim. This woulda been cool if I hadn't just had my hair cut off, for no reason what so ever. not even the first time that had happened to me.
the real truth of this story is more ridiculous than any wish to hear or tell, I'm only playing my part.
we made it all this way, cuz it was the only way we could save everyone, regardless of what any or all, or even none might fight over the details, it's just how it's works out for everyone best, at least in my fucked up fantasy world. I don't know quite what I am, but I can take being created by disneyland if thats what makes the stories come out for sen, nes, whatever that happens to me to you. cuz I'm not here and your not there, we are all in our little q verse, and mine missed me so much that it called me home. I don't even know if that was quite accurate, does that even matter anymore. I'm out of my time, and thats the point. So if Everyone wants Disney to Do it, omfg, are fucking kidding me, no wonder I don't fucking understand, I got some of the most glamours amazing frighting folks from alot history rolling around in ether, that is difficult to grasp, I can't wake up in that chair, I'm not that guy, I am Jack, the boy who never grew up, brought to you by Disneyland.
I'm not even here at all, but because I never existed here, it's the only place that can stand for me to actually live. that is fucked up concept even in my twisted head. How do you keep the monsters out, you pass them down through the generations, so if they ever show back up, some where some on will know just what. see I was so caught up in what the system was shoving at everyone else that I could never have know I popped in with a sound, or maybe it was more of a reaction. to a response What!
Bo, might have Burned em, but he was a little bo peep, looking for the flocks the wolves like to eat.
I know I don't quite understand, cuz I feel like he is sort of me, but not at all. a bit to close for anyone to deal with for very long. I was here to find the magic, the mystery, of where had all the life, gone, and why did no one want it back, sadly there is no magic to be found here to cure that ill.
Cuz everyone wants to fuck the prom queen, but no one likes to get fucked.
So if your feeling like your getting fucked like a prom queen, and it confuses the shit out of you
your the elephant in the room, cuz to everyone around you, you look like you got a pair of DD's
if your still confused, legends tell, that if this happens to you. you just might be the lost unicorn everyone has been looking for, but no one really wants to find. That means your fucked, and if your ok with it, so is everyone else. Just don't rub peoples noses in it, unless you have to.
cuz I don't make all the rules here, or maybe I can, but would that be a horrible thought.
remember that episode of the twilight zone, with the little kid that was playing with real people in the doll house, from inside it like it was real. yikes, or would anyone ever even realize?
so if you find yourself lost not in time or of mind even, but when you get lost in truly lost inside someone else. but not many folks can handle having their child discipline them, when your the jungle boy you don't understand, you have no clue, so while I am not entirely sure what is what all the time, I like it that way. it was what always has attracted me to casino's. so I don't know quite who I am
but and I hope I can take it, if it works out foreveryone that I was made at disneyland so be it.
was Julian, who named right, or any of the MM, I'm all of these, and none at all
cuz it's not about flesh, it's all about feel, there is that fine line between decadence and off with your head, can't I be just me instead? Find your own blue fairy, I kill mine everytime I catch it, don't even realize it, maybe it's instinct, or part of some grand design, know one even can remember, even if ever existed. I just play with the toys that I am offered as I see they are being offered, or I don't.
if someone tells me thats not considered nice here, with respect and with politeness I stop, and ask for further information. I go from there like we all do. so while I can't wait for whatever comes next.
I still feel like Sedona needs a hand, or needs to help me, or maybe we just are compatible in whatever weird way that makes sense. and what kind of lost boy would ever leave a lost boys mother, even if it's not his own, and they don't even quite recognize each other, being stretched this far in time is an odd experience, bit rocky at moments, but not unenjoyable.
Well I think I need a shower and walk, I'll be back again, soon as you count, to .
Just Jack
So what I'm going to write next, in as brief as I am able or allowed, or want is to tell my story.
none of it is mine or exactly, true, but I'd stake my life, in front of the peoples court, that it's all correct, for whatever that means.
I was once just like moses, and I washed up on a shore, and there was this beautiful woman there greet me, or at least thats how it plays out in the edited version. The truth is always much more complicated, and messy, but I'm just telling you a story, so you don't really care do you?
I already knew this woman, but she seemed different than I remember, like inside out, or reversed, or kinda upside down. because she was so much more, and less than I remembered I immediately fell head over heals in love with her, and she became my ideal, my own personal blue fairy, that only I could find, and if I didn't she might be lost forever, and that I just could not bear.
than, I was on fire!
I was living the life, I shit when I wanted and where I wanted, people came and wiped my ass, when I ever I called out to them as long as they were the right people at the right moment. cuz sometimes I'd call and they wouldn't be at all what was expected, and isn't that well unexpected obviously.
by the time I was I think 8, pretty sure, but you know how those numbers get when they repeat, but not quite in the way everyone thinks, things get double and triple stammped and nothing seems to make sense unless you get really close, and far all at once. I digress, though I'm fairly certain digression is one of the joys of existence once you realize it has happened your not where you were before, and you now have to figure out how to get back, and it's not hard at all.
turn around and look,
So by the time I was 8 I had already done things I was told over and over were impossible for me to do, I mean crazy things, having multiple females show, and tell and help me with things, that are fantastic, embarrassing, and really helpful even if misunderstood when they are witnessed from an external perspective. the context is lost, till you can view things that everyone else has missed,
I had been a baseball star, soccer star, video game champ, this was great. than out of the complete blue, my 4th grade teacher is gone, I think she got sick but I'm not sure. The woman that replaced her was close enough to my idea of mother, and not mother, that it was the right spark, and she saw. sometimes it hurts me that her name is like a whisper, cuz I don't know her at all, and I never did.
She saw in me what others till that point had missed. oopps we goofed, this one isn't meant for here
but no one believed her, though I'm kinda thinking that was exactly why she was brought in.
So I took the tests to prove it to the Authorities I was what she said I was. Cool thing was it was still a game, and though I knew something was up, I also knew I didn't get it, and these folks had been here alot longer than I had, so I better shut up and take notes. Guess what, I actually passed, every test, it didn't matter, and no one could figure it out. how could this be, it's gotta be a trick.
I next put in a special class, where while I was with other kids like me, we only interacted when we needed were told, or wanted to. it wasn't like anything from school I had ever seen, and it was amazing. I had control of all my own crap, and the guidance to make sure I didn't really break it, and it was allowed to grow.
I thought I had it, that is the absolute worst place to be ever.
Next thing I know I'm whisked away like little orphan annie
I'm plucked from my beloved Family
and just like some surreal vision out of the beverly hillbillies
I find myself in New Canaan CT.
if you don't know the place, I'd highly recommend a peak
though be nice, the folks there have so much, they just hand it like candy
As wonderful as all this new found abundance, cuz my pockets never had any of my own currency
I was just a kid, even the money silly word, dolled out to me, by the powers at hand
just poofed in like magic, and always seemed to be just right, even when it was excess
this was never an issue, Being tossed into a completely alien environment, with the future sharks, and whales of the world so to speak.
