Trying a Different Approach

I am a slacker, my life is a cautionary tale, not something to aspire to or emulate.  Do not misconstrue that the I in me would wish to be any other than me.  Only that the emotional, and psychological traumas I needed to inflict upon myself to become as I am, are not anything I would wish upon anyone.  In searching answers to those ultimate questions I pulled an icarus. Not once, or even twice, nah I'm not that bright.  I had to push it till it cost me my top teeth, and partially my bottom ones, still getting over that one.  People have talked about genetic, cellular and other types of memory.  Now we are even to the point of beginning to grapple with ideas of moving without moving.  It's possible, without a doubt, it's not even that difficult when you've grasped for inkling of our true position in creation, and it fried you back into your place.  We can make black holes, we can warp space and time, we end up in the formless abyss, and no one but our dead mourns our passing.  I love people, I love the planet, all life can snuff out in our little corner of existence, and there might be some metaphorical tears shed on what ever plane of existence you and yours hail from.
Do we really have the right to take chances with the planet, solar system, galaxy, or on and on?
some folks seem to be interested in how I see things, some are offended, I'm ok with that too.  I know what I like, I feel what I need, I feel what the people around me need, using people loosely.
If we meet and you think you would like to chat, I'm happy to do so, if I offend, just tell me to please stop, and go away, and I will.  What I can not abide is total trickery, and dishonesty, I'm to good at it, and it hurts me to much to inflict those kinds injuries on myself.
I'll try to do a better job with some pix, and the like at showing kind of how I see this world, and why sometimes it makes me cry when others are so happy!  btw, if there is any confusion, I an hetrosexual male, that is so in love with women that they are my kryptonite.  it's pretty much the same with everyone, but we all get to pick where, and what we eat right?
Never been suicidal, not that I feel people do not have to right to decide the fate of what can be in this experience the only thing they can ever hope to claim ownership over, which is really just stewardship, we have horribly misunderstood, like so much of our K based systems, in such a rush to get somewhere.  They forgot that Wisdom, knows when, and where to apply knowledge, and thats why Wikipedia, has a capital W. No it's just that what is point of suicide in a zero sum universe. what comes in goes out, it's hotel california, we either come to grips, or we just keep blowing bubbles.

Much Love
Jack

there was a song from when I was teenage drunken drop out in the punker days

If some of your brightest kids are seemingly like the metaphors in this song, you might wanna take a look in the mirror before asking how things got this bad.  I was almost a perfect reflection of a child raised for the most part by the stuff around me, mostly tv, music, games, starting as early as I can remember.  I was never mommies monster at all, just a reflection of the monsters so many of us have become.
gonna try to finish up some e-mails, change get outside, and upload some pictures to instagram, in case anyone is curious what I'm about today.

Can I Borrow a Ray of Sunshine?

               Holidays For Sale Sentiment Half Off!

In case you haven't figured it out, this will be about emotional transference.  A fancy way of saying emotions about one thing or person, put on another thing or person.  This happens so often, and usually without our being aware we have done it.  Sometimes it's a natural response to repeated experience. Like when a dog beaten by a person in uniform starts barking whenever a person in uniform is around.  This is the same process at play in learning fire burns, you transfer that

experience onto another experience, and avoid the pain.  So far so good, but when you start to proactively use that understanding you get some very creative, if morally questionable results. 

What does this have to do with holidays you might ask?  Well so far I've talked about examples of negative transference, but what about positive.  That is where the holidays come in, when you see a brand use a holiday on the packaging, advertising, and marketing campaigns they are banking on at least some of those pleasant feelings you have will slide on over to them.  Taken to the extreme and you get the diamond market, this might be the most classic marketing example, and one of my personal favorites.  I say favorite with all sarcasm, but the it is amazing, that people were able to take an artificially scarce stone.  Then so completely attach it's value to symbolic for the love between a man and woman.  On top of that, make it a virtually mandatory expense as a part of the marriage rites.  Even people that have read, and already know the scam will turn around a few minutes later, and fall right back under the spell.  

                    Is that Love or Emotional Hijacking?

On a much more intimate and personal level, this same idea started to be taught, with various titles from art of seduction, to the pick up artist.  To be clear, from my perspective there is no way to morally use this kinda of information in this way.  The reason I feel this is simple, it is the same process that happens naturally and honestly when people develop a love relationship. So when someone understands how these work, they no longer work, and if they do work than your being deceptive.

      When two people meet, and the attraction is honest and genuine there is the natural desire to learn everything you can about the other person.  Usually at least early on, the other person is more interesting than we are ourselves.  This real desire to put another before self sets up automatic transference.  When the other person is so rapt in attention to your thoughts, and emotions, it's very easy to see your own feelings reflected back.  This back and forth is the investment of your own emotions into the other, it's the trick of love, that isn't a trick at all till we make it one.

