In Absentia

       For those of you who are unaware in January I had my top teeth extracted, and am currently healing before being fitted for permanent dentures.   Since that day I have been what I can only think of as depression.  Sleeping has become a major past time, as it's the only state I feel comfortable in.  Honestly I was boarder line on what I thought of this life before.  To be fair I have for most of my life held this world in contempt.   Most of what people have presented to me as important, I have seen as trivial.  What others have labeled human nature, I see as learned behavior.  Where people see constants I see tendency.  So I was already at odds with the prevailing view of what we are, and what we are doing here.  From the time I was a kid I have felt this place was intended to be a theme park, a vacation hot spot for eternal being, so they can forget being eternal.  This being the case I have not understood why people cling to life at all costs, I've maintained the idea that once my physical parts begin to break down, it's time to let go and move on. For me it's always been a quality of life question, not just alive.   Most have a difficult time understanding my position, as so many seem to have little to no problem with dentures, and to be fair I have had little physical trouble with using the appliance itself.  My trouble is with the very idea of living with the everyday reality.  In all likely hood I have extended my life, my teeth were already effecting my health before the extractions.  I had several abscesses, with at least a few days every couple of weeks where swelling would flair up and I'd be in significant pain.  So here I am healthier then I've been in years, and feeling I've made a huge mistake. It's like some animalistic  predatory part of me feels fundamentally broken.