Which was cool, I loved new playmates, but my school was so confusing now.
no one seemed like me, which was ok, but while I could socialize with them just fine
I just couldn't really fit in totally, and the breaks with other kids where we went off like a sub group to see things others didn't just kinda only were a snack.
These experiences were so incongruent with anything I had seen up to that point, they take on such a hazy quality, that only contemplation, and visualization begin to make things clear.
Such a whirlwind, I went from Rockstar to old money, overnight, now that is an odd flip, though oddly not as uncommon as folks would like to believe.
I had the run of the Whole show, not because it was mine, or even that was claiming anything, remember this part happens between 5th, and 7th grade, a blink in the eyes of an adult, eternal to the child experiencing it, and wonderous. I mean if you have watched Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette
thats an off kilter version of the experience, and it's ending is the same, I was offered the choice, Your mother has remarried, so she is moving on, you however are more than welcome, and we have plenty of space for you. Crappy choice at any age, regardless of how well cared for you believe your mother would be. I offered this with a flat no! People couldn't believe it, Flabberghasted comes to mind. This is impossible how did a 7th grader just beat willy wonkas test, and he didn't even know he was taking it? Thats so messed up, it just can't be. This one needs more time in neverland, so off I went to the land of the madder hatters, Danbury CT, so many seem to know it, but it never seems all that special unless you live there awhile. There was of course a stop between but that is even more blurry than the rest, like lies kids make up to other kids just cuz the story was so cool, it can't possibly be true anyway.
I get to my new home, and everything outside is ok, but it's just not right inside, this pushed me right out, but not totally it was my house or so they said. I made a bunch of new friends of all types, played with em all in good and bad ways, things I feel uncomfortable with even now.
I got cheated at cards by billy the kid, was the thief in the night that took whatever, cuz I didn't ever own it, even when I had it, and I knew it. Then I made another impossible shot, I was handed a bb gun, just a toy spring action, Leaning out my bedroom window, I see a robin or at least I think it is, it was bird, but it's been awhile, so that part could be a trick of the minds eye. it's soaring across the skies, what a sight, it was so fast, and graceful. I took aim no thought at all, click, and it falls from heaven and crashed to earth, and I did it. I was out there so fast, it was in cupped in my hands for I had damaged a delicate thing, I had no clue how to replace, and this perfect one was gone, and I did it. How do you deal with that in 8th grade, you don't there is no way to deal with that. Next thing I remember the house and my mothers brand new marriage are not just over, annulled. As if it never happened. Let that one stew a moment, cuz it's kinda odd. Something I knew I experienced, was declared to have never been on a technicality. Bzzt, sorry survey says. That can't be that's impossible.
This was quickly lost in a resettlement to a shelter rock condo, still in the land of the mad, but on the fringe. New people, yet close enough to the other new people I just met, and all the new people I had met. Ok, this is cool I can do this, All the toys and gadgets I could need, a decent enough space for what I had going on, life was still good right. The angles are working things are flowing, it's party time. I had been exposed to alcohol not overly, but enough. When my mother is suddenly gone, seemingly because I don't really need her anymore, yet everything is taken care of, and she is only the other side of town, doing the same thing I am as best she can. This was about 16, and there was some crazy ass rockin events, skateboards, girls groupies, old dudes that are pissed cuz the kids are disrespectful, couldn't believe I stop and old man, and my friend from a physical fight at that age, but yes it happened. I had the hideaway that everyone knew about, but no one wanted to look at
that secret place for the rebels to hide from empire was in my condo, and I was never aware of it while it was happening. I was running game everywhere, not that really lied, I just applied logic and rhetoric to anyone that presented themselves as an Authority and spun off one way or another.
there is even a story about cops parting with high school kids just cuz we threw the best ones.
My Neighbor this wonderful english gentlemen with a bug eyed sprite in garage he was always tinkering with happened to be the condo association president, combined with seemingly well placed others always there just to flip the switches, be the sparks, and crew that cleaned up. just in case.
Crazy right, you become an illegal syndicate, drop out of high school all while telling everyone what you are doing, cuz you aren't hiding a thing. I did things your just not supposed to do, especially in another mans house, though I never did any of it. I'm not even sure I was there at all.
Being the time High school of course they told me I was done, not only was I done, that I had failed, and would have to retake the last year if I hoped to get anywhere in life. I'm a rebel by nature, so of course this was like throwing down the gauntlet, kinda like in geometry when my "teacher" told me I could never pass his if I went to CA for a month. don't know what happened to him, but I do remember passing that class.
What to do, I'm a team player so when everyone said I had to take the Sr. year over, I complied, at least till the kids at school started saying I was Ferris Bueller, and I had done it, not for a day, but for over a year. This is silly as of course that was just movie, and I for sure took my lumps for all the fun everyone was having. When I just stopped I was expelled from my home, leaving my broken down floorless triumph spitfire in the garage. My friends and I had plan though, at least a few of us, we decided it was great idea to head to cali, with a stop in phx to party, and pick up a some girl that my friend knew. Landing at sky harbor airport, we got our completely stuffed duffle bags, and headed on. Of course we had no idea where we were or where we going, so with map in hand skateboards on the pavement, off balance from the packs on your backs we started for glendale, on the map it was close. We soon found out that wasn't really so, but lo, and behold as we are the street corner on hands and knees figuring out where we are going. A guy shows up and offers us a ride. Packed into this little car with all the stuff in the world for at least me out of the four there. We drive off into the night. After a bit, Paul was getting panicky but nothing to fear the nice guy, dropped us off a block from our destination. At a burger King we didn't need his help at the moment, but we would later.
We wanted to find our base of the night, to get some rest, and see whats up. Quickly we arrived at the appointed address, yet no one lived there at all. No lights, no nothing, wasn't Poor Paul embarrassed to have led us to an empty locked home. Women are like that sometimes though, we didn't really mind after the shock wore off at least. Nah we just walked into the neighbors side yard, just a gravel bed, laid down the sleeping bags, looked up the stars, talked and drifted off. In the morning we up early, or at least it seemed that way. Throwing our heavy bags over the cement block wall guarding the back yard of an empty house, we headed over to BK to grab breakfast, clean up, and figure out where to. Again Paul played a great trick, Ed and I, are sitting eating paul is in the rest room, washing up. Of course this is the perfect moment for an employee to check the bath room.
Being Paul, he was holding the door closed with one foot, while washing his hair balancing it all.
The employee finding he couldn't push a door open, he knew should open easily. Pushed, and Pushed till it opened, finding this a very odd sight, he did as he had been trained. he told the manager. The manager's response was so classic, it's almost incredulous. "did her buy anything?" yes was the response of course. "well he's gotta do it some where". Spending the rest of the day on crazy quest across the desert looking for our bus to CA, I was forced to involve my Grandparents, and The rest of the family I was seemingly estranged from, not from a lack of love on either side, just an uncomfortable feeling, like things were off for some reason. Though being them, and so gracious, they made up some beds, fed us at the kings ransom. and packed us on another bus to get on with it.
