Living a Shadow Life

            A little over a year ago what was left of my top teeth were pulled.  After the healing time and 2 sets of digital dentures I gave up on dentures entirely.  While others seemingly have no issues with them, and some even rave. For me they are not a viable option, the constant gagging, and salivating, combine with the constant reminder of being incomplete physically.  Suffice it to say, it's been at least 6 months since I have even taken a look at the dentures.  In many ways this is fine, no one even seems to notice, and as long as I'm a bit careful about what I chose to eat, and the relief from continuous infections, and pain is nice change of pace.  There is little actual recovery, physically sure I'm in better health than I have been in at least 10 years or more.  Recovery as most are aware is more than physical. When my teeth began to crumble away, yes that is how it happened for me, never tried meth, but mountain dew mouth as it's called sure makes it look like I did.  When my left eye tooth split like it was layered veneer and the front half sloughed off, my sense of self shifted.  Even though my physical appearance has rarely been of great import to me, having rotten broken teeth, or now no top teeth at all is pushing the limits for me.  To be fair I had already become for the most part a hermit, out of a sense of self preservation more than anything else. The ideas, drives, passions others chase have for the most part to me seemed trivial at best, and nightmares or worse.  That never stopped me from being social,  Now even though I am healthy, and lost a bunch of weight just from becoming more active, and changing up my diet a little.  People comment how I look great, and all I want to do is run, I understand the change they are seeing, it just doesn't register the same for me as for them.  It's an odd betwixt and between feeling, as implants would be the next choice, though if your a bit forward looking, you might be aware of the research with stem cells, and lasers. Already full regrowth in lab conditions on rats has been achieved, so getting implants might be detrimental to being able to take advantage of a procedure that may only be 5 years or so out.  As I have been writing this, what keeps coming to my mind is feeling broken, of only being partially functional even though it is only a slight impairment. The island of misfit toys keeps flashing through my mind, an odd state of being.

Jack
aka
PanseyBard