My So Called Self

        How does one define self, without using anything external?  Even the idea of being a human, is just an idea made up by another human. Everything we think we are is based on ideas people that came before us imparted to us.  When I look at myself in relation to the society I exist in, my values are hardly represented.  If I use the metrics of success I've been taught are important, career, the right house, spouse and accessories that tell the world how great my life is.  Looking at myself from there I can be nothing other than a failure, someone with all the abilities, and lacking in any semblance of self control, or productive direction.  I spend much of my time in contemplation, day dreaming, playing mind games with myself, and sometimes those around me.  Did you know you cause people to flee your presence just by talking, by playing with concepts that push the limits of what a person thinks of as reality, a person can literally be made physically ill.  Almost like the scene in the Matrix, you can push people mental, or emotional boundaries till they run away.  Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about playing with people in that way. I'm even aware, I often come across like I'm dictating, stating as fact things it is impossible to prove.  I've never had a problem with considering or holding ideas that are not my own. To cross back and forth between what is, and what could be, without it becoming has to be. Almost being an actor, the total surrender of self into a concept, the idea of not self.
      People often ask ridiculous questions of each other with impossible expectations, that require lies and deception. Assurances of continuity that were never real, security blankets of smoke and mirrors. Chasing fictions, giving self over cults of personality, no matter the guise they were secular, or religious.  In my rejection of temporal not as insignificant, but acknowledged as being transitory, as well as subjective. I have seemingly rejected self, this is fairly close, I have labeled any conception of self as dependent on the experience desired.  So the self becomes a delusional extension of space/time/energy itself. As if creation itself has developed multiple personality disorder, which if all things are one, might not as far an explanation as any other.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

Personal, Transpersonal. Inside, Outside

         How I see creation is for most a bit odd, even people I interact with on a regular basis would likely say label as marching to my own drummer.  For me, creation, god, whatever label works for you, is interactive, it comes to you as your able to accept. As direct, or indirect, you are it's only concern, and you do not matter at all. You and it form a seamless whole, nothing of you is ever lost, though what form that takes is constantly changing.  Wrapped up in this perceptual modal is complete trust in creation, though the delusional nature of self is another matter.  The experience of reality becomes one of constant guidance, one where the odd connections that only have meaning to you jump out, with regularity. Revealing patterns of development, portions of self forgotten or discarded for whatever reason pop into view.  It is this idea I think of as personal/transpersonal the space where every person, everything, is or contains a message meant only for you, that only you will see from your unique place.  The world essentially beings to scream your name, beckoning you on to some greater future, as if everyone in the world is just waiting for you.  Often called a messianic complex, for good reason.  The sense of personal well being is profound, all of creation is seemingly conspiring to ensure your experience is wonderful. Cosmic tumblers seemingly align, allowing you to dance right on through life. In the positive a person takes on roles of service, and moves into what has been called bliss, nirvana, many names. It can also lead to extremely antisocial acts of violence and lashing out.  When all of creation is giving information, some are unable to maintain a distance between self, other, message, messenger.  The ego identification takes on mythic proportions, the cult of personality eats away, the individual might actually start to believe their own hype so to speak.  The flip side to this of course is to completely discount the needs, or desires of the self, to deny the individual self all together, as just a blur in the smear of humanity through time.
       Are there messages being told just to you?
Of course, you are the central character in your experience.
Those messages are generally of a personal nature,
don't confuse the message, what you take from something
and the messenger, the person, place or thing, that triggered that cascade of bio-electric/bio-chemical events that you experienced.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard
      

Sellout, the American Dream

     Seemingly everyone wants to be rich, and famous, or at least rich.  Who can blame them, the idea translates to access to everything we imagine as part of the good life, of success. Everything we are taught to strive for. Even in a system that was designed to be sustainable, chasing material wealth seems short sighted,  You quickly run into the diminishing returns wall, where your giving up what you started out to gain. So even given a system designed to be a measure of contribution, there would be a point where it would become counter productive.  In our currency, or finance system, it is a very different thing. It is contrived, designed to give the illusion of free market, while masking a back end control. It isn't even about being able to skim, and create money out of nothing, that is just how it's done. It's about being able to retain the influence, ensuring their vision of the future comes to pass. There is something to be said for the idea of a world governing body, I am less than thrilled at cast of characters that have been working to bring it about.  It seems to be a who's who list of how to enslave the masses crowd.
       There is lies my personal issue with being a monetary success in our current system. When the system itself is the cheat, doing well within it, is an endorsement of that system, by default.
People always complain about wanting to make more money, but they don't do anything to actually make money.  When I hear someone say it, I always tell them, become a creditor, you get to make up a product that never exists, you don't even sell it, you loan it, with a nice return.  Your even able to front end your profit, and write off any potential losses. In our system, with money having been made a commodity you literally can make the creation of money you work. It is not a functional system for long, but it does allow for some interesting manipulations. I'm about access, not ownership, equitable distribution, backed by the ideas of shared equity, of leaving things better than you found them, even if it's in small ways.  Stuff becomes a burden, an anchor, or chains. our phantom wealth is just about illusions for the delusional.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

The Law of Thelema

Pretty much anyone who does even a cursory study of the occult teachings will at some point come across Alistair Crowley. The self proclaimed "wickedest man in the world". I don't know about all that, sure he was in to, and became hooked on some substances, performed dubious rituals, and pretty much lived a life of debauchery. There are many conspiracy theories surrounding him, from being grandfather to Barbra Bush, to well frankly everything. In some circles he is said to be responsible for much of what we think of as the shadowy aspects of our current experience.  For me, what he did or did not do, and who he did it with rarely are of import.  I do not concern myself as often with the human, as much as with the ideas they are presenting.  Lets face it, he's just a character from a story, For me I came to his works through the Golden Dawn, having poured through the works of Mathers, and  Waite, Before that Crowley had been a boogy man of sorts. Used in songs, and stories, as a symbol. The beauty contained his words, and imagery for me are always at odds with the depiction of him.  For a short time he was even inadvertently my protector from beyond the grave.  In my mid 20's when I was in major experimental, experiential exploration, A friend and I rented an apartment, the guy's name was Charlie, nice guy. Even sat down to talk "metaphysics" with us. As soon as I mentioned AC as one of my influences, Charlie's demeanor flipped, like he hadn't seen me till that moment, and what he saw was scary.  I find this hysterical, sure I have the potential to be violent, ever thing with choice has that potential. It's that I've never been an aggressive person, and am far from physically imposing. Poor Charlie, we were essentially pirates, or sharks, and he had just cut himself and dangled his wrist in the water.  There was no malice, and no violence, we just realized we would be able to push him past reason, or at least I did. Not sure how much of our rent we skipped out on, at least a few months.   The book of the law, aside from the well known, "love is the law. love under will, do what thou wilt, shall be the whole of the law" has so much interesting prophetic information, trigger words, phrases, a bit like the fire letters of the book of Enoch. There is of course the warnings right in it to not study, likely a wise caution, as only madness lies within, regardless of it's validity.  Once I had logically ripped apart the proclaimed law of the age of Horus, finding it as sound a guide for actions in the world as any. Though horribly misused, and abused, the words twisted up, the spirit evicted. Very much as I see the majority of the world, the information is everywhere, hardly anyone sees it, or takes the time to make sense of it, We are more concerned with the letter of the law, than the spirit. We ask if it's legal, not if it's moral, or appropriate. than we wonder why the world is seemingly in a state of semi controlled chaos.
         In Zoroastrianism arguably one of the origins for monotheistic traditions, on the positive side is a partnership with Ahura Mazda combining the creative, and destructive principals into one, with the choice being in the individual. This is the same ideas repeated in almost every tradition before and after, If it's been laid out in a more simplified version, than Thelema, at least till adherents get hold of it, and talk about it. These are personal relationships with what is, or isn't, and that's the point, No one can tell anyone else what is right for them. Spirit, divinity, demons, fey, whatever comes to each of us, as we are able to accept it, how we are able to accept it.  The experience of it, the relationship to it, is deeply personal, we can share it as we like. Ultimately each of us changes our relationship to what is, while what is, just is.
       The law of Thelma may or may not be a part of the dawning of the new age, if there isn't a new age being spawned every moment. It for sure is a pretty simple guideline, that would keep most people out the worst pitfalls in life. If it doesn't feel like love to you, don't do it, how you understand love is another matter. I'm not a follower or joiner, I'm a loner, hardly ever lonely, but isolated even in a crowed. It suits me, I keep my own counsel even when I'm sharing in others ideas, or delights. If I'm honest I find Crowley interesting as a person, with fascinating perspectives. While feeling he was a child in the notions of wicked, playing, not being wicked. There is a twisted delight in the stripping away of innocence, and what is innocent in the stream of eternity? just another idea to impart meaning, give structure to the void. To stop the screaming long enough to take a breath. An aspect of Thelema with personal significance is that of rejection of the physical world. A fundamental position of being at odds with the experience itself. That is a sentiment I can well get behind, not suicidal, but fucking pissed off. Never feeling this world can be enough, no matter what is a pale comparison to the dissolution of the vast nothing.  That eventually all the phantoms are cast off, the lovers union is perfected and all that remains is the after glow, the release of all tension, all stress, all expectation..  

