A Rose by any other name, is still just a Word

Gonna do a little word magic, but before I get into my dry stale rendition, there is a much more entertaining person that seems to understand this quite well.  Take a look at this video.

Now lets take a look at some of the ideas of freedom, and citizenship. Check this out voting in the US. Notice what is considered worthy of having a say changes through time. This is of course a natural thing.  What I am more interested in is how the words are used to disguise a truth, most have no desire knowing. People under a government, regardless of how open, are not actually free.  They have traded some of their freedom, power, and personal responsibility in favor of the illusion of security within a collective. This song by Bo, has so many metaphorical connections in it, it's a bit disconcerting.  Two of the main forms of writing are pictographic, and cryptographic. English is crypto, while a language such as chinese, or ancient egyptian are picto.  In pictographic languages the symbols are images showing what they depict. Where cryptographic on the other hand are essentially substitution ciphers.  Where all the letters are equated with a number, and that number tells everything anyone could need to know about that word. That knowledge is a portion of the teachings of the Qabalah. When combined with a platonic understanding of shape, and number, and odd synthesis occurs. All the languages based on number, become one language of number.  This abstract perspective leads to all sorts of silly, and profound places mentally. Such as this, in the US, and most of the world for that matter, the decimal system for numeric notation is used. Most commonly take this to mean there are 10 numbers, or that this system is base 10. Which is one way of thinking about it, much like in complex subjects such as currency creation, or advance scientific concepts. Bridges are used, students are taught partial truth, as a way of giving the prerequisite understanding needed to learn just how deep a particular rabbit hole goes.  From my perspective, there are 9 numbers, and the 0 which is a cipher a void, a placeholder. Zero is that thing which is no where, and everywhere though not usually seen till it is absent.  All numbers are infinite unto themselves, understanding this, it's not a big leap to see with no work that any number can be equal to any other number.  Not by the rules of mathematics taught most places today,  But take a self replicating thing, and one potentially is infinite quite easily. This is reflected in virus of all kinds, bacteria, on to self replicating nanobots. How does this wrap back around to words, words, words?  Well as you might have guessed from the Outkast inspired title, words are some magic shit, that grows beautiful flowers, with some nasty thorns.  If any number can equal any other number, and cryptographic languages are based on a number cypher, how far is it to every word can equal, every other word.  Interestingly enough, even within a language there are regional dialects where the same word can vastly different meanings, not to mention how many words have several definitions, with one just being labeled the standard accepted.  This isn't to say, the standard accepted is always the definition intended, as thats a cool thing about words.  While fingers I grudgingly accept as mine poke out characters on a screen, the meaning derived from an individual reading these words, is entirely their own.  Once I've regurgitated what ever idea, it no longer is mine, and becomes who ever is reading it.  They recreate me, what I said, and than will normally externalize that, in a form of projection. An illusion, where they may paint me as any number of characters.  So how might this kind of word play look when applied?
         After the constitution of the US was put in place, we are taught the first law made was. "Only Free White Landholders could be Citizens". I'm certain the wording was a bit different, but I really do not care over much for spelling or grammar, and if the words didn't underline red, this would be full of horrible spelling errors. Let break down this first law, and see how it holds up.  Ok right of the get go there is the dreaded white word, that word sucks. There are no white people, there are no black people, we are all colors, and white, and black are not colors. They are the reflection, or absorption of all light. One down, next lets take the idea of free, and citizen, can a citizen be free?  A free person owes allegiance to no one, and no thing. A citizen on the other hand, owes, and is expected to give their allegiance to the nation, These are once again incompatible concepts. How about land ownership? In a nation the land is considered an integral part of the nation, the people living on the land are the inhabitants of that nation.  The land is always in a nation, consider sovereign territory, or the real estate of the union would be, how much territory it holds influence over. America so exceptional, the first law it creates after bring forth such a cool document as the constitution, immediately invalidates with it's first created law.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Fun With Sacred Geometry

I ran across a site awhile ago, geokone.net. Looking for an easy way to play with ideas put forth in pretty much all the mystery schools.  In making these shapes it triggers understandings, they are all laced with fundamental understandings of how creation functions.
The slideshow I have running was made with images created on geokone. Just gonna share some stills. I stop making these, or even working on them due to the processing power either on my end or server side were not able to get past about a 4 recursion depth without locking up. I was looking to go to 9 at least, and really wanted to see what 13 looked like.

Some of these I have used as my pics for social media sites.

Make up your own mind
Jack

Python Twitter Bot with Tweepy

In an earlier post I laid out a bit how I was working on a twitter bot to automate the promotion of this blog.  I'm a slacker, that has a bad rap for many folks, for me it's the highest calling I can aspire. Get the most accomplished, with the least effort, and disturbance. In the words of Bruce Lee, "Be Like Water, My Friend".  In the dao of piglet, and the te of poo, it's the mystery of being the uncarved block. In the teachings of the Kabbalah or Quabbalah, which was made into such nice easy pictograms in traditional tarot, it's learning to be representative of any, while maintaining your own sense of self.  I have one Boss, and I'm really hoping that Boss never shows up, but I always am sure to recognize There is always a bigger fish. When I crashed the party of social media a few years back, it was never intended to a social outlet. I had already experienced that in years of mmorpg's, irc, bbs, going back to wargames dialers, and phone phreaking. What I was always best at was social hacking, a rather disturbing art when taken to the level of social engineering, or mass media marketing.  After all the drugs, meditation, and study I did over the course of  a lifetime, I finally started to see a pattern, it's not even an unknown pattern, matter of fact it's all over the place, or at least portions of it are.  When I finally awoke to what I had been attempting to understand, about people, and their place in creation, I found that I had missed the relative short window of opportunity to be counted among those who's say carried any weight. In social media I saw an opportunity to leverage the flood of information as a means to get ideas running through my mind. into the hands of those who could make use of them.  I accidently crashed the party of the twitter follow gangs, that handle the bulk of the twitter advertising. It's a fairly ingenious method of leveraging the split platforms of twitter, and sms, in concert to trade influence in the twitter verse. I just saw it as an expedient means of sharing ideas to everyone as quickly as possible, regardless of how they were accepted. I even refused ever offer of easy income, not out a disdain for the finer things the world has to offer, but from an understanding of the myth of an infinite growth paradigm in a zero sum game. I'm speaking of the effects of compounding interest on privatized currency creation. The same effect is seen again and again in almost every market. It's the money itself I have issue with, not currency as an idea. The accounting for who has what, and why, is important. In our current system so many are being left behind, not out of ability, but just by becoming a party to the madness which has a seeming strangle hold on our global civilization. The worship of money, and idol, a representation of something only in potential.  As I said I'm an old school hacker, I once streamlined a system for reporting the percentage of the utilities used in manufacturing in New York state were taxable.  Was a great job while it lasted, at 18 having a work from home job for 10 or 12 an hour is amazing. Taking the time each reports takes to generate from 6 hours to 2 hours, and being told your services are no longer required, not so amazing. Being allowed to help a crop of Police Officers pass a class they had no reason taking, Amazing!. Having your professor tell you there is no place in the world for programming games, again not so amazing. I stopped using computers, and started playing games with them, and then started fixing them.  In the course of my several years of tech service for a local community, what I found was they didn't actually want for me to really solve the issues, they wanted me to manage the problems that cropped up with using outdated, or mixed era systems. Sometimes they almost wanted me to take over the day to day operations of their endeavors. All well and good if it is a mentor situation, when it's a lack of desire to stay current enough to manage your own affairs, well if your not the adult, there aren't many roles left.  After exhausting some of the more entertainment oriented uses for the raspberry pi b+ I turned to what else could this little marvel do. I started seeing vpn's, and pirate drop boxes, wifi extenders to create public clouds all over. All cool concepts, but not much use to me personally, given my current circumstance. Realizing I needed to have a bit of programing brush up, I think the last time I wrote code before this was 88 or so. I hit up code academy, and picked python as it is a seemingly popular high lvl language with many popular api's. I also did some html work, I get it, and it's powerful, it's just puts me to sleep doing it. Even in python as entertaining as it was to create the bot as far as I've taken it, and I am well aware how limited it is in it's current state.  It's basic, but it will tweet for you, pick from search terms to promo others, so your account generates more attention from the community, and will auto follow new folks, and unfollow those that are just attempting to boost numbers. Once I got there essentially I had a automatic twitter promotional bot. Did you know people get paid for doing promotional work on twitter? Even though it makes sense from the marketing game standpoint, that is a slippery area, we are talking about folks that have no moral issue with using psych jobs on children to profit.
So today I'm going post the code for my bot friend. working title was twitternanny, but for easy of use I have taken to naming them after the account they manage. I currently have 2 instances running on my raspberry pi. They may come down at the end of the month, as I have already given notice, my leap of faith I guess, with no place on horizon as of yet. I guess I could always battery power it, and stick in an open wifi cloud in a tree or something, but what would be the point. I ended up using twitter as an object lesson of the insanity of exclusivity.
Enough of my ramble, I get sick of myself sometimes.
here is the code, use it abuse it.



