I make up stories, sometimes I lie, sometimes it's complete truth. I incorporate, shuffle the deck, lay out some cards, play with em, see how I like the look of the picture presented to me, figure out the hows and whys I feel like I do, if they really ring for me. Cuz it's only taking place in my head, it's a game, to make it all be happy story, no matter what!
So what I'm going to write next, in as brief as I am able or allowed, or want is to tell my story.
none of it is mine or exactly, true, but I'd stake my life, in front of the peoples court, that it's all correct, for whatever that means.
I was once just like moses, and I washed up on a shore, and there was this beautiful woman there greet me, or at least thats how it plays out in the edited version. The truth is always much more complicated, and messy, but I'm just telling you a story, so you don't really care do you?
I already knew this woman, but she seemed different than I remember, like inside out, or reversed, or kinda upside down. because she was so much more, and less than I remembered I immediately fell head over heals in love with her, and she became my ideal, my own personal blue fairy, that only I could find, and if I didn't she might be lost forever, and that I just could not bear.
than, I was on fire!
I was living the life, I shit when I wanted and where I wanted, people came and wiped my ass, when I ever I called out to them as long as they were the right people at the right moment. cuz sometimes I'd call and they wouldn't be at all what was expected, and isn't that well unexpected obviously.
by the time I was I think 8, pretty sure, but you know how those numbers get when they repeat, but not quite in the way everyone thinks, things get double and triple stammped and nothing seems to make sense unless you get really close, and far all at once. I digress, though I'm fairly certain digression is one of the joys of existence once you realize it has happened your not where you were before, and you now have to figure out how to get back, and it's not hard at all.
turn around and look,
So by the time I was 8 I had already done things I was told over and over were impossible for me to do, I mean crazy things, having multiple females show, and tell and help me with things, that are fantastic, embarrassing, and really helpful even if misunderstood when they are witnessed from an external perspective. the context is lost, till you can view things that everyone else has missed,
I had been a baseball star, soccer star, video game champ, this was great. than out of the complete blue, my 4th grade teacher is gone, I think she got sick but I'm not sure. The woman that replaced her was close enough to my idea of mother, and not mother, that it was the right spark, and she saw. sometimes it hurts me that her name is like a whisper, cuz I don't know her at all, and I never did.
She saw in me what others till that point had missed. oopps we goofed, this one isn't meant for here
but no one believed her, though I'm kinda thinking that was exactly why she was brought in.
So I took the tests to prove it to the Authorities I was what she said I was. Cool thing was it was still a game, and though I knew something was up, I also knew I didn't get it, and these folks had been here alot longer than I had, so I better shut up and take notes. Guess what, I actually passed, every test, it didn't matter, and no one could figure it out. how could this be, it's gotta be a trick.
I next put in a special class, where while I was with other kids like me, we only interacted when we needed were told, or wanted to. it wasn't like anything from school I had ever seen, and it was amazing. I had control of all my own crap, and the guidance to make sure I didn't really break it, and it was allowed to grow.
I thought I had it, that is the absolute worst place to be ever.
Next thing I know I'm whisked away like little orphan annie
I'm plucked from my beloved Family
and just like some surreal vision out of the beverly hillbillies
I find myself in New Canaan CT.
if you don't know the place, I'd highly recommend a peak
though be nice, the folks there have so much, they just hand it like candy
As wonderful as all this new found abundance, cuz my pockets never had any of my own currency
I was just a kid, even the money silly word, dolled out to me, by the powers at hand
just poofed in like magic, and always seemed to be just right, even when it was excess
this was never an issue, Being tossed into a completely alien environment, with the future sharks, and whales of the world so to speak.
Which was cool, I loved new playmates, but my school was so confusing now.
no one seemed like me, which was ok, but while I could socialize with them just fine
I just couldn't really fit in totally, and the breaks with other kids where we went off like a sub group to see things others didn't just kinda only were a snack.
These experiences were so incongruent with anything I had seen up to that point, they take on such a hazy quality, that only contemplation, and visualization begin to make things clear.
Such a whirlwind, I went from Rockstar to old money, overnight, now that is an odd flip, though oddly not as uncommon as folks would like to believe.