We didn't even have a place to go, so we kinda just went till the end of line, Newport Beach, CA
Taking up temporary shelter in a motel or hotel of some low at least by old money standards repute.
Paul obliged us by clogging the toilet, and over flowing it, we didn't really care it wasn't our place, and people were supposed to clean it as a part of renting it. Another whrilly bird of a summer with things from taking up residence in a beach house, where we could go on the balcony see the pacific ocean just at the end of the street, there were the ocean waves right there anytime with a boardwalk the led off to other adventures. This was actually a house that had been kinda hijacked by the folks that rented the room to us. Before long there was only electricity from an extension cord running down to the first floor flat, no hot water, it was not ideal, but we didn't care it was what was outside we were interested in. Now that stuff was the pretty interesting, I at 18 was offered a 15 year lovely girl. No one did it directly, and of course we had chosen each other. Over the next cpl or few days was lovely time of being wisked away back into paradise, only I had been told 18 with 15 was wrong, So I only remember it being sweet and play, puppy love allowed to simmer without getting to outta hand. Of course it had to crash and burn, when I was requested to attend a debutante ball, seriously.
There were parts of me that would have loved to drift into that fantasy. Being me though, that had the ring of forever, and ever, and ever nightmare. There was also Uncle Charlie, first time I see him he flips his lower lip down to me, it has 81 tattooed there. I'm clueless, pretty sure everyone else is too, but whatever. then he explains it's ha, hells angels, which could also be translated at hitlers army if your a bit creative, I know right gives shivers. He even while cooking us up steaks on the grill in the front yard of some folks across the street were not using at the moment. completely disregarded my concern for their consternation at us just walking up and using their stuff. He tells me "I like you, but" He slams the knife between my legs, in to the bench I was straddling, and capped it with "if you ever fuck me, I will kill you". An odd statement as I hardly knew this man, and could not likely have forced him to anything he did not choose, and wouldn't wish to even if I could. Once this was over he was like a guardian, always looking our for me, even if I didn't quite see it. At least in that time.
I even got to talk to his mother on the phone, though I do not quite understand why either of them wished for that. While this was crashing down, around my head, my companions Ed, and Paul were gone, we were broke, and almost homeless, and they called home to get help, when I tried it, I got a rather shocking, you got there on your own, get back on your own. Once the tears of being completely abandoned in a precarious position, by the one person I was told I could always ask for help dried up. Of course I began to make it work, called a friend, Troy's mother, Gladys. I hadn't even known her very long, and had skipped her middle son's funeral. which even if I have my own reason, has got to hurt. She acted as my mom, and without much fuss, said of course I can send a few dollars. It was originally supposed to be a loan, at least from my perspective, but I'm not sure about hers. Once I had that, it was back to the Grandparents, not having much of anyplace else to go. Grandma was subtly different, than I had even remembered from a month or so ago. She forced me to cut my hair, get a job, if I wanted to stay. Not feeling much of a choice was offered, I again complied.
I was pissed mind you, but what was I supposed to choose, homeless again? Of course my Uncle Jim, and Aunt Tracy, bother and sister, sharing a cool house, showed up to offer me to live there for awhile and work with Jim. This woulda been cool if I hadn't just had my hair cut off, for no reason what so ever. not even the first time that had happened to me.
the real truth of this story is more ridiculous than any wish to hear or tell, I'm only playing my part.
we made it all this way, cuz it was the only way we could save everyone, regardless of what any or all, or even none might fight over the details, it's just how it's works out for everyone best, at least in my fucked up fantasy world. I don't know quite what I am, but I can take being created by disneyland if thats what makes the stories come out for sen, nes, whatever that happens to me to you. cuz I'm not here and your not there, we are all in our little q verse, and mine missed me so much that it called me home. I don't even know if that was quite accurate, does that even matter anymore. I'm out of my time, and thats the point. So if Everyone wants Disney to Do it, omfg, are fucking kidding me, no wonder I don't fucking understand, I got some of the most glamours amazing frighting folks from alot history rolling around in ether, that is difficult to grasp, I can't wake up in that chair, I'm not that guy, I am Jack, the boy who never grew up, brought to you by Disneyland.
I'm not even here at all, but because I never existed here, it's the only place that can stand for me to actually live. that is fucked up concept even in my twisted head. How do you keep the monsters out, you pass them down through the generations, so if they ever show back up, some where some on will know just what. see I was so caught up in what the system was shoving at everyone else that I could never have know I popped in with a sound, or maybe it was more of a reaction. to a response What!
Bo, might have Burned em, but he was a little bo peep, looking for the flocks the wolves like to eat.
I know I don't quite understand, cuz I feel like he is sort of me, but not at all. a bit to close for anyone to deal with for very long. I was here to find the magic, the mystery, of where had all the life, gone, and why did no one want it back, sadly there is no magic to be found here to cure that ill.
Cuz everyone wants to fuck the prom queen, but no one likes to get fucked.
So if your feeling like your getting fucked like a prom queen, and it confuses the shit out of you
your the elephant in the room, cuz to everyone around you, you look like you got a pair of DD's
if your still confused, legends tell, that if this happens to you. you just might be the lost unicorn everyone has been looking for, but no one really wants to find. That means your fucked, and if your ok with it, so is everyone else. Just don't rub peoples noses in it, unless you have to.
cuz I don't make all the rules here, or maybe I can, but would that be a horrible thought.
remember that episode of the twilight zone, with the little kid that was playing with real people in the doll house, from inside it like it was real. yikes, or would anyone ever even realize?
so if you find yourself lost not in time or of mind even, but when you get lost in truly lost inside someone else. but not many folks can handle having their child discipline them, when your the jungle boy you don't understand, you have no clue, so while I am not entirely sure what is what all the time, I like it that way. it was what always has attracted me to casino's. so I don't know quite who I am
but and I hope I can take it, if it works out foreveryone that I was made at disneyland so be it.
was Julian, who named right, or any of the MM, I'm all of these, and none at all
cuz it's not about flesh, it's all about feel, there is that fine line between decadence and off with your head, can't I be just me instead? Find your own blue fairy, I kill mine everytime I catch it, don't even realize it, maybe it's instinct, or part of some grand design, know one even can remember, even if ever existed. I just play with the toys that I am offered as I see they are being offered, or I don't.
if someone tells me thats not considered nice here, with respect and with politeness I stop, and ask for further information. I go from there like we all do. so while I can't wait for whatever comes next.
I still feel like Sedona needs a hand, or needs to help me, or maybe we just are compatible in whatever weird way that makes sense. and what kind of lost boy would ever leave a lost boys mother, even if it's not his own, and they don't even quite recognize each other, being stretched this far in time is an odd experience, bit rocky at moments, but not unenjoyable.
Well I think I need a shower and walk, I'll be back again, soon as you count, to .
Just Jack
Aliens, and Foreigners, Outcasts, and Asylum seekers
Hoping this one will be quick, as it's not pretty for anyone.