def hourlytweet():
    filename=open(argfile,'r')
    f=filename.readlines()
    filename.close()
    api.update_status(status=f)
    print("hourly tweet posted")


def follow_unfollow():
    followers = api.followers_ids()
    friends = api.friends_ids()

    for z in followers:
        if z not in friends:
            api.create_friendship(z)

    for z in friends:
        if z not in followers:
            api.destroy_friendship(z)
    print("follow, unfollow done")


def search_retweet():
        search_terms= ['python', 'technology', 'raspberry pi', 'ingress', 'news', 'breaking']
        g = random.choice(search_terms)
        g = '#' + g
        results = api.search(q=g, count=1)
        for u in results:
            if u not in alreadytweeted:
                api.retweet(u.id)
                print("retweeted top result for", g)
                alreadytweeted.append(u)



x=1
y=2

while x<y:
    localtime = time.asctime(time.localtime(time.time()))
    hour = int(localtime[11] + localtime[12])
    print('current hour is:',hour)
    if hour>5 and hour<24:
        try:
            hourlytweet()
            time.sleep(1700+random.randint(200,400))
        except:
            print("could not post hourly tweet")
            time.sleep(1700+random.randint(200,400))
        try:
            search_retweet()
            follow_unfollow()
        except:
            print("could not post retweet")
    elif hour == 24 or hour < 6:
        try:
            search_retweet()
            follow_unfollow()
        except:
            pass
    time.sleep(1700+random.randint(200,400))

some of the basic framework came form http://www.dototot.com/how-to-write-a-twitter-bot-with-python-and-tweepy/
So big ups and respect, thanks for the head start, and to those I didn't mention, sorry I use many reference sources when I start a little project.

Thanks
Jack
aka
PanseyBard Digital PiedPiper

Social Media Nightmares

Some would likely call me antisocial, or even see me as being an asshole, or what have you. I'm not likely to be found out at the bars, or making tons of small talk.  I listen to it, but I enjoy talking about things on scales most are boggled by. Like genetic, or galactic, or super galactic.  What I have never really enjoyed was just talking to talk, self aggrandizement,  Before becoming involved in Social Media I already had a plan, I was looking for a way to get just a little attention on some of the ideas I was pondering. Trying to find out where I had missed something, or that I just might be on to something.  When I got in, I noticed an odd thing, for most it seemingly has little to do with being social, and more to do with marketing, not a fan of that btw.
I updated my links tab, to show a taste of some the outlets I found. It's sick.
I do not enjoy social media very much.
I like people to much to get overly attached to them
In order to make it easier for me to work on my own stuff and still have a net presence, I used http://www.codecademy.com/ lerned some python, frist coding I had done since the early 90s, maybe late 80's. I wrote a little twitter bot, and figured ok I'm off, I was in for a rude awakening.
All over were folks seemingly wanting to help me, only all they have done is hinder me every step.
Most act as if the only important thing in existence is themselves, this is completely counter to how I view creation, in my minds eye, I'm the only non important thing I find. I'm the redundant one, with everyone else displaying aspects of a self I thought mine.
I now have far more social media exposure than an introvert is likely to enjoy, and I am seemingly still being handed offers of jobs, when I have my own stuff to do. I have only ever been looking for a bit of support, folks seemingly like some of the wacky things I do when I am free to do them.
Screw social media.
I only ever wanted to point out some logic flaws, in the world as I see it.

but being social is bullshit

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

Google made it cool I just took pictures

https://plus.google.com/109059042810474539876/stories/befcc352-5072-3ecd-9e75-28cdcc625b1514c62493c3a?authkey=

Oops Is that Smell Me?