I had the run of the Whole show, not because it was mine, or even that was claiming anything, remember this part happens between 5th, and 7th grade, a blink in the eyes of an adult, eternal to the child experiencing it, and wonderous. I mean if you have watched Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette
thats an off kilter version of the experience, and it's ending is the same, I was offered the choice, Your mother has remarried, so she is moving on, you however are more than welcome, and we have plenty of space for you. Crappy choice at any age, regardless of how well cared for you believe your mother would be. I offered this with a flat no! People couldn't believe it, Flabberghasted comes to mind. This is impossible how did a 7th grader just beat willy wonkas test, and he didn't even know he was taking it? Thats so messed up, it just can't be. This one needs more time in neverland, so off I went to the land of the madder hatters, Danbury CT, so many seem to know it, but it never seems all that special unless you live there awhile. There was of course a stop between but that is even more blurry than the rest, like lies kids make up to other kids just cuz the story was so cool, it can't possibly be true anyway.
I get to my new home, and everything outside is ok, but it's just not right inside, this pushed me right out, but not totally it was my house or so they said. I made a bunch of new friends of all types, played with em all in good and bad ways, things I feel uncomfortable with even now.
I got cheated at cards by billy the kid, was the thief in the night that took whatever, cuz I didn't ever own it, even when I had it, and I knew it. Then I made another impossible shot, I was handed a bb gun, just a toy spring action, Leaning out my bedroom window, I see a robin or at least I think it is, it was bird, but it's been awhile, so that part could be a trick of the minds eye. it's soaring across the skies, what a sight, it was so fast, and graceful. I took aim no thought at all, click, and it falls from heaven and crashed to earth, and I did it. I was out there so fast, it was in cupped in my hands for I had damaged a delicate thing, I had no clue how to replace, and this perfect one was gone, and I did it. How do you deal with that in 8th grade, you don't there is no way to deal with that. Next thing I remember the house and my mothers brand new marriage are not just over, annulled. As if it never happened. Let that one stew a moment, cuz it's kinda odd. Something I knew I experienced, was declared to have never been on a technicality. Bzzt, sorry survey says. That can't be that's impossible.
This was quickly lost in a resettlement to a shelter rock condo, still in the land of the mad, but on the fringe. New people, yet close enough to the other new people I just met, and all the new people I had met. Ok, this is cool I can do this, All the toys and gadgets I could need, a decent enough space for what I had going on, life was still good right. The angles are working things are flowing, it's party time. I had been exposed to alcohol not overly, but enough. When my mother is suddenly gone, seemingly because I don't really need her anymore, yet everything is taken care of, and she is only the other side of town, doing the same thing I am as best she can. This was about 16, and there was some crazy ass rockin events, skateboards, girls groupies, old dudes that are pissed cuz the kids are disrespectful, couldn't believe I stop and old man, and my friend from a physical fight at that age, but yes it happened. I had the hideaway that everyone knew about, but no one wanted to look at
that secret place for the rebels to hide from empire was in my condo, and I was never aware of it while it was happening. I was running game everywhere, not that really lied, I just applied logic and rhetoric to anyone that presented themselves as an Authority and spun off one way or another.
there is even a story about cops parting with high school kids just cuz we threw the best ones.
My Neighbor this wonderful english gentlemen with a bug eyed sprite in garage he was always tinkering with happened to be the condo association president, combined with seemingly well placed others always there just to flip the switches, be the sparks, and crew that cleaned up. just in case.
Crazy right, you become an illegal syndicate, drop out of high school all while telling everyone what you are doing, cuz you aren't hiding a thing. I did things your just not supposed to do, especially in another mans house, though I never did any of it. I'm not even sure I was there at all.
Being the time High school of course they told me I was done, not only was I done, that I had failed, and would have to retake the last year if I hoped to get anywhere in life. I'm a rebel by nature, so of course this was like throwing down the gauntlet, kinda like in geometry when my "teacher" told me I could never pass his if I went to CA for a month. don't know what happened to him, but I do remember passing that class.
What to do, I'm a team player so when everyone said I had to take the Sr. year over, I complied, at least till the kids at school started saying I was Ferris Bueller, and I had done it, not for a day, but for over a year. This is silly as of course that was just movie, and I for sure took my lumps for all the fun everyone was having. When I just stopped I was expelled from my home, leaving my broken down floorless triumph spitfire in the garage. My friends and I had plan though, at least a few of us, we decided it was great idea to head to cali, with a stop in phx to party, and pick up a some girl that my friend knew. Landing at sky harbor airport, we got our completely stuffed duffle bags, and headed on. Of course we had no idea where we were or where we going, so with map in hand skateboards on the pavement, off balance from the packs on your backs we started for glendale, on the map it was close. We soon found out that wasn't really so, but lo, and behold as we are the street corner on hands and knees figuring out where we are going. A guy shows up and offers us a ride. Packed into this little car with all the stuff in the world for at least me out of the four there. We drive off into the night. After a bit, Paul was getting panicky but nothing to fear the nice guy, dropped us off a block from our destination. At a burger King we didn't need his help at the moment, but we would later.