Have you looked up the definition of the word Asylum?
if you haven't in all likely hood, you are ill suited to talking about them.
by the label, we attempt to mold, what we are working with resists this molding
so how does related to people?
I can tell I am tinkerbell, I can tell you I'm not
you don't care, you know both are not true
I can tell you I am peter pan, I can tell you I'm not
you don't care again, cuz you know both are not true
I can tell I am god, and I am not
you suddenly freak out, and want to praise, worship, devour, kill
and yet nothing changed, except some letters that only some dots on screen
that some people way smarter in ways then I am made it up, just so we could it.
cool right?
Jack
Have you looked up the definition of the word Asylum?
if you haven't in all likely hood, you are ill suited to talking about them.
by the label, we attempt to mold, what we are working with resists this molding
so how does related to people?
I can tell I am tinkerbell, I can tell you I'm not
you don't care, you know both are not true
I can tell you I am peter pan, I can tell you I'm not
you don't care again, cuz you know both are not true
I can tell I am god, and I am not
you suddenly freak out, and want to praise, worship, devour, kill
and yet nothing changed, except some letters that only some dots on screen
that some people way smarter in ways then I am made it up, just so we could it.
cool right?
Jack
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Do You Have What It Takes!!!! A Love Letter to Humanity
Humanity vrs Death
This has been the age old question, to conquer the end. We all face it, we all find our own answers, and we think we have it all figured out. When your world is black and white, or written in binary this might satisfy. Like everything else we are, this is just a holdover from previous developmental cycles. These go back not to when we had words for me to write this down, but back to primordial ooze of single celled organisms. The universe or God, or as it's coalescing into my essence as panversal is in and of itself conscious, it is structured energy, which is what everything is. Information processing. As every would be sage, poet, musician, blade of grass, and grain of sand has been telling us forever. This is a love story, this is a passion play, the stories do not even change, they get rebranded, updated, but for at least the last 6 thousand years we have all learned variations of these same stories. Oh the names change, characters get makeovers, and costume changes, But from the Chinese dragon emperor's, to the Dogon's of the Sahara, the Aboriginals of Australia, down the lines it goes, not in one place but in them all. We came from the stars, that concept has been twisted around to mean so many things to so many people, from the ubermensch of the aldebaran to Pharaonic gods of Egypt, Right on back to the what we are told is our earliest civilizations in Sumer, and I'm not here to today argue that point. I do not care when, or where, or actually even who. I'm a big picture person, I do really well at taking a dispassionate stance and getting as wide a view as possible calling it like I see it. A valuable skill if you can find work for it, most of my friends just say I think to much, and they are sometimes right. In taking that position expansive view point, the patterns just kinda pop out, like the rivers in this text if you let your eyes unfocus, and just like that, the information you get from the text is not the same, and that view is not even on whole thought of as particularly useful. The people are interested in the words, not the rivers, so I learned to see the words like everyone else around me did, only they didn't seem to say the same thing to me as to everyone else. As a matter of fact they said the same as the rivers, and they were almost all saying the same things. Even when they seemed disjointed, or unrelated the same words were always there.
From the ecstatic altered state inducing dances of the Whirling Dervishes, or Tantric sex practices, Yoga, and Breathing techniques, in joyous upliftment of the celebration of life. On down into the depths of despair, and tragedy, and depravity. They all contain at there core I am alive, I am here, shouting into the darkness, longing for or hoping against that return response. I'm here I see you! This is the most wonderfully terrifying moment for all of us, and in our polarized, 2 dimensional world view of dark versus light we have left room for only 2 options. Some say it's love/hate, some fight/flight, it doesn't matter what the choices are labeled as, the important part is the limiting of choice. It's the offer of false simplicity, and simple is easy, and comforting, even at it's worst it's at least predictable. I mean if I only have 2 choices, there is always a 50% chance I'm right. This is very useful in long term evolution of life. Kill or be killed is valid for much of what we think of as life. The response of nature is always the same, no matter the method used to carry it out, the answer for nature is always, I want to survive. The fox is in hen house to eat to survive, and we made it nice lunch box, and then killed it when it came to collect the meals we so kindly laid out for it. We penned in the range animals, and kept all the goodness of their flesh to ourselves. We killed the wolves not because they ate people, like dogs around the food bowl we chased off our rivals. This existential crisis of just the struggle to survive molded us and shaped us into the most successful predator on the planet bar none. That being on the top of the food chain looking down on all the lesser species is pretty nice spot, it's good to be the king no doubt. Being at the top, and staying at the top are not the same, and getting to top means your not what you were when you started. We celebrate our predatory nature everywhere, from world wars to gold diggers, from pirates to emperors. The monuments to our depravity know no bounds, from triumphal arches to tombs we proclaim our divine heritage of immortality. All in the confused attempt to be remembered, to live on, to proclaim our own mastery over all we survey. This is where our delusions of grandeur really kick in, We start to believe our own hype, and our success translates into leisure time as we have come to call it. This is the true mark of a successful predator, how little time they spend on survival. For those fortunate few at the top of the food chain, it's everywhere, this new found leisure time allows for reflection. Not just to plan the next meal, but more abstract, things not so immediate in the world currently inhabited find the space to become known. A shift starts to occur, to manage your food, because lets face it, your not as young as you were last year, and well how many times can you chase a rabbit till the thrill gets old. So we take the tasty stuff, and shape it, bend it to our will, protect it from those who would take it, you know normal human stuff. At this point we already won, we have no natural predator to contend with, nothing to keep our expansion in check. As predators though we are ever vigilant, lest some scavenger steal our kill, if we lack a predator we make one up, when we run out decent prey, we move on looking for new places to hunt. With nothing else left to do we even hunt each other, oh we give it all sorts of reasons, but it always come down to the 2 choices we decided were the only ones we have. We do it because we want what they have, or we are afraid they will take whats ours. Having nothing else to contend with, having effectively already won the struggle for day to day survival, ensuring our genetic heritage is continued. We have time to place ourselves in the cosmic fun house, and the picture is as majestic as it horrifying. This is when we begin to get that glimpse of our next existential crisis. Having conquered death in an immediate fashion, it becomes a personal struggle, the, but what about me's kick in. We know our blood will be flowing and pumping even if it's through anothers veins, but still it isn't enough. The I is screaming in terror, what happens to me, I did all this work to get here, and I'm still going to die. After fighting death for so long, we begin a new battle, now we are after time. How many years can you cling to life becomes the new game, and being predators we play it with gusto. In the time game anything not you becomes a greater threat the longer it hangs around, just like an infection setting in, or how food rots, we start to learn with profound shock, if your not living, your dying. Or a bit more accurately, when you stop growing, you start dying, even closer, if your not expanding your contracting. This of course is still only a 2 choice idea, it's still locks us into an illusion of choice. If the battle is life