So I generally like to write, and talk about the weird stuff.  Been doing it for as long as I can remember, though it didn't get the label of "The Weird Stuff" till high school, when it would get really good after a few a bowls were passed around.  Lately it's become that I am no long talking about it, I'm living it!  Not a bad or good thing, just an observation, sometimes it's frustrating, others it's like magic.  In some of the "New Age" circles there is an idea I've written a bit about, creating your own reality, or sometimes labeled "The Laws of Attraction".  So much has been written about it in fact, that people have forgotten how it really functions, in place has taken up resident a philosophical dissembling, to make the most depraved actions, or desire ok.  I actually know a wonderful woman, that has given a class called greed is good.  While a healthy balanced ego is pretty essential to survival, it is being vulnerable that opens us up to true connection with others.  I've instinctively known this kind of thing my whole life, I was doing people "magic" forever.  If I really explained how twisted I've sometimes approached situations, many would likely regard me as a bit touched to put it mildly.  To give a relatively harmless example of what I mean by this, My spiritual, soul, or whatever folks label it here was done with it's contracts before what I remember being the year 2000, it was prolly closer to 98, or 99. Dates like that are slippery to my mind as I do not see them as having a very good place in the relational database of what I think of as mind.  Time for me is not the sweeping hands on a clock face, or even the decay rate of some atomic matter, nor is it even the oscillations of your favorite crystal, those are heartbeats, a resonate frequency set up as the schumann waves bounce off the atmosphere, and ring through the earth going out the other side to bounce off the atmo again.  Time is event driven, and each of us creates our own experience of time, we in conjunction with all perceived "other".  It is most assuredly only a perception there is "other", while we might not always be able to move "others" like we do perceived "self" though it's not as far odd as most would like to think.  What than happens when a person through intentional consciousness expansion practices, finishes everything they were here to learn before even seemingly to outside world they have even "grown" up, or as I think of it, become a dolt!  When I was doing all this self discovery, or experimentation, it never occurred to me how fundamentally altered I'd become.  I had my first kundalini awakening during that period, and I began to spin a bit out of control.  As I was complete unto myself, I was offered the choice to leave, not once or twice, it's more like a standing invitation, if I wanted it bad enough something will come set me free, in whatever why I and those around me are able to cope with it the easiest.  While I said the "right" words, did the intonations, learned what  true ceremony is about. The real power of the word, the multifaceted weapon we have labeled language.  I lost what I had though of as me, that physical, egocentric in love with sensation.  Thats right, I have no taste for drama, while seemingly living in a world dominated by a love drama, and conflict.  With this destruction of the parody of true ego, I was left with no defences, and it took quite awhile before I could even handle being in public spaces. People are oozing all over each other, spiting up all their emotions, and thoughts as waves of energy radiating out of the centers of the various bodies. Most at point find some way to exit, death, the bliss of selfless service, which for me is still just a twist of ego gratification, as now you satisfy your desires through the joy of others.  This is just a flip of the energy vampirism rampant through the I worlds.  Even with my lack of complete understanding of what I was experiencing, and how I was reacting to it, I took what is known as a bodhisattva vow, or initiation into the mystery teachings, or becoming an anointed one.  Was even taught, what was transmitted to me as "The Six Way Balance of the Anointed" there is a post about it somewhere in this blog if your interested.  This was quite disturbing for me personally, I was raised without formal religion.  Not an atheist as many would have likely mislabeled me as, more of an agnostic.  I knew there was something, I just accepted that no matter how much I can into a personal relationship with it, it would always remain beyond my complete comprehension, and must be so, or it would be me containing the absolute, rather than the absolute embracing me.  Most of these events occurred during my early to mid 20's, and had been stomped back into the proverbial Pandora's Box when I had dried out from all the drug use.  Perhaps a bit of just how extreme I got, keep in mind I have never really enjoyed speedy drugs, I'm plenty quick without any assistance.  Nah I love MJ, though I took a roughly decade long break from that, LSD, was my tool, and I used it till it blew me apart. Popping 10 or so hits, and meditating became a favorite pastime. OBE's and a host of other experiences became what I lived for.  When my world crashed, I was ill prepared, I forgot most of what I had done.  I buried my past, out of self preservation, my current conception of self did match at all how others treated me, and for sure did not match with what society said about my actions.  I was broken, in spirit, I had no desire to be alive anymore, yet suicide is not really an option for me.  Not that I view it as wrong, more that I do not see it as constructive, unless you really understand why, and what your doing, where for most it's a final act of desperation.  I found a nice comfortable niche, that didn't fit me very well, but that doesn't matter, I can squeeze into most roles at least for short spurts. That does not make them my role, just a costume I adopt in order to skate through life with as little disturbance as possible.  Yup I had resigned myself to death, solely because I did not find joy in the world around me.  Even when I see those little flashes of wonder, like when this little girl named Gracie, hope that spelling is correct. Her parents are/were separated, and both parents would bring her in to pick out movies.  At first she was completely shy toward me, but I knew it was a game.  Her assured me, that even though she would close off when she got in the store, that even when they would just be driving by she would ask about me. It took a bit, but it got to where, when she came in all she wanted to do was play, run, and chase each other all over the store.  Flash of wonder, and magic right before, as much as it brought me joy, I was always struck by everything else, and the joy was swallowed whole by corruption, perversion, and decay.  Not a pretty world to live in I can assure you, It didn't stop me from eating it up, like it was the greatest thing ever, I poured it down my throat in the form of coca-cola, nicotine, and every other form of garbage you can consume.  Hey, I couldn't be ballsy or dumb enough to kill myself, so a slow death through more subtle means became a viable option, even if I was not aware of the why's.
Not one seemed to notice, till back problems began to effect how I was able to assist them, at which point they recommended I see a chiropractor.  Dr Dave, or as I soon came to call him, The Magic Man.  I gotta tell ya, I'd go in there barely able to move, and a few pops and clicks later, I'm ready to work my shift.  This was also when MJ was reintroduced to me as medicine to help manage the pain.
This combo of releasing the built up dis-eases in the muscle, and skeletal structure, combined with the properties of the MJ, brought a flood of memories, new and old. Explaining what I mean by new and old is a bit tricky, and not really in the scope of today's post. Suffice it to say, I was awake again, I had a new kundalini experience, similar by different, where the energies, or snakes whatever works in your lexicon, met in a different center, and began a love affair inside me.  It's as if these steams of energy, could only find a place to be together inside of living systems.  This was all great, and almost orgasmic, it also set up an awareness of the disharmony I had been allowing in my own life.  I was working part time as a movie rental, as well as doing tech support for various individuals, and small businesses locally.  People seemed to like the service I provided as I would always take the hit, If I could not, or was unwilling to fix a problem I did not wish to charge folks, even it took my time up.
I had a very comfortable place all cozy, and warm.  I was waiting to die, there was almost no growth, I had gone from being a helpful person to being an enabler for unhealthy habits of others, as well as being in positions that were of no challenge, they were just easy.  So I looked around for ways to obtain the resources I felt I would need to impact the world, in line with how I feel the world can be, no should, or could, those are value judgments, and only valid for the individual. Nah I go moon shots, so I was working out social engineering projects to promote the growth of everyone. Well everyone but myself, as I no longer saw a place for me in the world I was experiencing, or in the world I was developing my mind.  This search for quick resources, brought back all the understanding gleaned from years of informal personal research.  That money is an accounting tool at it's heart, Of course that changes nothing, when in rome kinda thing, so I still felt the need for currency, just so I could begin to be productive for everyone else.  I started seeing all sorts of social media, and crowd funding stuff popping up all over.  I had some accounts, though I rarely used them, having always felt, people are meant to come and go from our lives. We share what we desire to share, and part company, sometimes thats messy, sometimes it's with a hug and kiss.  I of course became attracted to those outlets with the highest user numbers. Not that I in anyway was endorsing those services, just for my purpose those would be suitable.  Twitter to me has always been a marketing stream, sure you can limit your friends, and communicate with it, there are better messengers out there.  When I chose twitter, I went in with a plan, like all plans once I was on the battlefield my plan altered as I noticed what others were doing in the arena, mainly follow for follow.
I started to use this to grow my accounts quickly. So quickly that I got 3 out of 4 accounts suspended for getting to many followers to quickly. The 3rd account was suspended in a couple of hours, as it went from newly created to several hundred followers in that time.  What I had done was bully my way into a nice promo business ring, running through twitter. There are lots of other rings in there, I do my best to avoid.  These folks are protective of their daily bread, who isn't.  When they saw I was catching onto the game they were playing, they were so kind as to invite me to learn their rules, and play with them.  This could not have been a worse development for me, as I care nothing for twitter, I find it shallow, and a waste of most useful productivity, as most are not even making original content, they are only promoting others for a fee.  Some are making original stuff, and promoting themselves, and it's a useful tool for that, for me I have never cared about money, or currency for myself, it has always been motivated by the perceived needs of others, no matter how I view their notions of security.  I was connecting as many social networks together through the back ends, that I can not even remember all the accounts I created.  When I refused all the offers of income streams, and was told repeatedly that automated income streams were a myth.  I developed them, or I find they are, and I stop.  So while everyone around me seemingly was attempting to help me get a source of income, or a job, or career or what have you.  I had actual stuff I needed to say, and either I would be doing and saying my stuff or I'd not be playing in that arena.  Pretty much I stuffed it, going kinda dormant as my life again was turned upside, people left, new old friends comeback into the picture, and suddenly I'm living right in the heart of Sedona, in a house that needs to be torn down, or at least renovated. Mold grows regularly, as we tend to keep the windows closed, and do trap the moisture into the interior surfaces which of course just penetrates over time and things start growing. An electrical system that has both grounded an ungrounded aspects mixed in. There are even still stakes in the ground where the original system was grounded to the earth itself.  The property is wonderful, the house is crap, the location could be amazing.  But living with the main strip of a tourist town that has a population of roughly 15k, that can easily double or triple on weekends, is anything but conducive to quiet introspection. As I've written in other posts, I eventually was given a gift of a raspberry pi, and after playing with it decided it was under powered to be used in an entertainment fashion, or as a desktop replacement. It was fantastic for small applications that need to run constantly, I mean 6 watts at 2 amps per hour is pretty efficient use of energy.  So I picked up enough python to write a bot that would manage one of my twitter accounts.  It was designed to be off set from time with a randomness flux to make it seem more organic, It alternated between posting a link to my blog, and a search from a list of terms, picking the top post for that term, and retweeting that. Auto promotion based on niches that I was interested in, and that were trending within their own circles.  Likely if I had the inclination I could find python api that would allow me to link it to a website that would allow others to write their own promos pay for them, schedule them pay for the service, and never touch a damn thing, once it was up and going.  Like I keep trying to get across to folks, money is bullshit, it's an accounting tool, to measure how either in debt, or credit you as an individual are in relation to the society as whole.  The idea being the more you contribute to more you get back, nice idea in theory, not so clean in practice. For me it was always about access, I have felt like I need access to more things, not to own them, things own people from my perspective. Just because I use them in ways not readily apparent to others.  As a side note, the raspberry pi b+ I was originally gifted was at some point removed from my bedroom, and replaced with the raspberry pi 3, nice upgrade extremely frustrating, and a total violation of my personal right to privacy. Did I have a desire to work with the raspberry pi 3, of course I stated it many times. Did I wish to trade existing pi for it, fuck no. I could have cloned that bot, to all 4 accounts still ran it on that little machine, and gotten a 3 for myself if I had been so inclined. I do not give a fuck about social media, marketing money of any of the busy ness bullshit people seem so fond of.  I usually prefer to think in time scales of genetic unfoldment, or watching relative planetary motions in my minds eye, and coming to grapple with how the various relative motions set up the perception of linear time passage. Sometimes even going to quantum and pondering how does everything move without moving, and getting the bubbles within bubbles idea, going back to Planck and likely much much earlier, as evidenced by the flower of life patterns found all over the world. After 3 years or so of bullshit where I have been constantly pressured to get a job, and work like everyone else, I've had it again, And still people are seemingly attempting to give me all their shit. I've been pulled into going through a mans stuff who passed away, and his family does not care about this stuff, it's going to be hauled off to destruction. Some of this stuff is of quality, and type that are not really made anymore. Some is just junk that if seen as potential resource, take on new possibilities. Simultaneously I started putting together more of my online presence, which incidentally predates the world wide web. Like being some real world version of the Truman show isn't bad enough, I am seemingly getting invitations to go anywhere in world, and all will be provided. What the fuck is that shit, how did I go from leper with no top teeth, to social media darling, and one of the most desired people on the planet, when I've never changed my tune, I have always done my best to be true to what I feel is right. Not for others, I do not have the right to decide that for anyone else, I have learned I do not have to allow others conceptions to define my experience, no matter how much they might like to.  Do I sometimes come across as manic depressive, with borderline personality disorders, that mimic the appearance of a schizophrenic, you bet your ass I do.  I have so many damn personalities, or at least approximations of them running around in me, that I have my own mystery science theater going on half the time. Often I do as many things as possible at once just as a distraction to allow myself to slow down enough to finish a task.  Usually I just run around seemingly like a chicken with no head doing random things, that in a few days suddenly morph into a bigger picture. The same is said for most of what I do.  So what am I saying with ramble of incongruent babble?