We wanted to find our base of the night, to get some rest, and see whats up. Quickly we arrived at the appointed address, yet no one lived there at all. No lights, no nothing, wasn't Poor Paul embarrassed to have led us to an empty locked home. Women are like that sometimes though, we didn't really mind after the shock wore off at least. Nah we just walked into the neighbors side yard, just a gravel bed, laid down the sleeping bags, looked up the stars, talked and drifted off. In the morning we up early, or at least it seemed that way. Throwing our heavy bags over the cement block wall guarding the back yard of an empty house, we headed over to BK to grab breakfast, clean up, and figure out where to. Again Paul played a great trick, Ed and I, are sitting eating paul is in the rest room, washing up. Of course this is the perfect moment for an employee to check the bath room.
Being Paul, he was holding the door closed with one foot, while washing his hair balancing it all.
The employee finding he couldn't push a door open, he knew should open easily. Pushed, and Pushed till it opened, finding this a very odd sight, he did as he had been trained. he told the manager. The manager's response was so classic, it's almost incredulous. "did her buy anything?" yes was the response of course. "well he's gotta do it some where". Spending the rest of the day on crazy quest across the desert looking for our bus to CA, I was forced to involve my Grandparents, and The rest of the family I was seemingly estranged from, not from a lack of love on either side, just an uncomfortable feeling, like things were off for some reason. Though being them, and so gracious, they made up some beds, fed us at the kings ransom. and packed us on another bus to get on with it.
We didn't even have a place to go, so we kinda just went till the end of line, Newport Beach, CA
Taking up temporary shelter in a motel or hotel of some low at least by old money standards repute.
Paul obliged us by clogging the toilet, and over flowing it, we didn't really care it wasn't our place, and people were supposed to clean it as a part of renting it. Another whrilly bird of a summer with things from taking up residence in a beach house, where we could go on the balcony see the pacific ocean just at the end of the street, there were the ocean waves right there anytime with a boardwalk the led off to other adventures. This was actually a house that had been kinda hijacked by the folks that rented the room to us. Before long there was only electricity from an extension cord running down to the first floor flat, no hot water, it was not ideal, but we didn't care it was what was outside we were interested in. Now that stuff was the pretty interesting, I at 18 was offered a 15 year lovely girl. No one did it directly, and of course we had chosen each other. Over the next cpl or few days was lovely time of being wisked away back into paradise, only I had been told 18 with 15 was wrong, So I only remember it being sweet and play, puppy love allowed to simmer without getting to outta hand. Of course it had to crash and burn, when I was requested to attend a debutante ball, seriously.
There were parts of me that would have loved to drift into that fantasy. Being me though, that had the ring of forever, and ever, and ever nightmare. There was also Uncle Charlie, first time I see him he flips his lower lip down to me, it has 81 tattooed there. I'm clueless, pretty sure everyone else is too, but whatever. then he explains it's ha, hells angels, which could also be translated at hitlers army if your a bit creative, I know right gives shivers. He even while cooking us up steaks on the grill in the front yard of some folks across the street were not using at the moment. completely disregarded my concern for their consternation at us just walking up and using their stuff. He tells me "I like you, but" He slams the knife between my legs, in to the bench I was straddling, and capped it with "if you ever fuck me, I will kill you". An odd statement as I hardly knew this man, and could not likely have forced him to anything he did not choose, and wouldn't wish to even if I could. Once this was over he was like a guardian, always looking our for me, even if I didn't quite see it. At least in that time.