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Inside Out, Upside Down, Ass Backwards!

       I've always thought of myself as a relatively intelligent person. Even while what was seemingly to me the rest of the world was screaming I was doing bad, or was a loser in this aspect or that. When I was doing things I knew my mother would freak out, and possibly through misplaced sense of attempting to protect me from myself had me in legal entanglements I'd likely still be dealing with. I just hid those things as best I could. Which was not that tough, my relationship with my mother, while I feel is in a good place, many have called a bit distant.  Truth be told, all of my relationships are only so close. I have actively worked to disentangle myself from any relationship that acted as a constriction on the concept of who, or what I am.  No one knows what I am, or for that matter what they are, when I bump up against someone that is insistent on defining me, and has expectations based on them projecting what they think I should be, or should do. I had rejected the motivations, and even the pretenses behind them at a very early age.  Not out of a sense of rebellion, I just like to hang out, listen to music, smoke some herb, and play with ideas.  So far all my life I've insisted I am not more intelligent than anyone else, not that I think of myself as stupid. Quite the contrary, I see myself as capable of doing, learning, and being anything I choose to be. I just understand that everyone else is the same way, People around me have consistently told me, I was smarter than the average bear. This is still a projection, and after a point it doesn't matter if it's true or accurate, or even how I feel about it.  As a person I will do what I can to fulfill the expectations placed upon me by those around me.  Add in mind expanding chemicals taken in quantity as an informal spiritual exploration, personal experimentation. Shake vigorously, and wait.  I still reject much of the fundamental premise of what is thought of as western materialist world view. That view of creation, that consciousness stems from matter, that we are looking for a fundamental particle, a unified field theory equation.  That we are still looking for proof that something continues after what we call physical death,  Zero is a concept, it is no where reflected in what we experience here. The so called vacuum of space, is still a relative state.  The scale of background, of the fabric of we call space/time is so far removed from us in scale it's conceptual. We have no tools that can show, or measure things at Planck scale. We can do so many things, but in our desire to validate our experience as physical beings, we tear at the fabric of creation itself.  Attempting to find a particle that imparts mass is in my understanding about the ultimate fools errand.  Energy equals mass * the speed of light squared, the energy to mater conversion formula. So commonly known, so little considered in implication. Of what this implies about the nature of what we are, and what this shared experience is.  The blessing and curse, of the binary, or ac/dc electric experience.  To find a particle in creation where everything is energy, is a matter of containment. Release the energy, and the mass is imparted with breaking of that containment.  Kind like breaking one layer of the onion into another, or breaking one layer inside a nesting doll.
       My understanding of reality is there is no place where anything starts, and anything stops. In order for me, you, everything to even be having this experience of individuality. We have to be at our core delusional.  That there can ever be self, in a state of singularity, Or that there can be anything that is other. Do not mistake this for some existential crisis, been there done that, I love the delusion, it's a small part of a delicious subtext to what we think of as life, or reality or whatever. There is an understanding that everything external is a representation of something internal. For me this is evident everywhere I focus attention. I dropped out of the world, took a few years, to sever most ties, became a hermit to digest, process and fill in enough blanks in my personal data base, or learn to tune myself to what it was I wished to express.  It is my rejection of my own reality, and in reflection I do not see myself reflected in the world. I've become absent in my own life, a blank canvas. This is also intentional, I am not so overly fond what has been made of paradise.  As much as I enjoy so many aspects, the beauty, the polarity, the spin, the game. Being able to alter experience through just thought, and through influence alter others experience, and have everyone insist they made free will choices is amazing, and disturbing.  I am at core a generous person, often taken advantage of with my eyes wide open, just because I wanted to give the person a chance to make a different choice.  So while those around me try and get theirs, I try to give mine away, to anyone that will take it. When I reject money, it's not the concept of currency, or the tracking of resources I am in opposition to. I have an issue with a system intentionally designed to be scam, to implode due to structural features, called such as there is no chance they were accidental.  I am all for the ideas of equity, value added, open source. Where investment is rewarded, risk is real, not offloaded immediately, or hedged against. Our systems of global trade settlement with the dollar as it's backbone are in essence a cheat a scam, a ponzi scheme. I spent much effort on being as little a part of this system as I could, to where my expenses are pretty minimalist. Not that I do not enjoy the finer things, it's the strings that come attached to every dollhair spent on those trappings is my endorsement of that system.
         I'm a fucked up mass of contradictions, that often make sense only to me, I'm ok with that

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

The Wheels on the World Go Round

           When I was born the world was spinning, when I was conceived it was spinning. When every human heart, at least as we think of it, has stopped beating the world will just keep on spinning.  While many have pointed out, the planet we exist upon like parasites, and claim as a birthright, which when you think of it is kinda like claiming rights to the flesh of your parent. A bit sick and twisted I know, that is my point.  The degree to which we have become disconnected from nature is staggering.  We have decided we are the pinnacle of evolution, in many ways our maturation as a species, our ability not to subdue, or destroy. Our ability to adapt, to encompass, and allow space for, where we finally get the point, that often doing nothing, and being observant is the answer.  That in allowing the world around you to guide you to the win/win.
         I live in Sedona Arizona, beautiful tourist area, also new age mecca, that is kinda cool, kinda not.  It for sure is a highly charged place, as much to do with the geology, high iron oxide heightening the effect. Another aspect is this area has traditionally been a ceremonial space, people didn't really live here till recently.  For most of my time in the Verde Valley, I stayed to the edges, not in Sedona itself.  For me I happen to agree with the elders, this place is a place of vision questing, and finding connection with self, and spirit.  For the past three or so years I've been living on one of the oldest inhabited spots in West Sedona, the views from this spot are amazing.  The property has original red rock out buildings, and red rock patio, and grill built in.  The plot I'm on has at it's peak a cistern, it's all sealed up now, but I go up there sometimes just to think.  When I was up there, I started looking at the property as whole, In my mind I started to see with the cistern functional, and being allowed to flow water through the property, guided through alcoves, ya know nicely landscape with plenty of places to relax and like.  In among these spots would be bridges, and water wheels. The water wheels would power the system as well as provide extra. combined with some solar, and thermal this place is an energy provider to the local area.  The property behind this one, which is also part of a larger plot, that was sub divided for use, and has had the lease situation just change, was a sand and gravel place. It's been dug up and filled so many times.  I noticed they had brought in a bunch of shipping containers, and poof, bury them as part of the down slope, use them as the frame work for a little underground bread and breakfast type place, as well as housing some of the power generation systems that would be best shielded.  This would make this spot lovely again, it's been allowed to decay.  This was about 5 min drift in my minds eye while I was watching a hawk or falcon circle, it kinda shifted my own minds eye view, to see it almost like a localized topography map in my mind.
    I'm not saying that is The answer for this property, just one that for me strikes that balance, it remains productive, might even be considered more so, as well as gets a face lift in the direction of it's natural state.
If we slow down we might not have so many accidents, besides where do we think we are going?

Jack
aka
PanseyBard    

Warden Cliff explained, Power Generation made simple.