Fuck You All!
I am not a prize, or the celeb project dejour
I am not broken, I was never broken
I took on damaged characteristics I saw around me
It makes others feel better.
I do not need, anyone, not even life
I am home in the void, I am void space.
I can not be filled, only placated
Play with me at your own peril not mortal
Nah thats just temporal laughter, fodder for eternity
Rub my lamp the wrong way, and I will spin you out
With that, there a horney internet spider that put these sentiments quite nicely

Thank You Bo Burn Em, you go on wit yo bad self

    

Disarming

Check out @LaLeyFemenina's Tweet: https://twitter.com/LaLeyFemenina/status/580295456715980802?s=09

Sedona feels anti social

I've,been walking around the past few days people watching. Made me remember why I'm not always fond of them. Not fun after actually looking where I was. The problem I see in Sedona is greed,ego, the I life in spiritual form. Not my kind a trip. I been jerking my own chain long enough.

Trying a Different Approach

I am a slacker, my life is a cautionary tale, not something to aspire to or emulate.  Do not misconstrue that the I in me would wish to be any other than me.  Only that the emotional, and psychological traumas I needed to inflict upon myself to become as I am, are not anything I would wish upon anyone.  In searching answers to those ultimate questions I pulled an icarus. Not once, or even twice, nah I'm not that bright.  I had to push it till it cost me my top teeth, and partially my bottom ones, still getting over that one.  People have talked about genetic, cellular and other types of memory.  Now we are even to the point of beginning to grapple with ideas of moving without moving.  It's possible, without a doubt, it's not even that difficult when you've grasped for inkling of our true position in creation, and it fried you back into your place.  We can make black holes, we can warp space and time, we end up in the formless abyss, and no one but our dead mourns our passing.  I love people, I love the planet, all life can snuff out in our little corner of existence, and there might be some metaphorical tears shed on what ever plane of existence you and yours hail from.
Do we really have the right to take chances with the planet, solar system, galaxy, or on and on?
some folks seem to be interested in how I see things, some are offended, I'm ok with that too.  I know what I like, I feel what I need, I feel what the people around me need, using people loosely.
If we meet and you think you would like to chat, I'm happy to do so, if I offend, just tell me to please stop, and go away, and I will.  What I can not abide is total trickery, and dishonesty, I'm to good at it, and it hurts me to much to inflict those kinds injuries on myself.
I'll try to do a better job with some pix, and the like at showing kind of how I see this world, and why sometimes it makes me cry when others are so happy!  btw, if there is any confusion, I an hetrosexual male, that is so in love with women that they are my kryptonite.  it's pretty much the same with everyone, but we all get to pick where, and what we eat right?
Never been suicidal, not that I feel people do not have to right to decide the fate of what can be in this experience the only thing they can ever hope to claim ownership over, which is really just stewardship, we have horribly misunderstood, like so much of our K based systems, in such a rush to get somewhere.  They forgot that Wisdom, knows when, and where to apply knowledge, and thats why Wikipedia, has a capital W. No it's just that what is point of suicide in a zero sum universe. what comes in goes out, it's hotel california, we either come to grips, or we just keep blowing bubbles.

Much Love
Jack

there was a song from when I was teenage drunken drop out in the punker days

If some of your brightest kids are seemingly like the metaphors in this song, you might wanna take a look in the mirror before asking how things got this bad.  I was almost a perfect reflection of a child raised for the most part by the stuff around me, mostly tv, music, games, starting as early as I can remember.  I was never mommies monster at all, just a reflection of the monsters so many of us have become.
gonna try to finish up some e-mails, change get outside, and upload some pictures to instagram, in case anyone is curious what I'm about today.

The Marriage Game, Giggle!

mar·riage

ˈmerij/

noun

noun: marriage; plural noun: marriages

1. 1.

   the legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman (or, in some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex) as partners in a relationship.

   "a happy marriage"

   synonyms:

   wedding, wedding ceremony, marriage ceremony, nuptials, union "the marriage took place at St. Margaret's"

   antonyms:

   divorce, separation

   • the state of being married.

     "they were celebrating 50 years of marriage"

     synonyms:

     (holy) matrimony, wedlock "a proposal of marriage"

2. 2.

   a combination or mixture of two or more elements.

   "a marriage of jazz, pop, blues, and gospel"

   synonyms:

   union, alliance, fusion, mixture, mix, blend, amalgamation,combination, merger "a marriage of jazz, pop, and gospel"

   antonyms:

   separation

   • (in pinochle and other card games) a combination of a king and queen of the same suit.

yeah take a look at that bottom one.

Jack

Crazyness of water shortage!

So many seem to be freaking out, omg we are running out of water. Being in a bubble, where we really only dissipate lighter elements, those which have an energy that either doesn't not interact with, or the energy to break the interaction with the mass of the earth.  To pose this another way, how many of us ever made any water to begin with?  I know what I do with water is not making it,  What we call water, isn't water at all, that is a label for an idea.  The idea really doesn't even in my mind have to do drinking fluids as I've grown up with.  Take a look at the late Dr Emoto, his work on showing the property of water to take on an emotional state, and hold, is not just in froze glimpses, when you wash it through your body, it changes the ph levels, the change of course varies based on the charge of water when consumed, and the charge of the person consuming it.

water is 2 parts hydrogen, and 1 part oxygen, put the amounts in the correct environment, and presto, your an alchemist.  From what I can gleen in my twisted pathways, is these things come into being due to being appropriate for that nexus of the space/time/energy.  We are so used to working so hard, we forget this place was already here waiting when we got here.

have a great one

as always make up your own damn mind

Jack

aka

PanseyBard 

Is Love The Real Cult of Personality?

