How does one define self, without using anything external? Even the idea of being a human, is just an idea made up by another human. Everything we think we are is based on ideas people that came before us imparted to us. When I look at myself in relation to the society I exist in, my values are hardly represented. If I use the metrics of success I've been taught are important, career, the right house, spouse and accessories that tell the world how great my life is. Looking at myself from there I can be nothing other than a failure, someone with all the abilities, and lacking in any semblance of self control, or productive direction. I spend much of my time in contemplation, day dreaming, playing mind games with myself, and sometimes those around me. Did you know you cause people to flee your presence just by talking, by playing with concepts that push the limits of what a person thinks of as reality, a person can literally be made physically ill. Almost like the scene in the Matrix, you can push people mental, or emotional boundaries till they run away. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about playing with people in that way. I'm even aware, I often come across like I'm dictating, stating as fact things it is impossible to prove. I've never had a problem with considering or holding ideas that are not my own. To cross back and forth between what is, and what could be, without it becoming has to be. Almost being an actor, the total surrender of self into a concept, the idea of not self.
People often ask ridiculous questions of each other with impossible expectations, that require lies and deception. Assurances of continuity that were never real, security blankets of smoke and mirrors. Chasing fictions, giving self over cults of personality, no matter the guise they were secular, or religious. In my rejection of temporal not as insignificant, but acknowledged as being transitory, as well as subjective. I have seemingly rejected self, this is fairly close, I have labeled any conception of self as dependent on the experience desired. So the self becomes a delusional extension of space/time/energy itself. As if creation itself has developed multiple personality disorder, which if all things are one, might not as far an explanation as any other.
Jack
aka
PanseyBard
People often ask ridiculous questions of each other with impossible expectations, that require lies and deception. Assurances of continuity that were never real, security blankets of smoke and mirrors. Chasing fictions, giving self over cults of personality, no matter the guise they were secular, or religious. In my rejection of temporal not as insignificant, but acknowledged as being transitory, as well as subjective. I have seemingly rejected self, this is fairly close, I have labeled any conception of self as dependent on the experience desired. So the self becomes a delusional extension of space/time/energy itself. As if creation itself has developed multiple personality disorder, which if all things are one, might not as far an explanation as any other.
Jack
aka
PanseyBard
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