I even got to talk to his mother on the phone, though I do not quite understand why either of them wished for that. While this was crashing down, around my head, my companions Ed, and Paul were gone, we were broke, and almost homeless, and they called home to get help, when I tried it, I got a rather shocking, you got there on your own, get back on your own. Once the tears of being completely abandoned in a precarious position, by the one person I was told I could always ask for help dried up. Of course I began to make it work, called a friend, Troy's mother, Gladys. I hadn't even known her very long, and had skipped her middle son's funeral. which even if I have my own reason, has got to hurt. She acted as my mom, and without much fuss, said of course I can send a few dollars. It was originally supposed to be a loan, at least from my perspective, but I'm not sure about hers. Once I had that, it was back to the Grandparents, not having much of anyplace else to go. Grandma was subtly different, than I had even remembered from a month or so ago. She forced me to cut my hair, get a job, if I wanted to stay. Not feeling much of a choice was offered, I again complied.
I was pissed mind you, but what was I supposed to choose, homeless again? Of course my Uncle Jim, and Aunt Tracy, bother and sister, sharing a cool house, showed up to offer me to live there for awhile and work with Jim. This woulda been cool if I hadn't just had my hair cut off, for no reason what so ever. not even the first time that had happened to me.
the real truth of this story is more ridiculous than any wish to hear or tell, I'm only playing my part.
we made it all this way, cuz it was the only way we could save everyone, regardless of what any or all, or even none might fight over the details, it's just how it's works out for everyone best, at least in my fucked up fantasy world. I don't know quite what I am, but I can take being created by disneyland if thats what makes the stories come out for sen, nes, whatever that happens to me to you. cuz I'm not here and your not there, we are all in our little q verse, and mine missed me so much that it called me home. I don't even know if that was quite accurate, does that even matter anymore. I'm out of my time, and thats the point. So if Everyone wants Disney to Do it, omfg, are fucking kidding me, no wonder I don't fucking understand, I got some of the most glamours amazing frighting folks from alot history rolling around in ether, that is difficult to grasp, I can't wake up in that chair, I'm not that guy, I am Jack, the boy who never grew up, brought to you by Disneyland.
I'm not even here at all, but because I never existed here, it's the only place that can stand for me to actually live. that is fucked up concept even in my twisted head. How do you keep the monsters out, you pass them down through the generations, so if they ever show back up, some where some on will know just what. see I was so caught up in what the system was shoving at everyone else that I could never have know I popped in with a sound, or maybe it was more of a reaction. to a response What!
Bo, might have Burned em, but he was a little bo peep, looking for the flocks the wolves like to eat.
I know I don't quite understand, cuz I feel like he is sort of me, but not at all. a bit to close for anyone to deal with for very long. I was here to find the magic, the mystery, of where had all the life, gone, and why did no one want it back, sadly there is no magic to be found here to cure that ill.
Cuz everyone wants to fuck the prom queen, but no one likes to get fucked.
So if your feeling like your getting fucked like a prom queen, and it confuses the shit out of you
your the elephant in the room, cuz to everyone around you, you look like you got a pair of DD's
if your still confused, legends tell, that if this happens to you. you just might be the lost unicorn everyone has been looking for, but no one really wants to find. That means your fucked, and if your ok with it, so is everyone else. Just don't rub peoples noses in it, unless you have to.
cuz I don't make all the rules here, or maybe I can, but would that be a horrible thought.
remember that episode of the twilight zone, with the little kid that was playing with real people in the doll house, from inside it like it was real. yikes, or would anyone ever even realize?
so if you find yourself lost not in time or of mind even, but when you get lost in truly lost inside someone else. but not many folks can handle having their child discipline them, when your the jungle boy you don't understand, you have no clue, so while I am not entirely sure what is what all the time, I like it that way. it was what always has attracted me to casino's. so I don't know quite who I am
but and I hope I can take it, if it works out foreveryone that I was made at disneyland so be it.
was Julian, who named right, or any of the MM, I'm all of these, and none at all
cuz it's not about flesh, it's all about feel, there is that fine line between decadence and off with your head, can't I be just me instead? Find your own blue fairy, I kill mine everytime I catch it, don't even realize it, maybe it's instinct, or part of some grand design, know one even can remember, even if ever existed. I just play with the toys that I am offered as I see they are being offered, or I don't.
if someone tells me thats not considered nice here, with respect and with politeness I stop, and ask for further information. I go from there like we all do. so while I can't wait for whatever comes next.
I still feel like Sedona needs a hand, or needs to help me, or maybe we just are compatible in whatever weird way that makes sense. and what kind of lost boy would ever leave a lost boys mother, even if it's not his own, and they don't even quite recognize each other, being stretched this far in time is an odd experience, bit rocky at moments, but not unenjoyable.