      There are several posts rattling around me, when they stack up like this, they become insistent to be recorded. Almost as if they have concerns with being forgotten, an odd notion when applied to ideas.  So because of that, they are going to come out raw, as they are coming to me, in the flow of moment. The idea speaking through me as it is able to, so that it is reflected as to how I understand it, not a certain limitation of, or insistence on completeness, or even that I am right.
     Many know of the Name Tesla, at least a bit, perhaps even having heard of a Tesla coil. While I have entertained great ideas using coils and the like to set up effective perpetual motion, with no violation of entropy.  The key in that being effective, if the earth stops spinning, we either die, or won't be here in our current form.  While this toroidal shapes, are great, they make complex what is one of the simplest things possible. Giving shape, to create a pathway to guide flow of substance. In other words, create a differential in energy potential, and than exploit it. Or recognize where, and when those already occur, and place your self to take advantage of them.
     The earth is a giant electric dynamo, a huge electric motor, with the creation of electromagnetic fields that go along.  We exist within and between these fields, they have been called many things, from dragon lines, to lay lines, to the meridians of the earth. The names change, the name of the study of them changes. There is an above, and below aspect, with one grid being roughly 60 feet above the earth, and one 60 feet below.  What Tesla was up to, was exploiting this, he put collectors, than created the path of least resistance, to a point on the earths surface. Setting up essentially an huge ac capacitor. This would fire on it's own timing, once you have this you can change the frequency. He was pumping it into the ground, to piggy back on the Schumann resonance in order to provide free electricity for anyone, anywhere, with just sticking a stake into the ground, using what is needed, and grounding the excess back into the earth.  There is much more information on this particular subject, but for me, the important part is the understanding of creating essentially a pressure difference, and exploiting it for power generation.  With the rise of slow release capacitors, it is now possible to take the flash of solar energy at sunrise, and set, where our panels are normally getting over charged with lots of waste. Quick charge the slow release capacitors, and slowly use that charge through the day, or night to steadily charge the system.
    I have a few projects of what is through of as free energy generation, though it's really just self energy generation, which has become frowned upon in the US.

off for now
Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

How to Kill the Rabbit, and Live to Tell the Tail!

       To be perfectly clear, and up front, what follows for many will seem madness, and that is to be expected. Being raised in a culture that prizes logical order, the structure of binary, of code, and cryptography. The mindscape of symbol, metaphor, trans possessive personal, where you are so vain you do think all the songs are about you. Yet you know for certain, no one knows who you are, nor is there any reason for them to.  If you haven't already been baffled by the psychobabble bullshit I have already slung, than feel free to tag along as I lay out a little of the slaying of my own white rabbit.
       Hindsight as they say is 20/20 a blatant misrepresentation if there ever was for a truism. Evidence supports the closer to the events the recounting of the event is, the more accurate that recounting is.  Hindsight in ones own life is a bit different affair, that odd paradox of observing ones self from multiple perspectives, or camera angles, lending creative license to almost endless reimagining of the events, known to have taken place. As easy as a shift in background, a snappy change of speech, alteration of wardrobe, and voila a story everyone knows, yet no one can say it happened. At least not quite the way it's been written, so when I say all the songs, stories, hymns, condemnations, recriminations, desecrations, are about me. It's not an ego aggrandizement, it's a learned response to being projected on my entire life. To be fair, it's a wonderful game, to be the secret unknown object of all attention, regardless of intent, or purpose, solely due to coming to the acceptance of the interconnectedness of all things as a given. Or at least that sounds good in theory, in practice the experience has been quite different.  I am not religious, dogmatic devotion to any belief for me leaves no room for growth, no chance new. It's a place of stagnation, due to entropy, as the saying goes, once you stop growing you start dying. While it offers continuity, it can lead to being trapped in time. As the dwindling numbers of all the throwback anti progress faith make plain, stagnation is demise. I think of it more as, once you close the circle, it's an egg, and eggs, hatch, or get broken, or rot, but they do not stay eggs. Oddly, the trick, and it is a trick, is dissociative, that ability to completely discount personal identity, to the point where you suck in identity from all around. For children at play, it's just imagination, put that is encouraged to be set aside for more practical pursuits.  All while this world is driven by the imaginations of a seeming select few who are recognized as such, and encouraged, to bring forth their vision for the sake of everyone,  The proverbial, hey kid you wanna be a star?  I remember the first time that happened to me, at least sort of, I was to young to approached directly, so it was relayed through my mother.  We lived in socal, San Diego area, mom asked me if I would be interested in doing commercials, because someone had approached her, but that the choice was mine.  I said no, it sounded alot like work to me, and frankly I was already a slacker, doing what I wanted, not what was expected. By 5th grade, a major turning point for my life, I had played center halfback in state level soccer tournament, plucked out of normal classes, identified as gifted with dyslexia, and add. While being a latch key kid from kindergarten, being raised by single mother. Was there other family, and people around sure, I was not isolated by any means. I was self reliant, I had responsibilities, even when I abused them.  I was for the most part put in charge of myself, or took charge of myself, from as early as I can remember. This of course would set up some nasty confrontations with my mother later in life, though those too are all just part of the story. The fictionalized narrative of identity, used to single me out from the herd of humanity.
       Till about the age of 16 or so, I on a decent enough track for a classic underachiever, I did well in the subjects that interested me, and got by in the ones that didn't. Often it had less to do with subject matter, and more to do with presentation.  I had always been interested in being social, so when I dropped out of school, the jobs I looked for were ones with high levels of social interaction. Mainly retail, quickly in management of course, up to running stores. Often up to nefarious purpose, like working at gfox in the danbury fair mall, getting moved to domestics from the loading dock, a couple of friends and I pretty much ran it, our superior just checking in, and occasionally taking us to count license plates. When we were not given the raise promised, we picked black friday to walk out, they kind of caved, but how could an anchor store in the biggest mall in  New England at least at the time, allow itself to be held hostage by 3, 17 or 18 year old kids.  Of course they broke us up, not fired, just moved us around. For me it was domestics, I told the HR woman, she might as well fire me, that I would not work in domestics. She ignored me, so I spent next few months sneaking out a back door, and playing video games, or whatever, and sneaking back in. It was just how I rolled, no matter how pleasant or nice or smooth talking, or whatever someone might seem. That does not preclude them screwing you over, especially when they flat out tell you they are going to, that does not take a genius to understand. Once in what for me was the perfect spot of the moment, running a new and used video game store, on the edge of a district far from the home office. I hired folks like me, or that were ok with my style, we had code, like "who wants to take out the trash" and yes we took out the trash, and while doing so we took a few hits off a bowl. When we had to do title by title inventories once a month, I made it an event, a party. The store thrived to where Toy's R US invoked a non-competition clause in it's lease to force a location change, leading to my breaking the relationship with the company.  This was not a tough choice at all, for while working there I pretty much stumbled into being a connection for pot, at the time just commercial brick, There was never an intention to do so, I was earning enough so I could plan ahead in my own habits, so they were less of a distraction, no one likes being out of their drug of choice, whatever it might, yoga, prayer, exercise, heroin, all alter body chemistry, changing the physiological state, which alters the perception, and experience, and interaction with the world. This idea can be taken all the way to anything your body is not self producing being in essence a drug, ridiculous in the extreme I know, but who's definitions are these?
        We tend to gravitate toward friends that have proclivities at least in some ways like our own, so of course I had stoner friends. I wouldn't even go to job interviews if I wasn't stoned, I wanted to be sure no one would think anything of me being high at work. Did it so well, the only time anyone said anything was when I wasn't stoned, because that was the odd behavior from their perspective, and for me, stoned was the normal.  When you have some, people will ask for it, and being friends, and it being pot, of course you share, that kind of sharing grows rapidly. Especially if your good at keeping of the numbers. I was full on fronted, a lb to start, at a stupid high price really, but the prices were already so outrageous, I literally undercut em by half. A quarter dropped from 60 to 30, in short order it was tough to even leave the house, and when I wanted to take a vacation, or even go for a weekend, rewarding someone a friend, or housemate was well worth it. At one point, a full client base was just transferred over to me, as the woman was worried about her child being taken if she was arrested. For me the budding pot empire, in a sleepy corner of southern CT, allowed free time, to play, and explore. Having been recently introduced to lsd, and loving the effects, I quickly poured through altered states of consciousness teachings from channeled sources, to Castenada, to Leary, Dass, and the like, on to Kabbalah, tarot, Crowley. I still have some of what for me the most influential texts, but from an intuitive, as well as logical perspective, and they mesh quite nicely. The crazy out of nowhere nature of quantum, intuition, and the logic for why that is exactly how things do function seem a matter of, duh, and like I'm the only one that hasn't figured it out, as seemingly everywhere I turn, the symbols that help shape, mold me are everywhere telling me things.  Things not for me, but for everyone, though few see them as even connected. All the lsd, over the course of about a year and half, lots of days popping a 10 strip to fry in meditation for hours, upon hours. If it made sense to use words to communicate, I felt I did not get far enough from everyday consciousness states,  I didn't just want to know, I had to know. I had judged the world, as being unworthy of my presence, without even understanding that was what I was doing.  I screamed at whatever was there, because I knew there had to be something, and if there wasn't, than it didn't matter anyway.  "IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS TO THIS PLACE THAN I WANT NO PART OF IT". Holy crap, when you do that with neural pathways jammed open due to heavy lsd use, other things notice. When you are sincere in your desire to not be here, death answers, whatever that means for you. All the while, maintaining a committed relationship, being asked to be the father of someone elses child, Playing sitter for the spun out kids that were having bad trips. Providing space for almost anyone that was approached me as a friend, until they showed me otherwise. Than crashing back to earth for on the one side being weary of getting to deep, and the woman I loved at the time insisting if I didn't give up the life we were done.  None of this caused me the distress, that the contradictory programming of entertainment, versus practicality, or security if you will.  Drugs are bad, but how many stars in every field has altered how they see the world.  Education and Institutionalization, merging in my life before my eyes, and me a lover of information, trapped between a need to consume data, while not becoming it.  Take it right to my edge, look back at myself, laugh, and allow myself to fall backwards into the abyss. I was taught at 18, there isn't always someone to catch you, or at least not always the person you expected.  My love for being in the company of women extended to no care for my personal style. Generally dressing for comfort, and event are good enough for me, I did however understand very well, that if I didn't care about what I wore, that didn't mean others wouldn't. Making friends with a few differing fashion style females not a problem in a mall, getting them to pick out clothing they feel you look good in, also not a problem. Than you just pick a style, put on the costume, and allow that woman's style attract other women that share it.  Being adaptable, or having that element of theater in all aspects of life. A life itself becomes a show, being put on by you, for who knows, and at that point you almost have no choice but to choose amusement of self, until your directed otherwise by an authority you recognize, whatever that maybe, there are things that get your body dead faster than it's ability to repair. The limitation is not of body, it is of the individual, and is different for everyone. It could be a mental block, or an emotional imbalance, out of control growth, in the case of cancers, is generally pointing to a out of control growth in another area of life. When you are told your show is now considered illegal, immoral, and just plain wrong. You quit all drugs, go sober for 10 years, have people who see auras tell you your grey, and wait to die. When that is happening, and simultaneously your being told, things like. A detective that investigated a theft from a giant gas station that employed me briefly, "you might be the smartest person I've ever interviewed", or being told by a psychologist who is actively writing text books by request, "you might be the most balanced person I've ever met".  Just a few highlights of the complete contradiction between the perception people have of me that know me, and the rejection of the life I've lived that has allowed me to be me.  So sure, I have not gone screaming from the rooftops look at me, I don't need the aggravation, because regardless of if it's praise, or condemnation, it's yours not mine. I'm fucked up enough on my own to need any help in labeling me crazy.  I have a head full of books, movies, songs, tears, exultations, murder, and mayhem, going across at least 27000 or so years. I only recall a smattering of any portion of it in any given moment, but it comes in a torrent when I allow it to unfold back out in it's own way, and time.  So sure, I have spent much of my life around the edges, it was the space I could find that could accommodate me, I break eggs, sometimes they are thrown at the front doors of a church that has just been painted. Other times it's my own limited conception of existence. I've never thought of myself as smart, everyone else keeps telling me I am, no matter how much protest, yet I pride myself on being able to reason, even through the muck and mire of twisted complex emotional yuck. Does that make me smart, or just insane, does it even matter?
I've finally gotten to the point, I'm good with my life being a condemned, While I love being the person I am, fictional character and all. What it took for me, I would not wish on anyone else, and would do what I could to prevent it needing to be as traumatic.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Kodi Media Center