and death, and answer shouted by everything is always life how do we reconcile this dichotomy. How can we celebrate the victor in the arena when he dripping in the blood, sweat, and feces of his opponent. How do we tell our children, that it's not ok to hurt others, and when we decide they are no longer children shove a gun in their hand and tell them to kill their neighbor, or be killed. No death is not our boogeyman any more, we coax, and torture nature to provide not what we need, or even what we reasonably desire. We squeeze the golden goose till it bleeds gold, till it's lushest oziest parts are dripping down our chin, staining our silk tie, cotton shirt, lizard skin belt, leather pants, and fur trimmed alligator boots till we puke. We squeeze the last drop, fish the oceans dry, not out of need, for our needs are modest, we do it because we have been offered no other options. Consume, or be consumed. Once our opponents are long dusty, and our glory is fading we miss the good old simpler days, those we overcame taking on status in the telling of our own stories. Yes we carry our demons with us, and with every passing year they become larger, and our deeds in over coming them more heroic. We Proclaim it to all Money doesn't grow on trees you know, and the giving tree withers it's leaves stripped bear, it's bark yanked free, it's flesh made pulp and reconstituted so we can make some pretty pictures on it, and call it ours. I don't hate money, money is an idea, and in the realm of ideas I swim with the sharks. I've been exposed to the trivium, and quadrivium, pi, phi, and even the Harris curve, our newest choice of curves, a new path to follow, a new star before our eyes. We build our temples to our creators, where babies cries are shunned. We rip our ugly growths from our own flesh, and call it cancer, and deny it's attachment to our emotions. Oh make no mistake we have damned ourselves for sure, for in our process of becoming, we have to live with what we've done. This is our state of terror, our splash of liquid light, our stairway to heaven, and highway to hell. Dharma, Karma, Sin, our triplets of story, our mistresses of fate. Weighing our heart against perfection, the living can not pass, for the living sit in judgment, while the dead just watch it pass. The living write the story down, building, destroying, crafting. Deluding themselves all the while, with pretty little dreams, of I can do no harm. We label ourselves dogs, and wolves, black widows, snakes, bears and list goes on and on, than we wonder why we kill. Our own sophistication has become our trap de jour, and I'm crazy enough to be handing out peter pan advice. In our marvel of our own magnificence our march to greater contrast, our rush to ever bigger, bolder, badder. We circle our wagons, lock down the prison, close the bathroom door, all because we can't stand the smell of our own shit. I've been eating shit my whole life, there is no possible way for me to deny it, I gave my top teeth eating the shit put in front of me, oh it's lies were so sweet. The numbing of the mind, of the soul, of the heart, that sweet oblivion of nothingness to take away the anguish of being a pimp or ho. I'm so tired of eating shit for being me, for seeing things I see, I will always chose my truth over your lies, I have to, it's the only way I can live, and die with myself.
Life eats Life, it's all there is, when you make it all one, we end up eating our own shit, you might think me mad, and that is fine we are all mad here, that is not in question. The question we are asking is can we live with ourselves, for eating ourselves. Meat is Murder, and it's all sucking off someone elses tit, we all know these things, they are not new or novel. Don't believe me, well take a look at these. shit burger it doesn't even matter if it's a hoax, or fact, that it's there. That we have become so pained by where meat comes from that people have even contemplated this rings alarm bells. If thats not your speed how about this.
That is adorable little girl is Taylor Momsen, in the Grinch, many of you know here from a tv show she did that I don't recall. Some know now, as the lead singer of The Pretty Reckless. For much of America she grew up on their tv screens, I missed that part as I was absorbing myself in other worlds to escape the pain of lying in my bed. While I was distracted by the glitter of the lights in the distance, She went from singing
Fahoo Fores Dahoo DoresWelcome Christmas Come this way
Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas, Christmas day
Welcome, welcome fahoo ramus
Welcome, welcome dahoo damus
Christmas day is in our grasp,
So long as we have hands to clasp
More lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/dr_seuss/welcome_christmas-lyrics-1146415.html#ixzz3U6AtBZ30
To a lovely young woman who's words I hear on many lips, from many tongues. Thank you Ms. Momsen, while I do not really do the fan thing, I see you, and your beautiful to me. This is the price of our denial of nature, this bitter pill is our salvation. In our death spiral of guilt, over all our perceived failures, our pitfalls of loss, we finally give up the ghost. Not because we have to die, because we no longer can take the pain of being alive, and what we have to do to stay that way.
The world devours it's young, Because we like sweets, and babies taste best. It doesn't matter how twisted the appetite. The old say youth is wasted on the young, while the young scream never trust anyone over 30. The age old struggle, the old lion wants to keep his pride, while the young just wants a piece of tail. The widow ate her suitor after he dropped of his seed, not from grief hatred or malice, she knows he'll eat the young, cuz it's good to be the king, But not when there can only be one.
I love you all, it's just a matter if you can accept the only love I know how give, cuz its a jagged little pill.
listen to the music, not just the beat, pay attention to the story, it's your soul speaking
Make up your own mind
Jack
aka
panseybard
Monday, March 9, 2015
Can I Borrow a Ray of Sunshine?
Holidays For Sale Sentiment Half Off!
In case you haven't figured it out, this will be about emotional transference. A fancy way of saying emotions about one thing or person, put on another thing or person. This happens so often, and usually without our being aware we have done it. Sometimes it's a natural response to repeated experience. Like when a dog beaten by a person in uniform starts barking whenever a person in uniform is around. This is the same process at play in learning fire burns, you transfer that
experience onto another experience, and avoid the pain. So far so good, but when you start to proactively use that understanding you get some very creative, if morally questionable results.
What does this have to do with holidays you might ask? Well so far I've talked about examples of negative transference, but what about positive. That is where the holidays come in, when you see a brand use a holiday on the packaging, advertising, and marketing campaigns they are banking on at least some of those pleasant feelings you have will slide on over to them. Taken to the extreme and you get the diamond market, this might be the most classic marketing example, and one of my personal favorites. I say favorite with all sarcasm, but the it is amazing, that people were able to take an artificially scarce stone. Then so completely attach it's value to symbolic for the love between a man and woman. On top of that, make it a virtually mandatory expense as a part of the marriage rites. Even people that have read, and already know the scam will turn around a few minutes later, and fall right back under the spell.
Is that Love or Emotional Hijacking?
On a much more intimate and personal level, this same idea started to be taught, with various titles from art of seduction, to the pick up artist. To be clear, from my perspective there is no way to morally use this kinda of information in this way. The reason I feel this is simple, it is the same process that happens naturally and honestly when people develop a love relationship. So when someone understands how these work, they no longer work, and if they do work than your being deceptive.
When two people meet, and the attraction is honest and genuine there is the natural desire to learn everything you can about the other person. Usually at least early on, the other person is more interesting than we are ourselves. This real desire to put another before self sets up automatic transference. When the other person is so rapt in attention to your thoughts, and emotions, it's very easy to see your own feelings reflected back. This back and forth is the investment of your own emotions into the other, it's the trick of love, that isn't a trick at all till we make it one.