       That is the problem I have in teaching this information as a means of what amounts to conquest. It turns what was one of the most wondrous experiences people can share, and turns it into sales, and

marketing of the most insidious fashion.  When people are taught to use psychological tricks on each other real time, we are on shaky ground.  I am going to single out males because this is primarily being taught to males, with reasons that might be as twisted and messed up as the teaching of it. So if a male with this understanding puts into practice it's not about love, it's about sex.  It is not about the individual woman it is being used on, point of fact it is going to become a numbers game.  So our guy understanding transference, basicly trolls the room, picking out as many possible females to start working.  When a likely prey reveals itself, it's time to move in, separate them from the herd, this is an important step, much easier to work past the defenses of one person, than a group of people.  Once in isolation, the man in question does everything possible to say nothing. The fewer words our fellow says the more likely he is to accomplish his goal.  As I said this is a numbers game, and by the numbers women are far more forgiving as to physical traits than men. Generally it's not the looks of a man that decides if a he is an acceptable mate.  So for our guy, he is not as much working to get her to desire him, as he is trying to not do something stupid to eliminate himself.  This is not as tough as it might seem, being attentive is the foundation.  All it takes is get her to talk about her passions, and lets face it we all like to talk about the things we love.  At this point it's done, the feelings, and passions will be transferred onto our Guy, and all he needs to do is not break the spell.  That is my problem with it, our guy is being taught to be dishonest in order to fulfil natural physical drives we all share. There are no winners in this approach.

            To Worship False Idols

There is much trepidation in the writing and posting of this section, with a great temptation to just leave it off.  Even most that have been right with me so far will recoil from what I am about to write as having already lambasted love, I'm about to slap religion around a bit as well.  Before I do so, I want to again state, this not intended as an offence or attack on anyone or organization.  There are wonders, and horrors to be found in everything.  If for whatever reason you find these ideas over the line, stop reading, label me crazy, and go on with your life.  I won't be offended, or hurt, and neither will you.

    At their core all our religious, and societal structures have through out history strove to do one thing. Unite and focus the energy of a group of people, that are by nature individualistic and resistant to homogenization.  Think of the idea of trying to herd cats, or how wilful toddlers can be, and you have the concept I'm going for.  To accomplish this, they use the idea of dedication to something larger than self.  Secular or Faith based does not matter the outcome is a ideology, with all the trappings positive and negative. So we can have secular saints, zealots of atheism, and holy wars. These are all done the same way, a process almost of deification that is seemingly well understood, and has been for countless ages.  If you haven't figured it out already, I'm talking about how worship

works, how we interact with divinity.  In crafting our ceremonies, rituals, rallies, what have you, there is purpose. The purpose is always the same, to guide the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, to an end.  No matter the end, for good or ill, the dynamics involved are the same, predictable, and exploitable.  Just take a look at the people who have changed the world, they understood theater very well.  Even a historic figure as reviled as  Hitler is known to have trained in oratory skills, his rallies finely tuned works of theater to weave an emotional trance state in the attendees.  A group hypnosis, where the voice of the rational mind is drowned out by the emotional attachments being manipulated.
I know we all like to think we are strong willed individuals that would never get swept up by the sentiments of the crowd.  The truth is the desire to give up our self into the care of something larger than yourself is seemingly fundamental to our make up.  We want to believe, and often so badly we fool ourselves, or make excuses.  Even religion, it has nothing to do with God, it is the exploitation of our own fear of mortality.  If there is a religion that is actually focused on God, and not on man I have yet to become aware of it.  Being human centric they concern themselves with how divinity can assist humans, or what the plan of divinity is for humanity.  They exploit some fairly basic psychological truths, not a one of us can ever live up to our own vision of perfection. So we will always see ourselves as horribly flawed, even when our external response is to project perfection. That the unknown is both exciting and terrifying, something we always want to glimpse, but not get any on us.  The trifecta for religion is an comforting partial truth or outright lie on the fate of those we have lost.  You ever stop to wonder how odd it is to have an intermediary to the ineffable, the unknowable.


in closing there is love enough for everyone, more than we can bear, and if the sun ever stops shining it's love upon us, by the time we realize it, we will already be dead.

as always make up your mind.
Jack
aka
PanseyBard 

   

I'm Ok, I'm Just Stuck in a Loop.