Just a quick run down on a little throw together media center/server I was able to throw together.

The monitor is one I had already, 24" samsung, with an audio 3.5mm out, hdmi, vga, and dvi inputs. It's been a good monitor, had it hooked to a mini pc, that I have lent to a housemate who's computer died. I keep warning them about unground outlets, and feedback into the electronics.  The speaker is an ihome, I picked it up at goodwill, had no ac adaptor, but I had one laying around from an old speaker system that was a nice match by specs and tip. Think this might be a fun set up to play with an old projector, and making my own screens. When I have a little spare currency I'll have to look at the goodwill site, and locally to see what I can come up with.

 I'm not much of an apple fan, it's not that they do not make quality products, it's that they are really not made for someone like myself. The I life is a bit more conducive to the tech being background, not a part of the fun.

 The tower is a slimline emachine, amd 64 bit, with only 2 gigs of ram, might upgrade the ram to 4, but really I'm not asking much of this machine, and I like that it's relatively low power consumption, and lower rpm fan system do not give off near the emf of high end system/ It was strangely enough as if brand new coming out the box, who ever had it before must have wiped before leaving it behind.  I still did a fresh install of win 7. The language pack updates are still by far the most time consuming of the process. Setting up Kodi is pretty simple, there are many tutorials online for specific options or settings.
This is all set up with dnla sharing, so it will stream all over the houses network.  As for control, below is my tablet, with the Yatse app that can link to any machine running Kodi providing it's been configured to allow for it.
All told this was a 7 doll hair set up for me, and I had been debating on turning my Raspberry Pi b+ into one. This is better solution all around, and allows me to push the Pi as either a twitter nanny bot, or look into setting it up a pirate box.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

If I accept your lies about me will you go away?

In an attempt to share more of me, rather than the concepts I entertain. Today I'm going to cover some common misconceptions I've noticed people have about me.

I am not as nice a person as people seem to think I am. When I've had jobs they have been mostly service type, even when working freelance, it's been tech work, and consulting.  It's not that I am any nicer or any less nice than anyone else.  I'm fulfilling the role you encountered me in, as long as you do not step outside your role in relation to me, everything is hunky dory. Step out of the boundaries laid out by the nature of our encounter, and I will tell you to go fuck yourself.

I do not care about material existence, This one is almost true, though so far off base, as to be laughable. There is no matter for my to be concerned with, things exist multi-dimensionally, and they are physical unto their own realm of expression. kinda how solids interact with solids, or liquids interact with liquids. With all of it subject to relative motions, and energy/matter conversion.

My use of the appellation PanseyBard is some how indicative of sexual orientation. This was an e-mail I registered to use with a character created in Everquest.  The characters name was/is, Nuviel, picked from the words novus, and el. A mixing of languages, meaning new god. That character was a 5 year span of playing 40+ hours a week. It became a consuming addiction to being somewhere other than I found my physical being. That character became one of the top Bards in the game, spending much of it's time on a server called legends, a special ruleset server, for those who wanted more out of the game.  I am a heterosexual male, even when I imagine myself in a sexual encounter with a male, it is an odd feeling of not being true to self.

That social media is important to me.  This one cracks me up, From my perspective most social media has become marketing tools.  I am not fond of marketing, as I feel good ideas have no need to be sold.  Before I ever began to use social media, I had a plan, and understood it as tool in that plan, not the ends in itself.  Twitter is a prime example, I have 4 accounts, not that I wanted 4 accounts, was happy with one. Only I was growing the account faster than twitter identifies as the norm, When an account was suspended for playing the f4f game the twitter promo groups have going. I made another in order to figure out what I was doing wrong and right given the venue, and goals I had in mind.  When I got the 3rd account suspended in under 3 hours for getting to many followers to quickly, or what they call aggressive following tactics I started to get a handle on the automatic systems in twitter. What the groups were about, and why I seemingly did not fit in.  I backed almost completely off social media for a few years, Mostly due to being shoved out, seemingly due to not being willing to click the buttons for cash. Again, I never cared about twitter, it was about exposure.

A small group was reading my blog regularly, and felt many of the ideas had merit, so I was looking to reach out an allow others into my madness.

