So I generally like to write, and talk about the weird stuff. Been doing it for as long as I can remember, though it didn't get the label of "The Weird Stuff" till high school, when it would get really good after a few a bowls were passed around. Lately it's become that I am no long talking about it, I'm living it! Not a bad or good thing, just an observation, sometimes it's frustrating, others it's like magic. In some of the "New Age" circles there is an idea I've written a bit about, creating your own reality, or sometimes labeled "The Laws of Attraction". So much has been written about it in fact, that people have forgotten how it really functions, in place has taken up resident a philosophical dissembling, to make the most depraved actions, or desire ok. I actually know a wonderful woman, that has given a class called greed is good. While a healthy balanced ego is pretty essential to survival, it is being vulnerable that opens us up to true connection with others. I've instinctively known this kind of thing my whole life, I was doing people "magic" forever. If I really explained how twisted I've sometimes approached situations, many would likely regard me as a bit touched to put it mildly. To give a relatively harmless example of what I mean by this, My spiritual, soul, or whatever folks label it here was done with it's contracts before what I remember being the year 2000, it was prolly closer to 98, or 99. Dates like that are slippery to my mind as I do not see them as having a very good place in the relational database of what I think of as mind. Time for me is not the sweeping hands on a clock face, or even the decay rate of some atomic matter, nor is it even the oscillations of your favorite crystal, those are heartbeats, a resonate frequency set up as the schumann waves bounce off the atmosphere, and ring through the earth going out the other side to bounce off the atmo again. Time is event driven, and each of us creates our own experience of time, we in conjunction with all perceived "other". It is most assuredly only a perception there is "other", while we might not always be able to move "others" like we do perceived "self" though it's not as far odd as most would like to think. What than happens when a person through intentional consciousness expansion practices, finishes everything they were here to learn before even seemingly to outside world they have even "grown" up, or as I think of it, become a dolt! When I was doing all this self discovery, or experimentation, it never occurred to me how fundamentally altered I'd become. I had my first kundalini awakening during that period, and I began to spin a bit out of control. As I was complete unto myself, I was offered the choice to leave, not once or twice, it's more like a standing invitation, if I wanted it bad enough something will come set me free, in whatever why I and those around me are able to cope with it the easiest. While I said the "right" words, did the intonations, learned what true ceremony is about. The real power of the word, the multifaceted weapon we have labeled language. I lost what I had though of as me, that physical, egocentric in love with sensation. Thats right, I have no taste for drama, while seemingly living in a world dominated by a love drama, and conflict. With this destruction of the parody of true ego, I was left with no defences, and it took quite awhile before I could even handle being in public spaces. People are oozing all over each other, spiting up all their emotions, and thoughts as waves of energy radiating out of the centers of the various bodies. Most at point find some way to exit, death, the bliss of selfless service, which for me is still just a twist of ego gratification, as now you satisfy your desires through the joy of others. This is just a flip of the energy vampirism rampant through the I worlds. Even with my lack of complete understanding of what I was experiencing, and how I was reacting to it, I took what is known as a bodhisattva vow, or initiation into the mystery teachings, or becoming an anointed one. Was even taught, what was transmitted to me as "The Six Way Balance of the Anointed" there is a post about it somewhere in this blog if your interested. This was quite disturbing for me personally, I was raised without formal religion. Not an atheist as many would have likely mislabeled me as, more of an agnostic. I knew there was something, I just accepted that no matter how much I can into a personal relationship with it, it would always remain beyond my complete comprehension, and must be so, or it would be me containing the absolute, rather than the absolute embracing me. Most of these events occurred during my early to mid 20's, and had been stomped back into the proverbial Pandora's Box when I had dried out from all the drug use. Perhaps a bit of just how extreme I got, keep in mind I have never really enjoyed speedy drugs, I'm plenty quick without any assistance. Nah I love MJ, though I took a roughly decade long break from that, LSD, was my tool, and I used it till it blew me apart. Popping 10 or so hits, and meditating became a favorite pastime. OBE's and a host of other experiences became what I lived for. When my world crashed, I was ill prepared, I forgot most of what I had done. I buried my past, out of self preservation, my current conception of self did match at all how others treated me, and for sure did not match with what society said about my actions. I was broken, in spirit, I had no desire to be alive anymore, yet suicide is not really an option for me. Not that I view it as wrong, more that I do not see it as constructive, unless you really understand why, and what your doing, where for most it's a final act of desperation. I found a nice comfortable niche, that didn't fit me very well, but that doesn't matter, I can squeeze into most roles at least for short spurts. That does not make them my role, just a costume I adopt in order to skate through life with as little disturbance as possible. Yup I had resigned myself to death, solely because I did not find joy in the world around me. Even when I see those little flashes of wonder, like when this little girl named Gracie, hope that spelling is correct. Her parents are/were separated, and both parents would bring her in to pick out movies. At first she was completely shy toward me, but I knew it was a game. Her assured me, that even though she would close off when she got in the store, that even when they would just be driving by she would ask about me. It took a bit, but it got to where, when she came in all she wanted to do was play, run, and chase each other all over the store. Flash of wonder, and magic right before, as much as it brought me joy, I was always struck by everything else, and the joy was swallowed whole by corruption, perversion, and decay. Not a pretty world to live in I can assure you, It didn't stop me from eating it up, like it was the greatest thing ever, I poured it down my throat in the form of coca-cola, nicotine, and every other form of garbage you can consume. Hey, I couldn't be ballsy or dumb enough to kill myself, so a slow death through more subtle means became a viable option, even if I was not aware of the why's.
