I find the period of transition on the one hand a chore, something it seems I’m trying to labor through as quickly as possible. Yet on the other hand the state of flux, that place where it’s make or break.
the next spin of the wheel will catapult you places you never dreamed, or curb stomp your ass for your arrogance.
This is the place I’ve found myself in for the past 6 months or so. As of this moment from the calendar a major portion of the globe insist we follow I have a few days to cover my rent.
When measured against the commitments of those around me,
I Live on a pittance. For several years living in the VoC, a tiny unincorporated sliver next to Sedona, Arizona. A retirement/tourist town. I’ve been able to skate by with bills totalling $600.00 a month.
I’ve made my outward life the perfect reflection of slacker. Please don’t misunderstand, until the last Six months I worked usually seven days a week. I had my part-time job at the local video store, I considered it’s my safe goof off job. As long as I was good with the people, and the money the money the owner let me skate by on the, what I came to view as the busy work. I am well aware of the need to keep things clean, I just don’t like doing it. Being the selfish prick I can be, I may very well know what is expected of me, and I’m will only do what I have to. For most of that time, and really to lesser extent going back most of my life I’ve helped with tech stuff.
I didn’t go to school for it, I dropped out of school mentally by middle school, lasted physically till late high school, funny thing about that is. As soon as no one was watching I stopped doing what they expected of me, and started doing what I loved doing in the moment....
It seems in this I would be considered an early adopter.
Funny thing I might be one of the odd generation that slipped between the analog, and digital age. My saving grace so to speak would of course be my Mom. Being a single mother through the 70’s wasn’t the easiest path she could have chosen, though I’m ever grateful she did, or I wouldn’t have had the freedom from early childhood to not become too close a copy of her, experiential imprinting for lack of better terminology on my part.
This means I was a latchkey kid in kindergarten. It has been decided upbringing was unfit living conditions for a child.
For all that, if I wasn’t allowed myspace to learn in my way, from where, and who I wanted, I wouldn’t be the person writing this.
When I claim to be one of The early adopters, what I mean is this. I for the most part raised myself. The time period and circumstances meant I had access to computers, and the toys associated with them. Combine with a love of games, roleplaying especially. My uncle collected the outline of the rules for D&D when it was still a series of magazine articles, and taught me, and a couple of his friends. The first set of books come out by the end of the summer, hr made sure I went home with the basic game set, and all full set of 4 original books. There was a game only geeks were into, of course only geeks were in to computers at the time also. The two were well matched. I remember playing the first real attempt at a mass produced rpg type game, Adventure for the Atari 2600.
Basicly if it combined role-play, and a game world other than this, I was in. The more powerful the number crunching of the machines. the more detailed, and realistic the worlds became. I learned old school basic before I learned how to do the math I was using.
The point to this inane ramble is simple. I have become what I needed to in order to remain me, and still live in a world I don’t really understand. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve become adept at reading people’s motivations. What I didn’t understand is the thought process that gets people from thinking to action. I understand I think differently than most around me. I grew up with the logic of the machine. If/then for/next, the trouble with that logic is it’s not conducive to emotion. So I became more and more disconnected from my own emotional nature. As a very maligned, confused, misunderstood Mr Crowley brought through for us. Love is the Law, Love under will. This concept is truth. Love is the Force of creation, unconditional pure YES!!!. From my understanding the original undoing of the Gordian knot was the first time created said no to creator.
So if you are not intimately involved in the raising of your children, don’t be surprised when they lack your values, and mindset.
I think I’m done with puking my delusions on those pulled to read it.
Tune in next time, ya never know what I might spew.
Thanks
Jack
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