The 4th account was for play, and fun solely, as it's pretty much only for pornstars, cam girls, strippers, ya know, the bad girls we all wish would take us home, or come home with us, even if it's only for the night or weekend.  

That I am an arrogant know it all bastard!  ok that one is often true. It is something I work on daily to be as accepting of my own foibles as I am of others. Oddly it's that I do not feel I know anything, and am open to any spirit that has the answer showing it to me, or speaking through me to deliver it that sets up this oddity.

That I wish to be a star, I am already a rock star, always have been. Do not look for me in your deck of cards, I am not now, nor have I ever been in there. Unless your seeing me in every card. Wanna go quantum? how about for a magic ride into the nethersphere, or the spaces between spaces. I can be that lens for you to find your connection. I am not it, only the clear lens that allows you to see you.

I do not love you

I do not hate you

I do not know you

I was told my whole life the choices I made were bad, or wrong, and it took me till now, to finally get back to the self I lost in the love of women, and the programmed ideas of family, and personal development.  What I am left with for the masses, is a big fuck you. If you do not like my words do not read them. If you find me offensive at times, that is likely the response I was going for.

Yes I am so whacked out, I often program people real time, think you have freewill, come for a visit, and I will show you the error of your perception. Think the world is flat, or solid, or round, or God is this or that, those are labels, made by, and for humans.

Who am I, What am I?,

How about Where am I, When am I

I am what I desire to be, the identity labels foisted upon are not me.

Think a free person can be a citizen?

Free people owe no allegiance to anyone other than self.

Citizens owe allegiance to the state they are citizens of.

You do the math

PanseyBard.... Pan say, Bard get it?

aka Jack

be the Lorax, and can someone please find that statue, and take it back where it belongs 

Tommy! Archetype for the Electric Kool Aid Initiation

      A couple of days ago, I hacked together an entertainment setup, from an old tube tv, a 3d blu-ray player with internet apps, and a directv remote I found to control it all. I plan on adding in a digital to analog converter box, and a homemade powered antenna, as the resources to do so become available. I began playing movies I hadn't seen since for at least 20 years or so, The great rock'n'roll swindle, and Tommy were among my selections for that first day's use.  Tommy in particular stood as having been completely misunderstood by myself, and seemingly most of the people I know who have watched it.  With the majority labeling dismissively as a rock opera, with little meaning beyond the entertainment value. Having come to the realization that entertainment has never been about enjoyment per se, but more about passing on cultural understanding and wisdom passed through the ages.  I was still in for a disconcerting surprise upon watching Tommy from my current perspective. What I was not prepared for was, the dramatization of what myself and others have experienced in our everyday lives.  The movie itself is an adaptation of the initiation rituals of the mystery traditions, skewed toward the inclusion of LSD as a catalyzing agent.
    Having first being exposed to Tommy as a child, pretty sure it was 3rd grade. It's message was lost on my, the effect of the movie for me than was one of feeling protective of those who were unable to protect themselves.  This was personified in a brief scene where a lovely girl is about to be shot, and Tommy shows up to alter the encounter just through his presence.  At the time, this was so profound for me that I had nightmares about it.  Nightmares are rare for me, and generally only occur when death is near me.  In that instance the death I was feeling was that of a babysitter, not mine, I did not need a sitter generally, and was offended when one was foisted on me.  Not being a fan of watching people die, and the effects it has on those who are left behind. My mother and I had moved out, in short order Stephanie, came home from school to find her sitter strangled. Likely if I had still been there I would have been with her, as we walked to and from school together.  This affinity for feeling the presence of death, yet not having to witness it's effects directly continues as a theme in my life. Almost a meet Joe Black kinda vibe, not that I equate myself with death, just that death is not my enemy, but a friend that accompanies me on my journey. Always ready to send me home if I become to distant from my core self.

    Watching it as I am now, was an entirely different experience, having lived the initiation being shown, and having taken it from a 3 that become one to a 7, and 13 that become one. I was struck almost dumb, as before my eyes, the basic blueprint for my existence was on display, In the film we watch as Tommy goes from a child, bewildered and overloaded by the new sensory data bombarding him, putting him the state of the deaf, dumb, and blind, or in other words, seen no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil. During this portion Tommy is repeatedly abused, though the abuse is lost oh him, he is unaware of the meaning behind the events he subjected to.  Than we get to a point where he is taken to Gypsy the Acid queen, played by Tina Turner. In the movie it is portrayed as a sexual encounter. Which if you've ever experienced psychoactive chemicals the experience is so intimate, and the movie was made at the end of the free love hippy movement, that the representation is to be expected. When the LSD experiences have cleared the pathways, the fog lifts, and we are introduced to a fully realized Tommy. Who proceeds to go out into the world, and help everyone else become as he is, without having to go through the trauma that he endured.
    Don't start tripping, and project delusions of grandeur, those are your hang ups not mine. When I first opened up in the late 90's, someone I thought of as a friend devastated me by stating he felt I was on the way to becoming a cult leader. Odd from my perspective, as I am appalled by the idea anyone would desire to follow in my footsteps, and when I related my personal journey. It is always with the idea my life is not to be emulated, but seen as a cautionary tale. How I got from my conception to the fictional character I am today is not comfortable, or even desired.  It is simply what it took for me, what it will take for you is up to you.  When during my last LSD experience I received a message, that if I continued to take it, it would become detrimental, I stopped.  Within a couple of years I had also stopped smoking Mary Jane as well. What followed was a 10 year or so switch. Where I became acutely aware of the negative cultural view on my life.  This was completely at odds with how people interacted with me on a personal basis. Where almost everyone viewed me as being a well adjusted healthy individual.  Not only was "drug" use condemned, my entire childhood was outlawed, as being unfit. Naturally I accepted the judgment of those who presumably had more experience and wisdom than I.  This too was a part of the initiation, the moving into darkness, and through a death like experience where the world shuns, and is shunned in return.  That is the ego death, where we accept the world, and everyone in it will keep on spinning regardless of our presence.  I must say I was ready and desirous of death, not suicidal, just not so in love with life, or self anymore.  The I in me longs for nothing, other than dissolution of self, resolution of the conflict inherent in the structure of what we consider "reality".
dailymotion tommy-1975-film-pt-1_music
dailymotion tommy-1975-film-pt-2_music

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

A Rose by any other name, is still just a Word

Gonna do a little word magic, but before I get into my dry stale rendition, there is a much more entertaining person that seems to understand this quite well.  Take a look at this video.

Now lets take a look at some of the ideas of freedom, and citizenship. Check this out voting in the US. Notice what is considered worthy of having a say changes through time. This is of course a natural thing.  What I am more interested in is how the words are used to disguise a truth, most have no desire knowing. People under a government, regardless of how open, are not actually free.  They have traded some of their freedom, power, and personal responsibility in favor of the illusion of security within a collective. This song by Bo, has so many metaphorical connections in it, it's a bit disconcerting.  Two of the main forms of writing are pictographic, and cryptographic. English is crypto, while a language such as chinese, or ancient egyptian are picto.  In pictographic languages the symbols are images showing what they depict. Where cryptographic on the other hand are essentially substitution ciphers.  Where all the letters are equated with a number, and that number tells everything anyone could need to know about that word. That knowledge is a portion of the teachings of the Qabalah. When combined with a platonic understanding of shape, and number, and odd synthesis occurs. All the languages based on number, become one language of number.  This abstract perspective leads to all sorts of silly, and profound places mentally. Such as this, in the US, and most of the world for that matter, the decimal system for numeric notation is used. Most commonly take this to mean there are 10 numbers, or that this system is base 10. Which is one way of thinking about it, much like in complex subjects such as currency creation, or advance scientific concepts. Bridges are used, students are taught partial truth, as a way of giving the prerequisite understanding needed to learn just how deep a particular rabbit hole goes.  From my perspective, there are 9 numbers, and the 0 which is a cipher a void, a placeholder. Zero is that thing which is no where, and everywhere though not usually seen till it is absent.  All numbers are infinite unto themselves, understanding this, it's not a big leap to see with no work that any number can be equal to any other number.  Not by the rules of mathematics taught most places today,  But take a self replicating thing, and one potentially is infinite quite easily. This is reflected in virus of all kinds, bacteria, on to self replicating nanobots. How does this wrap back around to words, words, words?  Well as you might have guessed from the Outkast inspired title, words are some magic shit, that grows beautiful flowers, with some nasty thorns.  If any number can equal any other number, and cryptographic languages are based on a number cypher, how far is it to every word can equal, every other word.  Interestingly enough, even within a language there are regional dialects where the same word can vastly different meanings, not to mention how many words have several definitions, with one just being labeled the standard accepted.  This isn't to say, the standard accepted is always the definition intended, as thats a cool thing about words.  While fingers I grudgingly accept as mine poke out characters on a screen, the meaning derived from an individual reading these words, is entirely their own.  Once I've regurgitated what ever idea, it no longer is mine, and becomes who ever is reading it.  They recreate me, what I said, and than will normally externalize that, in a form of projection. An illusion, where they may paint me as any number of characters.  So how might this kind of word play look when applied?
         After the constitution of the US was put in place, we are taught the first law made was. "Only Free White Landholders could be Citizens". I'm certain the wording was a bit different, but I really do not care over much for spelling or grammar, and if the words didn't underline red, this would be full of horrible spelling errors. Let break down this first law, and see how it holds up.  Ok right of the get go there is the dreaded white word, that word sucks. There are no white people, there are no black people, we are all colors, and white, and black are not colors. They are the reflection, or absorption of all light. One down, next lets take the idea of free, and citizen, can a citizen be free?  A free person owes allegiance to no one, and no thing. A citizen on the other hand, owes, and is expected to give their allegiance to the nation, These are once again incompatible concepts. How about land ownership? In a nation the land is considered an integral part of the nation, the people living on the land are the inhabitants of that nation.  The land is always in a nation, consider sovereign territory, or the real estate of the union would be, how much territory it holds influence over. America so exceptional, the first law it creates after bring forth such a cool document as the constitution, immediately invalidates with it's first created law.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Fun With Sacred Geometry