That is the problem I have in teaching this information as a means of what amounts to conquest. It turns what was one of the most wondrous experiences people can share, and turns it into sales, and
marketing of the most insidious fashion. When people are taught to use psychological tricks on each other real time, we are on shaky ground. I am going to single out males because this is primarily being taught to males, with reasons that might be as twisted and messed up as the teaching of it. So if a male with this understanding puts into practice it's not about love, it's about sex. It is not about the individual woman it is being used on, point of fact it is going to become a numbers game. So our guy understanding transference, basicly trolls the room, picking out as many possible females to start working. When a likely prey reveals itself, it's time to move in, separate them from the herd, this is an important step, much easier to work past the defenses of one person, than a group of people. Once in isolation, the man in question does everything possible to say nothing. The fewer words our fellow says the more likely he is to accomplish his goal. As I said this is a numbers game, and by the numbers women are far more forgiving as to physical traits than men. Generally it's not the looks of a man that decides if a he is an acceptable mate. So for our guy, he is not as much working to get her to desire him, as he is trying to not do something stupid to eliminate himself. This is not as tough as it might seem, being attentive is the foundation. All it takes is get her to talk about her passions, and lets face it we all like to talk about the things we love. At this point it's done, the feelings, and passions will be transferred onto our Guy, and all he needs to do is not break the spell. That is my problem with it, our guy is being taught to be dishonest in order to fulfil natural physical drives we all share. There are no winners in this approach.
To Worship False Idols
There is much trepidation in the writing and posting of this section, with a great temptation to just leave it off. Even most that have been right with me so far will recoil from what I am about to write as having already lambasted love, I'm about to slap religion around a bit as well. Before I do so, I want to again state, this not intended as an offence or attack on anyone or organization. There are wonders, and horrors to be found in everything. If for whatever reason you find these ideas over the line, stop reading, label me crazy, and go on with your life. I won't be offended, or hurt, and neither will you.
At their core all our religious, and societal structures have through out history strove to do one thing. Unite and focus the energy of a group of people, that are by nature individualistic and resistant to homogenization. Think of the idea of trying to herd cats, or how wilful toddlers can be, and you have the concept I'm going for. To accomplish this, they use the idea of dedication to something larger than self. Secular or Faith based does not matter the outcome is a ideology, with all the trappings positive and negative. So we can have secular saints, zealots of atheism, and holy wars. These are all done the same way, a process almost of deification that is seemingly well understood, and has been for countless ages. If you haven't figured it out already, I'm talking about how worship
works, how we interact with divinity. In crafting our ceremonies, rituals, rallies, what have you, there is purpose. The purpose is always the same, to guide the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, to an end. No matter the end, for good or ill, the dynamics involved are the same, predictable, and exploitable. Just take a look at the people who have changed the world, they understood theater very well. Even a historic figure as reviled as Hitler is known to have trained in oratory skills, his rallies finely tuned works of theater to weave an emotional trance state in the attendees. A group hypnosis, where the voice of the rational mind is drowned out by the emotional attachments being manipulated.
I know we all like to think we are strong willed individuals that would never get swept up by the sentiments of the crowd. The truth is the desire to give up our self into the care of something larger than yourself is seemingly fundamental to our make up. We want to believe, and often so badly we fool ourselves, or make excuses. Even religion, it has nothing to do with God, it is the exploitation of our own fear of mortality. If there is a religion that is actually focused on God, and not on man I have yet to become aware of it. Being human centric they concern themselves with how divinity can assist humans, or what the plan of divinity is for humanity. They exploit some fairly basic psychological truths, not a one of us can ever live up to our own vision of perfection. So we will always see ourselves as horribly flawed, even when our external response is to project perfection. That the unknown is both exciting and terrifying, something we always want to glimpse, but not get any on us. The trifecta for religion is an comforting partial truth or outright lie on the fate of those we have lost. You ever stop to wonder how odd it is to have an intermediary to the ineffable, the unknowable.
in closing there is love enough for everyone, more than we can bear, and if the sun ever stops shining it's love upon us, by the time we realize it, we will already be dead.
as always make up your mind.
Jack
aka
PanseyBard
I know we all like to think we are strong willed individuals that would never get swept up by the sentiments of the crowd. The truth is the desire to give up our self into the care of something larger than yourself is seemingly fundamental to our make up. We want to believe, and often so badly we fool ourselves, or make excuses. Even religion, it has nothing to do with God, it is the exploitation of our own fear of mortality. If there is a religion that is actually focused on God, and not on man I have yet to become aware of it. Being human centric they concern themselves with how divinity can assist humans, or what the plan of divinity is for humanity. They exploit some fairly basic psychological truths, not a one of us can ever live up to our own vision of perfection. So we will always see ourselves as horribly flawed, even when our external response is to project perfection. That the unknown is both exciting and terrifying, something we always want to glimpse, but not get any on us. The trifecta for religion is an comforting partial truth or outright lie on the fate of those we have lost. You ever stop to wonder how odd it is to have an intermediary to the ineffable, the unknowable.
in closing there is love enough for everyone, more than we can bear, and if the sun ever stops shining it's love upon us, by the time we realize it, we will already be dead.
as always make up your mind.
Jack
aka
PanseyBard
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Beware the Bail In
Back to the Spawning Grounds
Going to attempt to keep this brief, much of this I have covered before, though not from this particular angle. Quickly to give a basic overview of why bail in's are certain to lie ahead, and will be coming to a bank near you. Our monetary, or currency system can be likened to a pyramid structure. Though an easier representation is monopoly, unrestrained capitalism is like a monopoly game. Someone eventually wins, they take control, and ownership of so much, that the game freezes, no money is able to move around. As anyone who has played monopoly knows, when this happens the game is over, someone won, and everyone else lost. The pieces go back in the box, and everyone including the winner has to find something else to do. In america this was well known, and up till recent time regulations were in place to make sure no one could win the game. You could get ahead of the other players, but a cap was put on how far ahead an individual or group was allowed to get. This was not done to punish the rich, it's to ensure the system continues to function as a whole. It ensured that if a person reached the top they either stop playing, and just maintain, or fall back into the herd, or they work to close the gap between the bottom and the top. Even if it is purely selfish motivation of coveting personal wealth.
The Injection Deception
Make no mistake, taxes are wealth redistribution. Yes we pay taxes ostensibly to pay for public services, and public works projects. You've likely heard the phrase "time is money", if we use that as a lens to understand taxes, why the highest tax brackets were hit with the highest percentage of tax burden for so long. Most people have a job, they trade time directly for money, this is the idea of wages. When you are in a job earning wages, the taxes you pay, can be seen as giving a portion of your time to the state every year. So in simple terms if you pay 10% of your wages for a year, you spent 10% of your time laboring for government. Almost like the idea of 36 days, and work for the government for nothing. So far so good, we all like having nice public services. Like good schools, parks, water, roads, all the obvious things we all use and share. The issues with this begin to show when a person stops trading time for money, and instead trades someone elses time for money. This is the idea of income, it does not have to be exploitive, though when the difference is between wages, and income are forgotten it certainly will be. When you pay rent, or a mortgage any kind of loan, and you are paying it with wages, you can consider the time spent to earn that money as spent working for that person. As is more then likely apparent to most, you can not physically be in more than one place at the same time, your limited to working one job at a time. This is not the case for income, in income you can be working all over, all the time, no matter what you are physically doing.