Through out this really messed up journey, that I'm told humans call life, I say that not as slight to the word, it's all the baggage.  Even through how cross wired I alway seem to be atm, I think thats the blessing and the curse I guess.  When you step off the matrix grid, and step back on it in bare feet.  We are all so busy everyday running around looking for the next thrill, the next greatest thing. Some bit of fluff, and we only like our medicines sugar coated, and hell I like that stuff too.  I just do not like the feeling I have clean up after folks all the time.  Cuz these arn't my Kids.  What do you do when you find the perfect child care, and you realize it so soon, that everyone wants this person to have children of their own and raise them.  That is a trend through out my Life, everyone wanted me to be the father of their children.  When I'm an idiot, I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm making most of it up as a long just attempting to keep some measure of personal sanity while everyone around me has their own ideas on what I should or should not be doing.  I have never desired to bring any children into this world because I love children.  The world I was being presented with was both amazing, and terrifying, I was on the whirlwind tour, and I'm not sure when it started.  There is an old story my mother told me, about when I was only 2 or so she says, I don't remember much anyway.
Anywhoo, It was something about walking in on my grandpa jack garvin alot the memories surrounding times I spent with him are kinda hazy, that kinda protective scary.  As if you personally always feel ok around a person, though you know they are dangerous to others.  Mom tells me that she walked in on me taking apart a tv set, with my gjg, and when they walked in it was so shocking that it was like spell being broken.  There is something occurs when falling in love with another person, and I'm talking sexual desire, though it's often confused as such.  Love is just where you see yourself reflected in another. That complete desire to be connected, sets up a link, bidirectional communication of a sort.  This is all well and good, and everyone likes to play and swap energy, cuz of course how could there ever be anything other than just energy right?  People seem to think I'm some kinda super genius or some crap, wtf is that, IQ has nothing to do with numbers. And this is a free magic lesson, you can take it or leave it, as everyone has been trying to tell me. The ball is in my court. Only no one seems to be completely open and honest with me, and I'm begining to get the gist.
Love is the ultimate cult of personality, what else can draw some into some 1 else so completely that worlds are born and torn apart so quickly and dramatically that no one even notices, hardly even the people that were there.  The messed up thing about my life is, all I wanted to ever do was play, when really it was never about play at all.  It was the passion, the fire that is the real world, with the scrapes and bruise, they heal and mend given enough time, and according to my sources thats just a trick of relative motions, My life journey thus far, I have an inkling it's just about to get going into a completely other direction again.  Has been not just about learning about life and death, those are not all that important, as much as they are crushing and liberating when turn to personal abundance, and loss.  It's all the good gooy center sweet sticky stuff we are missing, SHWAG is just an acronym for shit we all get right?  I was always about substance, it was about how expensive the restaurant, or home I lived in was.  Personally a little sanctuary where I can find a bit of solitude, when I grate upon my friends.  There has been a running theme in my life, I was always playing monkey in the middle for everyone group I got shoved into, is some vain glorious attempt to make everything ok. Take away the muck and mire of the real world they inhabited. How can that possibly be my responsibility,
I am the same person that dropped out of high school, not once but twice.  Than dropped out of College. Got a position of working from home at 18, mind you this was maybe 1988 or so. It was to figure out what portion of a companies electric consumption was able to be considered taxable in the state of NY. At the time I didn't think much of it, come on, I was lounging at home punching numbers into spread sheets, from lotus 123, and I believe it was microsoft though it might have been word perfect. It was great I believe it was like 10 or 15 an hour or so, and they gave me an estimated time they expected it to take, 8 to 10 hours or so per report.  It was work, I was plowing through crap like crazy, it's just what I do. As began to get a clearer image of what they were doing, I realized it was all disordered, they had no organizational skills what so ever.  They were duplicating work all over, and expecting me to do the same.  I streamed lined the process to about 3 or 4 hours per report.  This of course sets up the dilemma. They are expecting them to take much longer, and I admit I was tempted to just over bill, and be done.  I didn't choose that path, instead I went and told them exactly what I had set up, which they said they were really happy with, only now they did not me anymore. Thank you good bye.  I wonder how long they used my system that set up for them, to save them precious time in their lives to actually enjoy the retard abundance they were surrounded with already to over flowing, and I get sent off with a thanks bye.  There was a sense of feeling cheated, or not quite cheated, as technically they followed the letters of the law.  But arn't letters all equal to numbers, and if there are only 9 of those, and they all are infinite unto themselves, arn't we just left with a 1, and the void. cuz the 0 is not the void, though often mistaken for it.  The void is more of sweet dissolution, of stillness an expansion or contraction of perception that allows one take a break from all the stress and pushing and pulling of a binary world, and 0 is just a place holder, a cipher, a riddle and key, it's just another symbol on some twist path to madness and for perhaps a select few reemergence into sanity, From the crazy overlay of artificial reality, by the projections of the mind.
We got ingressed from the computer, and tv screens, we flashed it right into our brains, and then we get plucked, spindled and mutilated while some unseen hands happen by and grab a little nugget from remains.  This is such an place, Cuz I was the one that remembered my original love of machines, cuz I was a real boy all the time. and so is binary, cuz 0 is just place holder, it doesn't mean anything. it's just gibberish, and what do you get when you take the voids away 111111111111111 which is always yes. you only need to understand completely ridiculous nature of programing languages, I never was a hacker, though I've heard stories of things I've done, they were plucked from my mind, and wiped away.  It was never about attempting to take anything for me, I always knew it didn't mean anything real. I was in the real world already. I was just playing with the toys I was given in the manor I found entertaining at the time. Hacking has nothing to do with computers, but it makes for a sweet framework.

I'm not sure I was ever any of those kids here, it's like a twisted lost fragment from someone else.

make up your own mind, and be nicer to each other, everyone likes to play, just not the same games.
Domination is for sure not kindness ever, cuz how can there be choice offered unless you trick it in, kinda like the randomness factor in the digital verse. it's not real. thats only a sweet sticky syrup, to gives us an excuse for choices we regret in the rear view mirror.  That to me is sad way to go about this, and I'd rather have a little honest quiet discussion like someone around us has got any sense.

make up your mind, I make up mine, thats choice, not push, or pull, poke prod or what have you.
Life isn't a sprint if it is it's already over with, the thing about a singularity, is once it's popped it's gone and going on forever. But none of us like that idea, some somewhere somewhen, some whatever it is, figured it out for us, it's called creation and equalization of pressure differentials. Once understood those can be harnessed in a crazy amount of ways.  Ever take a look or stop a min to think what a wifi card is?  how it works? and how the energy is all around us already it's in the wifi hot spots, step in a cloud and it just pours in, if you connect to the appropriate contact points that would normally plug it into an internal wifi laptop. I'd imagine similar functions could be worked around blue tooth devices.

Be kind, and gentle, and if that still isn't working walk away. there is always more void

Jack

plato's cave

This seem to be a recurring theme for me lately, much has been spoken about this idea, of being whisked away into a world of fantasy of wonders untold, or what have you.  What instead this is an object lesson, and not some allegory, set against some the excesses of those eras, was an automatic cult of personality. every street corner had soothsayer or what have.  when we flip the script on this idea it's really a lesson on how to adjust the awareness of concepts, not directly into the eyes, but from behind. Like when there were drive ins.  I really enjoy tech and such, but VR not a good idea unless people want their children to just poof through a window of perception.  This world seems much more about flash, and a willingness to pimp yourself to the highest priced ho rules. And to me that has nothing to with gender.  I am fully aware everyone is a sucker, and lollipop.  it's about the light going directly into the eyes. It actually patterns peoples brains photonically you wonder why people freak out.  The children are being programed to be one in a million. and the rest just get sorted out. The representation of the spartans throwing the deformed children to their deaths, and become such horrible nightmare for everyone to take a step back from, and get that they were doing as they felt they need to do to survive.  It's not always pretty, but is how it is.


Just Jack

I always make up my own world, and it took me 46 years to figure it out

I make up stories, sometimes I lie, sometimes it's complete truth.  I incorporate, shuffle the deck, lay out some cards, play with em, see how I like the look of the picture presented to me, figure out the hows and whys I feel like I do, if they really ring for me.  Cuz it's only taking place in my head, it's a game, to make it all be happy story, no matter what!

So what I'm going to write next, in as brief as I am able or allowed, or want is to tell my story.
none of it is mine or exactly, true, but I'd stake my life, in front of the peoples court, that it's all correct, for whatever that means.

I was once just like moses, and I washed up on a shore, and there was this beautiful woman there greet me, or at least thats how it plays out in the edited version.  The truth is always much more complicated, and messy, but I'm just telling you a story, so you don't really care do you?

I already knew this woman, but she seemed different than I remember, like inside out, or reversed, or kinda upside down.  because she was so much more, and less than I remembered I immediately fell head over heals in love with her, and she became my ideal, my own personal blue fairy, that only I could find, and if I didn't she might be lost forever, and that I just could not bear.

than, I was on fire!
I was living the life, I shit when I wanted and where I wanted, people came and wiped my ass, when I ever I called out to them as long as they were the right people at the right moment.  cuz sometimes I'd call and they wouldn't be at all what was expected, and isn't that well unexpected obviously.

by the time I was I think 8, pretty sure, but you know how those numbers get when they repeat, but not quite in the way everyone thinks, things get double and triple stammped and nothing seems to make sense unless you get really close, and far all at once.  I digress, though I'm fairly certain digression is one of the joys of existence once you realize it has happened your not where you were before, and you now have to figure out how to get back, and it's not hard at all.
turn around and look,