Not one seemed to notice, till back problems began to effect how I was able to assist them, at which point they recommended I see a chiropractor. Dr Dave, or as I soon came to call him, The Magic Man. I gotta tell ya, I'd go in there barely able to move, and a few pops and clicks later, I'm ready to work my shift. This was also when MJ was reintroduced to me as medicine to help manage the pain.
This combo of releasing the built up dis-eases in the muscle, and skeletal structure, combined with the properties of the MJ, brought a flood of memories, new and old. Explaining what I mean by new and old is a bit tricky, and not really in the scope of today's post. Suffice it to say, I was awake again, I had a new kundalini experience, similar by different, where the energies, or snakes whatever works in your lexicon, met in a different center, and began a love affair inside me. It's as if these steams of energy, could only find a place to be together inside of living systems. This was all great, and almost orgasmic, it also set up an awareness of the disharmony I had been allowing in my own life. I was working part time as a movie rental, as well as doing tech support for various individuals, and small businesses locally. People seemed to like the service I provided as I would always take the hit, If I could not, or was unwilling to fix a problem I did not wish to charge folks, even it took my time up.
I had a very comfortable place all cozy, and warm. I was waiting to die, there was almost no growth, I had gone from being a helpful person to being an enabler for unhealthy habits of others, as well as being in positions that were of no challenge, they were just easy. So I looked around for ways to obtain the resources I felt I would need to impact the world, in line with how I feel the world can be, no should, or could, those are value judgments, and only valid for the individual. Nah I go moon shots, so I was working out social engineering projects to promote the growth of everyone. Well everyone but myself, as I no longer saw a place for me in the world I was experiencing, or in the world I was developing my mind. This search for quick resources, brought back all the understanding gleaned from years of informal personal research. That money is an accounting tool at it's heart, Of course that changes nothing, when in rome kinda thing, so I still felt the need for currency, just so I could begin to be productive for everyone else. I started seeing all sorts of social media, and crowd funding stuff popping up all over. I had some accounts, though I rarely used them, having always felt, people are meant to come and go from our lives. We share what we desire to share, and part company, sometimes thats messy, sometimes it's with a hug and kiss. I of course became attracted to those outlets with the highest user numbers. Not that I in anyway was endorsing those services, just for my purpose those would be suitable. Twitter to me has always been a marketing stream, sure you can limit your friends, and communicate with it, there are better messengers out there. When I chose twitter, I went in with a plan, like all plans once I was on the battlefield my plan altered as I noticed what others were doing in the arena, mainly follow for follow.