What does this have to do with you, bail in's, and how close they might be?
Stay with me just a bit longer and it will be clear. If capitalism is like a giant monopoly game, and all monopoly games end the same way, than the governments job in managing a capitalist economy is to make sure no one actually wins. That is the only way the economy can keep going, if to much money is allowed to be owned by any one player the economy stops. That is where the taxes come into play, before the reforms in the 80's there was a 75% tax bracket. This meant that if someone started making so much money that it would hurt the economy, the government would step in and take most of it, and redistribute it back in the game. This type of taxation, where the highest earners pay the highest %, is part of the balance to keep the game from ending. In this set up, the government uses the taxes to provide basic services for everyone, and when it is needed. The government stimulates the economy, by taking money from the rich, and giving it to the poor. Not in handouts, and welfare, but in public works projects. It puts them to work, with the rich peoples money, to make new things for everyone to use. Once the % of earnings paid in taxes inverted with the top earners paying a smaller % than the middle, and low earners. You start cutting off the flow of money to the poorest, and most vulnerable first, though all are eventually affected. The government ends up taking from the bottom, and middle, and directly handing it to the top. We saw this in the 2008 event, what followed is exactly what honest economic models predict. The interest rates, and what normally thought of as safe haven or hedge assets are kept artificially low. Money printing starts, and stays going non stop, money pours into speculative markets, instead of working it's way through the economy. This is what measured in currency velocity, it measures how fast money moves through the economy. Along with this comes the high numbers of unemployed, or underemployed. Though this has been hidden in changing how unemployment is calculated, all you need to do is watch labor participation rates, as more and more are forced out of the system entirely. As this continues, those that understand how the system works begin to see they are going to lose everything when the system crashes. They can pull out, or give away most of their money, or lose all of it. Many of the top earners are doing just that, pulling out, or suggesting the billionaires give away half their money. George Soros are among the pull out crowd, with Buffet, and Gates in the give away camp. Both of these are selfishly motivated, do not kid yourself into thinking a multi billionaire giving away large sums of money is kindness. When Buffet says it's a problem he pays a lower tax % than his secretary it's because he is being altruistic. He understands that if that continues eventually he won't have a secretary at all. These are the QE money injections, they only kick the can down the road a little bit, till you create so much debt that everyone starts to panic, before that is allowed to happen, they will take currency out of the system. This is the bail in, it's purpose is to keep a lid on the panic of hyper inflation, I can't say when, only that it will happen, the law to allow it was in the last budget.
Friday, March 6, 2015
LSD a Lost Soul's Dream
Disclaimer
I have not had any contact with LSD for about 20 years. So no I do not know where to get any, and thank you, but I have no wish to purchase any. This is not intended as an endorsement or condemnation of any substance or practice that seeks to alter consciousness. The very fact differentiated states of consciousness exist, and within this experience we can access them means they will be accessed. There are myriad methods of altering consciousness, the truth of which is simple. What is changed is not consciousness, only our individual experience of it. Our experience, what we have termed consciousness, mind, emotion, spirit, physicality can be looked at as structured, and structuring of data. Not unlike how a computer functions, with a series of on/off switches linked structures directing electrical flow into set patterns which can be assigned definitions, and repeated, to create desired effects. This really is not surprising when you understand everything external is a representation of something internal. We do not so much create, as imitate and adapt, if you feel something is original or out of left field, it is only that you have yet to experience what is being externalized. From another perspective, we can only create that which the rules of the universe flower of life, or tree of life. These are overlapping, and interlocking creating what has been termed the holofractal. Like in music where the space between the notes are of equal import to the notes played. Our experience we call reality is based as much on what is not seen, heard or felt, as what is seen, heard, and felt. Where ever you are at the moment, what ever your doing, roughly 95% of what is taking place, you are unaware of. In other words, what you are experiencing right now, is based on only 5% of the information around you. Not that you are limited to a particular portion of the information. Often it is a matter of our own focus that becomes the limiting factor, another is not having a method of interpretation. Basicly we need the framework for the experience to fit in, before we are able to make sense of the experience. We have an idea of singularity, stemming from our own sense of self, which we project onto creation, and are rewarded with confirming feedback. This is the very idea of god, the universe, creation whatever you want to call it, coming to you as you are able to currently accept it. What we normally consider a singular I, is at minimum 3 repeated I's interwoven, this is reflected to us everywhere. From as abstract as no thing can be said to be, or event have happened till it confirmed by 2 independent sources. Right on through to body/mind/spirit, and a table or chair needing at least 3 legs to stand on it's own. Or even in the song lyrics from P.M. Dawn, "we always are, because we never were". Each breath, each step, every thought, everything we ingest, all of it, alters how we perceive the experience we call life. The difference being the nature of that change, and how closely that change is relatable to your current experience. With what we call psychoactive compounds we have a chemical code used to create predictable physiological changes, that can change what information we process, and or how we process it. From here it is not difficult to understand, why and how, already brilliant people that partake of these compounds, it often leads to new insights. The insights were always there, the person just needed the eyes to see them. Also why some do not find their way back, or when they do are fundamentally altered.
allow. If we could it would not be a rule, it would be a guideline. Most of our confusion in the nature of mind, and consciousness stem from our world view called materialism. The conception that all things rise from matter, that our consciousness is created by the body. There is much to be learned from this model, however it is not reflected in as absolute in our experience. Even in our ideas of how the universe sprang into being from the big bang, start not with the heaviest elements, and particles, but with the lightest, This experience is not predicated on the singular, but on an interplay between interconnected repeated patterns. These can be thought of as spheres of influence, represented in scared teachings such as the
My Time in the Cloud
In the 90's there was a resurgence in LSD, it was suddenly everywhere, and I was well placed to participate. The time, access and inclination combined perfectly to have me experimenting for a couple of years, often dosing a couple of times a week. After my initial introduction, it was quickly apparent, this was not a party time drug, but a tool for the exploration of self. That was precisely how I approached it, not from a scientific method, but a personal tool to understand who, and what I am, and how I relate to everything normally viewed as not me. When ingesting LSD my intention was in general to move as far away from what I normally viewed as me. This usually involved ingesting a
10 strip, and sequestering myself to my room, and meditating for hours on end. There became a point where my intention was to get to a point where verbal communication was no longer viable due to the individualized definitions we each have for every word we know. This I came to understand is related to the idea, you can not listen while your speaking, or listening being an active thing, not passive. Once my projections slowed, and stopped, impressions normally washed out by my own noise became clear. When the return to my normal conscious state would come into sight, a furious rush of activity would ensue. Attempting to ground the realization into my physical experience, and often followed by synchronistic events to flesh out, or serve as confirmation. Not that what is experienced is always accurate, this owning in large part to the ability of person to comprehend, and relate the experience. As well as what is being experienced is not about truth, or fact, but the experience itself. My active use time with LSD eventually ended, with a clear concise message, stating unequivocally if I continued it would become a detriment, and not a benefit. Basicly I had blown the crap out of my mind, to where it would begin to shatter, not stretch. So what did I learn from my time with LSD? Nothing at all. What I experienced though changed me in ways I am still working on understanding. I'll share 2 very different journey's, what you make of them is up to you, each are and were valid and true for me in their own way. In no way should anything I've said so far, or am going to say, is intended for any validation, or rejection from the reader. The act of sharing itself is the motivation. My current understanding tells me, my unique perspective on what I have experienced is all I have to offer, and what makes me, uniquely me.