I ran across a site awhile ago, geokone.net. Looking for an easy way to play with ideas put forth in pretty much all the mystery schools.  In making these shapes it triggers understandings, they are all laced with fundamental understandings of how creation functions.
The slideshow I have running was made with images created on geokone. Just gonna share some stills. I stop making these, or even working on them due to the processing power either on my end or server side were not able to get past about a 4 recursion depth without locking up. I was looking to go to 9 at least, and really wanted to see what 13 looked like.

Some of these I have used as my pics for social media sites.

Make up your own mind
Jack

Python Twitter Bot with Tweepy

In an earlier post I laid out a bit how I was working on a twitter bot to automate the promotion of this blog.  I'm a slacker, that has a bad rap for many folks, for me it's the highest calling I can aspire. Get the most accomplished, with the least effort, and disturbance. In the words of Bruce Lee, "Be Like Water, My Friend".  In the dao of piglet, and the te of poo, it's the mystery of being the uncarved block. In the teachings of the Kabbalah or Quabbalah, which was made into such nice easy pictograms in traditional tarot, it's learning to be representative of any, while maintaining your own sense of self.  I have one Boss, and I'm really hoping that Boss never shows up, but I always am sure to recognize There is always a bigger fish. When I crashed the party of social media a few years back, it was never intended to a social outlet. I had already experienced that in years of mmorpg's, irc, bbs, going back to wargames dialers, and phone phreaking. What I was always best at was social hacking, a rather disturbing art when taken to the level of social engineering, or mass media marketing.  After all the drugs, meditation, and study I did over the course of  a lifetime, I finally started to see a pattern, it's not even an unknown pattern, matter of fact it's all over the place, or at least portions of it are.  When I finally awoke to what I had been attempting to understand, about people, and their place in creation, I found that I had missed the relative short window of opportunity to be counted among those who's say carried any weight. In social media I saw an opportunity to leverage the flood of information as a means to get ideas running through my mind. into the hands of those who could make use of them.  I accidently crashed the party of the twitter follow gangs, that handle the bulk of the twitter advertising. It's a fairly ingenious method of leveraging the split platforms of twitter, and sms, in concert to trade influence in the twitter verse. I just saw it as an expedient means of sharing ideas to everyone as quickly as possible, regardless of how they were accepted. I even refused ever offer of easy income, not out a disdain for the finer things the world has to offer, but from an understanding of the myth of an infinite growth paradigm in a zero sum game. I'm speaking of the effects of compounding interest on privatized currency creation. The same effect is seen again and again in almost every market. It's the money itself I have issue with, not currency as an idea. The accounting for who has what, and why, is important. In our current system so many are being left behind, not out of ability, but just by becoming a party to the madness which has a seeming strangle hold on our global civilization. The worship of money, and idol, a representation of something only in potential.  As I said I'm an old school hacker, I once streamlined a system for reporting the percentage of the utilities used in manufacturing in New York state were taxable.  Was a great job while it lasted, at 18 having a work from home job for 10 or 12 an hour is amazing. Taking the time each reports takes to generate from 6 hours to 2 hours, and being told your services are no longer required, not so amazing. Being allowed to help a crop of Police Officers pass a class they had no reason taking, Amazing!. Having your professor tell you there is no place in the world for programming games, again not so amazing. I stopped using computers, and started playing games with them, and then started fixing them.  In the course of my several years of tech service for a local community, what I found was they didn't actually want for me to really solve the issues, they wanted me to manage the problems that cropped up with using outdated, or mixed era systems. Sometimes they almost wanted me to take over the day to day operations of their endeavors. All well and good if it is a mentor situation, when it's a lack of desire to stay current enough to manage your own affairs, well if your not the adult, there aren't many roles left.  After exhausting some of the more entertainment oriented uses for the raspberry pi b+ I turned to what else could this little marvel do. I started seeing vpn's, and pirate drop boxes, wifi extenders to create public clouds all over. All cool concepts, but not much use to me personally, given my current circumstance. Realizing I needed to have a bit of programing brush up, I think the last time I wrote code before this was 88 or so. I hit up code academy, and picked python as it is a seemingly popular high lvl language with many popular api's. I also did some html work, I get it, and it's powerful, it's just puts me to sleep doing it. Even in python as entertaining as it was to create the bot as far as I've taken it, and I am well aware how limited it is in it's current state.  It's basic, but it will tweet for you, pick from search terms to promo others, so your account generates more attention from the community, and will auto follow new folks, and unfollow those that are just attempting to boost numbers. Once I got there essentially I had a automatic twitter promotional bot. Did you know people get paid for doing promotional work on twitter? Even though it makes sense from the marketing game standpoint, that is a slippery area, we are talking about folks that have no moral issue with using psych jobs on children to profit.
So today I'm going post the code for my bot friend. working title was twitternanny, but for easy of use I have taken to naming them after the account they manage. I currently have 2 instances running on my raspberry pi. They may come down at the end of the month, as I have already given notice, my leap of faith I guess, with no place on horizon as of yet. I guess I could always battery power it, and stick in an open wifi cloud in a tree or something, but what would be the point. I ended up using twitter as an object lesson of the insanity of exclusivity.
Enough of my ramble, I get sick of myself sometimes.
here is the code, use it abuse it.



def hourlytweet():
    filename=open(argfile,'r')
    f=filename.readlines()
    filename.close()
    api.update_status(status=f)
    print("hourly tweet posted")


def follow_unfollow():
    followers = api.followers_ids()
    friends = api.friends_ids()

    for z in followers:
        if z not in friends:
            api.create_friendship(z)

    for z in friends:
        if z not in followers:
            api.destroy_friendship(z)
    print("follow, unfollow done")


def search_retweet():
        search_terms= ['python', 'technology', 'raspberry pi', 'ingress', 'news', 'breaking']
        g = random.choice(search_terms)
        g = '#' + g
        results = api.search(q=g, count=1)
        for u in results:
            if u not in alreadytweeted:
                api.retweet(u.id)
                print("retweeted top result for", g)
                alreadytweeted.append(u)



x=1
y=2

while x<y:
    localtime = time.asctime(time.localtime(time.time()))
    hour = int(localtime[11] + localtime[12])
    print('current hour is:',hour)
    if hour>5 and hour<24:
        try:
            hourlytweet()
            time.sleep(1700+random.randint(200,400))
        except:
            print("could not post hourly tweet")
            time.sleep(1700+random.randint(200,400))
        try:
            search_retweet()
            follow_unfollow()
        except:
            print("could not post retweet")
    elif hour == 24 or hour < 6:
        try:
            search_retweet()
            follow_unfollow()
        except:
            pass
    time.sleep(1700+random.randint(200,400))

some of the basic framework came form http://www.dototot.com/how-to-write-a-twitter-bot-with-python-and-tweepy/
So big ups and respect, thanks for the head start, and to those I didn't mention, sorry I use many reference sources when I start a little project.