I started to use this to grow my accounts quickly. So quickly that I got 3 out of 4 accounts suspended for getting to many followers to quickly. The 3rd account was suspended in a couple of hours, as it went from newly created to several hundred followers in that time. What I had done was bully my way into a nice promo business ring, running through twitter. There are lots of other rings in there, I do my best to avoid. These folks are protective of their daily bread, who isn't. When they saw I was catching onto the game they were playing, they were so kind as to invite me to learn their rules, and play with them. This could not have been a worse development for me, as I care nothing for twitter, I find it shallow, and a waste of most useful productivity, as most are not even making original content, they are only promoting others for a fee. Some are making original stuff, and promoting themselves, and it's a useful tool for that, for me I have never cared about money, or currency for myself, it has always been motivated by the perceived needs of others, no matter how I view their notions of security. I was connecting as many social networks together through the back ends, that I can not even remember all the accounts I created. When I refused all the offers of income streams, and was told repeatedly that automated income streams were a myth. I developed them, or I find they are, and I stop. So while everyone around me seemingly was attempting to help me get a source of income, or a job, or career or what have you. I had actual stuff I needed to say, and either I would be doing and saying my stuff or I'd not be playing in that arena. Pretty much I stuffed it, going kinda dormant as my life again was turned upside, people left, new old friends comeback into the picture, and suddenly I'm living right in the heart of Sedona, in a house that needs to be torn down, or at least renovated. Mold grows regularly, as we tend to keep the windows closed, and do trap the moisture into the interior surfaces which of course just penetrates over time and things start growing. An electrical system that has both grounded an ungrounded aspects mixed in. There are even still stakes in the ground where the original system was grounded to the earth itself. The property is wonderful, the house is crap, the location could be amazing. But living with the main strip of a tourist town that has a population of roughly 15k, that can easily double or triple on weekends, is anything but conducive to quiet introspection. As I've written in other posts, I eventually was given a gift of a raspberry pi, and after playing with it decided it was under powered to be used in an entertainment fashion, or as a desktop replacement. It was fantastic for small applications that need to run constantly, I mean 6 watts at 2 amps per hour is pretty efficient use of energy. So I picked up enough python to write a bot that would manage one of my twitter accounts. It was designed to be off set from time with a randomness flux to make it seem more organic, It alternated between posting a link to my blog, and a search from a list of terms, picking the top post for that term, and retweeting that. Auto promotion based on niches that I was interested in, and that were trending within their own circles. Likely if I had the inclination I could find python api that would allow me to link it to a website that would allow others to write their own promos pay for them, schedule them pay for the service, and never touch a damn thing, once it was up and going. Like I keep trying to get across to folks, money is bullshit, it's an accounting tool, to measure how either in debt, or credit you as an individual are in relation to the society as whole. The idea being the more you contribute to more you get back, nice idea in theory, not so clean in practice. For me it was always about access, I have felt like I need access to more things, not to own them, things own people from my perspective. Just because I use them in ways not readily apparent to others. As a side note, the raspberry pi b+ I was originally gifted was at some point removed from my bedroom, and replaced with the raspberry pi 3, nice upgrade extremely frustrating, and a total violation of my personal right to privacy. Did I have a desire to work with the raspberry pi 3, of course I stated it many times. Did I wish to trade existing pi for it, fuck no. I could have cloned that bot, to all 4 accounts still ran it on that little machine, and gotten a 3 for myself if I had been so inclined. I do not give a fuck about social media, marketing money of any of the busy ness bullshit people seem so fond of. I usually prefer to think in time scales of genetic unfoldment, or watching relative planetary motions in my minds eye, and coming to grapple with how the various relative motions set up the perception of linear time passage. Sometimes even going to quantum and pondering how does everything move without moving, and getting the bubbles within bubbles idea, going back to Planck and likely much much earlier, as evidenced by the flower of life patterns found all over the world. After 3 years or so of bullshit where I have been constantly pressured to get a job, and work like everyone else, I've had it again, And still people are seemingly attempting to give me all their shit. I've been pulled into going through a mans stuff who passed away, and his family does not care about this stuff, it's going to be hauled off to destruction. Some of this stuff is of quality, and type that are not really made anymore. Some is just junk that if seen as potential resource, take on new possibilities. Simultaneously I started putting together more of my online presence, which incidentally predates the world wide web. Like being some real world version of the Truman show isn't bad enough, I am seemingly getting invitations to go anywhere in world, and all will be provided. What the fuck is that shit, how did I go from leper with no top teeth, to social media darling, and one of the most desired people on the planet, when I've never changed my tune, I have always done my best to be true to what I feel is right. Not for others, I do not have the right to decide that for anyone else, I have learned I do not have to allow others conceptions to define my experience, no matter how much they might like to. Do I sometimes come across as manic depressive, with borderline personality disorders, that mimic the appearance of a schizophrenic, you bet your ass I do. I have so many damn personalities, or at least approximations of them running around in me, that I have my own mystery science theater going on half the time. Often I do as many things as possible at once just as a distraction to allow myself to slow down enough to finish a task. Usually I just run around seemingly like a chicken with no head doing random things, that in a few days suddenly morph into a bigger picture. The same is said for most of what I do. So what am I saying with ramble of incongruent babble?