People Powers
I am a people person, thats not to say I like everyone, or even desire to interact with people all the time. Point of fact I am quite selective on those I call friend. This is of course only a reflection on me, and not an accurate reflection of those I know, or am aware of, but do not count as friend. When I call myself a people person, it's that the relationships we develop, or dismantle are what has meaning here. More so than anything else that is what lasts, even in our looking back in history it's through a lens of how it relates to us. My fascination with people, as well as a certain detached perspective far precede my LSD adventure. Back into early childhood, of being an only child raised by a single mother, plenty of time to be with myself, and live with my own choices. Little wonder
that when a personal introduction to universal teaching happened, it was couched in terms of people.
During one of my early 10 strip meditation sessions, a number theory was laid out for me, I claim no origination of it, not even an original take on it. Only that it was new to me. As I would come to learn after, what I was describing has been around forever, and called many things. For me it came as what made solid circles of people. The idea is quite simple, you are a set, when you interact with another set, the 2 of you create a new super-set, that encompasses both of you. This idea of creating a new set that is an amalgamation of the subset is repeated through the primary numbers. The theory laid out which of these groupings would self regulate, and which would require constant attention, or risk collapse. As it went through, the numbers, laid out was how to pattern group dynamics to be self regulating, with this being scaleable.
1 is complete and whole unto itself, it needs nothing else to be complete. This is the idea of a person becoming self contained, as long as they remain isolated they are a stable unit.
2 the idea of a couple, this can be, but is not on it's own a stable unit. Each involved must make a concerted effort to maintain the super-set, or it will either, break into 2 sets of 1, or it will attract a 3rd. This is that idea of intense bursts of intimacy, That either blossom into a more complex expression, or finds it's completion and satiation before withdrawing into comfortable boundaries.
3 This is where first station of stability, groups of 3 are self stabilizing, where the desires and motivations of the individuals are balanced not on the shoulders of one, but all there. This is not to say all interactions between 3 people are balanced, only that they are self balancing. with the balance point of each trine being a representation of the combined energies of each participant. I can almost feel the "victims" of the broken atomic families, mother, father, child scream in horror. The negatively viewed experiences most have from break downs in nuclear family structures happen before the child is brought into the picture usually. Most these come from the lies we tell each other in those intense bursts of intimacy. I know, I know, the idea that men and women both lie about what they really want out of those intense bursts is absurd.
For the purposes of this article I don't feel a need to go through all the numbers, much the same information I would impart can be found all over, and not my purpose in the writing this. A few days after this I was down at the local metaphysical shop, it was Bethel, CT in the 90's even that there was a high profile shop of this type was new. In talking with the owner, she was amazing as I attempted to impart this theory, listening like it was of actual interest, not the ravings of drugged. When I finished she asked me if I had heard of the kabbalah as what I had described to her were the basis of it's teachings. That was my first interaction with the word, of the system it represents. now that would be a neat trick. Just as an interesting anecdote or at least interesting to me. I was introduced to the teachings of the Kabbalah in town, who's name is hebrew for house of God.
Under the Sea
Growing up in the US, an exposure to the idea of armageddon or the end of earth are pretty tough to avoid. I can remember having dreams of it, going back to before I am able to pinpoint. This pervasive theme was brought into a fullness of being so painful, it wrecked me, shredded boundaries of emotional separation I was not even aware existed, and to a certain extent I had to spend years reconstructing to be able to deal with being in large public areas with lots of people around without being energetically overwhelmed, becoming strung out off the combined emotional output of the crowd. As you might have guessed this was a stark contrast to the above experience, yet it also involved the focus on people, a 10 strip, and prolonged meditation. Though I had like most had heard of ideas of mass consciousness, it was always something remote, not something a person interacted with directly. At some point that conception morphed, into the idea, that if the concept of a collective consciousness was truth, than being a portion of it, I could essentially go back through the downstream of it, and experience it directly. In doing so I found myself confronted by what I can only describe as a guardian. Not a guardian to barr my path, one to warn me, that where I was headed was a danger to the ego attempting to experience it. . Having no frame of reference for this warning it went unheeded, and off I went into the storm. Finding myself in what seemed to be the mother of cyclonic storm systems, organized chaos, raw, rough, with seemingly no awareness of it's own actions, or their effects. This was in large part due to my clinging to a spot, by standing in opposition to the flow of mass consciousness, it was left with no choice but remove the obstruction.
. The ego fog ripped away, the main Island of Japan was far below me, every person felt as if it was me. Like I was experiencing Japan from the perspective of it's group consciousness. Only it was in process of being reclaimed by the sea, The water rushing in so quickly with so little warning no one had anywhere to flee to. This was felt as unadulterated terror, rage, fear, millions upon millions of people dying in pain, and fear in a matter of moments. I remember very clearly that it was not their death that was so painful for me, that was a normal expected outcome of life. The pain I felt was the dying in a state of fear, in the belief they were alone. It was the nature of the death that was the pain, and there were bastions of calm, people who had no fear, and were at peace with this event, but in the main people believed themselves to be isolated in life, and felt themselves slide into a cold isolation of darkness in death. Not that it was accurate, as no one is ever alone, small balm to one in the experience of it.
. The ego fog ripped away, the main Island of Japan was far below me, every person felt as if it was me. Like I was experiencing Japan from the perspective of it's group consciousness. Only it was in process of being reclaimed by the sea, The water rushing in so quickly with so little warning no one had anywhere to flee to. This was felt as unadulterated terror, rage, fear, millions upon millions of people dying in pain, and fear in a matter of moments. I remember very clearly that it was not their death that was so painful for me, that was a normal expected outcome of life. The pain I felt was the dying in a state of fear, in the belief they were alone. It was the nature of the death that was the pain, and there were bastions of calm, people who had no fear, and were at peace with this event, but in the main people believed themselves to be isolated in life, and felt themselves slide into a cold isolation of darkness in death. Not that it was accurate, as no one is ever alone, small balm to one in the experience of it.
Again do not take this as a recommendation, endorsement. I would not change my time with LSD, there also would be a cautionary tale for anyone wishing to embark on their own exploration.
Be Careful what you wish for, the universe is a giant yes machine
as always make up your own mind
Jack
aka
PanseyBard
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