So by the time I was 8 I had already done things I was told over and over were impossible for me to do, I mean crazy things, having multiple females show, and tell and help me with things, that are fantastic, embarrassing,  and really helpful even if misunderstood when they are witnessed from an external perspective. the context is lost, till you can view things that everyone else has missed,
I had been a baseball star, soccer star, video game champ, this was great.  than out of the complete blue, my 4th grade teacher is gone, I think she got sick but I'm not sure.  The woman that replaced her was close enough to my idea of mother, and not mother, that it was the right spark, and she saw. sometimes it hurts me that her name is like a whisper, cuz I don't know her at all, and I never did.
She saw in me what others till that point had missed. oopps we goofed, this one isn't meant for here
but no one believed her, though I'm kinda thinking that was exactly why she was brought in.
So I took the tests to prove it to the Authorities I was what she said I was.  Cool thing was it was still a game, and though I knew something was up, I also knew I didn't get it, and these folks had been here alot longer than I had, so I better shut up and take notes.  Guess what, I actually passed, every test, it didn't matter, and no one could figure it out. how could this be, it's gotta be a trick.
I next put in a special class, where while I was with other kids like me, we only interacted when we needed were told, or wanted to. it wasn't like anything from school I had ever seen, and it was amazing. I had control of all my own crap, and the guidance to make sure I didn't really break it, and it was allowed to grow.
I thought I had it, that is the absolute worst place to be ever.
Next thing I know I'm whisked away like little orphan annie
I'm plucked from my beloved Family
and just like some surreal vision out of the beverly hillbillies
I find myself in New Canaan CT.
if you don't know the place, I'd highly recommend a peak
though be nice, the folks there have so much, they just hand it like candy
As wonderful as all this new found abundance, cuz my pockets never had any of my own currency
I was just a kid, even the money silly word, dolled out to me, by the powers at hand
just poofed in like magic, and always seemed to be just right, even when it was excess
this was never an issue, Being tossed into a completely alien environment, with the future sharks, and whales of the world so to speak.
Which was cool, I loved new playmates, but my school was so confusing now.
no one seemed like me, which was ok, but while I could socialize with them just fine
I just couldn't really fit in totally, and the breaks with other kids where we went off like a sub group to see things others didn't just kinda only were a snack.
These experiences were so incongruent with anything I had seen up to that point, they take on such a hazy quality, that only contemplation, and visualization begin to make things clear.
Such a whirlwind, I went from Rockstar to old money, overnight, now that is an odd flip, though oddly not as uncommon as folks would like to believe.
I had the run of the Whole show, not because it was mine, or even that was claiming anything, remember this part happens between 5th, and 7th grade, a blink in the eyes of an adult, eternal to the child experiencing it, and wonderous. I mean if you have watched Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette
thats an off kilter version of the experience, and it's ending is the same, I was offered the choice, Your mother has remarried, so she is moving on, you however are more than welcome, and we have plenty of space for you.  Crappy choice at any age, regardless of how well cared for you believe your mother would be.  I offered this with a flat no!  People couldn't believe it, Flabberghasted comes to mind. This is impossible how did a 7th grader just beat willy wonkas test, and he didn't even know he was taking it?  Thats so messed up, it just can't be. This one needs more time in neverland, so off I went to the land of the madder hatters, Danbury CT, so many seem to know it, but it never seems all that special unless you live there awhile. There was of course a stop between but that is even more blurry than the rest, like lies kids make up to other kids just cuz the story was so cool, it can't possibly be true anyway.
I get to my new home, and everything outside is ok, but it's just not right inside, this pushed me right out, but not totally it was my house or so they said.  I made a bunch of new friends of all types, played with em all in good and bad ways, things I feel uncomfortable with even now.
I got cheated at cards by billy the kid, was the thief in the night that took whatever, cuz I didn't ever own it, even when I had it, and I knew it. Then I made another impossible shot, I was handed a bb gun, just a toy spring action, Leaning out my bedroom window, I see a robin or at least I think it is, it was bird, but it's been awhile, so that part could be a trick of the minds eye.  it's soaring across the skies, what a sight, it was so fast, and graceful.  I took aim no thought at all, click, and it falls from heaven and crashed to earth, and I did it.  I was out there so fast, it was in cupped in my hands for I had damaged a delicate thing, I had no clue how to replace, and this perfect one was gone, and I did it.  How do you deal with that in 8th grade, you don't there is no way to deal with that. Next thing I remember the house and my mothers brand new marriage are not just over, annulled.  As if it never happened.  Let that one stew a moment, cuz it's kinda odd. Something I knew I experienced, was declared to have never been on a technicality. Bzzt, sorry survey says. That can't be that's impossible.
This was quickly lost in a resettlement to a shelter rock condo, still in the land of the mad, but on the fringe.  New people, yet close enough to the other new people I just met, and all the new people I had met.  Ok, this is cool I can do this, All the toys and gadgets I could need, a decent enough space for what I had going on, life was still good right.  The angles are working things are flowing, it's party time.  I had been exposed to alcohol not overly, but enough. When my mother is suddenly gone, seemingly because I don't really need her anymore, yet everything is taken care of, and she is only the other side of town, doing the same thing I am as best she can. This was about 16, and there was some crazy ass rockin events, skateboards, girls groupies, old dudes that are pissed cuz the kids are disrespectful, couldn't believe I stop and old man, and my friend from a physical fight at that age, but yes it happened.  I had the hideaway that everyone knew about, but no one wanted to look at
that secret place for the rebels to hide from empire was in my condo, and I was never aware of it while it was happening.  I was running game everywhere, not that really lied, I just applied logic and rhetoric to anyone that presented themselves as an Authority and spun off one way or another.
there is even a story about cops parting with high school kids just cuz we threw the best ones.
My Neighbor this wonderful english gentlemen with a bug eyed sprite in garage he was always tinkering with happened to be the condo association president, combined with seemingly well placed others always there just to flip the switches, be the sparks, and crew that cleaned up. just in case.
Crazy right, you become an illegal syndicate, drop out of high school all while telling everyone what you are doing, cuz you aren't hiding a thing.  I did things your just not supposed to do, especially in another mans house, though I never did any of it. I'm not even sure I was there at all.
Being the time High school of course they told me I was done, not only was I done, that I had failed, and would have to retake the last year if I hoped to get anywhere in life.  I'm a rebel by nature, so of course this was like throwing down the gauntlet, kinda like in geometry when my "teacher" told me I could never pass his if I went to CA for a month. don't know what happened to him, but I do remember passing that class.
What to do, I'm a team player so when everyone said I had to take the Sr. year over, I complied, at least till the kids at school started saying I was Ferris Bueller, and I had done it, not for a day, but for over a year. This is silly as of course that was just movie, and I for sure took my lumps for all the fun everyone was having.  When I just stopped I was expelled from my home, leaving my broken down floorless triumph spitfire in the garage. My friends and I had plan though, at least a few of us, we decided it was great idea to head to cali, with a stop in phx to party, and pick up a some girl that my friend knew.  Landing at sky harbor airport, we got our completely stuffed duffle bags, and headed on.  Of course we had no idea where we were or where we going, so with map in hand skateboards on the pavement, off balance from the packs on your backs we started for glendale, on the map it was close.  We soon found out that wasn't really so, but lo, and behold as we are the street corner on hands and knees figuring out where we are going. A guy shows up and offers us a ride. Packed into this little car with all the stuff in the world for at least me out of the four there.  We drive off into the night.  After a bit, Paul was getting panicky but nothing to fear the nice guy, dropped us off a block from our destination. At a burger King we didn't need his help at the moment, but we would later.
We wanted to find our base of the night, to get some rest, and see whats up.  Quickly we arrived at the appointed address, yet no one lived there at all. No lights, no nothing, wasn't Poor Paul embarrassed to have led us to an empty locked home. Women are like that sometimes though, we didn't really mind after the shock wore off at least.  Nah we just walked into the neighbors side yard, just a gravel bed, laid down the sleeping bags, looked up the stars, talked and drifted off. In the morning we up early, or at least it seemed that way.  Throwing our heavy bags over the cement block wall guarding the back yard of an empty house, we headed over to BK to grab breakfast, clean up, and figure out where to.  Again Paul played a great trick, Ed and I, are sitting eating paul is in the rest room, washing up.  Of course this is the perfect moment for an employee to check the bath room.
Being Paul, he was holding the door closed with one foot, while washing his hair balancing it all.
The employee finding he couldn't push a door open, he knew should open easily. Pushed, and Pushed till it opened, finding this a very odd sight, he did as he had been trained. he told the manager. The manager's response was so classic, it's almost incredulous.  "did her buy anything?"  yes was the response of course. "well he's gotta do it some where".  Spending the rest of the day on crazy quest across the desert looking for our bus to CA, I was forced to involve my Grandparents, and The rest of the family I was seemingly estranged from, not from a lack of love on either side, just an uncomfortable feeling, like things were off for some reason.  Though being them, and so gracious, they made up some beds, fed us at the kings ransom.  and packed us on another bus to get on with it.
We didn't even have a place to go, so we kinda just went till the end of line, Newport Beach, CA
Taking up temporary shelter in a motel or hotel of some low at least by old money standards repute.
Paul obliged us by clogging the toilet, and over flowing it, we didn't really care it wasn't our place, and people were supposed to clean it as a part of renting it.  Another whrilly bird of a summer with things from taking up residence in a beach house, where we could go on the balcony see the pacific ocean just at the end of the street, there were the ocean waves right there anytime with a boardwalk the led off to other adventures. This was actually a house that had been kinda hijacked by the folks that rented the room to us. Before long there was only electricity from an extension cord running down to the first floor flat, no hot water, it was not ideal, but we didn't care it was what was outside we were interested in. Now that stuff was the pretty interesting, I at 18 was offered a 15 year lovely girl. No one did it directly, and of course we had chosen each other.  Over the next cpl or few days was lovely time of being wisked away back into paradise, only I had been told 18 with 15 was wrong, So I only remember it being sweet and play, puppy love allowed to simmer without getting to outta hand. Of course it had to crash and burn, when I was requested to attend a debutante ball, seriously.
There were parts of me that would have loved to drift into that fantasy.  Being me though, that had the ring of forever, and ever, and ever nightmare.  There was also Uncle Charlie, first time I see him he flips his lower lip down to me, it has 81 tattooed there. I'm clueless, pretty sure everyone else is too, but whatever. then he explains it's ha, hells angels, which could also be translated at hitlers army if your a bit creative, I know right gives shivers.  He even while cooking us up steaks on the grill in the front yard of some folks across the street were not using at the moment. completely disregarded my concern for their consternation at us just walking up and using their stuff. He tells me "I like you, but" He slams the knife between my legs, in to the bench I was straddling, and capped it with "if you ever fuck me, I will kill you". An odd statement as I hardly knew this man, and could not likely have forced him to anything he did not choose, and wouldn't wish to even if I could.  Once this was over he was like a guardian, always looking our for me, even if I didn't quite see it. At least in that time.
I even got to talk to his mother on the phone, though I do not quite understand why either of them wished for that. While this was crashing down, around my head, my companions Ed, and Paul were gone, we were broke, and almost homeless, and they called home to get help, when I tried it, I got a rather shocking, you got there on your own, get back on your own. Once the tears of being completely abandoned in a precarious position, by the one person I was told I could always ask for help dried up. Of course I began to make it work, called a friend, Troy's mother, Gladys.  I hadn't even known her very long, and had skipped her middle son's funeral. which even if I have my own reason, has got to hurt.  She acted as my mom, and without much fuss, said of course I can send a few dollars. It was originally supposed to be a loan, at least from my perspective, but I'm not sure about hers. Once I had that, it was back to the Grandparents, not having much of anyplace else to go. Grandma was subtly different, than I had even remembered from a month or so ago. She forced me to cut my hair, get a job, if I wanted to stay. Not feeling much of a choice was offered, I again complied.
I was pissed mind you, but what was I supposed to choose, homeless again?  Of course my Uncle Jim, and Aunt Tracy, bother and sister, sharing a cool house, showed up to offer me to live there for awhile and work with Jim.  This woulda been cool if I hadn't just had my hair cut off, for no reason what so ever. not even the first time that had happened to me.
the real truth of this story is more ridiculous than any wish to hear or tell, I'm only playing my part.
we made it all this way, cuz it was the only way we could save everyone, regardless of what any or all, or even none might fight over the details, it's just how it's works out for everyone best, at least in my fucked up fantasy world. I don't know quite what I am, but I can take being created by disneyland if thats what makes the stories come out for sen, nes, whatever that happens to me to you. cuz I'm not here and your not there, we are all in our little q verse, and mine missed me so much that it called me home. I don't even know if that was quite accurate, does that even matter anymore. I'm out of my time, and thats the point. So if Everyone wants Disney to Do it, omfg, are fucking kidding me, no wonder I don't fucking understand, I got some of the most glamours amazing frighting folks from alot history rolling around in ether, that is difficult to grasp, I can't wake up in that chair, I'm not that guy, I am Jack, the boy who never grew up, brought to you by Disneyland.
I'm not even here at all, but because I never existed here, it's the only place that can stand for me to actually live. that is fucked up concept even in my twisted head. How do you keep the monsters out, you pass them down through the generations, so if they ever show back up, some where some on will know just what. see I was so caught up in what the system was shoving at everyone else that I could never have know I popped in with a sound, or maybe it was more of a reaction. to a response What!
Bo, might have Burned em, but he was a little bo peep, looking for the flocks the wolves like to eat.
I know I don't quite understand, cuz I feel like he is sort of me, but not at all. a bit to close for anyone to deal with for very long.  I was here to find the magic, the mystery, of where had all the life, gone, and why did no one want it back, sadly there is no magic to be found here to cure that ill.