Fuck You All!
I am not a prize, or the celeb project dejour
I am not broken, I was never broken
I took on damaged characteristics I saw around me
It makes others feel better.
I do not need, anyone, not even life
I am home in the void, I am void space.
I can not be filled, only placated
Play with me at your own peril not mortal
Nah thats just temporal laughter, fodder for eternity
Rub my lamp the wrong way, and I will spin you out
With that, there a horney internet spider that put these sentiments quite nicely
Thank You Bo Burn Em, you go on wit yo bad self
Not one seemed to notice, till back problems began to effect how I was able to assist them, at which point they recommended I see a chiropractor. Dr Dave, or as I soon came to call him, The Magic Man. I gotta tell ya, I'd go in there barely able to move, and a few pops and clicks later, I'm ready to work my shift. This was also when MJ was reintroduced to me as medicine to help manage the pain.
This combo of releasing the built up dis-eases in the muscle, and skeletal structure, combined with the properties of the MJ, brought a flood of memories, new and old. Explaining what I mean by new and old is a bit tricky, and not really in the scope of today's post. Suffice it to say, I was awake again, I had a new kundalini experience, similar by different, where the energies, or snakes whatever works in your lexicon, met in a different center, and began a love affair inside me. It's as if these steams of energy, could only find a place to be together inside of living systems. This was all great, and almost orgasmic, it also set up an awareness of the disharmony I had been allowing in my own life. I was working part time as a movie rental, as well as doing tech support for various individuals, and small businesses locally. People seemed to like the service I provided as I would always take the hit, If I could not, or was unwilling to fix a problem I did not wish to charge folks, even it took my time up.
I had a very comfortable place all cozy, and warm. I was waiting to die, there was almost no growth, I had gone from being a helpful person to being an enabler for unhealthy habits of others, as well as being in positions that were of no challenge, they were just easy. So I looked around for ways to obtain the resources I felt I would need to impact the world, in line with how I feel the world can be, no should, or could, those are value judgments, and only valid for the individual. Nah I go moon shots, so I was working out social engineering projects to promote the growth of everyone. Well everyone but myself, as I no longer saw a place for me in the world I was experiencing, or in the world I was developing my mind. This search for quick resources, brought back all the understanding gleaned from years of informal personal research. That money is an accounting tool at it's heart, Of course that changes nothing, when in rome kinda thing, so I still felt the need for currency, just so I could begin to be productive for everyone else. I started seeing all sorts of social media, and crowd funding stuff popping up all over. I had some accounts, though I rarely used them, having always felt, people are meant to come and go from our lives. We share what we desire to share, and part company, sometimes thats messy, sometimes it's with a hug and kiss. I of course became attracted to those outlets with the highest user numbers. Not that I in anyway was endorsing those services, just for my purpose those would be suitable. Twitter to me has always been a marketing stream, sure you can limit your friends, and communicate with it, there are better messengers out there. When I chose twitter, I went in with a plan, like all plans once I was on the battlefield my plan altered as I noticed what others were doing in the arena, mainly follow for follow.
I started to use this to grow my accounts quickly. So quickly that I got 3 out of 4 accounts suspended for getting to many followers to quickly. The 3rd account was suspended in a couple of hours, as it went from newly created to several hundred followers in that time. What I had done was bully my way into a nice promo business ring, running through twitter. There are lots of other rings in there, I do my best to avoid. These folks are protective of their daily bread, who isn't. When they saw I was catching onto the game they were playing, they were so kind as to invite me to learn their rules, and play with them. This could not have been a worse development for me, as I care nothing for twitter, I find it shallow, and a waste of most useful productivity, as most are not even making original content, they are only promoting others for a fee. Some are making original stuff, and promoting themselves, and it's a useful tool for that, for me I have never cared about money, or currency for myself, it has always been motivated by the perceived needs of others, no matter how I view their notions of security. I was connecting as many social networks together through the back ends, that I can not even remember all the accounts I created. When I refused all the offers of income streams, and was told repeatedly that automated income streams were a myth. I developed them, or I find they are, and I stop. So while everyone around me seemingly was attempting to help me get a source of income, or a job, or career or what have you. I had actual stuff I needed to say, and either I would be doing and saying my stuff or I'd not be playing in that arena. Pretty much I stuffed it, going kinda dormant as my life again was turned upside, people left, new old friends comeback into the picture, and suddenly I'm living right in the heart of Sedona, in a house that needs to be torn down, or at least renovated. Mold