Thanks
Jack
aka
PanseyBard Digital PiedPiper

Social Media Nightmares

Some would likely call me antisocial, or even see me as being an asshole, or what have you. I'm not likely to be found out at the bars, or making tons of small talk.  I listen to it, but I enjoy talking about things on scales most are boggled by. Like genetic, or galactic, or super galactic.  What I have never really enjoyed was just talking to talk, self aggrandizement,  Before becoming involved in Social Media I already had a plan, I was looking for a way to get just a little attention on some of the ideas I was pondering. Trying to find out where I had missed something, or that I just might be on to something.  When I got in, I noticed an odd thing, for most it seemingly has little to do with being social, and more to do with marketing, not a fan of that btw.
I updated my links tab, to show a taste of some the outlets I found. It's sick.
I do not enjoy social media very much.
I like people to much to get overly attached to them
In order to make it easier for me to work on my own stuff and still have a net presence, I used http://www.codecademy.com/ lerned some python, frist coding I had done since the early 90s, maybe late 80's. I wrote a little twitter bot, and figured ok I'm off, I was in for a rude awakening.
All over were folks seemingly wanting to help me, only all they have done is hinder me every step.
Most act as if the only important thing in existence is themselves, this is completely counter to how I view creation, in my minds eye, I'm the only non important thing I find. I'm the redundant one, with everyone else displaying aspects of a self I thought mine.
I now have far more social media exposure than an introvert is likely to enjoy, and I am seemingly still being handed offers of jobs, when I have my own stuff to do. I have only ever been looking for a bit of support, folks seemingly like some of the wacky things I do when I am free to do them.
Screw social media.
I only ever wanted to point out some logic flaws, in the world as I see it.

but being social is bullshit

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Google made it cool I just took pictures

https://plus.google.com/109059042810474539876/stories/befcc352-5072-3ecd-9e75-28cdcc625b1514c62493c3a?authkey=

Oops Is that Smell Me?