Well I think I need a shower and walk, I'll be back again, soon as you count, to .
Just Jack
So what I'm going to write next, in as brief as I am able or allowed, or want is to tell my story.
none of it is mine or exactly, true, but I'd stake my life, in front of the peoples court, that it's all correct, for whatever that means.
I was once just like moses, and I washed up on a shore, and there was this beautiful woman there greet me, or at least thats how it plays out in the edited version. The truth is always much more complicated, and messy, but I'm just telling you a story, so you don't really care do you?
I already knew this woman, but she seemed different than I remember, like inside out, or reversed, or kinda upside down. because she was so much more, and less than I remembered I immediately fell head over heals in love with her, and she became my ideal, my own personal blue fairy, that only I could find, and if I didn't she might be lost forever, and that I just could not bear.
than, I was on fire!
I was living the life, I shit when I wanted and where I wanted, people came and wiped my ass, when I ever I called out to them as long as they were the right people at the right moment. cuz sometimes I'd call and they wouldn't be at all what was expected, and isn't that well unexpected obviously.
by the time I was I think 8, pretty sure, but you know how those numbers get when they repeat, but not quite in the way everyone thinks, things get double and triple stammped and nothing seems to make sense unless you get really close, and far all at once. I digress, though I'm fairly certain digression is one of the joys of existence once you realize it has happened your not where you were before, and you now have to figure out how to get back, and it's not hard at all.
turn around and look,
So by the time I was 8 I had already done things I was told over and over were impossible for me to do, I mean crazy things, having multiple females show, and tell and help me with things, that are fantastic, embarrassing, and really helpful even if misunderstood when they are witnessed from an external perspective. the context is lost, till you can view things that everyone else has missed,
I had been a baseball star, soccer star, video game champ, this was great. than out of the complete blue, my 4th grade teacher is gone, I think she got sick but I'm not sure. The woman that replaced her was close enough to my idea of mother, and not mother, that it was the right spark, and she saw. sometimes it hurts me that her name is like a whisper, cuz I don't know her at all, and I never did.
She saw in me what others till that point had missed. oopps we goofed, this one isn't meant for here
but no one believed her, though I'm kinda thinking that was exactly why she was brought in.
So I took the tests to prove it to the Authorities I was what she said I was. Cool thing was it was still a game, and though I knew something was up, I also knew I didn't get it, and these folks had been here alot longer than I had, so I better shut up and take notes. Guess what, I actually passed, every test, it didn't matter, and no one could figure it out. how could this be, it's gotta be a trick.
I next put in a special class, where while I was with other kids like me, we only interacted when we needed were told, or wanted to. it wasn't like anything from school I had ever seen, and it was amazing. I had control of all my own crap, and the guidance to make sure I didn't really break it, and it was allowed to grow.
I thought I had it, that is the absolute worst place to be ever.
Next thing I know I'm whisked away like little orphan annie
I'm plucked from my beloved Family
and just like some surreal vision out of the beverly hillbillies
I find myself in New Canaan CT.
if you don't know the place, I'd highly recommend a peak
though be nice, the folks there have so much, they just hand it like candy
As wonderful as all this new found abundance, cuz my pockets never had any of my own currency
I was just a kid, even the money silly word, dolled out to me, by the powers at hand
just poofed in like magic, and always seemed to be just right, even when it was excess
this was never an issue, Being tossed into a completely alien environment, with the future sharks, and whales of the world so to speak.
Which was cool, I loved new playmates, but my school was so confusing now.
no one seemed like me, which was ok, but while I could socialize with them just fine
I just couldn't really fit in totally, and the breaks with other kids where we went off like a sub group to see things others didn't just kinda only were a snack.
These experiences were so incongruent with anything I had seen up to that point, they take on such a hazy quality, that only contemplation, and visualization begin to make things clear.
Such a whirlwind, I went from Rockstar to old money, overnight, now that is an odd flip, though oddly not as uncommon as folks would like to believe.