grows regularly, as we tend to keep the windows closed, and do trap the moisture into the interior surfaces which of course just penetrates over time and things start growing. An electrical system that has both grounded an ungrounded aspects mixed in. There are even still stakes in the ground where the original system was grounded to the earth itself. The property is wonderful, the house is crap, the location could be amazing. But living with the main strip of a tourist town that has a population of roughly 15k, that can easily double or triple on weekends, is anything but conducive to quiet introspection. As I've written in other posts, I eventually was given a gift of a raspberry pi, and after playing with it decided it was under powered to be used in an entertainment fashion, or as a desktop replacement. It was fantastic for small applications that need to run constantly, I mean 6 watts at 2 amps per hour is pretty efficient use of energy. So I picked up enough python to write a bot that would manage one of my twitter accounts. It was designed to be off set from time with a randomness flux to make it seem more organic, It alternated between posting a link to my blog, and a search from a list of terms, picking the top post for that term, and retweeting that. Auto promotion based on niches that I was interested in, and that were trending within their own circles. Likely if I had the inclination I could find python api that would allow me to link it to a website that would allow others to write their own promos pay for them, schedule them pay for the service, and never touch a damn thing, once it was up and going. Like I keep trying to get across to folks, money is bullshit, it's an accounting tool, to measure how either in debt, or credit you as an individual are in relation to the society as whole. The idea being the more you contribute to more you get back, nice idea in theory, not so clean in practice. For me it was always about access, I have felt like I need access to more things, not to own them, things own people from my perspective. Just because I use them in ways not readily apparent to others. As a side note, the raspberry pi b+ I was originally gifted was at some point removed from my bedroom, and replaced with the raspberry pi 3, nice upgrade extremely frustrating, and a total violation of my personal right to privacy. Did I have a desire to work with the raspberry pi 3, of course I stated it many times. Did I wish to trade existing pi for it, fuck no. I could have cloned that bot, to all 4 accounts still ran it on that little machine, and gotten a 3 for myself if I had been so inclined. I do not give a fuck about social media, marketing money of any of the busy ness bullshit people seem so fond of. I usually prefer to think in time scales of genetic unfoldment, or watching relative planetary motions in my minds eye, and coming to grapple with how the various relative motions set up the perception of linear time passage. Sometimes even going to quantum and pondering how does everything move without moving, and getting the bubbles within bubbles idea, going back to Planck and likely much much earlier, as evidenced by the flower of life patterns found all over the world. After 3 years or so of bullshit where I have been constantly pressured to get a job, and work like everyone else, I've had it again, And still people are seemingly attempting to give me all their shit. I've been pulled into going through a mans stuff who passed away, and his family does not care about this stuff, it's going to be hauled off to destruction. Some of this stuff is of quality, and type that are not really made anymore. Some is just junk that if seen as potential resource, take on new possibilities. Simultaneously I started putting together more of my online presence, which incidentally predates the world wide web. Like being some real world version of the Truman show isn't bad enough, I am seemingly getting invitations to go anywhere in world, and all will be provided. What the fuck is that shit, how did I go from leper with no top teeth, to social media darling, and one of the most desired people on the planet, when I've never changed my tune, I have always done my best to be true to what I feel is right. Not for others, I do not have the right to decide that for anyone else, I have learned I do not have to allow others conceptions to define my experience, no matter how much they might like to. Do I sometimes come across as manic depressive, with borderline personality disorders, that mimic the appearance of a schizophrenic, you bet your ass I do. I have so many damn personalities, or at least approximations of them running around in me, that I have my own mystery science theater going on half the time. Often I do as many things as possible at once just as a distraction to allow myself to slow down enough to finish a task. Usually I just run around seemingly like a chicken with no head doing random things, that in a few days suddenly morph into a bigger picture. The same is said for most of what I do. So what am I saying with ramble of incongruent babble?
Fuck You All!
I am not a prize, or the celeb project dejour
I am not broken, I was never broken
I took on damaged characteristics I saw around me
It makes others feel better.
I do not need, anyone, not even life
I am home in the void, I am void space.
I can not be filled, only placated
Play with me at your own peril not mortal
Nah thats just temporal laughter, fodder for eternity
Rub my lamp the wrong way, and I will spin you out
With that, there a horney internet spider that put these sentiments quite nicely
Thank You Bo Burn Em, you go on wit yo bad self
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