So I generally like to write, and talk about the weird stuff.  Been doing it for as long as I can remember, though it didn't get the label of "The Weird Stuff" till high school, when it would get really good after a few a bowls were passed around.  Lately it's become that I am no long talking about it, I'm living it!  Not a bad or good thing, just an observation, sometimes it's frustrating, others it's like magic.  In some of the "New Age" circles there is an idea I've written a bit about, creating your own reality, or sometimes labeled "The Laws of Attraction".  So much has been written about it in fact, that people have forgotten how it really functions, in place has taken up resident a philosophical dissembling, to make the most depraved actions, or desire ok.  I actually know a wonderful woman, that has given a class called greed is good.  While a healthy balanced ego is pretty essential to survival, it is being vulnerable that opens us up to true connection with others.  I've instinctively known this kind of thing my whole life, I was doing people "magic" forever.  If I really explained how twisted I've sometimes approached situations, many would likely regard me as a bit touched to put it mildly.  To give a relatively harmless example of what I mean by this, My spiritual, soul, or whatever folks label it here was done with it's contracts before what I remember being the year 2000, it was prolly closer to 98, or 99. Dates like that are slippery to my mind as I do not see them as having a very good place in the relational database of what I think of as mind.  Time for me is not the sweeping hands on a clock face, or even the decay rate of some atomic matter, nor is it even the oscillations of your favorite crystal, those are heartbeats, a resonate frequency set up as the schumann waves bounce off the atmosphere, and ring through the earth going out the other side to bounce off the atmo again.  Time is event driven, and each of us creates our own experience of time, we in conjunction with all perceived "other".  It is most assuredly only a perception there is "other", while we might not always be able to move "others" like we do perceived "self" though it's not as far odd as most would like to think.  What than happens when a person through intentional consciousness expansion practices, finishes everything they were here to learn before even seemingly to outside world they have even "grown" up, or as I think of it, become a dolt!  When I was doing all this self discovery, or experimentation, it never occurred to me how fundamentally altered I'd become.  I had my first kundalini awakening during that period, and I began to spin a bit out of control.  As I was complete unto myself, I was offered the choice to leave, not once or twice, it's more like a standing invitation, if I wanted it bad enough something will come set me free, in whatever why I and those around me are able to cope with it the easiest.  While I said the "right" words, did the intonations, learned what  true ceremony is about. The real power of the word, the multifaceted weapon we have labeled language.  I lost what I had though of as me, that physical, egocentric in love with sensation.  Thats right, I have no taste for drama, while seemingly living in a world dominated by a love drama, and conflict.  With this destruction of the parody of true ego, I was left with no defences, and it took quite awhile before I could even handle being in public spaces. People are oozing all over each other, spiting up all their emotions, and thoughts as waves of energy radiating out of the centers of the various bodies. Most at point find some way to exit, death, the bliss of selfless service, which for me is still just a twist of ego gratification, as now you satisfy your desires through the joy of others.  This is just a flip of the energy vampirism rampant through the I worlds.  Even with my lack of complete understanding of what I was experiencing, and how I was reacting to it, I took what is known as a bodhisattva vow, or initiation into the mystery teachings, or becoming an anointed one.  Was even taught, what was transmitted to me as "The Six Way Balance of the Anointed" there is a post about it somewhere in this blog if your interested.  This was quite disturbing for me personally, I was raised without formal religion.  Not an atheist as many would have likely mislabeled me as, more of an agnostic.  I knew there was something, I just accepted that no matter how much I can into a personal relationship with it, it would always remain beyond my complete comprehension, and must be so, or it would be me containing the absolute, rather than the absolute embracing me.  Most of these events occurred during my early to mid 20's, and had been stomped back into the proverbial Pandora's Box when I had dried out from all the drug use.  Perhaps a bit of just how extreme I got, keep in mind I have never really enjoyed speedy drugs, I'm plenty quick without any assistance.  Nah I love MJ, though I took a roughly decade long break from that, LSD, was my tool, and I used it till it blew me apart. Popping 10 or so hits, and meditating became a favorite pastime. OBE's and a host of other experiences became what I lived for.  When my world crashed, I was ill prepared, I forgot most of what I had done.  I buried my past, out of self preservation, my current conception of self did match at all how others treated me, and for sure did not match with what society said about my actions.  I was broken, in spirit, I had no desire to be alive anymore, yet suicide is not really an option for me.  Not that I view it as wrong, more that I do not see it as constructive, unless you really understand why, and what your doing, where for most it's a final act of desperation.  I found a nice comfortable niche, that didn't fit me very well, but that doesn't matter, I can squeeze into most roles at least for short spurts. That does not make them my role, just a costume I adopt in order to skate through life with as little disturbance as possible.  Yup I had resigned myself to death, solely because I did not find joy in the world around me.  Even when I see those little flashes of wonder, like when this little girl named Gracie, hope that spelling is correct. Her parents are/were separated, and both parents would bring her in to pick out movies.  At first she was completely shy toward me, but I knew it was a game.  Her assured me, that even though she would close off when she got in the store, that even when they would just be driving by she would ask about me. It took a bit, but it got to where, when she came in all she wanted to do was play, run, and chase each other all over the store.  Flash of wonder, and magic right before, as much as it brought me joy, I was always struck by everything else, and the joy was swallowed whole by corruption, perversion, and decay.  Not a pretty world to live in I can assure you, It didn't stop me from eating it up, like it was the greatest thing ever, I poured it down my throat in the form of coca-cola, nicotine, and every other form of garbage you can consume.  Hey, I couldn't be ballsy or dumb enough to kill myself, so a slow death through more subtle means became a viable option, even if I was not aware of the why's.
Not one seemed to notice, till back problems began to effect how I was able to assist them, at which point they recommended I see a chiropractor.  Dr Dave, or as I soon came to call him, The Magic Man.  I gotta tell ya, I'd go in there barely able to move, and a few pops and clicks later, I'm ready to work my shift.  This was also when MJ was reintroduced to me as medicine to help manage the pain.
This combo of releasing the built up dis-eases in the muscle, and skeletal structure, combined with the properties of the MJ, brought a flood of memories, new and old. Explaining what I mean by new and old is a bit tricky, and not really in the scope of today's post. Suffice it to say, I was awake again, I had a new kundalini experience, similar by different, where the energies, or snakes whatever works in your lexicon, met in a different center, and began a love affair inside me.  It's as if these steams of energy, could only find a place to be together inside of living systems.  This was all great, and almost orgasmic, it also set up an awareness of the disharmony I had been allowing in my own life.  I was working part time as a movie rental, as well as doing tech support for various individuals, and small businesses locally.  People seemed to like the service I provided as I would always take the hit, If I could not, or was unwilling to fix a problem I did not wish to charge folks, even it took my time up.
I had a very comfortable place all cozy, and warm.  I was waiting to die, there was almost no growth, I had gone from being a helpful person to being an enabler for unhealthy habits of others, as well as being in positions that were of no challenge, they were just easy.  So I looked around for ways to obtain the resources I felt I would need to impact the world, in line with how I feel the world can be, no should, or could, those are value judgments, and only valid for the individual. Nah I go moon shots, so I was working out social engineering projects to promote the growth of everyone. Well everyone but myself, as I no longer saw a place for me in the world I was experiencing, or in the world I was developing my mind.  This search for quick resources, brought back all the understanding gleaned from years of informal personal research.  That money is an accounting tool at it's heart, Of course that changes nothing, when in rome kinda thing, so I still felt the need for currency, just so I could begin to be productive for everyone else.  I started seeing all sorts of social media, and crowd funding stuff popping up all over.  I had some accounts, though I rarely used them, having always felt, people are meant to come and go from our lives. We share what we desire to share, and part company, sometimes thats messy, sometimes it's with a hug and kiss.  I of course became attracted to those outlets with the highest user numbers. Not that I in anyway was endorsing those services, just for my purpose those would be suitable.  Twitter to me has always been a marketing stream, sure you can limit your friends, and communicate with it, there are better messengers out there.  When I chose twitter, I went in with a plan, like all plans once I was on the battlefield my plan altered as I noticed what others were doing in the arena, mainly follow for follow.
I started to use this to grow my accounts quickly. So quickly that I got 3 out of 4 accounts suspended for getting to many followers to quickly. The 3rd account was suspended in a couple of hours, as it went from newly created to several hundred followers in that time.  What I had done was bully my way into a nice promo business ring, running through twitter. There are lots of other rings in there, I do my best to avoid.  These folks are protective of their daily bread, who isn't.  When they saw I was catching onto the game they were playing, they were so kind as to invite me to learn their rules, and play with them.  This could not have been a worse development for me, as I care nothing for twitter, I find it shallow, and a waste of most useful productivity, as most are not even making original content, they are only promoting others for a fee.  Some are making original stuff, and promoting themselves, and it's a useful tool for that, for me I have never cared about money, or currency for myself, it has always been motivated by the perceived needs of others, no matter how I view their notions of security.  I was connecting as many social networks together through the back ends, that I can not even remember all the accounts I created.  When I refused all the offers of income streams, and was told repeatedly that automated income streams were a myth.  I developed them, or I find they are, and I stop.  So while everyone around me seemingly was attempting to help me get a source of income, or a job, or career or what have you.  I had actual stuff I needed to say, and either I would be doing and saying my stuff or I'd not be playing in that arena.  Pretty much I stuffed it, going kinda dormant as my life again was turned upside, people left, new old friends comeback into the picture, and suddenly I'm living right in the heart of Sedona, in a house that needs to be torn down, or at least renovated. Mold grows regularly, as we tend to keep the windows closed, and do trap the moisture into the interior surfaces which of course just penetrates over time and things start growing. An electrical system that has both grounded an ungrounded aspects mixed in. There are even still stakes in the ground where the original system was grounded to the earth itself.  The property is wonderful, the house is crap, the location could be amazing.  But living with the main strip of a tourist town that has a population of roughly 15k, that can easily double or triple on weekends, is anything but conducive to quiet introspection. As I've written in other posts, I eventually was given a gift of a raspberry pi, and after playing with it decided it was under powered to be used in an entertainment fashion, or as a desktop replacement. It was fantastic for small applications that need to run constantly, I mean 6 watts at 2 amps per hour is pretty efficient use of energy.  So I picked up enough python to write a bot that would manage one of my twitter accounts.  It was designed to be off set from time with a randomness flux to make it seem more organic, It alternated between posting a link to my blog, and a search from a list of terms, picking the top post for that term, and retweeting that. Auto promotion based on niches that I was interested in, and that were trending within their own circles.  Likely if I had the inclination I could find python api that would allow me to link it to a website that would allow others to write their own promos pay for them, schedule them pay for the service, and never touch a damn thing, once it was up and going.  Like I keep trying to get across to folks, money is bullshit, it's an accounting tool, to measure how either in debt, or credit you as an individual are in relation to the society as whole.  The idea being the more you contribute to more you get back, nice idea in theory, not so clean in practice. For me it was always about access, I have felt like I need access to more things, not to own them, things own people from my perspective. Just because I use them in ways not readily apparent to others.  As a side note, the raspberry pi b+ I was originally gifted was at some point removed from my bedroom, and replaced with the raspberry pi 3, nice upgrade extremely frustrating, and a total violation of my personal right to privacy. Did I have a desire to work with the raspberry pi 3, of course I stated it many times. Did I wish to trade existing pi for it, fuck no. I could have cloned that bot, to all 4 accounts still ran it on that little machine, and gotten a 3 for myself if I had been so inclined. I do not give a fuck about social media, marketing money of any of the busy ness bullshit people seem so fond of.  I usually prefer to think in time scales of genetic unfoldment, or watching relative planetary motions in my minds eye, and coming to grapple with how the various relative motions set up the perception of linear time passage. Sometimes even going to quantum and pondering how does everything move without moving, and getting the bubbles within bubbles idea, going back to Planck and likely much much earlier, as evidenced by the flower of life patterns found all over the world. After 3 years or so of bullshit where I have been constantly pressured to get a job, and work like everyone else, I've had it again, And still people are seemingly attempting to give me all their shit. I've been pulled into going through a mans stuff who passed away, and his family does not care about this stuff, it's going to be hauled off to destruction. Some of this stuff is of quality, and type that are not really made anymore. Some is just junk that if seen as potential resource, take on new possibilities. Simultaneously I started putting together more of my online presence, which incidentally predates the world wide web. Like being some real world version of the Truman show isn't bad enough, I am seemingly getting invitations to go anywhere in world, and all will be provided. What the fuck is that shit, how did I go from leper with no top teeth, to social media darling, and one of the most desired people on the planet, when I've never changed my tune, I have always done my best to be true to what I feel is right. Not for others, I do not have the right to decide that for anyone else, I have learned I do not have to allow others conceptions to define my experience, no matter how much they might like to.  Do I sometimes come across as manic depressive, with borderline personality disorders, that mimic the appearance of a schizophrenic, you bet your ass I do.  I have so many damn personalities, or at least approximations of them running around in me, that I have my own mystery science theater going on half the time. Often I do as many things as possible at once just as a distraction to allow myself to slow down enough to finish a task.  Usually I just run around seemingly like a chicken with no head doing random things, that in a few days suddenly morph into a bigger picture. The same is said for most of what I do.  So what am I saying with ramble of incongruent babble?

Fuck You All!
I am not a prize, or the celeb project dejour
I am not broken, I was never broken
I took on damaged characteristics I saw around me
It makes others feel better.
I do not need, anyone, not even life
I am home in the void, I am void space.
I can not be filled, only placated
Play with me at your own peril not mortal
Nah thats just temporal laughter, fodder for eternity
Rub my lamp the wrong way, and I will spin you out
With that, there a horney internet spider that put these sentiments quite nicely

Thank You Bo Burn Em, you go on wit yo bad self

    

Disarming

Check out @LaLeyFemenina's Tweet: https://twitter.com/LaLeyFemenina/status/580295456715980802?s=09

Sedona feels anti social

I've,been walking around the past few days people watching. Made me remember why I'm not always fond of them. Not fun after actually looking where I was. The problem I see in Sedona is greed,ego, the I life in spiritual form. Not my kind a trip. I been jerking my own chain long enough.