Cuz everyone wants to fuck the prom queen, but no one likes to get fucked.
So if your feeling like your getting fucked like a prom queen, and it confuses the shit out of you
your the elephant in the room, cuz to everyone around you, you look like you got a pair of DD's
if your still confused, legends tell, that if this happens to you. you just might be the lost unicorn everyone has been looking for, but no one really wants to find. That means your fucked, and if your ok with it, so is everyone else. Just don't rub peoples noses in it, unless you have to.
cuz I don't make all the rules here, or maybe I can, but would that be a horrible thought.
remember that episode of the twilight zone, with the little kid that was playing with real people in the doll house, from inside it like it was real. yikes, or would anyone ever even realize?
so if you find yourself lost not in time or of mind even, but when you get lost in truly lost inside someone else. but not many folks can handle having their child discipline them, when your the jungle boy you don't understand, you have no clue, so while I am not entirely sure what is what all the time, I like it that way. it was what always has attracted me to casino's. so I don't know quite who I am
but and I hope I can take it, if it works out foreveryone that I was made at disneyland so be it.
was Julian, who named right, or any of the MM, I'm all of these, and none at all
cuz it's not about flesh, it's all about feel, there is that fine line between decadence and off with your head, can't I be just me instead?  Find your own blue fairy, I kill mine everytime I catch it, don't even realize it, maybe it's instinct, or part of some grand design, know one even can remember, even if ever existed.  I just play with the toys that I am offered as I see they are being offered, or I don't.
if someone tells me thats not considered nice here, with respect and with politeness I stop, and ask for further information. I go from there like we all do. so while I can't wait for whatever comes next.
I still feel like Sedona needs a hand, or needs to help me, or maybe we just are compatible in whatever weird way that makes sense.  and what kind of lost boy would ever leave a lost boys mother, even if it's not his own, and they don't even quite recognize each other, being stretched this far in time is an odd experience, bit rocky at moments, but not unenjoyable.
Well I think I need a shower and walk, I'll be back again, soon as you count, to .

Just Jack

Aliens, and Foreigners, Outcasts, and Asylum seekers

Hoping this one will be quick, as it's not pretty for anyone.

Have you looked up the definition of the word Asylum?

if you haven't in all likely hood, you are ill suited to talking about them.
by the label, we attempt to mold, what we are working with resists this molding

so how does related to people?

I can tell I am tinkerbell, I can tell you I'm not
you don't care, you know both are not true

I can tell you I am peter pan, I can tell you I'm not
you don't care again, cuz you know both are not true

I can tell I am god, and I am not
you suddenly freak out, and want to praise, worship, devour, kill

and yet nothing changed, except some letters that only some dots on screen
that some people way smarter in ways then I am made it up, just so we could it.

cool right?

Jack

Do You Have What It Takes!!!! A Love Letter to Humanity

     Humanity vrs Death

This has been the age old question, to conquer the end.  We all face it, we all find our own answers, and we think we have it all figured out.  When your world is black and white, or written in binary this might satisfy.  Like everything else we are, this is just a holdover from previous developmental cycles.  These go back not to when we had words for me to write this down, but back to primordial ooze of single celled organisms.  The universe or God, or as it's coalescing into my essence as panversal is in and of itself conscious, it is structured energy, which is what everything is. Information processing.  As every would be sage, poet, musician, blade of grass, and grain of sand has been telling us forever.  This is a love story, this is a passion play, the stories do not even change, they get rebranded, updated, but for at least the last 6 thousand years we have all learned variations of these same stories.  Oh the names change, characters get makeovers, and  costume changes,  But from the Chinese dragon emperor's, to the Dogon's of the Sahara, the Aboriginals of Australia, down the lines it goes, not in one place but in them all.  We came from the stars, that concept has been twisted around to mean so many things to so many people, from the ubermensch of the aldebaran to Pharaonic gods of Egypt, Right on back to the what we are told is our earliest civilizations in Sumer, and I'm not here to today argue that point.  I do not care when, or where, or actually even who.  I'm a big picture person, I do really well at taking a dispassionate stance and getting as wide a view as possible calling it like I see it.  A valuable skill if you can find work for it, most of my friends just say I think to much, and they are sometimes right.  In taking that position expansive view point, the patterns just kinda pop out, like the rivers in this text if you let your eyes unfocus, and just like that, the information you get from the text is not the same, and that view is not even on whole thought of as particularly useful.  The people are interested in the words, not the rivers, so I learned to see the words like everyone else around me did, only they didn't seem to say the same thing to me as to everyone else.  As a matter of fact they said the same as the rivers, and they were almost all saying the same things.  Even when they seemed disjointed, or unrelated the same words were always there.