I had the run of the Whole show, not because it was mine, or even that was claiming anything, remember this part happens between 5th, and 7th grade, a blink in the eyes of an adult, eternal to the child experiencing it, and wonderous. I mean if you have watched Kirsten Dunst in Marie Antoinette
thats an off kilter version of the experience, and it's ending is the same, I was offered the choice, Your mother has remarried, so she is moving on, you however are more than welcome, and we have plenty of space for you. Crappy choice at any age, regardless of how well cared for you believe your mother would be. I offered this with a flat no! People couldn't believe it, Flabberghasted comes to mind. This is impossible how did a 7th grader just beat willy wonkas test, and he didn't even know he was taking it? Thats so messed up, it just can't be. This one needs more time in neverland, so off I went to the land of the madder hatters, Danbury CT, so many seem to know it, but it never seems all that special unless you live there awhile. There was of course a stop between but that is even more blurry than the rest, like lies kids make up to other kids just cuz the story was so cool, it can't possibly be true anyway.
I get to my new home, and everything outside is ok, but it's just not right inside, this pushed me right out, but not totally it was my house or so they said. I made a bunch of new friends of all types, played with em all in good and bad ways, things I feel uncomfortable with even now.
I got cheated at cards by billy the kid, was the thief in the night that took whatever, cuz I didn't ever own it, even when I had it, and I knew it. Then I made another impossible shot, I was handed a bb gun, just a toy spring action, Leaning out my bedroom window, I see a robin or at least I think it is, it was bird, but it's been awhile, so that part could be a trick of the minds eye. it's soaring across the skies, what a sight, it was so fast, and graceful. I took aim no thought at all, click, and it falls from heaven and crashed to earth, and I did it. I was out there so fast, it was in cupped in my hands for I had damaged a delicate thing, I had no clue how to replace, and this perfect one was gone, and I did it. How do you deal with that in 8th grade, you don't there is no way to deal with that. Next thing I remember the house and my mothers brand new marriage are not just over, annulled. As if it never happened. Let that one stew a moment, cuz it's kinda odd. Something I knew I experienced, was declared to have never been on a technicality. Bzzt, sorry survey says. That can't be that's impossible.
This was quickly lost in a resettlement to a shelter rock condo, still in the land of the mad, but on the fringe. New people, yet close enough to the other new people I just met, and all the new people I had met. Ok, this is cool I can do this, All the toys and gadgets I could need, a decent enough space for what I had going on, life was still good right. The angles are working things are flowing, it's party time. I had been exposed to alcohol not overly, but enough. When my mother is suddenly gone, seemingly because I don't really need her anymore, yet everything is taken care of, and she is only the other side of town, doing the same thing I am as best she can. This was about 16, and there was some crazy ass rockin events, skateboards, girls groupies, old dudes that are pissed cuz the kids are disrespectful, couldn't believe I stop and old man, and my friend from a physical fight at that age, but yes it happened. I had the hideaway that everyone knew about, but no one wanted to look at
that secret place for the rebels to hide from empire was in my condo, and I was never aware of it while it was happening. I was running game everywhere, not that really lied, I just applied logic and rhetoric to anyone that presented themselves as an Authority and spun off one way or another.
there is even a story about cops parting with high school kids just cuz we threw the best ones.
My Neighbor this wonderful english gentlemen with a bug eyed sprite in garage he was always tinkering with happened to be the condo association president, combined with seemingly well placed others always there just to flip the switches, be the sparks, and crew that cleaned up. just in case.
Crazy right, you become an illegal syndicate, drop out of high school all while telling everyone what you are doing, cuz you aren't hiding a thing. I did things your just not supposed to do, especially in another mans house, though I never did any of it. I'm not even sure I was there at all.
Being the time High school of course they told me I was done, not only was I done, that I had failed, and would have to retake the last year if I hoped to get anywhere in life. I'm a rebel by nature, so of course this was like throwing down the gauntlet, kinda like in geometry when my "teacher" told me I could never pass his if I went to CA for a month. don't know what happened to him, but I do remember passing that class.
What to do, I'm a team player so when everyone said I had to take the Sr. year over, I complied, at least till the kids at school started saying I was Ferris Bueller, and I had done it, not for a day, but for over a year. This is silly as of course that was just movie, and I for sure took my lumps for all the fun everyone was having. When I just stopped I was expelled from my home, leaving my broken down floorless triumph spitfire in the garage. My friends and I had plan though, at least a few of us, we decided it was great idea to head to cali, with a stop in phx to party, and pick up a some girl that my friend knew. Landing at sky harbor airport, we got our completely stuffed duffle bags, and headed on. Of course we had no idea where we were or where we going, so with map in hand skateboards on the pavement, off balance from the packs on your backs we started for glendale, on the map it was close. We soon found out that wasn't really so, but lo, and behold as we are the street corner on hands and knees figuring out where we are going. A guy shows up and offers us a ride. Packed into this little car with all the stuff in the world for at least me out of the four there. We drive off into the night. After a bit, Paul was getting panicky but nothing to fear the nice guy, dropped us off a block from our destination. At a burger King we didn't need his help at the moment, but we would later.