     This was me on a visit to Mom's in my mid 30's.  A fairly typical example of a person comfortable

with who they are.  Fast forward a little over 10 years, and I hardly recognize myself as having been that guy.  The transition from active participant in the experience of life, to a reclusive observer of life.  Was as gradual as it was inevitable, my own decisions leading inexorably to my  personal oubliette.  As is the usual circumstance, when looking back. The many opportunities to change directions are as obvious, as they are useless in my current experience.  Oft times serving as a rather depressing reminder that my current circumstance is wholly my doing.  That hard truth might just be toughest aspect to accept, and forgive.  Of course that forgiveness of self is high touted as essential in moving past perceived personal failings.  Perhaps that combined with that odd desire to pick at a healing wound is the prompting to write this. So whats put the hitch in my giddy up? In a single word, teeth.
    Just over a year ago, what remained of my rotted, broken top teeth were removed. As this pic

clearly shows, something needed to be done.  Infections in my gums were a normal occurrence.  I could count on the pain, and discomfort being bad enough to completely sideline me for days at a time.  By this point the shame had already stopped me from smiling.  I had learned to hide my top teeth from view in the course of casual interaction.  Most people were only to happy to play along and pretend they didn't notice, with only children being honest to ask questions that made everyone uncomfortable.  So by the time of this pic, my choices were already pretty limited.  Keep the teeth, and be sick, and possibly kill myself through inaction.  Or lose the teeth, and get physically healthy. At this point, I'd have to reserve judgement on the benefit, or detriment of my choice.
    When so many are so happy to get dentures, or implants, some of you might be saying something to effect of "suck it up girly pants", or perhaps "get over it already".  In honesty, there may be some validity to that type of perspective. This is such an obvious get over yourself kind of thing, that even being in it. I am unable to discount the sentiment.  It is this sentiment bumping up against ideas of quality of life being of more import, than just being alive.  When I ask myself having experienced using a top plate denture, is the quality of life granted by this prosthetic enough.  In all honesty no, not for me.  At 46 having experienced 7 or so months of life with dentures.  I found I could not project a future with dentures I had any desire to experience.  So looking at alternatives, there is of course implants.  I'd guess in large part these would be a workable patch, once a couple of hurdles were overcome. Namely they are prohibitively expensive, and far outside my current circumstance. Getting my teeth extracted, and the dentures already has soaked up almost 7k off someone elses currency.  Thank you to my Mom, and Stepfather are in order on that count.  Even with the expense there are other considerations that give pause in regards to implants. It's the state of development of being able to induce natural tooth regrowth. Researchers have already regrown full teeth in rats using stem cells, and laser treatments.  Knowing how close this is, perhaps 5 to 10 years out, perhaps even less.  All manor of other thoughts bounce around.  If I could get implants, knowing they are already obsolete are they are valid choice.  Would getting implants complicate regrowing the teeth when it becomes the mainstream.
   This combination of being a little to late to accept what many still few as perfectly workable solution. A little  early to take advantage of what will become the obvious norm. And me in a wait while loop, of my own devising.  Scrambling around to maintain enough currency flowing through while limiting social interaction to only what is required.  Generally if I do not have to leave the house I won't.  After having at least part-time employment for almost all of my adult life.  I now scramble to even keep up with basic living expenses.  Thanks to my housemate for helping me out when I got behind.  While it may often be my own projection reflected back at me. The effect is the same, an almost complete rejection of social interaction.  This overwhelming self consciousness is due in large part to knowing, I am responsible for it.  Through what has been dubbed mountain dew mouth, though I did mine much slower mainly with cola's. And even though by the time any problems showed, the insides of my teeth were already rotted. It was my own addictive style abuse of soda, I mean I did get to a point of 2 liters a day or more for years on end.  So while the physical aspects are enough to make most a bit self conscious.  The shame and guilt I feel at being the cause might be even worse.  Leaving me a virtual recluse, waiting for the breakthrough I know has already been made to save me from my own trap.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard

The Origins of the Modern Western Christmas

        There are so many cultural, and religious symbols crammed into this holiday. From almost every tradition, ideas of hallucinogenic shamans from the steppes bringing mushrooms to the people down through the chimney. Or how about ties to greek, and roman http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturnalia.  The classical ideas of conversion through keeping dates, or portions of traditions.  For most there are 2 ties, the birth Jesus, and Santa.  Through the years as the consumer culture has deepened and the debt system fully engorged itself, and Christmas, gradually turned to X-mas Santa took center stage.  So Where did our modern concept of Santa come from?
      Well if your in the west despite claims to the contrary the very companies working to get you purchase gifts for the holidays have had a large part in creating the image, and back story for our jolly fat man.  To be perfectly clear I understand the origins of this beloved icon go much farther back then modern advertising. This doesn't change the fact that once mass media distribution took hold the localized traditions began to fade being replaced by larger regional, and global conception. It's not just that Coke a Cola had a giant hand in the early, and continuing development of Santa, Which even they admit http://www.coca-colacompany.com/holidays/the-true-history-of-the-modern-day-santa-claus.  What it amounts to is a perfect storm cultural event. The technology combined with the desire, and creativity, to take control and shape for generations the observance of arguably the biggest holiday on the planet.  So no the Giant multinationals may not have singlehandedly created Santa Claus they have co-opted and redefined it into an integral portion of their business model.
      Please remember this is coming from a person that doesn't celebrate holidays.  Even birthdays are something I pay little to no attention to. My favorite Christmas character is the Grinch, so take my perspective with that in mind.


Jack
aka
PanseyBard