From the ecstatic altered state inducing dances of the Whirling  Dervishes, or Tantric sex practices, Yoga, and Breathing techniques, in joyous upliftment of the celebration of life.  On down into the depths of despair, and  tragedy, and depravity.  They all contain at there core I am alive, I am here, shouting into the darkness, longing for or hoping against that return response.  I'm here I see you! This is the most wonderfully terrifying moment for all of us, and in our polarized, 2 dimensional world view of dark versus light we have left room for only 2 options.  Some say it's love/hate, some fight/flight, it doesn't matter what the choices are labeled as, the important part is the limiting of choice.  It's the offer of false simplicity, and simple is easy, and comforting, even at it's worst it's at least predictable. I mean if I only have 2 choices, there is always a 50% chance I'm right.  This is very useful in long term evolution of life. Kill or be killed is valid for much of what we think of as life. The response of nature is always the same, no matter the method used to carry it out, the answer for nature is always, I want to survive.  The fox is in hen house to eat to survive, and we made it nice lunch box, and then killed it when it came to collect the meals we so kindly laid out for it.  We penned in the range animals, and kept all the goodness of their flesh to ourselves. We killed the wolves not because they ate people, like dogs around the food bowl we chased off our rivals.  This existential crisis of just the struggle to survive molded us and shaped us into the most successful predator on the planet bar none.  That being on the top of the food chain looking down on all the lesser species is pretty nice spot, it's good to be the king no doubt.  Being at the top, and staying at the top are not the same, and getting to top means your not what you were when you started.  We celebrate our predatory nature everywhere, from world wars to gold diggers, from pirates to emperors.  The monuments to our depravity know no bounds, from triumphal arches to tombs we proclaim our divine heritage of immortality.  All in the confused attempt to be remembered, to live on, to proclaim our own mastery over all we survey.  This is where our delusions of grandeur really kick in,  We start to believe our own hype, and our success translates into leisure time as we have come to call it.  This is the true mark of a successful predator, how little time they spend on survival. For those fortunate few at the top of the food chain, it's everywhere, this new found leisure time allows for reflection.  Not just to plan the next meal, but more abstract, things not so immediate in the world currently inhabited find the space to become known.  A shift starts to occur, to manage your food, because lets face it, your not as young as you were last year, and well how many times can you chase a rabbit till the thrill gets old.  So we take the tasty stuff, and shape it, bend it to our will, protect it from those who would take it, you know normal human stuff.  At this point we already won, we have no natural predator to contend with, nothing to keep our expansion in check.  As predators though we are ever vigilant, lest some scavenger steal our kill, if we lack a predator we make one up, when we run out decent prey, we move on looking for new places to hunt.  With nothing else left to do we even hunt each other, oh we give it all sorts of reasons, but it always come down to the 2 choices we decided were the only ones we have.  We do it because we want what they have, or we are afraid they will take whats ours.  Having nothing else to contend with, having effectively already won the struggle for day to day survival, ensuring our genetic heritage is continued.  We have time to place ourselves in the cosmic fun house, and the picture is as majestic as it horrifying.  This is when we begin to get that glimpse of our next existential crisis. Having conquered death in an immediate fashion, it becomes a personal struggle, the, but what about me's kick in.  We know our blood will be flowing and pumping even if it's through anothers veins, but still it isn't enough.  The I is screaming in terror, what happens to me, I did all this work to get here, and I'm still going to die. After fighting death for so long, we begin a new battle, now we are after time.  How many years can you cling to life becomes the new game, and being predators we play it with gusto.  In the time game anything not you becomes a greater threat the longer it hangs around,  just like an infection setting in, or how food rots, we start to learn with profound shock, if your not living, your dying.  Or a bit more accurately, when you stop growing, you start dying, even closer, if your not expanding your contracting.  This of course is still only a 2 choice idea, it's still locks us into an illusion of choice.  If the battle is life and death, and answer shouted by everything is always life how do we reconcile this dichotomy.  How can we celebrate the victor in the arena when he dripping in the blood, sweat, and feces of his opponent.  How do we tell our children, that it's not ok to hurt others, and when we decide they are no longer children shove a gun in their hand and tell them to kill their neighbor, or be killed.  No death is not our boogeyman any more, we coax, and torture nature to provide not what we need, or even what we reasonably desire.  We squeeze the golden goose till it bleeds gold, till it's lushest oziest parts are dripping down our chin, staining our silk tie, cotton shirt, lizard skin belt, leather pants, and fur trimmed alligator boots till we puke.  We squeeze the last drop, fish the oceans dry, not out of need, for our needs are modest, we do it because we have been offered no other options.  Consume, or be consumed.  Once our opponents are long dusty, and our glory is fading we miss the good old simpler days, those we overcame taking on status in the telling of our own stories.  Yes we carry our demons with us, and with every passing year they become larger, and our deeds in over coming them more heroic.  We Proclaim it to all Money doesn't grow on trees you know, and the giving tree withers it's leaves stripped bear, it's bark yanked free, it's flesh made pulp and reconstituted so we can make some pretty pictures on it, and call it ours.  I don't hate money, money is an idea, and in the realm of ideas I swim with the sharks.  I've been exposed to the trivium, and quadrivium, pi, phi, and even the Harris curve, our newest choice of curves, a new path to follow, a new star before our eyes.  We build our temples to our creators, where babies cries are shunned. We rip our ugly growths from our own flesh, and call it cancer, and deny it's attachment to our emotions.  Oh make no mistake we have damned ourselves for sure, for in our process of becoming, we have to live with what we've done. This is our state of terror, our splash of liquid light, our stairway to heaven, and highway to hell. Dharma, Karma, Sin, our triplets of story, our mistresses of fate.  Weighing our heart against perfection, the living can not pass, for the living sit in judgment, while the dead just watch it pass. The living write the story down, building, destroying, crafting. Deluding themselves all the while, with pretty little dreams, of I can do no harm.  We label ourselves dogs, and wolves, black widows, snakes, bears and list goes on and on, than we wonder why we kill.  Our own sophistication has become our trap de jour, and I'm crazy enough to be handing out peter pan advice. In our marvel of our own magnificence our march to greater contrast, our rush to ever bigger, bolder, badder.  We circle our wagons, lock down the prison, close the bathroom door, all because we can't stand the smell of our own shit.  I've been eating shit my whole life, there is no possible way for me to deny it, I gave my top teeth eating the shit put in front of me, oh it's lies were so sweet.  The numbing of the mind, of the soul, of the heart, that sweet oblivion of nothingness to take away the anguish of being a pimp or ho.  I'm so tired of eating shit for being me, for seeing things I see, I will always chose my truth over your lies, I have to, it's the only way I can live, and die with myself.

Life eats Life, it's all there is, when you make it all one, we end up eating our own shit, you might think me mad, and that is fine we are all mad here, that is not in question.  The question we are asking is can we live with ourselves, for eating ourselves.  Meat is Murder, and it's all sucking off someone elses tit, we all know these things, they are not new or novel. Don't believe me, well take a look at these. shit burger  it doesn't even matter if it's a hoax, or fact, that it's there.  That we have become so pained by where meat comes from that people have even contemplated this rings alarm bells.  If thats not your speed how about this.

    That is adorable little girl is Taylor Momsen, in the Grinch, many of you know here from a tv show she did that I don't recall. Some know now, as the lead singer of The Pretty Reckless.  For much of America she grew up on their tv screens, I missed that part as I was absorbing myself in other worlds to escape the pain of lying in my bed. While I was distracted by the glitter of the lights in the distance, She went from singing 

Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas Come this way
Fahoo Fores Dahoo Dores
Welcome Christmas, Christmas day
Welcome, welcome fahoo ramus
Welcome, welcome dahoo damus
Christmas day is in our grasp,
So long as we have hands to clasp

More lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/dr_seuss/welcome_christmas-lyrics-1146415.html#ixzz3U6AtBZ30

To a lovely young woman who's words I hear on many lips, from many tongues.  Thank you Ms. Momsen, while I do not really do the fan thing, I see you, and your beautiful to me.  This is the price of our denial of nature, this bitter pill is our salvation. In our death spiral of guilt, over all our perceived failures, our pitfalls of loss, we finally give up the ghost. Not because we have to die, because we no longer can take the pain of being alive, and what we have to do to stay that way.

The world devours it's young, Because we like sweets, and babies taste best. It doesn't matter how twisted the appetite. The old say youth is wasted on the young, while the young scream never trust anyone over 30.  The age old struggle, the old lion wants to keep his pride, while the young just wants a piece of tail.  The widow ate her suitor after he dropped of his seed, not from grief hatred or malice, she knows he'll eat the young, cuz it's good to be the king, But not when there can only be one.

I love you all, it's just a matter if you can accept the only love I know how give, cuz its a jagged little pill.

listen to the music, not just the beat, pay attention to the story, it's your soul speaking

Make up your own mind

Jack

aka

panseybard