We wanted to find our base of the night, to get some rest, and see whats up. Quickly we arrived at the appointed address, yet no one lived there at all. No lights, no nothing, wasn't Poor Paul embarrassed to have led us to an empty locked home. Women are like that sometimes though, we didn't really mind after the shock wore off at least. Nah we just walked into the neighbors side yard, just a gravel bed, laid down the sleeping bags, looked up the stars, talked and drifted off. In the morning we up early, or at least it seemed that way. Throwing our heavy bags over the cement block wall guarding the back yard of an empty house, we headed over to BK to grab breakfast, clean up, and figure out where to. Again Paul played a great trick, Ed and I, are sitting eating paul is in the rest room, washing up. Of course this is the perfect moment for an employee to check the bath room.
Being Paul, he was holding the door closed with one foot, while washing his hair balancing it all.
The employee finding he couldn't push a door open, he knew should open easily. Pushed, and Pushed till it opened, finding this a very odd sight, he did as he had been trained. he told the manager. The manager's response was so classic, it's almost incredulous. "did her buy anything?" yes was the response of course. "well he's gotta do it some where". Spending the rest of the day on crazy quest across the desert looking for our bus to CA, I was forced to involve my Grandparents, and The rest of the family I was seemingly estranged from, not from a lack of love on either side, just an uncomfortable feeling, like things were off for some reason. Though being them, and so gracious, they made up some beds, fed us at the kings ransom. and packed us on another bus to get on with it.
We didn't even have a place to go, so we kinda just went till the end of line, Newport Beach, CA
Taking up temporary shelter in a motel or hotel of some low at least by old money standards repute.
Paul obliged us by clogging the toilet, and over flowing it, we didn't really care it wasn't our place, and people were supposed to clean it as a part of renting it. Another whrilly bird of a summer with things from taking up residence in a beach house, where we could go on the balcony see the pacific ocean just at the end of the street, there were the ocean waves right there anytime with a boardwalk the led off to other adventures. This was actually a house that had been kinda hijacked by the folks that rented the room to us. Before long there was only electricity from an extension cord running down to the first floor flat, no hot water, it was not ideal, but we didn't care it was what was outside we were interested in. Now that stuff was the pretty interesting, I at 18 was offered a 15 year lovely girl. No one did it directly, and of course we had chosen each other. Over the next cpl or few days was lovely time of being wisked away back into paradise, only I had been told 18 with 15 was wrong, So I only remember it being sweet and play, puppy love allowed to simmer without getting to outta hand. Of course it had to crash and burn, when I was requested to attend a debutante ball, seriously.
There were parts of me that would have loved to drift into that fantasy. Being me though, that had the ring of forever, and ever, and ever nightmare. There was also Uncle Charlie, first time I see him he flips his lower lip down to me, it has 81 tattooed there. I'm clueless, pretty sure everyone else is too, but whatever. then he explains it's ha, hells angels, which could also be translated at hitlers army if your a bit creative, I know right gives shivers. He even while cooking us up steaks on the grill in the front yard of some folks across the street were not using at the moment. completely disregarded my concern for their consternation at us just walking up and using their stuff. He tells me "I like you, but" He slams the knife between my legs, in to the bench I was straddling, and capped it with "if you ever fuck me, I will kill you". An odd statement as I hardly knew this man, and could not likely have forced him to anything he did not choose, and wouldn't wish to even if I could. Once this was over he was like a guardian, always looking our for me, even if I didn't quite see it. At least in that time.
I even got to talk to his mother on the phone, though I do not quite understand why either of them wished for that. While this was crashing down, around my head, my companions Ed, and Paul were gone, we were broke, and almost homeless, and they called home to get help, when I tried it, I got a rather shocking, you got there on your own, get back on your own. Once the tears of being completely abandoned in a precarious position, by the one person I was told I could always ask for help dried up. Of course I began to make it work, called a friend, Troy's mother, Gladys. I hadn't even known her very long, and had skipped her middle son's funeral. which even if I have my own reason, has got to hurt. She acted as my mom, and without much fuss, said of course I can send a few dollars. It was originally supposed to be a loan, at least from my perspective, but I'm not sure about hers. Once I had that, it was back to the Grandparents, not having much of anyplace else to go. Grandma was subtly different, than I had even remembered from a month or so ago. She forced me to cut my hair, get a job, if I wanted to stay. Not feeling much of a choice was offered, I again complied.
I was pissed mind you, but what was I supposed to choose, homeless again? Of course my Uncle Jim, and Aunt Tracy, bother and sister, sharing a cool house, showed up to offer me to live there for awhile and work with Jim. This woulda been cool if I hadn't just had my hair cut off, for no reason what so ever. not even the first time that had happened to me.
the real truth of this story is more ridiculous than any wish to hear or tell, I'm only playing my part.
we made it all this way, cuz it was the only way we could save everyone, regardless of what any or all, or even none might fight over the details, it's just how it's works out for everyone best, at least in my fucked up fantasy world. I don't know quite what I am, but I can take being created by disneyland if thats what makes the stories come out for sen, nes, whatever that happens to me to you. cuz I'm not here and your not there, we are all in our little q verse, and mine missed me so much that it called me home. I don't even know if that was quite accurate, does that even matter anymore. I'm out of my time, and thats the point. So if Everyone wants Disney to Do it, omfg, are fucking kidding me, no wonder I don't fucking understand, I got some of the most glamours amazing frighting folks from alot history rolling around in ether, that is difficult to grasp, I can't wake up in that chair, I'm not that guy, I am Jack, the boy who never grew up, brought to you by Disneyland.
I'm not even here at all, but because I never existed here, it's the only place that can stand for me to actually live. that is fucked up concept even in my twisted head. How do you keep the monsters out, you pass them down through the generations, so if they ever show back up, some where some on will know just what. see I was so caught up in what the system was shoving at everyone else that I could never have know I popped in with a sound, or maybe it was more of a reaction. to a response What!
Bo, might have Burned em, but he was a little bo peep, looking for the flocks the wolves like to eat.
I know I don't quite understand, cuz I feel like he is sort of me, but not at all. a bit to close for anyone to deal with for very long. I was here to find the magic, the mystery, of where had all the life, gone, and why did no one want it back, sadly there is no magic to be found here to cure that ill.
Cuz everyone wants to fuck the prom queen, but no one likes to get fucked.
So if your feeling like your getting fucked like a prom queen, and it confuses the shit out of you
your the elephant in the room, cuz to everyone around you, you look like you got a pair of DD's
if your still confused, legends tell, that if this happens to you. you just might be the lost unicorn everyone has been looking for, but no one really wants to find. That means your fucked, and if your ok with it, so is everyone else. Just don't rub peoples noses in it, unless you have to.
cuz I don't make all the rules here, or maybe I can, but would that be a horrible thought.
remember that episode of the twilight zone, with the little kid that was playing with real people in the doll house, from inside it like it was real. yikes, or would anyone ever even realize?
so if you find yourself lost not in time or of mind even, but when you get lost in truly lost inside someone else. but not many folks can handle having their child discipline them, when your the jungle boy you don't understand, you have no clue, so while I am not entirely sure what is what all the time, I like it that way. it was what always has attracted me to casino's. so I don't know quite who I am
but and I hope I can take it, if it works out foreveryone that I was made at disneyland so be it.
was Julian, who named right, or any of the MM, I'm all of these, and none at all
cuz it's not about flesh, it's all about feel, there is that fine line between decadence and off with your head, can't I be just me instead? Find your own blue fairy, I kill mine everytime I catch it, don't even realize it, maybe it's instinct, or part of some grand design, know one even can remember, even if ever existed. I just play with the toys that I am offered as I see they are being offered, or I don't.
if someone tells me thats not considered nice here, with respect and with politeness I stop, and ask for further information. I go from there like we all do. so while I can't wait for whatever comes next.
I still feel like Sedona needs a hand, or needs to help me, or maybe we just are compatible in whatever weird way that makes sense. and what kind of lost boy would ever leave a lost boys mother, even if it's not his own, and they don't even quite recognize each other, being stretched this far in time is an odd experience, bit rocky at moments, but not unenjoyable.
Well I think I need a shower and walk, I'll be back again, soon as you count, to .
Just Jack
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